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THE THREE R’S. A GOOD example has been set to Ritualists and other Dissenters To the Lords Spiritual and Temporal and Commons when in Parliament holding the position of clergymen in the Church of England, by the

assembled. late Public Orator at Cambridge, MR. W. CLARK. In a letter addressed

The Humble Petition of the Three R's to the BISHOP OF ELY, MR. CLARK announces his wish to relinquish Showeththe position which those other clergymen persist in keeping. Assigning That your Petitioners have for many years carried on business as his reason for taking that step he says :

manufacturers of knowledge-boxes. “Slowly and reluctantly I have been driven to conclusions incompatible That your Petitioners are informed and believe that it is proposed with the declarations which I made at my ordination.”

to open a new road and level the approaches to their factory; also to He then proceeds to specify these conclusions. They may briefly be remove certain fences which have hitherto obstructed the main said to be what are commonly called Broad Church views, and, if in- thoroughfare, and that competent surveyors have examined the ground compatible with certain articles and formularies, are not contradictory

and agreed upon a report, after long and due deliberation. to any point of Protestant Churchmanship. It would be quite possible and believe, divert the traffic from the narrow lanes leading to the

That such proposed new road will, as your Petitioners are informed for MR. CLARK to hold office as a Churchman without being, like the Parochial Union and the County House of Correction, and sensibly apes of Romanism, a traitor in the camp; but his conscience will not diminish the highway rates

in connection there with. let him occupy the place of a teacher subscribing to propositions in a non-natural sense, that is to say, lying. Neither do MR. CLARK'S

That your Petitioners have heard with sorrow and surprise that their opinions oblige him to secede from the Church, he only proposes to plating the manufacture of Lucifer Matches, and the employment of

respectable and old-established Firm has been charged with contemretire from its ministry; and accordingly he tells the Bishop :

clever little imps in dipping and sorting combustible splints. “ Under these circumstances I beg to signify to you my desire to relinquish That your Petitioners have no intention or desire to fill their knowthe position of a clergyman, and resume that of a layman. Whatever law, ledge-boxes with any dangerous compounds, and the accusation of written or unwritten, may prevent me from doing this, I protest against it as wishing to set either the Tower or the Thames on fire they indignantly iniquitous and immoral, because it conflicts with the natural rights and rebut. bounden duty of every man, all his life long, to search for and proclaim the

Your Petitioners therefore humbly submit, that active steps should truth."

be taken to provide for the public accommodation as above proposed ; “Once a parson always a parson is a rule which would be very and further, that the knowledge-boxes of the Three R's should be much more honoured in the repeal than in the maintenance. Surely officially recognised, and by virtue of their innocence and utility, be MR. GLADSTONE, full as his hands may be of Irish affairs, could con- honoured with the Government stamp. trive to manage that little matter of its repeal in the coming session, And your Petitioners will ever pray. by passing a suitable measure under the title, say, of a Clerical Relief Act. A law is wanted to empower any clergyman who pleases to turn layman, in so far as the ability to exercise any secular calling, that he may wish to adopt, is concerned. For a conscientious Rationalist such

WALKER'S ROMAN ANTIQUITIES. an enactment would be a great convenience; as regards a conscientious ACCORDING to the Pall Mall Gazette :Ritualist or Puseyite, if there is one, it would be a most desirable arrangement. It would enable him to turn at once both layman and

“The EMPRESS OF Austria is showing great interest in the antiquities and Papist; thus constituting a bridge of gold for a flying enemy.

public buildings of Rome. After seeing the Vatican she went to the Lateran, where she was received at the door by the Chapter and conducted over the Cathedral. _There was an express exhibition of the relics of St. Peter and St.

