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FAL-LALS FOR FEBRUARY.
THE PERILS OF PENMANSHIP. Le Follet this month, discoursing of ladies' dresses, more than once What a Paradise must Swansea be for little boys—at least, if all the mentions "the body.” It also refers to a “Marie Antoinette.” Does schools there are so careful of their infant prodigies as this ! that mean a body without a head ?
“SCHOLASTIC.–At the old Swansea Academy Juniors, two to seven In detailing the “Fashions for February” Le Follet also, with or eight years of age, will be taught writing with soft quill pens ; thus avoidrespect to part of a ball-dress, states that :
ing wearisome muscular pressure, and galvanic, paralysing effects on the infant
nerve." “A pouff of white tulle, very bouffant at the waist, is held up by a wreath of flowers matching those on the front."
The infant nerve must be in a singular condition if quill pens are Pouff! Bouffant ! Pouff, pouff, pouff! What, have our fair friends essential to prevent its being paralysed. We shall be careful not to taken to wearing windbags ? Eb, THOMAS DE CHELSEA ? Why, the he is galvanically shocked whenever a steel penholder is put into his
let this notion creep into our nursery, or MASTER JAcky will pretend fashions are airier than ever!
hand; and Master FREDDY will be feigning to be stricken by paralysis Finally, Le Tollet announces that:
when his writing lesson comes on, and his pen first makes a stroke. " Black Velvet has been much worn."
Do not, however, shabbily sympathising with husbands and fathers, rejoice in the idea that it has been worn thread bare. Read on, and you
SHAKSPEARIAN SONG. will learn that black velvet has not by any means been worn so much as to have been worn out:
Arranged by a Gentleman from Boulogne on a temporary visit to his
Native Land. “But it is giving way to lace or bright-coloured velvets and satins.”
AIR“ Under the Greenwood Tree." To the immense emolument of mercers, drapers, and milliners, at the
UNDER the Bankrupt Act, proportionate expense of PATERFAMILIAS and MONSIEUR LE MARI. Let them not grin, but smile and bear it.
The latest new Bankrupt Act,
Under the Bankrupt Act.
Under the Bankrupt Act! [Exeunt omnes.
The Political Hercules.
VIEWING the heavy labours wbich he has to front, MR. GLADSTONE
that, for the good work of reforming which he has to do, there is a YOU 'RE ANOTHER!”
Reform Club at bis band to belp him. CABMEN henceforth will avoid the above witty reparlee, and will reply, classically, “ Et tu Brucey!”
Too Candid Young Hopeful. “Ou, But I DO, THOUGH! YOU 'RE THE CRAP MA' SAYS WOULD BE SUCH A GOOD CATCH FOR OUR MARY!"
PLEASANTRY FOR THE SERIOUS PRESS.
A GUSH OF ELOQUENCE. In these times of clerical controversy, it is really something as “The League asked the Government to advance a million or two, not in pleasant as it is new to see the Greek ARCHBISHOP OF SYRA AND money, but in kind-in passage tickets to take the emigrants and their families Tenos fraternising with our own Archbishops and Clergy. His across the ocean, in food, and in tools until they could earn their own living, Oriental Holiness actually went to Church the other day at York and repay the loans made to them. He believed that if they gave free pas. Minster, attended by an Archimandrite and a Deacon of bis own cloth; head would be ample to clinch the bargain, and if with such inducements they and accompanied by the ARCHBISHOP OF YORK, and the Dean and failed to find hundreds and thousands willing to go, the work of the League Chapter. The Rock and the Record people, indeed, may have shaken would be done, and their consciences cleared on that matter."— Torrens at the their heads when they read that :
Mansion House. “ At the usual time for the afternoon service a procession from the vestry THERE was once a great Irish orator called FLOOD. There is one was formed, in which the Greek Archbishop assumed his vestments."
now called TORRENS, which is Latin for Torrent. This demonstration perhaps appeared to our Protestant contempo
No wonder we should be drifting towards a great Emigration raries to savour somewhat of Ritualism. But they were doubtless scheme, when we may say, with VIRGIL, reassured on further reading that, when the service was over :
“ Dat sonitum saxis et toto vortice TORRENS." “ The procession was then reformed.”
