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PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT, MONDAY, June 20. EARL. Russell proposed that the Lord's some of debate, while the Speaker went to hear himself addressed in very means best fitted to guarantee the security of every part of the Queen's Education-Obstraction was then resumed. MR. RICHARD, rising dominions. He thinks that LORD GRANVILLE snubs the Colonies. from MR. BRIGHT's seat in old days, but not rising to the level of the Also, he showed his reading, thus :

argument, as MR. BRIGHT would have done, placed himself in antago“In one of DRYDEN's plays a man and his wife came upon the stage, and nism

to the Government, and moved an Amendment to the effect that stated that, having loved each other as long as they could, and lived together Grants to the present Denominational Schools should not be so long as was pleasant to both, they had determined to separate. But that increased, was the immoral sentiment of an inamoral poet, and was not a proper guide Attendance should be everywhere compulsory, for the colonial policy of this country.”

Religious instruction should be supplied by voluntary subscription. We had not heard that the works of “glorious John " had been Now, on this sectarian Amendment the House debated this night, selected as the text-book for the Colonial Office, but we entirely agree and on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. But Mr. Punch, having embodied with EARL RUSSELL that the above sentiment is decidedly improper. his idea of the whole business in a Cartoon so suggestive and so subtle, We should not call DRYDEN an immoral poet,” but a noble writer that wbile the simplest mind can comprehend it, the profoundest must who, sometimes ceased to be a poet, and stooped to immorality. The admire it, has no intention of wasting typography upon a resumé of the motion was resisted. Somebody has well said that the Commission hundred-times-urged arguments. He records his approval of SIR desired by the Earl already exists, and the Commissioners are known JOHN PAKINGTON's sentiments. That gentleman declared that he as Her Majesty's Government. Finally, after a pleasing little debate, would support the Bill in two ways—by his vote, and by not occupying which ended in time to enable the Peers to dress for “a late 8" precious time with long speeches. MR, FORSTER announced that dinner (as Lothair says), the proposal was withdrawn.

Government had come to the end of their concessions. On those who SIR H. HOARE asked MR. AYRTON to state with his usual delayed the Bill should rest the responsibility. Admirable was one of courtesy," what he meant to do about that unfortunate Kensington MR. FORSTER's sentences,' and it told. It is not of the poor little Road. MR. AYRTON promised the courtesy and the explanation on children that we are thinking.". In the course of debating, LORD R. another evening. We may as well say that he redeemed his promise, MONTAGU said that the Denominationalists lost more than they gained, and gives up the plan. Hence learn a lesson. What all the sarcasms but that they wished to settle the question. MR. Dixon, of the and violences of political opponents failed to obtain from the right League, complained that he and his friends were attacked, for they honourable gentleman was thus gained by Mr. Punch's exquisitely were the quietest people in the House, and seldom spoke, but gentle bat perfectly irresistible Representation of the undesirableness represented a great mass of opinion outside. MR. HENLEY, but in no of MR. AYRTON's course.

bigoted way, stood up for the Catechism, as teaching the great truths DOCTOR DENISON, as we may now call him, apprised the House that dear to almost all. he had been invited to go to Oxford, to receive from the new Chancellor,

On the last night, there was some good speaking by MR. MUNDELLA, LORD SALISBURY, the degree of D.C.L. He requested a brief holiday who asked how spiritual instruction was to be refused unless we for that purpose. MR. GLADSTONE and MR. DISRAELI begged that he withheld MILTON and other religious poets from the schools ; would go, and might have sung from Cox and Box

MR. W. H. Smith declaring, from his large personal knowledge, that

the artisan class was hostile to the exclusion of religion ; MR. WALTER “ Saying, 'Dear Sir, you 'll oblige us and honour us, If you'll accept this as your holi-day.'

confirmed that testimony, and believed the Bill a wise one, because

tentative ; MR. HORSMAN galloped over everybody, but himself came It was therefore arranged that MR. DODson should dispel the Fogs a moral cropper, and MR. GLADSTONE finished with a fine and vigorous