Paul, and Her Majesty inspected the Scala Santa.” PROPOSED WIDENING OF THE OLD JURY. There is a kind of exercises called devotional, as everybody knows. MR. PUNCA-SIR,

By devotional exercises most people understand readings, meditations, Our Saxon ancestors by a sharp straggle succeeded in getting There are, however, devotional exercises other than these. . Certain

orisons, and suchlike acts essentially and chiefly of a mental character. twelve men into a box, and there it stands in its juridical simplicity Dervishes dance by way of devotion. Indian Fakirs, and penitents or at the summit of Constitution Hill. It was, however, certain severe vice-penitents swing themselves on hooks, and practise other arduous and litigious ladies of modern times who put a patent lock on the panel, and painful gymnastics. Fakirs of a different persuasion

sometimes Beauty scorns to look at Time with his ugly scythe and sand-glass. AUSTRIA only "inspected" it. Perhaps its inspection satisfied her The long detention was signalised by a great clashing of convent- Majesty. Let us hope that, in inspecting the Scala Santa, she was belles.

Sir, I am a simple lover of Justice. As such I ask why should the not, as Alpine Clubmen say when surveying the mountain they proinevitable twelve be always, so to speak, pressed men ! Now that pose to ascend, looking at her work." lovely woman has entered on the rough path of pathology, why not

In climbing the Scala Santa anyone might sing " Excelsior!and prolong her walk to the Temple of Themis? Why should merchants perhaps be considered as singing pretty fairly in the “accustomed and bankers, who form a special jury, alone be summoned to survey the EXPRESS OF AUSTRIA have more sense than to put herself in the

ecclesiastical Latin”-if not exactly in the Virgilian or Horatian. May desolated hearts, and furnish estimates for general repairs ? When tender promises are alleged to have been broken, who so competent to Majesty shortly visit this country for a change, no vulgar Briton will

way to sing “ E.xcelsior” up the Scala Santa! Then, should her assess the damage done, as those who keep watch and ward over our have any excuse for asking her " How's your poor knees ?” vases, and whose

memories are as familiar with withered hopes as their little scissors with blighted blossoms?

The Pall Mall's correspondent adds :In answer to these arguments it may be urged that such very special “ The EMPRESS has also visited the Coliseum, St. Pietro a Vincolo, the juries as I recommend, could not possibly remain silent for an hour monuments of the Appian Way, and St. Mary Maggiore, where she saw the pooh-pooh, nonsense ! - let them try. If they fail—they fail.

manger of Bethlehem.' A more serious objection is, that their vigilant eyes might be dazzled by the waving of a white forensic hand, and evidence be less regarded as she saw the bones, nail-parings, rags and tatters, chains, or what

As really and truly, no doubt, we are of course meant to understand, than the aggressive whiskers of a silk gown or the insidious moustache other assortment of objects soever may be comprised in the “express of a stuff one.

exhibition of the relics of St. Peter and St. Paul." To prevent undue influence of this kind, my old friend FOGLETON (a most clubable man) suggests an extensive screen, against which I fear there would be a loud cry by the fair advocates of non-intervention. It would be better, I think, to leave a question of this delicate nature

From the Royal Laboratory. to the honourable feeling of the Bar, which, after all, is not so black CERTAIN persons, SIR JOHN PAKINGTON for example, may or may as generally painted. Leaders and juniors should proudly resolve to not have had a Christmas Box-on that point we possess no trustrely entirely on their wigs, and discard every other curl, natural or worthy information—but they certainly have had what cannot be the acquired.

most agreeable accompaniment of the festive season -a Christmas I would also strongly advise in actions for non-performance of BOXER. marriage, that any member of a very special jury accepting an offer from a successful defendant within three months after verdict given,

BURDEN OF AN ITALIAN SONG. should be punished for contempt of court.

JUSTINIAN. Blackstone's Buildings.

Things seem very much at sixes and sevens in Italy. Italia farà

da se?" If Italia does not contrive soon to get a respectable GovernP.S. This letter (which is without prejudice) you may publish if you ment, it will be Italia farà la la! or in plain English, Italy, fiddlethink proper, as hints for the Law Officers of the Crown.


