HE'S GOT HIS KERBS WHITENED."

she'll make a point of going to the station, I'm sure. Now, what else?"

"You see it was this way, Duchess," I was saying over a cigar as we sat together on the verandah after dinner... "Time to get washed," said a fierce voice in my slumbers. . .

Yes, it was full of system. It took me two hours and five different applications to get some soap and water outside the routine. But I got it. It was a triumph. Then the curtains. They must all be pulled to one particular side. I got mine put in the middle for the sake of my eyes. All day long I recited to each successive rectifier of the curtain how the light hurt my eyes. Of course I was asleep sometimes and they got it put right. Then it appeared that one's nose must be in line with the centre fold of the bed mat. I was glad I had a straight nose.

On the following afternoon, when I was feeling a little exhausted after many curtain, pillow and blanket disagree

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was, so I said sternly and suspiciously, Have you been here before?" "Oh, yes," she said cheerfully, "I'm often here.'

But have you come to see me before?"

"Yes, I have," she answered. Then I saw her eyes. Splosh! I was in again right over the ears.

"Yes, I remember you now," I said dreamily; "you were dressed in blue. It suits you better. Won't you always come in blue?"

"Well, I'll think about it," she laughed."How are things going?".

"Oh, not badly at all, but of course in some minor matters I could tell the Duchess how to improve things." "Tell me," she smiled.

"Well, she didn't come to meet me yesterday, and wasn't even in the hall. Of course it may have been the War Office that was to blame. They do say KITCHENER is very busy these days."

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That was too bad; but hasn't she been to see you since?"

"Well, these plates are made so that they spin round and round on the tray, making it difficult, if not impossible, to eat with one hand. You see, you can't corner the stuff with your fork." And I told her many things of equal importance.

All right. I must fly now, but I'll not forget anything you've said."

"No," I said gloomily.

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. (EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.) House of Commons, Tuesday, October 19th. Of a hundred and twenty-one Questions on the Paper twenty-five addressed to PRIME MINISTER. Covered various controversial points. Put down chiefly by his nominal supporters, the Providences that sit below Gangway and look after the higher welfare of the poor P.M. Seemed to promise lively interlude. PREMIER would either snub his esteemed but inquisitive followers, or he would make statements on a succession of important problems.

The unexpected happened, as it not infrequently does in House of Commons. Of all men HENRY HERBERT is on the sick list, he who as Premier beats the record in length of time for not having been absent a single day from work owing to illness.

HANDEL BOOTH disconsolate. Ground out mournful note of inquiry as to how long PREMIER likely to be absent and whether meanwhile MINISTER OF MUNITIONS, man of leisure upon whose hands time hangs heavily, might not undertake to gratify patriotic curiosity of Members below Gangway by replying to miscellaneous inquiries.

SPEAKER did not know how long LEADER OF HOUSE likely to be away. Could only hope "the time would be very short."

General cheer expressed concurrence with this desire. Bad time just now for the captain to be off the bridge.

CARSON another absentee at Question time. When Colonel Sir F. E. SMITH, having doffed his khaki, presented himself to reply for ATTORNEY-GENERAL he was greeted by hilarious cheer. Being inarticulate its precise meaning was left undefined. Understood to be "Ha! Ha! We know all about what has happened in the Cabinet during the last ten days, and why CARSON, most amiable, unassertive of men, could stick it no longer."

Questions disposed of, House got into Committee on Budget Bill. As usual, real business thus entered upon served as signal for emptying of House. Amid bustle of departure HERR GINNELL came to front with motion to exclude Ireland from imposition of Tea Duty. Genially announced intention to move analogous amendment in respect of subsequent clauses imposing for War purposes new taxes or increase of duty.

Summed up situation in Ireland in pregnant sentence. Most of the money raised by these taxes imposed upon Ireland was, he said, spent in England on production of munitions of war. Argal, in absence of employment thus brought about, young Irishmen were

Gangway-end of Bench immediately behind that where his former colleagues sit. Thence, thirty-five years ago, W. E. FORSTER rose, driven out of office by the untiring animosity of the Parnellites. Later in the same year JOHN BRIGHT resigned the important office now held by the ARTISTIC WINSTON, and from this corner seat explained inability to agree with his colleagues in that British intervention in Egyptian affairs which has proved an untold blessing to a tyrant-ridden impoverished race.

EDWARD CARSON, having resigned Attorney-Generalship and withdrawn from Cabinet, made to-day unique record. Returning to old quarters on Front Opposition Bench, he thence, like Truthful James, " rose to explain."

A ready, practised speaker, he on this solemn occasion did not trust him

self to make a speech. He read a paper. Essay composed in excellent taste. Not a word of argument or criticism, much less of recrimination. Paid personal tribute to unvarying courtesy of PRIME MINISTER. Would not suggest that his views about difficulties arising in Eastern theatre of war might possibly be compared with those of men who have much more experience and greater wisdom in dealing with such situations. At same time they were "very strongly held, conscientiously and patriotically."

In such circumstances he thought his continuance in office would be rather a source of weakness than of strength. Therefore he had withdrawn.

Outburst of applause that greeted his rising was confined to political friends on Opposition Benches. On resuming his seat a general cheer paid tribute to the excellent tone and temper of his remarks.

Business done.-Sat up in Committee on Budget Bill till a quarter past one in the morning. The stage still unfinished.

Thursday.-Fresh hue-and-cry after the anonymous but immortal Censor who has been severely sub-editing KIPLING and BROWNING. House particularly anxious to know whether it be possible that this century has produced two such geniuses. Did one deal with KIPLING, whilst the other tackled BROWNING? Or was one mighty mind equal to both triumphs? The HOME SECRETARY, alike cautious and agile, would not commit himself on this point. Really couldn't say; believed there might be two of them.

Business done.-Postal and Telegraph Rates Bill went through Committee, was reported and read a third time.