"Here's TORRENS going in a header for it." Unless, indeed, the Not only was the Greek Archbishop reformed, but the whole of the first half of the line is to outweigh the second, and TORRENS, for all procession, inclusive of English clergy too. There! Is not that a the noise he makes, is only talking to stones. From what we hear triumph for the principles of the Reformation !
of the slow progress of subscription to the League funds, it looks rather like it.
Emblem of an Illustrious Prince.
Pastoral. The removal, in progress, of the scaffolding from the Albert Memorial in Hyde Park, exhibits the whole upper stage of that structure tie while dressing. — “ It is my duty," he answered,
A PARSON was twitted with taking too long a time over his white
to attend most resplendent with gold. Thus is elegantly symbolised the matter of carefully to my fold.” fact that the PRINCE CONSORT bad ~ won golden opinions of all sorts of men.” This is the answer that may be made to any buffoon who says that an edifice designed to commemorate Virtue has been made a
FOURTEENTH OF FEBRUARY. monument of Gilt.
Startling Antiquarian Fact for all True Lovers.-St. Valentine was a Bishop in partibus Infidelium !
Mæ. Lowe's position is fully recognised in the title of the now CONUNDRUM FOR COUNTRY GENTLEMEN.—When is a fox-hunter popular Drama at the Queen's, 'Twixt Tax and Crown.
like a diver? When he gets his purl.
THE BEADLES AT BRUSSELS.
VOTING BY ELECTRICITY. (Recitation in Character at a Toron-Hall.)
SOMEBODY in Germany has invented a machine for enabling men in
Parliament to vote as quick as lightning :-
“A sort of lever, resembling the lengthened hand of a clock, is placed A-blazin' blue, gold, scarlet, all from top to toe I shone,
behind the seat of each deputy. By means of a kor, which every ember
receives at the beginning of the session, the hand can be directed to "Yes or The nation's representative at Brussels, and yer own.
'No' as soon as the President puts the question. The electrical apparatus is
worked by one of the ushers of the house by means of a handle." The King and Queen of the Belgiums be-eld the werry sight, On that occasion t'other day, as I presents to-night;
This is certainly ingenious, and would save much loss of time in Cocked ’at and buckles, staff and all, the same as wot you see :
taking a division, to say nothing of the nuisance of the scrambling to And there was other Beadles, too, aʼmost as grand as me.
the lobbies, wbich it likewise would prevent. But the instrument
would surely be enormously improved, if connecting wires were laid to In Lord-Lieutenant's uniforms some Westrymen showed fine, the houses of the Members, who might thereby be relieved from their But none warn't so imposin' to the forreners as mine ;
attendance at the House. What a blessing it would be for Gentlemen No gorgeous Halderman or Mayor arrayed in chain and gownd, of England to sit at home at ease, and telegraph to London how they Looked half like me, not one, though he looked full a million pound. voted as M.P.'s! How short would be the speeches, when nobody
could be spoken to, except perhaps the Speaker! What a world of We'ad a British Hofficer, a Colonel at our 'ead.
words and worry would be annually saved, it Members were enabled The caskit he presented, the address he likewise read :
to vote by, electricity, without assembling at St. Stephen's to hear The “Rag and Famish” must be proud to reckon, if it can, speeches which by no chance ever influence a vote! Among its gallant ornaments that military man. A bucket on my breast, as now, my nostrils did regale, But ho! the hair of Royalty was sweeter to in-ale.