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Seasonable Benevolence. SEVERAL cases have lately occurred wherein the police have removed to the Station-house persons whom they ought to have conveyed to the Hospital. They frost lasted, were sorely pinched by cold, we were very

For the sake of our poor neighbours, who, while the have picked up people lying unconscious in the street, and mistaken for drunk and glad, when we walked out last Wednesday, to find the incapable those who were really apoplectic and insensible. At this season of frost was giving. extraordinary conviviality mistakes of that kind are likely to be made in augmented number, since the enjoyments which cause a state of intoxication are also

WEATHER very often the causes which occasion a state of coma. What a pity it is that medical knowledge is not generally blended with a constable's authority! It METEOROLOGISTS have observed that a close” summer might, and very likely would be, if a step were taken by the Government which is invariably followed by an open winter.

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FRIGHTFUL CLERICAL SCANDAL ! HRISTMAS bills are coming An Incumbent, who hails from the “Post Office, Uxbridge,” in in, and fathers of large fami- advertising for a Curate in the Guardian, takes the opportunity of lies who are screwing up administering a merited castigation to a proverbially overpaid and their courage to meet them, under-worked body of men. He describes himself as somewhat tired may find some consolation in of clergymen whose letters convey the impression (doubtless often the following intelligence:- erroneous) that their main object is a 'post' combining a minimum “Of fashions there is little to thankful to hear of an AssisTANT-PRIEST,.desiring to give himself in

of labour with a maximum of comfort,” and adds that he "would be say: in fact, there have been body, soul and spirit, &c.”—to quote further would be profane. winter. As a rule, the dresses

Is it possible ? "Only a Curate," and yet expecting a “maximum made then serve very well for of comfort!”, Can it be that the inferior clergy" are beginning, the present season.'

like their ecclesiastical superiors to hear a Voice" (with a capital V) calling

them to exchange £50 a-year for £70, as well as £5000 for Happy the man whose wife £7000 ? What is the use of Twelve Days' Missions, Convocation, and and daughters take this hint Ecumenical Councils, if such anarchy as this is to prevail ?

And yet to heart, and are sensibly see how tenderly our reverend advertiser twits his dilettante brethren. content to wear their last He is only "somewhat” tired of them-not very_long-suffering year's dresses ! Such an act martyr! of heroism-or let us say of The impression produced by their letters that they are seeking a sheroism-must likewise be "maximum of comfort," is "doubtless often erroneous. When such an act of very seasonable be- saponaceous reservations qualify the else severe towelling, can we not nevolence.

Poor Papa is fancy that crowds of eager competitors will rush to ally_themselves daily trembling now at every with so thoroughly sympathetic a superior “Priest ?" Let us wish

double knock, for with every all the joy he can possibly anticipate to the fortunate candidate who shall post there pours in a large shower of "little accounts," with which succeed to the “ post” so properly and politely offered at the "Post" his tradesfolk send their compliments; while every single knock goes Office, Uxbridge. through him like a knife, while he is fearfully awaiting the visit of the tax-gatherer. Therefore, O ye wives and daughters, do have pity on Papa, and please him by appearing in the dresses of last winter. Pay

PAROCHIAL GLEE. no heed to what you fancy will be said by MRS. GRUNDY, or any other snobbess. To live out of debt is better than to live dressed in the fashion,

(Music.Little Pigs lie in the best of Straw.) and so long as your old clothes are said to serve very well,” don't be

Sick paupers lie on the nicest straw. in a hurry to discharge such good old servants.

Hrumnk! whui! Straw, that ever you saw.
Sick paupers can't be destroyed by law.

