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DELIGHTFUL POSITION: JONES GETS INTO A NARROW LANE. THE HOUNDS ARE RUNNING BEFORE HIM, SO ARE SOME Cows, WHICH HE CANNOT PASS, AND
M188 SCRAMBLE JS LAUGHING ON THE BANK ABOVE HIM.
PENNY TRAINS AND PASSENGERS.
William. Well; seemingly. Howsomedever, he says as how he
believes no Company has an accident arisin' from what may be Enter WILLIAM PUTTY and JAMES FILER, meeting.
termed intentional neglect.”.
James. No; and I should say e'er a company as did 'ave sitch a James. Why Bill, old feller, 'ow ar yer? I ain't a sin yer since I accident if fatal ought to be hanged. don't know when.
William. Intentional neglect sart'nly 's a rum ixpression. How can William. Well, no, yer see, Jim, now I lives out o' Town. Them neglect ever be intentional ? 'ouses where my crib was 'ad to come down for the new Railway; I James. When you knows precious well wot you ught to do, and, was forced to cut and run. Couldn't get ne'er another place in the with your eyes wide open to the consequences, as is like to 'appen, neighbourhood but wot was too high; nothin' nigher than six mile neglects doin' of it. off. So then I beat a retreat into the subbubs.
William. If Friend BRIGHT means to say no Railway Companies James. And now, I s'pose, comes up by rail ?
never does that, Friend BRIGHT can't never have read no inquests on William. No; 'tís too far; can't afford the train. Walks up to my Railway massacrees. work six mile and six mile back, twelve mile every blessed day. James. Unintentional neglect we understands. When a overworked
James. All that blessed way before and arter your work! Don't and underpaid unable pintsman or signalman, for instance, makes a yer feel it blessed fatiguin'?
blunder, or hingineer loses 'is 'ead. William. Don't I just!
William. And if anybody's killed through the mistake-that's found James. Warn't there a talk of petitionin' Guv'ment for cheap workin' manslaughter. men's trains ?
James. By Crowner's quest law. William. A penny a ride of ten mile within certain hours. Yes ; William. Whether unintentional neglect is manslaughter or no, there was a deppitation about it to JOHN Bright at the Board o' Trade. wot's intentional neglect ! Neglectin' safety of human life to cut down James. What did he say?
expense o' wages ? William. Seemed to say he thought the Railway Companies would James. Malice prepense. be agreeable, providin' we'd agree for our families, in case of any on us William. Well, and wot ought to be the werdict upon workin' men getting killed on the journey, not to demand more compensation than killed by riskin their lives in a intentionally neglected cheap train ? a hundred pound a head.
James. Feller de se." James. By that arrangement the Companies seems to reckon that a William. Anyhow "Temporary Insanity." good many of us would be smashed. *And BRIGHT in course must James. Wot we wants is trains that's intentionally made as safe as think so too. Well; no doubt but what compensation for killed and ever they can be. wounded at the present rates allowed by juries would be 'eavy? But William. At a penny a mile. what would any charge for compensation signify if there warn't no James. To make up for the illconvenience the Railways has put us to. accidents to compensate ? There never wouldn't be none if they'd only William. That's it. That is wot we wants Friend Bright to manage take proper care.
William. Ah, but then they're afeared the expense o' doin' that James. Then he 'll be a Friend, indeed. would be as bad, if not wus. 'Twouldn't pay.
William. And no mistake. Gót a light ? James. Is that John BRIGHT's opinion too?
[Kindle their pipes and exeunt smoking.
A RITUALIST REDOUBT.
