« PreviousContinue »
Sim. What, sir?
Fal. To have her,
told me so.
Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: or no go; say, the woman you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed.
Sim. May I be so bold to say so, sir? Fal. Ay, sir Tike; who more bold? Sim. I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad with these tidings. [Exit Simple. Host. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, sir John: was there a wise woman with thee?
Fal. Ay, that there was, mine host; one, that hath taught me more wit, than ever I learned before in my life: and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning.
Eva. Where is mine host?
Eva. Have a care of your entertainments: there is a friend of mine come to town, tells me, there is three cousin germans, that has cozened all the hosts of Readings, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and money. Itell you for good-will, look you: you are wise, and full of gibes and vlouting-stogs; and 'tis not conveniend you should be cozened! Fare you well! [Exeunt.
Enter Doctor CAIUS.
Fal. Come up into my chamber.
SCENE VI.-Another room in the Garter Inn.
Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me! my mind is
Fent. Yet hear me speak! Assist me in my purpose,
Fent. From time to time I have acquainted you
[Showing the letter.
Caius. Vere is mine host de Jarterre?
Her mother, even strong against that match, Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat : but it is tell-a me, dat And firm for doctor Caius, hath appointed, you make grand preparation for a duke de Jarmany :by That he shall likewise shuffle her away, my trot, dere is no duke, dat de court is know to come: While other sports are tasking of their minds, I tell you for good vill: adieu! [Exit. And at the deanery, where a priest attends, Host. Hue and cry, villain, go!-assist me, knight; I Straight marry her: to this her mother's plot am undone :-fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am un-She, seemingly obedient, likewise hath [Exeunt Host and Bardolph. Made promise to the doctor. -Now, thus it rests: Fal. I would, all the world might be cozened; for I Her father means, she shall be all in white; have been cozened, and beaten too. If it should come to And in that habit, when Slender sees his time the ear of the court, how I have been transformed, and To take her by the hand, and bid her go, how my transformation hath been washed and cudgel- She shall go with him :- her mother hath intended, led, they would melt me out of my fat, drop by drop, The better to denote her to the doctor, and liquor fishermen's boots with me; I warrant, they (For they must all be mask'd and vizarded,) would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as crest-That, quaint in green, she shall be loose enrob'd, fallen as a dried pear. Inever prospered, since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent.— Enter Mistress QUICKLY.
Now! whence come you?
With ribbands pendant, flaring 'bout her head;
A CT V.
Fal. What tell'st thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow; and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford; but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, delivered me, the knave constable had set me i' the stocks, i' Fal. Pr'ythe no more prattling;-go---I'll hold : the common stocks, for a witch.
SCENEI. A room in the Garter Inn.
this is the t
time; Thope, good luck lies in odd
numbers. Away, go; they say, there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death. - Away. Quick. I'll provide you a chain; and I'll do what I can to get you a pair of horns.
Fal. Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince! [Exit Mrs Quickly.
Enter FORD. How now, master Brook ? Master Brook, the matter will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the park about midnight, atHernes' oak, and you shall see wonders. Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me you had appointed?
Fal. I went to her, master Brook, as you see, like a poor old man: but I came from her, master Brook, like apoor old woman. That same knave, her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell you. He beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man,master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's beam; because I know also, life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along with me; I'll tell you all, master Brook. Since I plucked geese, played truant, and whipped top, Iknew not what it was to be beaten, till lately. Follow me: I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford; on whom to-night I will be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand.-Follow; strange things in hand, master Brook! follow. [Exeunt.
SCENE II.-Windsor Park. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Page.Come,come; we'll couch i' the castle-ditch, till we see the light of our fairies.-Remember, son Slender, my daughter.
Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and we have a nay-word, how to know one another. I come to her in white, and cry, mum; she cries, budget; and by
that we know one another.
SCENE III.-The street in Windsor. Enter Mrs PAGE, Mrs FORD, and Dr CAIus. Mrs Page. Master doctor, my daughter is in green: when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and despatch it quickly! Go before into the park; we two must go together. Caius. I knew vat I have to do; adieu!
Mrs Page. Fare you well, sir. [Exit Caius.] -My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Fal-; staff, as he will chafe at the doctor's marrying my daughter but 'tis no matter; better a little chiding, than a great deal of heartbreak.
Mrs Ford. Where is Nan now, and her troop of fairies? and the Welch devil, Hugh?
Mrs Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne's oak, with obscured lights; which, at the very instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, they will at once display to the night.
Mrs Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him.
Enter Sir HUGH EVANS, and Fairies.
parts: he pold,I pray you; follow me into the pit, and when I give you the watch'ords, do as I pid you; comɛ come; trib, trib. [Exeunt.
SCENE V.- Another part of the Park. Enter FALSTAFF disguised, with a buck's head on. Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute draws on. Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me! -Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love set on thy horns.-O,powerful love! that,in some respects, makes a beast a man; in some other, a man a beast. You were also, Jupiter, a swan, for the love of Leda;-0, omnipotent love! how near the god drew to the complexion of a goose! A fault done first in the form of a beast ;-O, Jove,a beastly fault! and then another fault in the semblance of a fowl; think on't, Jove; a foul fault. When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag, and the fattest, I think, i' the forest: send me a cool rut-time,Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow? Who comes here? my doe?