Hrumnk! Lillibullero;

C'nork! Lillibullero:

Hrumnk! whui! c'nork! sing nandledidan: PORSON and WILBERFORCE devoted considerably more than a fort

Great BUMBLE's our own model man. night to amassing materials for a biography of those inseparable com

Sick paupers eat the richest plates. panions, HUME and SMOLLETT ; but in the great fire which raged in

Hrumnk! whui! Plates, allowed by the rates. London, in the back shop of MESSRS. BEAUMONT and FLETCHER, on

Sick paupers' keep's an expense we hates. Constitution Hill, the MS. which was closely written on a series of

Hrumnk! &c. envelopes turned inside out, amounting to as many as four, was unfortunately entirely destroyed before assistance could be procured from

Sick paupers breathe the sweetest air. the nearest drinking fountain. It was intended to illustrate the lives

Hrumnk! whui ! Air, that nature can bear. of these joint authors with (pewter) plates by the Beef.steak Club; and

Sick paupers die for all our care. the whole work would have been issued in triennial parts from the

Hrumnk! &c. Oxford Press, under the superintendence of the learned BISHOP BULL.

Sick paupers never can be too strong.

Hrumnk! whui! Strong, that can't be no wrong. FOOTE wrote The Traveller in a stage-coach, and afterwards, as a

Here ends our parochial song. sequel, The Rambler in post haste, to defray the expenses of his wooden

Hrumnk! &c. leg. Gay was the author of The Grave, and Day, when he retired from the firm of DAY AND MARTIN, occupied himself with the composition of his Night Thoughts. The erudite WHITBY planned his Trip

AMENDS TO AMERICA. to Scarborough on the Yorkshire coast, and subsequently induced the EARL OF BURLINGTON to set it to music, to commemorate the inaugu

TAE long and short of the sea-serpentine despatch of Mr. Fish ration of the Arcade by the original Christy Minstrels. JOHN HUNTER, touching the Alabama claims is simply this, that the Americans comduring a dead calm, completed at least six-sevenths of the Anatomy of plain, not that we were not neutral in their civil war, but that we were. Melancholy in his cutter, with the valuable help of “slashing BENTLEY." It is now clear how we may satisfy them. We should, no doubt, do it The author of Junius was SAVAGE.

by making them a national apology for our neglect to espouse the side of the North with active sympathy by taking measures to prevent our

merchantmen from breaking the blockade of the Southern ports, by Ben Jonson meant to have dedicated his Dictionary to the EARL OF sending out cruisers to capture the Southern privateers, and by seizing CHESTERFIELD—the courtly nobleman who invented a soup, an over- and handing over to the Federal Government all the Confederate coat, and politeness--but Fox's Book of Martyrs to the Gout, compiled vessels that came to our harbours. In addition to owning up all this, it from personal reminiscences, having got the start of CURRAN on the would only be necessary to offer to pay any amount of damages at Currency, HENRY FLOOD (familiarly known, on account of his oratory, which the United States Government might assess the losses inflicted as a flood of eloquence), and LORD HERVEY, who wrote the Meditations upon American Commerce by the Alabama, or any other Confederate amongst the Tomes in the British Museum, the sale of which did not in man-of-war that we failed to take or destroy. Early in the approaching the least affect the circulation of the blood, insisted on DRUMMOND (of Session, if the Government should not, some independent Member of Hawthornden), who had just then opened the bank at Charing Cross, the Legislature perhaps will, move a Resolution to the effect above dissuading his friend Jonson from waiting any longer in the Earl's stated, in the House of Commons. back kitchen in South Audley Street.


An Organ of Anti-Enlightenment.
A Little Story.

A CERTAIN newspaper published at Rome is named the Camera FANNY was pretty, and had a clear sweet voice. FRED proposed Apostolica. This title shows it to be an official organ; but a more to her, and she said Yes.". Revealing his happiness

to his friend appropriate denomination would perhaps be, Camera Obscura. FRANK, FRED told of the joyous ring there was in Fanny's voice when she accepted him. A wedding-ring, I suppose, old fellow," was' FRANK's neat reply.

THE ONLY EXCUSE FOR INEBRIETY.-Better tight than las.

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