RAILWAY LIMB INSURANCE. ACCORDING to the John Bull," an ordinary meeting” of the English It is to be hoped that the necessity of united action, according to Church Union took place the other day at the Freemasons' Tavern. the maxim that when rogues combine honest men should unite-to The lodge, however, of the English Church Unionists, was not tiled ; defeat their schemes—will be suggested by the following extract from for the John Bull reports their proceedings, and the speeches made by the Observer :some of them, with reference to the late ritual judgments in the Court of Arches. Notwithstanding these, in moving a resolution
“ We are informed that a strong combination has been formed among the
Directors of some of the leading Railway Companies for the purpose of intro" The Rey, SIR H. BAKER . said that . ; . he had not yet given up ducing a Bill into Parliament in the present session on the subject of compenaltar-lights.,; . He regretted exceedingly the decision as to the north side sation for accidents. It is proposed to limit the sum to be paid in cases of loss of the altar."
or personal injury, but to give to passengers the right of insuring with the The north side of the altar appears to be a position of great impor-companies for larger amounts for a moderate premium.” tance to the Ritualist Division. Though 'pronounced untenable, it has not been evacuated. Another reverend speaker, the Rev. R. T. accidents are high. But what can that signify if no accidents occur?
The rates of compensation for death or injury sustained from railway West, observed that,
The expense of taking care they shall not. That, we are afraid, is what “He should like to see the position of the priest at the altar tried again, the Directors, who want Parliament to limit liability for
the conseand he certainly should not give up the north side at present. He thought quences of those accidents, object to. the Union would be prepared to try the question of the north side again, but nobody had any faith in the integrity of the Judicial Committee, and their Railway Companies except fathers of families, caring about their wives
As to' Railway Insurance, no'men would insure their lives with the judgment would not be regarded as binding by any body.”
and families uncommonly. None but an extremely small few of the So Mr. West still holds the north side of the altar. But how this very strongest-minded women would insure at all. No one, having not post is to be defended, the occupants of it have hardly determined. any survivors to care for, would insure his lise, unless he were an Would a Moncrieff Battery answer their purpose ? Or would an iron- Irishman'; he would only insure his limbs and living body. But every clad stationed north of the side of the fortress attacked be more appro- prudent person would insure those. Railway Insurance would, therepriate? Perhaps ; for MR. West spoke rather as a sailor than a fore, require a tariff of premiums, for which, at corresponding charges, soldier of the Church Militant, in saying:
the constitution in general, or each member or organ of the body could “He was almost determined to adopt the altar-lights again, but should be insured. This would have to be posted at every station, conspinot do anything without consulting his brethren; for he believed in a long cuously, in large letters, such that they who run may read ; an arm so pull, a strong pull, and a pull all together.'
much, a hand so much, a finger so much, a leg, a foot, a toe, so much, This may, indeed, be supposed to be an article in every seaman's brain, to be insured against injury causing impaired
an ear, a nose, so much, and upwards. The list ought to include thé belief, although there is no such clause contained in any other creed. It is, however, at any rate clear that these Church Unionists mean death and all possible mutilations, which, if it made frivolous passengers
carriage also should contain a table of the terms of insurance in case of fighting :
melancholy, would render a railway journey comparatively jolly for the "The Rev. C. J. LE Geyt was glad that no immediate action was in- thinking traveller. tended."
This declaration is warlike, if Fabian. They do contemplate going into action then, by-and-by. With what enemy? Apparently the
LEARNING FOR LADIES. body named by MR. WEST, when he said :
HERE is an interesting morsel of intelligence. We learn it from our " It was greatly to be regretted that MR. PURCHAS had dragged them fashionable teacher, the Court Circular :through the mire as he had done; for he thought that if they had been quiet and unobtrusive in their services, they would never have been troubled by the
“ M. J. PeYRITSCH has read before the Academy of Vienna a paper On Church Association.”
the Morphology of the Umbellifera.'' Hence it seems that the Church Association is the foe by whom the We wonder what are the ideas conveyed by these fine words to the north side of the altar is threatened-thanks to the too loudly demon- minds of the fair readers of our fashionable contemporary. Indeed, strative proceedings of MR. Purchas. The Church Union would not how much the wiser will most young ladies be, even if we strive to help have brought the Church Association down upon themselves “if they them to some knowledge of the matter, by digging up the Greek and had been quiet and unobtrusive in their services." There is, doubtless, Latin roots of these fine words ? Will Miss Smith or Miss TOMKINS some sense in that observation, and not a little in another :
condescend to avow herself enlightened, if we tell her that "morpho"Mr. Donaldson personally thought that the north side was one of their logy is derived from two Greek words, the one morphe, meaning weakest points.”
