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Thou art, great lord, my father's sister's son, 120
Were thy commixtion Greek and Trojan so
Runs on the dexter cheek, and this sinister Bounds in my father's'; by Jove multipotent, Thou should'st not bear from me a Greekish member 130
Wherein my sword had not impressure made
Hect. Not Neoptolemus so mirable,
On whose bright crest Fame with her loudest oyes
Cries This is he!' could promise to himself
What further you will do.
Hect. We'll answer it; The issue is embracement: Ajax, farewell. Ajax. If I might in entreaties find success, As seld I have the chance, I would desire My famous cousin to our Grecian tents.
Dio. 'Tis Agamemnon's wish, and great Achilles Doth long to see unarm'd the valiant Hector.
Hect. Aneas, call my brother Troilus to me, And signify this loving interview To the expecters of our Trojan part; Desire them home. Give me thy hand, my cousin ;
I will go eat with thee and see your knights. Ajax. Great Agamemnon comes to meet us here.
Hect. The worthiest of them tell me name by name;
Hect. O you, my lord? by Mars his gauntlet, thanks!
Mock not that I affect the untraded oath;
Men. Name her not now, sir; she's a deadly theme.
Hect. O pardon; I offend.
Nest. I have, thou gallant Trojan, seen thee oft,
Labouring for destiny, make cruel way
As hot as Perseus, spur thy Phrygian steed,
Not letting it decline on the declin'd;
But, by great Mars, the captain of us all,
My prophecy is but half his journey yet;
Must kiss their own feet.
Achil. I shall forestall thee, Lord Ulysses, thou!
Now, Hector, I have fed mine eyes on thee;
But there's more in me than thou understand'st.
Shall I destroy him? whether there, or there,
That I may give the local wound a name,
To answer such a question. Stand again:
I tell thee, yea.
For I'll not kill thee there, nor there, nor there;
Patr. Male varlet, you rogue ! what's that?
Ther. Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by Do not chafe thee, cousin: 260 thy talk: thou art thought to be Achilles' male And you, Achilles, let these threats alone, varlet. Till accident and purpose bring you to 't: You may have every day enough of Hector, If you have stomach. The general state, I fear, Can scarce entreat you to be odd with him. Hect. I pray you, let us see you in the field; We have had pelting wars since you refus'd The Grecians' cause.
There in the full convive we: afterwards,
That this great soldier may his welcome know.
Ulyss: At Menelaus' tent, most princely Troilus:
Tro. Shall I, sweet lord, be bound to you so
Ther. Why, his masculine whore. Now the rotten diseases of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures, catarrhs, loads o' gravel i' the back, lethargies, cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas, lime-kilns i' the palm, incurable bone-ache, and the rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take again such preposterous discoveries!
An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it:
Exeunt ACHILLES and PATROCLUS. Ther. With too much blood, and too little brain, these two may run mad; but if with too much brain and too little blood they do, I'll be a curer of madmen. Here's Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough, and one that loves quails, but he has not so much brain as ear-wax: and the goodly transformation of Jupiter there, his brother, the bull, the primitive statue, and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother's leg, to what form but that he is, should wit larded with malice and malice forced with wit turn him to? To an ass, were nothing: he is both ass and ox; to an ox, were nothing: he is both ox and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would not care; but to be Menelaus! I would conspire against destiny. Ask me not what I would be, if I were not Thersites, for I care not to be the louse of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus. Hey-day! spirits and fires!
Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON,
Agam. We go wrong; we go wrong.
There, where we see the lights.
Ajax. No, not a whit.
Achil. Come, come; enter my tent. Exeunt ACHILLES, HECTOR, AJAX, and NESTOR.
Ther. That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers than I will a serpent when he hisses. He will spend his mouth, and promise, like Brabbler the hound; but when he performs, astronomers foretell it: it is prodigious, there will come some change: the sun borrows of the moon when Diomed keeps his word. I will rather leave to see Hector, than not to dog him: they say he keeps a Trojan drab, and uses the traitor Calchas' tent. I'll after. Nothing but lechery! all incontinent varlets! Exit. 109
SCENE II.-The Same. Before CALCHAS' Tent.
Dio. What, are you up here, ho? speak.
Dio. Diomed. Calchas, I think. Where's your daughter?
Cal. Within. She comes to you.
Enter TROILUS and ULYSSES, at a distance; after them, THERSITES.
Ulyss. Stand where the torch may not dis
Tro. Cressid comes forth to him.
No, yonder 'tis.
I trouble you.
Tro. Yea, so familiar!
Here comes himself to guide you.
And so, good night. Exit DIOMEDES; ULYSSES and TROILUS following.
Tro. Thy better must.
Ulyss. You are mov'd, prince; let us depart,
Lest your displeasure should enlarge itself
You have not patience; come.
Tro. I pray you, stay. By hell and all hell's
Ther. How the devil Luxury, with his fat rump and potato-finger, tickles these together! Fry, lechery, fry!
Dio. But will you then?
Cres. In faith, I will, la; never trust me else. Dio. Give me some token for the surety of it. Cres. I'll fetch you one. Exit. Ulyss. You have sworn patience. Tro. Fear me not, sweet lord; I will not be myself, nor have cognition Of what I feel: I am all patience.
Ther. Now the pledge! now, now, now! Cres. Here, Diomed, keep this sleeve. Tro. O beauty! where is thy faith? Ulyss.
But, now you have it, take it.
It should be challeng'd.
Cres. Well, well, 'tis done, 'tis past and yet it is not:
I will not keep my word.
Why then, farewell;
I do not like this fooling. Ther. Nor I, by Pluto: but that that likes not me
Pleases me best.
Dio. What! shall I come? the hour? Cres.
Ay, come:-O Jove! 100
Farewell till then.
Do come:- -I shall be plagu'd.
Cres. Good night I prithee, come.
Troilus, farewell! one eye yet looks on thee,
Exit. Ther. A proof of strength she could not publish
Unless she said 'My mind is now turn'd whore.' Ulyss. All's done, my lord.
It is. Why stay we then? Tro. To make a recordation to my soul Of every syllable that here was spoke. But if I tell how these two did co-act, Shall I not lie in publishing a truth? Sith yet there is a credence in my heart, An esperance so obstinately strong, That doth invert the attest of eyes and ears, As if those organs had deceptious functions, Created only to calumniate. Was Cressid here?
I cannot conjure, Trojan. Tro. She was not, sure. Ulyss.
Most sure she was. Tro. Why, my negation hath no taste of mad
Ulyss. Nor mine, my lord: Cressid was here but now.
Tro. Let it not be believ'd for womanhood! Think we had mothers; do not give advantage To stubborn critics, apt, without a theme, For depravation, to square the general sex
If souls guide vows, if vows be sanctimony,
And with another knot, five-finger-tied,
Of her o'er-eaten faith, are bound to Diomed.
In characters as red as Mars his heart
Ther. He'll tickle it for his concupy.
Let all untruths stand by thy stained name,
Mine honour keeps the weather of my fate: Life every man holds dear; but the dear man Holds honour far more precious-dear than life. Enter TROILUS.
How now, young man! mean'st thou to fight to-day?
And. Cassandra, call my father to persuade. Exit CASSANDRA. Hect. No, faith, young Troilus; doff thy harness, youth;
I am to-day i' the vein of chivalry :
Tro. Brother, you have a vice of mercy in you, Which better fits a lion than a man.
Hect. What vice is that, good Troilus! chide me for it,
Tro. When many times the captive Grecian falls,