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answer to all antagonists-the result being that the Seculars went out opposed to the principle of the Bill, Mr. Punch may assume that his only 60, and the united Conservatives and Liberals 421. MR. RICHARD's friend, MR. GLADSTONE, will find some means of convinctag the Peers defeat is a matter for as much congratulation as Dr. Punch can offer that his scheme may be best left intact. LORD O'Hagan lost no time on this subject, while disputants block the child's way to school. in making bis maiden speech in the Upper Chamber, supporting the Tuesday. MR. SOMERSET BEAUMONT (Wakefield) proposed that no Bill, and thanking "a noble nation ” for attempting the reparation of

wrong. Bishops, hereafter to be consecrated, should sit in the House of Lords. Needless to say that a motion of this kind brought out some smart and compensation should be given to an evicted tenant who had exhibited

But what is life without fun! LORD CLANCARTY proposed that no sharp sayings from the enemies of the Mitre. But MR. GLADSTONE rose to his neighbours an example of habitual drunkenness, vice, or misdeup and executed judgment upon them. He thought that the presence meanour." But LORD SALISBURY was sarcastic on this attempt to make of the Prelates in the House of Lords was very valuable, for they were Irisb

men virtuous through the agency of draining and fencing, and men who had risen by their merits. He reviewed episcopal history, inquired whether the judges would have to take into consideration the and showed that the Bishops, though they might often have been question whether the tenant had paid such attention to his neighbour's wrong, had manifested independence and a readiness to suffer for wife as should attract the unfavourable notice of LORD Penzance. principle :

The remarkable proposal was withdrawn. “ARCHBISHOP LAUD went gallantly to the scaffold, and no man, I believe, Punch has said how the Commons were occupied, but must add his ever behaved better upon it. Every Bishop of the Church of England took tribute to Sir R. KNIGHTLEY, who declared, pityingly, that MR. GLADcontentedly the spoiling of his gnods, and in that respect proved himself to be STONE laboured like a galley-slave at the oar-trusted he would have a successor of the Apostles. What happened in the reign of JAMES THB stamina to carry him through the Session, but added that if the SECOND, when the Bishops made themselves the leaders of the people on PREMIER succumbed, it might be recorded on his tomb that he was, behalf of liberty and law (loud cheers.). What happened in the reign of like Actæon (can SIR R. K. have looked into that legend lately?) torn WILLIAM THE THIRD, when a large number of Bishops-wrongly as I think, to pieces by his own dogs. but with spirit, independence, and disinterestedness, and because of the scruples which they entertained as to the title of the King to the Crown

Punch was pleased with MR. PETER TAYLOR, the other day, for abandoned their temporal advantages, and descended into obecurity, if not agitating, in favour of making the Reporters more comfortable. But beggary? (cheers.) Let us do justice in this matter. The Bishops of the why won't he keep in our good books? Why did he say that the Church of England may have their faults-no doubt they have, like every Gun-Tax was intended to deprive the People of Arms? If this meant other body of men-but they have eminently been a body distinguished by anything, it meant that the People might want arms to shoot at the independence and regard for character.”

Executive. Now, MR. TAYLOR, is there any use in such nonsense ? Contrary to his custom (not that he binds himself by the faintest rule)

By the way, the Licence is reduced to ten shillings. “Disposing men and things His Own Majestic Way."

Friday. The Lords disported themselves with the Irish Land Bill

much as on the previous night, and Mr. Punch refers to the words in Mr. Punch quotes the above passage, and requests that all anti- which he has described the former proceedings as exactly descriptive of Gladstonian Clergymen will read it aloud

to their families on Sunday the latter also. LORD SALISBURY compendiously stated the principle next, at breakfast, and without note or comment,” save what may be of the Bill as being

that "it is better to pay compensation than to be silently made by conscience.

shot,” and LORD GRANVILLE thanked the CHANCELLOR OF OXFORD MR. Beaumont said that he was a supporter, not only of MR. for putting his disagreeable things into epigrammatic form, instead of GLADSTONE but of MR. BRIGHT, who had used exceeding strong lan- saying them in a diffuse manner. LORD GRANVILLE's ingenious courguage condemnatory of the presence of Bishops in the House of Lords. tesy could not be better illustrated than in such a compliment. The He regretted, especially this week,” the absence of our distin- LORD CHANCELLOR hinted at pettifogging alterations, and this aggraguished leader.” The motion was rejected by 158 to 102.