"form" or "figure," the other logos, meaning “word” or speech;
and that the word " umbelliferæ is compounded of two Latin words, It is not perhaps too much to say, that these two remarks comprise umbella, shade or parasol, and fero, I bear or carry ? We fear such everything sensible which was uttered by the united Ritualists at the explanation will but serve still more to puzzle those young ladies, and Freemasons' Tavern. The north side of the altar is doubtless one of the lead them to imagine that the erudite professor has been delivering a weakest of the many weak points held by the Ritualists. Their enemies lecture on the figures of speech, or slang, say, of themselves and other will be all delighted to see them waste their time and labour in the ladies, who, being umbelliferæ, all carry parasols. endeavour to strengthen it. Whilst they
are busily and bravely engaged in trying to maintain the north side of the altar, they may have the whole Church knocked about their ears. A Church, comprising a Church Union and a Church Association at war with each other, can
A SABBATARIAN SAGE. not be seriously said to be very unlike a house divided against itself. In the meantime Papists and Dissenters smiling, remark that there is THE Honorary Secretary of the Licence Amendment League is a nothing like Unity in the Church.
sagacious reasoner. Speaking for a deputation of vexatious busybodies, who waited on the HOME SECRETARY the other day, boring him with
solicitation to impose still greater restraint than the Government FOOD FOR FAITH.
intends on the liquor trade, this philosopher pressed on MR. BRUCE
the remarkable argument that, as picture-galleries and other places of From a contemporary's Own Correspondent we learn that, at the elevating recreation are closed upon Sunday, public-houses should be Roman Council :
closed also. This is just reversing the logic of our old position that, “The assemblies of the 10th and 14th were devoted to the modification of whilst gin-shops and pot-houses are open on Sundays, picture galleries the catechism— De novo et uniformi Catechismo edendo.'”
and museums ought not to be closed. The Honorary Secretary of the DR. Cumming is respectfully informed that the Council intends this Licence Amendment League has taken up a cudgel the same as ours, Catechism to be published, not to be eaten, except in so far as its and turned it against us, only he has got
hold of the wrong end of the
stick. contents are meant to be metaphorically swallowed by those who will have to digest them as best they may. It may be possible, however, but is hardly probable, that the Council, about to edit a new Catechism,
NOTICE.-Mr. Punch is requested to say, in reply to several will eat some of their hard words contained in the old one.
complaining letters to the Proprietors of this Periodical, that the
persons in the country engaged in obtaining Advertisements for a EPITAPH ON A FENIAN MARTYR.
cover stated to be intended for distribution to the subscribers to SISTE, Viator :
Punch, are acting without any authority for doing so, and that no such Here lies a Traitor.
cover is issued in connection with the Punch Office.
THE TWINS OF TIPPERARY.
Humbug! to Fenian skirts stuck like a burr on!
Low Class Legislation. MR. PLIMSOLL's Bill for making Foot-warmers com. pulsory in Railway. Carriages, irrespective of class, was thrown out by a majority of 32 in a House of 184.
MR. PLIMSOLL rested his case on the discomfort of the poorer kind of travellers. He should have remembered the proverb, “De minimis non curat lex," which we translate: The Legislature doesn't care for third-class passengers.'
MOTTO FOR " Pool.”—“ Your money and your life.”
Little Ada. “I WISH I'D GOT TEETH LIKE YOURS, AUNT LIZZIE, IT WOULD BE
80 NICE TO TAKE 'EM OUT TO PLAY WITH !”
Jack. I've 'eerd there was times when the parsons and pantilers PHEBUS'S PORTRAITS OF THIEVES. 'ood 'a preached it was wicked for to make the Sun dror likenesses.
Bill. Wish they'd preach so still. SCENE—The Slums. A Public-house Interior. BILL WHEELER and Jack. There ain't no way o'chiselin the beggars that's down upon JACK OAKUM.
yer makin' of yer set for your cart der wizzeet, wot makes a aliàs good
for-puffin'. Jack (taking up a newspaper). Hullo, I say, Bill, here's a floorer!
