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don't yet know what the German for" if you please” is, and Wasser that have been in the longest. Good band. Pretty faces. There is a alone, that is, Wasser neat-[Happy Thought.-Wasser neat. Good. Dutch young lady (I hear some one say she is Dutch) to whom I Full of Happy Thoughts this morning : effect of air and early rising]— should like to talk-only because she is Dutch. Is this incipient sounds rude and abrupt; and, worse than all, sounds so insular, libertinism, or only sulphur ? Or is the former the effect, the latter the
Happy Thought. --Talking of insular, when I get in with some Ger- cause ? mans, students and I ask 'em
Happy .-- Juan endedsulphur. like without a Navy. any
Orphée aux Enfers" Quadrilles jolly tars; but then, after all, they've got their mineral waters. go down during the entr'acte (it is a quarter to eight A.m.), and take
Elisa catches the water in my tumbler, jerks it out, catches some another sulphur. Descend. Fewer people there. I want another more, and hands it to me, smiling. Wish I knew what "thank you" is. tumbler, please. More difficult to ask when there's not a crowd, as
Happy Thought.—Say " Danky.” It sounds like good German, and I what you say can be heard. Approach Elisa. She is very pretty. shouldn't be much surprised to hear that it is. On second thoughts, (Sulphur.) yes, I should be surprised. How difficult it must be to invent a lan- Happy Thought.-Say "Mair wasser,” Scotch is an excellent substiguage. This leads to deep thought, and will occupy me while I stand tute for German. After all, it isn't so much the language itself, but the and sip the Mineral Wasser. I begin sipping thoughtfully, as if I was spirit of it, which is the great thing to catch. tasting to see if I'd have a case sent in in the course of the morning. Note.—That idea of the difficulty of inventing a language is worth It's warm : it's not exactly nasty; it's not precisely nice.
enlarging upon. Suppose one had to do it. What should I have Happy Thought.- Epicures say that, to make a perfect salad, you called a cup?. I don't think anything would have suggested “cup. ought first to soupçonner the bowl with a shalot. Mineral Wasser to to me, unless it was done suddenly by a happy thought. Or e.g., hat, the taste is as if you'd cleaned out the tumbler with lucifer matches of or handkerchief, or neck, or head. "Head" seems really difficult. Who the old blue-tip, school. It's what I should expect that water at the would have thought, without having a name for it ready to hand, of Polytechnic to be like after it has been flavoured by an experimental calling a head a head”? blowing up of the Royal George under water, by the Diving Professor, A man couldn't have called his own head a head; but another manor some other scientific gentleman connected with the establishment a friend, for instance,-must have done it. Perhaps he did it offen(I don't know whether this goes on now; it used to. But that's the sively at first, and meant it as an insult; and then gradually it settled idea.)
down into an every-day name. Odd occupation, when you come to Happy Thought:-Got half through tumbler. Nothing happened to think of it, for two people, sitting down, and having nothing else to me as yet. Nothing's happened to any one that I can see. All chat. I do, saying to each other, "Now, what shall we call this ?”-a hand, tering in little knots and groups and côteries. Regardless of their for instance, —like a game of forfeits. Then, after some deliberadoom, the little victims drink.
tion, friend says, Happy Thought.-Finished tumbler, all but a quarter of an inch
Happy Thought.-Call it hand. depth of water at the bottom. Don't know what to do with it. Happy Thought.-People who call a spade a spade. I never Wonder why I've an objection to the last drop ? Instinct, somehow. thought of it before, but he must have been a very clever fellow Happy Thought.-Go and hear the band.
who did first call a spade a spade. He might have called it a bonnet, I see everyone leaving a quarter of an inch, or so, of water in their and he wouldn't have been wrong then; that is, if bonnets weren't tumblers, and then turning it out into two little receptacles, like the made before spades. lower part of umbrella stands, placed at the corner of the stairs. Do * I review this at night in my note-book, and set it down to sulthis also. Just as if I'd been doing it all my life.