vated the DUKE OF RICHMOND, who indignantly denied that he was MR. GILPIN made complaint of the late hours kept by the House. inclined to pettifoggery. Many noble Conservatives would not obey One Member said that such hours were all very well for bachelors who their nominal leader, and divided against him as well as against had no home-charms to attract them. Another very properly said that Government. able and leading politicians used to accept dinner invitations for Wed

Mr. Punch has already stated what happened in the Commons, and nesdays and Saturdays only-now the rule seemed to be to accept only adds that MR. MUNDELLA, in alluding to MR. BRIGHT, quoted the whatever invitations were given, and throw the House over,' until ten Laureate's exquisite little lyricor eleven. These be truths. MR. GLADSTONE thought no rule could

“O for the touch of a vanished hand ! well be made, but promised to try not to bring on" opposed” business

And the sound of a voice that is still !" after 12 30. The House divided twice, and then MR. GILPIN withdrew Which quotation was “poetically pretty, but historically false," as his motion. But more must be heard on the subject. It is nonsense to say that it is the business of Parliament and not of the public. It is GILBERT A'BECKETT wrote. Mr. Punch rejoices to know that Mr. because the business of the public cannot be done well in what a BRIGHT's hand probably holds a very good cigar, and that his voice is

For which relief much thanks to "the Monster Member (recollecting NANTY Ewart, perhaps) called the Small Hours, still..-as fine as ever. that we wish it done in the great ones. Nothing but dancing, flirting, Head of Orme,” and the demesnes that there adjacent lie. and eating lobster-salad can be performed well after midnight, and even those things had best be let alone, especially the last. Wednesday. The only matter of interest was a Bill for doing a little

FOOLS AND THEIR MONEY, ETC. justice to the Medical Men who look after the poor. Dr. BRADY said “The Law Lords were yesterday occupied in hearing arguments in a cause that these gentlemen were liable to be called out at any hour of the day which has already come before two tribunals in Scotland, and is now brought or night, to go great distances, in all weathers, for a remuneration on as an appeal before their Lordships' House. The question at issue affects which he justly described as truly disgraceful to those who tender it. the ownership of a triangular piece of ground, about eight square yards in So will everybody say when told that in 239 Unions the average extent, and estimated to be worth about 58. The LORD CHANCELLOR'S monthly pay of the doctor is from eightpence to three shillings a case, attendance was required at a Cabinet Council, but LORDS CHELMSFORD, and in 384 from three shillings to seven shillings a case.

This bill is WESTBURY, and COLONSAY sat to hear the case, in which, amongst other to provide a superannuation scheme, enabling the Unions to give the counsel, the LORD Advocate oF SCOTLAND, SIK ROUNDELL PALMER, and retiring medical man a small allowance. He gets less, said MR. MUNTZ,

MR. MELLISH are engaged.”Daily News.
for attending a large district than Members pay their butlers. Yet hé After reading the above highly instructive paragraph, which is not
voted against the Bill, as did 27 others, but there were 139 for it. taken from a work of fiction, describing the habits and practices of an

SIR GEORGE JENKINSON wants to establish a Court of Appeal in the imaginary nation, but from a newspaper informing its readers of what
case of Capital Sentences, but his plan was declared by the ATTORNEY- goes on in this advancing country and in these enlightened times,
GENERAL to be ill-considered, and it was withdrawn. MR. BRUCE can any perplexed Paterfamilias, puzzled to know what he shall do
defended himself for having reprieved a murderer who was so curiously with his numerous song, hesitate for a single moment to bring them all
constructed that his execution by the cord would have been difficult, up to the lucrative profession of the law?
and said that the commutation had been made to avoid a public
scandal, and had nothing to do with the pain which carrying out the
sentence might have caused to the assassin.