Bill. Tell yer a dodge. Pull a mug. Look spooney and 'eavenly. (reads slowly, with some difficulty) :
(Smiles and turns up his eyes.) “ PHOTOGRAPHIC PRISONERS.-In common with other Magistrates, the LORD
Jack. Ho, ho! (laughing). The werry imidge o' Lord Lovel outside Mayor has received a communication from the Right Hon. H. A. BRUCE, the music-books. Secretary of State for the Home Department, with reference to the taking of Bill. Or try and look wus than yer are. oops his head and scowls.) photographs of habitual criminals convicted within his jurisdiction. The Jack. And that 'ood do gallus well for Sam’All. letter will be submitted to an early meeting of the Court of Aldermen.” Bill. Fotagrofe my face! They may fotagrofe my 'eels. Ho there's
plenty o' ways o' disguisin' yer fruntispiece, so as nobody should know Blow their blessed horbs o' wision! Fotogrofe 'abitchial criminals! yer! So. (Grins.) So. (Winks.) So, So, So. (Making a series of That's the way they're agoin' to flummux a cove, now then.
faces.) Bill. Oh, bless 'em!- they've bin a tryin' that 'ere dodge some time, Jack. Vell, BILL, blest if yer vouldn't make a fust-rate play-hactor, in places. CAP'N GARDNER, Guv'nor o Bristol jug, says hever sence With sitch means of ixpression as yourn yer might a' most be tempted '47; and the Times's words is as how that system as bin the means o' to cut yer career o crime for honest industery, and go on the stage. procurin penial servitood for many pris'ners whose crimes might hother- Bill. 'Feared I shall be druv to 'ard labour anyow sooner or later by ways 'ave honly bin treated as fust offences.
that 'ere 'Abitchial Criminals' Bill. Jack. “Unpleasant hinformation." Noozepaper 'eddin, for (that
Jack. 'Ow'd this be to set for my potrate as a 'abitchial criminal ? intelligence.
(Squints.) Bill. Werry much so. Guv'nor GARDNER thinks that, through that blessed fotigrofy systim, by interodoosin' of it into hevery gao!,
nearly The beaks or bobbies 'ood take yer to be larkin'. Regular squintin
. Wouldn't do, per moke. Would be a comin' of it too strong; hall the perfessional prigs will be bighdentified, and on conwiction-the 'ood be overdoin' of it. Sad misfortin' by the bye, a cast in the heye words I remember is—" receive hadequate punishment.” That 's 'is for a 'abitchial criminal, particler now 'e's subject to be fotagrofed. blessed plan. And now, yer see, this here blessed Reform Gur'ment’s There'll be no mistakin"im. a foller'n on it out, wus luck.
Jack. After once takin 'im. Jack. They takes them blessed fotagrofes by means o' the Sun- Bill. So wherever 'e goes 'e 'll be liable to be took up. doan't 'em ?
Jack. Witch I calls takin' a mean adwantage of a cove's nateral Bill. Yes, the beggars, they do.
affliction. Yah! Jack. Blow the Sun! As Fenian MIKE says, the Sun's allus a Bill. The beggars !
[Scene closes. standin' in our daylight.
Bill. MIKE 's right there too. “ 'Cause night is growd our day,”. as the song says. I'm a cove o' some readin', though booked R and
Out! W Imp., like you. But blow the Sun, I say too, and the fotagrofes and fotagrofers and CAP'n GARDNER and the Gurment, and the Beaks, ENGLISH Girls are not thought to show the white feather when on and all the lot o' 'em.
horseback, yet you may see it any day in Rotten Row.