phur acting suddenly on the system. Dyngwell said “the waters Happy Thought. That's where I feel myself beyond Dyngwell or would bring it out of me, whatever it was." Something's coming out. CAZELL or CHILVERN and MILBURD, and so forth. I am,
I feel, cosmo- But what is it?. I can't help being nervous. Shall tell Caspar topolitan. In a second, by just turning this tumbler topsy-turvy, I morrow, and write down my symptoms. feel myself, as it were, free of the place. A walk in the garden, hear the band, another tumbler (this sounds like dissipation and the bottle, but it isn't-it's only high, airy, breezy spirits before breakfast, and
HOW TO CLASSIFY YOUR CABMEN. sulphur mixed), and I shall be naturalised. Somehow I feel, having finished my glass, that I am de trop here ; for constructed in three classes : and that the first class should be painted
SOMEBODY has suggested that cabs should be, like railway trains, everyone is talking to everyone else-quite a family party. All know one another, and are perpetually nodding and bowing, and smiling and white, and charge a shilling a mile, while the second, blue, charge smirking, and inquiring after healths, and what you did last night ninepence, and the third should charge but sixpence, and be painted after we left," and whether you're going to So-and-so to-day," and yellow.. Now this is not a bad notion, only Cabby would, we fear, be so forth. I feel that I am isolated. Wish FRIDOLINE was here.
frequently found subject to a fit of colour blindness, and especially at Should like to have her here-to talk to." (Mem. Isn't this selfish nightfall,
would demand a white class fare, although there really were Is the real use of a wife only to be talked to when you don't know any extended to his costume, which might be serviceably done, without
no colourable pretext for his doing so. Suppose then that his colour be body else? Note for psychological inquiry. Plenty of time for psycho- putting him in livery. Were every first-class cabman to appear in a logical inquiries, if I don't know anyone here except DYNGWELL.) I feel, white hat, and a white waistcoat and white gloves, he would look besides this sense of isolation, a desire to speak to somebody-to throw certainly distingué, and be readily distinguished. myself into their arms, and unbosom my pent-up emotions. I haven't an idea, on reflection, what my pent-up emotions are like, or what I they might further be remarkable by the wearing of blue spectacles.
For Čabmen of the second class a plain blue suit would serve, and should say if anyone—for instance, that little Frenchman (who's taken Cabmen of the third class might be dressed in the costume which is three tumblers to my one in the same time) --- stepped forward, and most in fashion now on all our London cab-stands; that is to say, they said, “Me voici! unbosom yourself !”. I don't think I should know what might array themselves
precisely as they pleased, so long as they conto do. I should set him down, speaking rationally, as mad. Stop! I trived to make themselves appear the most unpleasant objects possible. pull up. This burning desire for conversation, this hysterical yearning, of course, I see, it is the effect of the sulphur. Sulphur. I must tone myself down again.
WINE AND ELECTRICITY. Happy Thought.-Bow to Miss Elisa (who seems to notice it as an impertinence; sulphur again, I suppose there was a lurking some
A FRENCH savant has discovered that wine may be made old by thing in my eye), and ascend steps. Stroll into the garden. People electricity. . , Chemists who are also wine-merchants (the trades too walking up and down rather fast. I walk up and down, round and often are identical), may be glad to be informed in what way to round. There's only one path, and you do it in different ways. There apply it :are two others, I discover afterwards, but they are short and retired. “The wires of the voltaic pile should be tipped with platinum, to which It is very exhilarating : it isn't Cremorne ; it isn't Vauxhall; it isn't must be attached electrodes of the same metal. Dip both into the liquid and Mabille; it isn't Hyde Park; it isn't the seaside ; it evidently isn't you will precipitate it, and produce premature age. Tivoli (where I've never been); but it's-Happy Thought-it's exactly what the inclosure in Leicester Square might
be made into, without the will be doubtless ready purchasers of “choice electro-crusted port,” or
Stingy people, who play havoc with their friends' digestive organs, present ruined statue, and with mineral waters coming out of the “fine old cheap voltaic claret.” But we should hope all honest folks pump. Mem.-Recommend this to the Board of Works. My statue, eques- ness in vinous drinks goes usually with nastiness; and it is surely not
would feel electrically shocked at such a dangerous experiment. Cheaptrian, as a benefactor. 1 feel inclined to suggest supper somewhere, and regret stopping up electricity may tend towards producing premature age in the drinker.
improbable that wine which has been prematurely aged by means of so late. I also have a sort of notion that later in the day the thousand additional lamps will be hung up. (Sulphur again.) There is a pond with two sorts of fish--red, and not red. Sulphur water, I suppose, PROBABLE.- What the Cab Proprietors will soon find it, if the new and sulphur has taken the colour out of some of the weaker ones, or thosé I arrangement is carried out-A Flagging Trade,
IT HAS BEEN SUGGESTED THAT PUBLIC-HOUSES SHOULD BE PLACED UNDER THE MORE IMMEDIATE SOPERVISION OF THE POLICE, WHO SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO ENTER THEM AT ALL HOURS.