Oxford and Origin of Species.
Thursday. The House of Lords was crammed with Peers, anxious to
debate or hear debates on the Irish Land Bill. But as Mr. Punch's DARWIN, who is a Cambridge man, and a scientific naturalist, the

The University of Oxford has evinced liberality in offering MR. readers have probably heard as much as they desire to hear of the honorary degree of D.C.L. They might have proposed to create the details of this Bill, it shall suffice to say that (new LORD O'Hagan, great Doctor of Development a D.D., which, of course, nobody could Irish Chancellor, having taken bis seat, with graceful compliment from Grace of Richmond) a variety of Opposition Amendments were put,

suppose to mean Doctor of Divinity. discussed, and carried against Government. They may be described as having been made in the Landlord interest, and as some of them are

A “DOLLY SHOP.”—CREMER's.

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THE BOOMPJE PAPERS.

banging of doors in the passage; then a creaking of a door, some

where, at intervals. So that when the man didn't walk, the doors Being the Papers of the Boompje Club, collected by its Secretary.

banged; when the doors didn't banged, the door craked; and when I For further particulars see the present Series.

was going to ring my bell violently, and say to the waiter, "For Heaven's sake, stop this inf—," the noises ceased, and, passing my

hand through my hair, I once more set myself to find line No. 3 for PREFATIAL.

A Fisherman of Schevening,
O all and singular,

His little boat was havening,
individually and colo

a storm
lectively, Boompje!

When a bell
The history of the

&-&-
Boompje Club re-
sembles that of most

Arrival of a party, and "would I mind letting a lady see the rooms ?” other great and flou- With pleasure . I'm going out. On with

hat; off with self. Boompje! rishing institutions.

Coming to think of it, I don't know anything more remarkable than It has been develop

the way in which we suddenly struck on the title. Came down, as it ed successfully ont were, whop upon it, Boompje! of small beginnings.

It's a wonderful word. "Boompje!! If any one doubts me, let him Such remarks as

try it as applicable to all sorts of occasions. appear here

You talk of your acquaintance, the DUKE OF UPSHIRE, as "UPSHIRE" made in my capa- him at the corner of a street. This is Boompje.

“old UPPY," after being introduced to him, and saying good-bye to city of Secretary, and on my own per.

You rise in the morning ; out of bed at last. Boompje! sonal responsibility.

You bound along the pavement, buoyant, light-hearted, and happy.
Boompje!

See the rollicking carelessness of the porters in dealing with your
No man is a portmanteau and trunks at Dover and Calais. Boompje principles.
Boompje all at Boompje!
once.

are sad, despondent, and depressed. B-o-o-mp-je.
This must be You are up again. Boompje !!
borne in mind, be-

You go out for a ride, in Rotton Row, on a mettlesome charger,
cause we didn't, as at so much an hour, and tell a friend that you are trying a horse with
a Club, begin by a view to purchase. Boompje! Boompje!
being Boompjes. You have all your electro-plate out and silver too (if any) for a leg of
We, as

it were, mutton and potatoes. Boompje!
awoke one morning in a new country to find ourselves Boompjes. In short, if the intelligent reader will but give his mind to it, and

One of our party, we started as a party and continued as a Club, just try the word on every possible occasion, he will find it not only
looked out of the Hotel window at Rotterdam, by the river-side, and suitable, but exactly appropriate to all possible occasions.
says he, gravely,

In short, Boompje is everywhere in some form or another. In due
Do you know where we are ?” There was a pause, and he con- course, as we proceed, I will give you the Hymn of the Boompjes.
tinued, " We are on the Boompje."
Thereupon, somebody said, "Let us be Boompjes," and somebody

NOTE POST-PREFATIAL.
else said, Let's," and the motion was carried nem. con.
[On investigation we found
he was right. We were on the Boompje. mode of pronouncing or giving effect to the word Boompje.
Note.- The mystery or secret of the Boompje Association lies in the

It is two “The steamers," said our friend, appealing to the infallible, Murray: syllables, the first (it is scarcely necessary to add) being Boomp, while " land their passengers on the fine quay called the Boompje.” *** The philosopher BAYLE ended his days in one of the houses on the at liberty to say on this subject to those whose destiny has not as yet

the second (it is important to notice) is je. All that the present writer is Boompje.” This was enough.]