And in wake of ANONYMA,
wildly. Three more scrapes; more scrambling ; tune nowhere-one, Drive, with breakers on the lee.
two, three (fiercely); twiddley-twiddley-twiddly-iddley (wildly). Down In short no craft, but, all sail set
below like a double-bass, making a sensitive person, like myself, experiFrom stu’nsail boom to spanker,
ence a feeling not unlike that caused by the steamboat when it dives in Drives at twenty knots to ruin,
between two waves on a rough passage; then up again, notes running With, not one in ten, an anchor !
one after the other like mice in a wall, and his four fingers and thumb And when comes the day of reckoning,
chasing them nearly to the bridge and not catching them. Back For the fitters-out and builders
again, in among the screws, up the handle, on to the bridge, hand still 'Twill be pity of your BAXTER,
trying to seize on something, his eyes watching the performance And mercy on your CHILDERS !
intently, and chin fixed. An occasional shifting his head a little on one side, just for a second, as if he was ticklish, but liked the sensation. Then a plaintive bit, which seems to make him stand on tip toes, and
causes me almost to rise out of my seat. Then short note, still plaintive, MORE HAPPY THOUGHTS.
which brings him down on his heels again. As I watch him he seems
to become all violin and arms. Aix is musical, as musical as Manchester, and mneh in the same immediately knocked on the head by the bow. Up and down the
Sudden appearance of a little tune, way too. Two excellent bands here; and once, a visit from Herr chromatic scale, in and out the flats and sharps. Herr Somebody Something-or-other on the fiddle of world-wide reputation, the Com- loses his way in'a
labyrinth ; more mystification; at last he's out of mander informs me, though he's the last man whom I should suspect the maze; pause, flourish of bow, grand triumphal movement (no of knowing anything about it.
tune to speak of, but no mistaking the time), chords crisp, and chords Happy Thought Has sailed round the world, and met Herr loose. Running up and down the chords ; violin swaying as if (so to Something with his fiddle everywhere.
speak) he'd tumble off it every minute. We hold our breath in sus. DYNGWELL won't join our party to the Concert. He says, if the pense. I almost feel inclined to say, “Oh, do stop, Sir! take care ! for Cockalorum would give us a "right-fol-iddity, or a chant with a coal- goodness sake! take care!” box to it”
(he means chorus when he says "coalbox," and the Professor makes a mental note of it, in order to look out this particular use of is a sensational performance.
Happy Thought.- A sort of Musical Blondin. On consideration this the word coalbox in the Dictionary) "he would come ; ” but as there is no chance of his taste in this direction being gratified, he stays in hard, fast, and marked up the scale full pelt, whack ! whacker!!
Flourish, scuttle, scuttle, scuttle, up and down wildly, chords his room and runs through his German exercises.
WHACKÉST!!! and the exhausted performer is bowing his acHappy Thought.- Beer is the same in both languages. Bavarian knowledgments. A sigh of relief from everyone, audibly, as if we Beer excellent. So also the lightest wines; e.g. Zeltinger.
congratulated ourselves, and him, on getting through such a danHappy Thought.-- Take home a cask of the former and a case of the gerous performance without an accident. He is encored; but only latter. I point out to DYNGWELL what a saving this will be, and how reappears and bows. He will not tempt Providence again. Everyone necessary it is, as the father of a family (one with rashes) to be econo- says Admirable ! Charming ! Wonderful! “almost equal to JOACHIM,” mical. He sticks his glass in his eye, and exclaims,“ Bravo! quite cries DR. CASPAR, enthusiastically. the drunkard !” which was not, on the whole, exactly the encomium I
Happy Thought.-“Yes, almost.” had expected from him.
CASPAR is gone, before I can add that I've never heard JOACHIM. I At the concert.-Our party consists of the amiable and learned trans- turn to the Commander to ask him what he, as a musical man, thinks lator of ÆschyLUS; the jovial, good-natured Yorkshire Squire (who has of it. The Commander is fast asleep. got well of severe gout, in a week, in consequence of rubbing in his draught, and drinking his lotion by mistake), the Lieutenant, who has Shipboy"-only I forget the rest ; but the idea is that the Shipboy
Happy Thought. - To quote to him when he wakes, "The Rugged come to the Concert in the hopes of there being a “hop" afterwards, sleeps tranquilly through all dangers and tempests on the top of a which appears to be his one great aim in going to any evening enter-mast. I have always wondered what he held on by?. Will wake the tainment of any kind; the High Church Anglican clergyman, whose Commander, and ask him to illustrate this passage in SHAKSPEARE. resemblance to a Catholic Priest would be perfect, if there was only the Commander wakes. On being remonstrated with for bis drowsiness, slightest chance of his being mistaken for anything else but an English he admits confidentially to me, as a thing pot to go any further," that Protestant Minister; and Dæ. CASPAR, who knows every one and it's not much good his being here, as he doesn't know one tune from everything in the place, and is welcome everywhere, and can go any. another." where now that Aix is deserted by strangers, and he has time for shaking hands without feeling pulses. Our nervous compatriot does Aix arrangements, everything is over early), we adjourn to a café,
After Concert, which is over early (another excellent thing in the not appear anywhere except at table d'hote, having probably jerked where we each partake of a Wiener Schnitzel, some Sauer-kraut, and himself into bed at an early hour, and shaken himself into a sound a tankard of such beer as won't interfere with your waking in the sleep.