SHOULD THE SUGGESTION BE ADOPTED, WE TRUST OUR GUARDIANS OF THE PEACE WILL USE THE PRIVILEGE WITH DISCRETION.
I think, John, I have known you,
In pre-official days,
On excuses for delays;
Sounding the note of war
Who'd not charge Temple Bar. Refusing to consider
Save as a hollow shamThe chances of a stoppage,
The danger of a jam; Ignoring Temple Bar itself,
'Bus-breadth, and breadth of ground, In the firm faith that, giv'n a will, A
way is to be found !
'BUS-DRIVING AND ITS CRITICS.
JOHN BRIGHT his New Year's counsels
On Birmingham bestows,
And the light that Office throws.
Where all wise and weighty are,
Abreast through Temple Bar.”
And turned to good account,
Their boxes ere they mount;
As true and cheerier far-
In a line through Temple Bar."
And get them into rank;
Dispatch them to the Bank;
Measure your time and pace,
No crawling and no race !
Without haste, without pause,
So may the line of laws.
A stoppage or a smash,
Alike, proves driving rash
." QUOUSQUE tandem ? Indeed, how much further can an Affectionate People go ? Law is obliged to sneak, masked, into a Court of Justice, in Ireland, and in a timid whisper ask a Judge for an order in a case which is to be kept anonymous because an Affectionate People would make
ready to murder an official whose errand should be known. The Court of Exchequer, in the capital of Ireland, was the place, and last Wednesday was the day. Her Majesty's subject dares not openly ask for justice at the hands of Her Majesty's Judge. The above heading is all that may be ventured on. OLIVER, your Excellency, you may like to hear this. Have we not improved since your time ?
BEHAVING WELL. The best conducted people to be met with anywhere in London are the members of the Sacred Harmonic Society, when under the direction of SIR MICHAEL Costa, at Exeter Hall.
REYNARD AT ROME.
TO MR. PUNCH.
To MR. Punch,-SUR,
I've been a-torkin' over politikle matters with some of the Correspondent of the Times skool as I wurks with, wich our 'ouse of call is in the Mint, wich in at Rome mentions one inci- course we feels hinterested in this ere Suthark lection. The kevesdent which must have an tshun is, ort we to support ODGER along of his being a wurkin-man, interest for the English wich we dont go in for that ere line o life ourselves. No, I 'ope it 'il Country Gentleman, even
be long afore we're redooced to wurk for a livin, leastways we don't for such a Squire as Squire mean to, so long
as theres areys to be sneaked, cribs to be cracked, or Western :
clies to be faked. No, Sir, I don't old much to ODGER, nor wurkin “All Rome this morning
men in gineral. But this ere tork about workin' men bein' wonted in has been to the chase of the Parlyment, along o' the wurkin men kevestshuns as is a comin up fox at the tomb of CECILIA there according to Tom Us, aliàs Brown, set me and my mates à METELLA."
thinkin as ow there was huther than workin men kevestshuns as ad This information may
come up strong in Parlyment, and was agoin to come up stronger, wich
mean prigs' kevestshuns-such as wot are we to do with our kriminal perhaps have suggested to classes-ow's jugs to be made cumfurtabel-wot's the best diet for a some fox-hunter the follow
pore chap in trubbel-is parties in quod 'avin conshienshus hobjections ing questions. Was CE-to the Established Church to be excoosed chapil, or 'lowed their
private CILIA METELLA
run to earth chaplins or ministers of wurship, --- wich is the propper hobject of prisun at her tomb? Was CECILIA dissiplin-heddication, reformation, or aggerawation-ort poor chaps & vixen?
as as been found guilty of puttin on the hug to be brutally flogged ? And a deal more, as I need not now dror out. Hevery body knows
there's lots of sich kevestshuns, as the kriminal classes knows more AN ILL-USED PAPPA. about than hannybody, wich it stands to reson-and I think, and so
Sauce for the Goose, Gen- does my skool, that we ort to be repperesented in Parlyment by one of tlemen!