led them to be Boompjes, is, that something of the force of the words We find (so runs the extract from the Boompje diary of that memorable day) that we have hitherto been Boompjes without knowing it. may be gathered by coming down heavily, as it were, on the first, namely,

the Boomp, and coming up, lightly and sharply, on the je. Boomp on This is evident on examining Boompje principles.

one side of an ordinary see-saw, and Je on the other, will convey some Boompje Principles.

idea of this mysterious word to the uninitiated. In any case the Je is Examples. To say at ten A.M." I'm off!” and to be off to Anywhere to be Je up. Allons ! (America, for example), before eleven, is to act upon Boompje principles. A man may act on Boompje principles, unconsciously, and without

THE TOUR COMMENCES.
being a member of the society, as that gentleman did, who marched up

The Boompje Party prior to Boompjeism.
and down his room for one hour and a quarter, overhead, while I was
trying to write the first stanzas of my poem, The Fisherman of Scheven-

ONE morning BUND comes to me and says, "I want to make a party ingen. I had begun :

to go abroad.” As a commencement, we went out for a walk together, It was a Fisher of Schevening,

and called on MAULLIE, the eminent artist, who had just finished his Who went out in the evening,

great picture of Home Again-(subject: a young cavalier has rushed

into an Elizabethan drawing-room to meet his wife or somebody-reprebut at this point one of our party (the names will be given soon) sented by nobody being there-and through the door, which in his Ķnocked at the door, on Boompje, principles (i.ez he did it 80 sud- haste he has left open, are seen five interiors in perspective, one after denly that I started up-boompje'd-from my chair), and informed the other, with the hall-door open in the distance, and a very little me, when I asked him" if it wasn't pretty," that “evening wasn't a perspective man taking down a very little perspective portmanteau rhyme to Schevening, because Schevening was pronounced Skayven- from a little perspective coach-sold for something over four figures, ing:” and then, having only come in to ask me what time it was on the honour of a Boompje) - and was anxious to get away for a holi(which I couldn't tell him), he walked out also, on Boompje principles, day. “Now,” says BUND, who is an enthusiastic musician, and an i.e., banging the door violently. So, when I set to work again, I saw amateur of the violoncello,“ Here's the party : Painting, Music, and no prospect of a rhyme te Schevening, as pronounced, unless the poem Literature.” I was "Literature,” and" deputed to keep a diary. could be supposed to be written by an Irishman, who would pronounce Somebody suggested that Three wasn't company," and while we

evening” as "avening," which I rejected, after dashing it off on one were debating this point, enters to us Dicky Gooch. Look here,”
Boompje impulsive principle, and tearing up the paper on another. says he," you fellars : if I come with you,” making it a favour, “I must
It was a Fisher of Schevening

be back in ten days, because of the London season.'
Whose
ravening.

This being an imputation upon our social status, we all asserted that Something about " hunger” here. On second thoughts it occurred not only must we be back in that time or less, but that we experienced to me, that if you could talk of “stabling a horse," why couldn't a parties,

balls, concerts, teas, drums, &c., to which we had been invited poet speak of “havening a boat?”. “Oho!” I cried, inspired, "the Boompje!!” and forthwith wrote:- at the rate of five a day for the next two months. (Boompje!)

[Boompje note.-Gooch had managed (I afterwards discovered) with A Fisherman of Schevening

some difficulty to get an invitation for a private operatic performance His little boat was havening,

at the house of somebody whom he didn't know, and this represented When

his engagements for the season. But a genuine Boompje of London And here the man above began to walk about. Then there came a Society would rather die than own such a melancholy fact.]

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A CLIMAX. Wistful Benedick. “ THAT 'S. A HEALTHY LAD OF YOURS, MY FRIEND !”