morning. The Commander commences (with the cigars) his usual Happy Thought.- Perhaps I shall discover who Der Andere Mann is. story about the Mongoose. The Lieutenant begs his pardon for a
First overture of Concert over. Room crowded. Elegant toilettes ; minute, and seeing a table in the ante-room vacant, proposes billiards pretty Saxon faces ; Prussian officers, in uniform of course. Comman- as a wind-up. Billiards, by all means. der has been listening in rapt attention to the music. We all listen We rise, and go to the billiard-room. The Commander is, I see, a to a part-song critically.
little disappointed. At this moment DYNGWELL happens to stroll in Happy Thought.- To beat time with my head and hand, in order to with his professorial friend, who joins us in much the same spirit that show that the English are a musical nation. Commander does the DR. JOHNSON did BEAUCLERK and the others, when they got him out same. I ask him which he prefers, ROSSINI, AUBER, or WAGNER. of bed for a frolic. It appears they've been to supper (one of Ding: He hesitates. He asks thoughtfully, “Let me see, what was ROSSINI'S WELL’s ingenious methods of doing a German exercise) at Klöppel's (I great work ? "
think that's what they call it), and thought, that he (DYNGWELL), and Happy Thought.(By way of reply, while I think what ROSSINI has Old Cockalorum (the Professor), would find us here. DYNGWELL opporwritten), “His great work! Why, he's written so many.'
tunely salutes the Commander with “Hallo, old Mongoose !” which The Commander says, "He's alive still, isn't he?" I own I am puts an extinguisher on all chance of hearing the story from the naval taken by surprise, never having considered the question of his being officer to-night. He has been trying to tell it for weeks. He proposes alive: having, in fact, generally ranked him among the “Old Masters, to walk home with the Professor. Has probably hit upon the Happy and got him back somewhere near SHAKSPEARE's time.
Thought of “Tell him the Mongoose story.” Professor says he shall Happy Thought.-To laugh șlily and say, “I suppose so.” If he be delighted, only he must speak to a friend first. He does so; to isn't, and was in SHAKSPEARE's time, I can say I thought he (The some one at the other end of the room, and is not seen again, except Commander) was joking. Mem. Read up Musical History: odd, I've for a second by me, when I catch sight of his hat,
which there is no quite forgotten it; under “C” (Composers) and “M” (Music) in mistaking, as he is making a quiet exit by the front door, Typ. Devel. Part III. Concert continues.
Commander takes a seat between two Germans, with whom he enters
affably into such a conversation as his command of the language Herr Somebody on the violin.- Great applause on his appearance. He permits;
i.e. at the rate of two words in five minutes,
with an occasional has long hair, turn-down collar, and a pale face, at least so it seems from this distance. Strange, now I come to think of it, that all great he disappears.
ja or nein, Then he goes to sleep again. Then he wakes up. Then violinists, whom I have ever seen, are always the same, and I always see them from the far end of a room. He plays a melody slowly, with which he appears pleased : 80 do we. Commander thinks" he must
Campbell's Heroine. be wonderfully strong in the chin to hold the instrument while his left WOMAN Suffrage has been established in a territory of the United hand is jumping up and down it." People look round at Commander States-Wyoming. It is pleasant to think that one who has long been and say “Sssh!" reprovingly. Herr Somebody takes three decided famous by her connection with this happy territory will now have a scrapes at the strings, and then as it were scrambles about the violin vote-Gertrude of Wyoming.