our hown border wich we aint saltisfied with MUSTER BRUCE or
Plese, Sir, can you rekemend me to a constiterency as you think
for embezzlement of a few there'd be a chance for a family-man's candidate"-wich that's the so
thousands, with such a set pame we goes by among ourselves. Praps some of the disfranchised
of Directors' accounts as burrers, say, Grate Yarmouth, or Beverley, when they gets their memthe Official Liquidator disclosed at the last hearing of the case ! bers afresli, would give us a hopenin-considerin' the skandalus way
them poor electors has been treated as was used to make a good thing “MR. HENRY SPICER, a Director of the bank, had owed £3000 or £4000 on of their votes. A fellow feelin make us as thick as thieves they say, and 313 shares, which he had compromised by the payment of £600; MR. SETON, naterally we feels for them, and we think praps they'd feel for us, and another Director, owed about £6000 on 413 shares, and had paid nothing: give us a chance for a prigs candidate, along of the werry serious MR. EDMOND CLENCH, a Director, owed about £15,000 on 995 shares, and had kevestshuns in Parlyment affectin our noomerous and respectable paid £3000 in cash and given up £4000 worth of bills of the bank, worth boddy. Hevry body owns we're a werry himportant hinterest
, and rupt, owed about £10,000 on 612 shares, and had not paid a penny ; Mr. the kandid mind will admit as we ain't been propperly konsidered. M.KENZIE, a Director, now dead, owed about £12,000 on 650 shares, and had
From yours, respeckfully, paid nothing ; ADMIRAL BURNEY, £7,000 or £8,009 on 487 shares, and had
PETER PRIGGINS. paid nothing. The Admiral, however, had registered a deed of assignment of everything in favour of his creditors. There was an immense number of shareholders who did not pay; thirty of them bore the same surname as the defendant."
A SENSIBLE FASHION. Evidently DEMETRIUS' way of doing business was the rule, not the It is not very often that I give myself the trouble to read the nonexception, in this Pappæ family of the Oriental Commercial. When sense which is written every month about the fashions. Still less often “Greek met Greek” in that bank parlour, there came not "the tug of can I find there a grain of common sense, so well worth finding as the war,” but the tug for the sinews of war,-the “tug" at the purse-following :strings of depositors, in which Manager and Directors seem to have “The manteau de cour, which at present composes the robe de grand taken the most fraternal share. Poor ADMIRAL BURNEY, the Chairman toilette, is a most useful combination, as it forms two dresses out of one." of the Board, is to be pitied: he has given up all he lias to his creditors. Here is his piteous story :
If I were burthened (I mean blessed) with a wife and daughters
dear (I mean to say expensive), how I should clap my hands and “ The general transactions of the bank were conducted in the Greek lan- shout at such intelligence as this! “Two dresses out of one!” What guage, and it was utterly impossible to know what was going on. Long letters a happy thought for
a mother to conceive and directly carry out! I were received by the bank in Greek, and he, as Chairman, wanted to have declare, were I a father (which I happily am not), I would make my them translated, but the charge for that was so great (£10 a letter, he believed) wife a present of a “manteau de cour," on condition that she wore it that the proposal was abandoned."
as a pattern for her girls. If they were hence to learn the art of The business was evidently all Greek to the Admiral, who was never making their own dresses, in such manner as to make two dresses out 20 completely at sea as when he embarked on board the good ship of one, what a mint of money should I annually save ! Oriental Commercial, DEMETRIO PAPPA Commander. But if the
Leaving you and others to act upon the hint, I remain in singleManager is to stand in the Dock for“ rigging " the market, shouldn't mindedness,
Yours most sincerely, he be supported by a respectable body of Directors for "wrecking” the sbip? DEMETRIUS only took the Company's money to keep up the
CELEBS SMITH, price of shares. The Directors took the Company's shares without paying any money whatever. There can't surely be so much difference
Model Volunteers, in the cases.
A WRITER in the Pall Mall describes Ireland as being in course of Letters of Gold.
rapid assimilation, in character, manners, and customs, to London. It
would be a pity if PADDY were to lose all his old picturesque and “Mr. E. DE L'Or has been appointed to be a writer in the Royal Mint.” humoroụs qualities, but should the Emerald Isle become thoroughly MR: DE L’OR has a name remarkably appropriate for an officer of Londonised, its inhabitants will have undergone at least one blessed the Mint, and we hope he will win golden opinions in this department change, in acquiring the loyalty distinctive of the “London Irish.” of the Public Service.
PERHAPS the most remarkable instance of wonderful appetite is to The Cab-Flag notion is silly enough. But if the Cabman hoists but be found in the case of those persons who are said to devour the one, we don't much care. What we are afraid of is that his cunning ground. will enlist a pensive public, like one of Ouida's heroes, Under Two Flags, and that they will bear different figures.
A “FLY” SAEET.-The new Cab Regulations,