Bob Quiverful. YES, HE'S A FINE BOY, SIR-AS FINE A BOY AS EVER YOU SER IN ALL YER BORN DATS, BLESS HIS LITTLE 'ART! AND THAT AIN'T ALL, NEITHER; HE'S THE MOST GENEROUS-'ARTEDEST LITTLE CHAP IN THE 'OLE WORLD, AND THE BRAVEST, AND AFFECTIONATEST, LET ALONE BEIN' THE BIGGEST AND THE 'ANSOMEST. BUT, LOR' BLESS YER, MASTER ! Why, WE'VE GOT ANOTHER LITTLE CHAP AT 'OMB AS THIS ONE 'ERE AIN'T EVEN SO MUCH AS A PATCH UPON ! AIN'T WE, POLLY ?"

WICKED WASTE.

Kingston, and died at twenty minutes past ten o'clock the same night.' The

94th Regiment had not marched more than three miles on the way from EVERYBODY knows HORĄCE WALPOLE'S receipt for dressing a same evening. The marches were made in heavy marching order. :::

Guildford when a corporal fell from sunstroke and died at eight o'clock the

On cucumber.«

Buy it, wash it, slice it, add oil, vinegar, and pepper- the Tuesday's march of the same detachments of the 9th and 10th Regiments, and then fling it out of the windows."

from. Warley to West Ham, a sergeant fell out from the effects of the sun, who Our military authorities seem to have adopted a similar rule for is since reported to have died.” dealing with our soldiers, in the late hot weather. It is true that a fall private costs a good deal more than a cucumber. But the full To say nothing of common humanity, economy is at stake! JOHN

If this be true, it is simply monstrous. Who gives such orders ? among vegetables—one of the most costly. He is said to cost JOHN BULL has a right to know who is the ass in office who is allowed to BULL, on an average, £100 a year,---taking him with his appartenances, fling his costly cucumbers out

of the window in this way. the extensive and expensive machinery for buying, washing, slicing, oiling, vinegaring, and peppering him. This expensive and wonderful product, in his shiny shako, tight

OLD ENGLISH SONG AND SUMMER. stock, close-buttoned coarse woollen tunic and trousers, contract boots

Sing O the weather and the crops ! and belts, with his sixty-pound load of great-coat, mess-tin, knapsack, rifle and cartouche-box, we set to execute long marches of from twelve

With a 'mather, woo't ? and a way, gee wo!

A shower were pearls and golden drops to eighteen miles, over dusty roads, in the full beat of the hottest sun that has shone for years! The strongest men suffer, but struggle on;

To the husbandmen, by my faith, I trow.

But Swithun will anon be here; the weaker fall out; the weakest drop and die. If that isn't flinging the cucumber out of window, what is it ?

It will come down then, or it may before ;

Old ale is better than table beer : Yet this is what our sapient “military authorities” have been doing

And there raineth no rain but it aye doth pour. last week. We read in the Globe :

In harvest time an skies be wet, “On Wednesday last, which was one of the hottest days we have had for

So there sprout no grain, why the corn may swell; years, the head-quarters of the 2nd battalion of the 9th Regiment, with the

Drought never bred dearth in England yet ; depot of the 2nd battalion of the 10th Regiment, marched from West Ham to

And the best of all burdens is ding, dong, bell !
Kingston-on-Thames; and on the same day the 94th Regiment marched from
Guildford to Aldershot. The distances were not unusually long-nineteen
miles in one case, and about eleven in the other-80 that they might easily

Cabman's Quest Law.
have been accomplished, in the latter case, either between four and nine
o'clock in the morning, or between the same hours in the evening; and in the

IF MR. HADDAN's Alphabetical System of Progression ever becomes former case, the distance might, without inconvenience, have been divided the Law of the Metropolis, Cabbies will have to mind their P's and between those periods. ... Private Maloney, 9th Regiment, fell on reaching Q's.

66

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—JULY 2, 1870.

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MR. PUNCH (to BULL A 1). “YES, IT'S ALL VERY WELL TO SAY, “GO. TO SCHOOL !' HOW ARE THEY TO GO TO SCHOOL WITH THOSE PEOPLE

QUARRELLING IN THE DOORWAY? WHY DON'T YOU MAKE 'EM MOVE ON'?"

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