NEWS FOR THE NOSE. And sitch was our excitement that it hevery cheek made flush,
The use of meerschaum cigar-tubes in Berlin must be limited, for, So has to give the countenance a tinge of crimson plush.
according to the Bourse Gazette of that capital :A gentle presparation caused our faces hall to beam,
“A charitable society has been formed in this city with no other resources And each eye wore a polish, and a glitter and a gleam,
than the ends of cigars thrown away by smokers. With the produce of these That showed the honour bright we felt in doin' sitch a thing despised remnants it has been able to clothe completely sixteen poor children, As 'twas for to present a testimonial to a king.
and even to give them some toys and sweetmeats at Christmas." I busted through the circle and I kissed the Royal 'and,
A Society that can make money out of the fag-ends of cigars is I knelt, for my hemotions 'ad got more than I could stand,
obviously up to snuff. That article, as manufactured by those charitable And in a fit of hextasy impressed a loud salute,
tobacconists, may or may not, be comparable to “Lundy Foot.” But Fust on the Monarch's one and then upon his t'other boot.
being derived from tobacco-leavings culled from the streets and gutters
of Berlin, it might, at any rate, be not unduly denominated “Berlin And arter that I thought I wouldn't wash my mouth no more,
AN EXAMPLE TO MAGISTRATES.
Here's a health to LORD WHARNCLIFFE, One drop of bitters only I had mingled with the sweet;
Who the riots at Thorncliffe I'd got a pair of new shoes on, too tight, as pinched my feet;
Had the courage to put down, at length. The sayin' that Pride feels no pain is true I won't allow :
Since the Home Office stood But I bore mine like a Briton with a smile upon my brow.
Doing nothing; nor would
Cautious Magistrates put forth their strength.
Why? They now know, too well,
What a risk 'tis to quell MR. PURCHAS, the Brighton Professor of Ritualism, has come off
Mutineers, and discreetly forbear. victorious as far as the Vestments are concerned. He has been con
British Public, that's what demned in costs. Now must come the reprisals, for if words have any
By desertion you've got : meaning, then “shall be had in use," and "shall be retained make
The State failed to back GOVERNOR EYRE. the wearing of such vestments as were in use in the second year of EDWARD THE SIXTH, not only not matter of choice or permissible, but actually, compulsory. The next step, will evidently be a series of
P. A. TAYLOR O. ENTAILERS. actions brought by Ritualists against the Evangelicals for not comply: ing with the law. “See how these Christians love one another!” We always thought MR. P. A. TAYLOR one of the most magnanimous Can't they leave one another alone-surely there 's room for all ? of men. The landlords of England ought really to be very thankful to
him. In a speech at Leicester, the other day, he informed his consti
tuents : 'A Non-Representative Man.
“He would not wholly abolish property in land.” So the Americans are distancing the Birmingham manufacturers in
This is very kind of MR. P. A. TAYLOR. We are bound to say that hardware, by producing better articles than theirs. The President of he adds, " but he would not allow it to remain in a family.” He could the Board of Trade should consider his position with regard to his bardly, be expected to do that. The great point is, that he does not constituency: It may not be necessary for him to seek another exactly; abolish landed property all together. but he would do well in endeavouring to put a stop to the practices of duffers and dealers in shoddy, and other sham and spurious goods. Then, at all events, nobody will be able to taunt him with being the
Sub Jove Concilium. Member for Brummagem.
THE Cardinal Legates superintending the Roman Council complain
that, notwithstanding the obligation of the “ Pontifical Secret," the The Poet and the Pirates.
substance of the speeches made, and of the business transacted in that
assembly, has appeared in the newspapers. Does not his Holiness The Poet-Laureate's Holy Grail is published in the United States at wish the Pontifical was as well kept as the Masonic Secret? The the low figure of ten cents = 5d.! Burns had his centenary festival Freemasons, whom he has condemned so frequently, could tell the here, only the other day; SHAKESPEARE his ter.centenary. TENNYSON, Holy Father the reason why his secret gets divulged." His Lodge, the more fortunate, has his ten-centenary festival, in his lifetime, among Council Hall, is not tiled. our American cousins. Who shall say poets have no honour in these days!
A VERY INSTRUCTIVE LESSON.
The Ritual Commission has been revising the Church Lessons. THE SENSITIVENESS OF CAPITAL,
They should add to the number DR. TEMPLE's elevation to the "Panic in a Church,” said MR. SCRIPPS, reading that announcement Bench, and the way it has been received by the laity on the one hand, on a newspaper bill, “Um. Glad it isn't in the City.”
and the clergy on the other.