Enter Mrs FORD and Mrs PAGE. Mrs Ford. Sir John? art thou there, my male deer?
Fal. My doe with the black scut? - Let the sky rain potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green Sleeves; hail kissing-comfits, and snow eringoes; let there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here, [Embracing her.
Mrs Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart. Fal. Divide me like a bribe-buck, each a haunch: I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horus 1 bequeath to your husbands. Am I a woodman? ha! Speak I like Herne the hunter?-Why,now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome! [Noise within.
Mrs Page. Alas! what noise?
[They run off.
} Fal. I think the devil will not have me damned, lest the oil that is in me should set hell on fire; he would never else cross me thus.
Enter Sir HUGH EVANS, like a satyr; Mrs QUICKLY, and PISTOL; ANNE PACE, as the Fairy Queen, attended by her brother and others, dressed like Fairies, with waxen tapers on their heads.
Quick. Fairies, black, grey, green, and white,
Pist. Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys!
That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said,
Search Windsor castle, elves, within and out: Strew good luck, ouphes, on every sacredroom,
Eva. Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember your That it may stand till the perpetual doom,
In state as wholesome, as in state'tis fit;
In emerald tufts, flowers, purple, blue, and white;
to master Brook: his horses are arrested for it, master Brook.
Mrs Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet. I will never take you for my love again,but I will always count you my deer.
Fal. I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass. Ford. Ay, and an ox too; both the proofs are extant. Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought, they were not fairies: and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now,how wit may be made a Jack-a-lent, when 'tis upon ill employment! Eva. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, aud fairies will not pinse you. Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh.
Eva. And leave you your jealousies too, I pray you.
Eva. Pray you, lock hand in hand; yourselves in or- Ford. I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou
[They burn him with their tapers.
Quick. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire!
art able to woo her in good English.
Fal.Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it,that it wants matter to prevent so gross o'er-reaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welch goat too? Shall I have a coxcomb of frize? 'tis time I were choaked with a piece of toasted cheese.
Eva. Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly is all putter.
Fal. Seese and putter! have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking, through the realm.
Mrs Page. Why, sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight?
Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax?
Eva. It is right; indeed he is full of lecheries and Page. Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails? iniquity.
Kindled with unchaste desire,
Fed in heart; whose flames aspire,
As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher. Pinch him, fairies, mutually;
Pinch him for his villainy ;
Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about, Till candles, and star-light, and moonshine be out. During this song, the fairies pinch Falstaff. Doctor Caius comes one way, and steals away a fairy in green; Slender another way, and takes off a fairy in white: and Fenton comes, and steals away Mrs Anne Page. Anoise of hunting is made within. All the fairies run away. Falstaff pulls off his buck's head, and rises.
Enter PAGE, FORD, Mrs PAGE, and Mrs FORD. They lay hold of him.
Page. Nay, do not fly! I think, we have watch'd you
Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn?
Now, good sir John, how like you Windsor wives?
Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Satan?
Ford. And as wicked as his wife?
Eva. And given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings, pribbles, and prabbles?
Fal. Well,I am your theme :you have the start of me:I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welch flannel: ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me: use me as you will! Ford. Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander: over and above that you have suffered,I think,to repay that money will be a biting affliction.
Mrs Ford. Nay, husband, let that go to make amends: Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends. Ford. Well, here's my hand; all's forgiven at last. Page. Yet be cheerfull, knight: thou shalt eat a posset to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee. Tell her, master Slender hath married her daugther.
Mrs Page. Doctors doubt that: if Anne Page be my daugther, she is, by this, doctor Caius' wife. [Aside.
Slen. Whoo, ho! ho! father Page!
Page. Son! how now? how now, son? have you despatched?
Slen. Despatched! I'll make the best in Glocestershire know on't; would I were hanged, la, else. Page. Of what, son?
Ford. Now, sir,who's a cuckold now?-Master Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry mistress Anne horns, master Brook: and, master Brook, he hath en- Page, and she's a great lubberly boy: if it had not been joyed nothing of Ford's but his buck-basket, his cud-i' the church, I would have swinged him, or he gel, and twenty pounds of money; which must be paid should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been
Anne Page, would I might never stir, and 'tis a postmaster's boy.
Page. Upon my life then you took the wrong. Slen. What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl. If I had been married to him, for all he was in woman's apparel, I would not have had him.
Page. Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you, you should know my daughter by her garments? Slen. I went to her in white, and cry'd mum, and she cry'd budget, as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a postmaster's boy.
Eva. Jeshu! Master Slender, cannot you see but marry boys?
Page. O, I am vexed at heart: what shall I do? Mrs Page. Good George, be not angry: I knew of your purpose; turned my daughter into green; and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and
Caius. Vere is mistress Page? By gar, I am cozened; I ha' married un garçon, a boy; un paisan, by gar, a boy; it is not Anne Page: by gar, I am cozened. Mrs Page. Why, did you take her in green? Caius. Ay, be gar, and 'tis a boy: be gar, I'll raise all Windsor. [Exit Caius. Ford. This is strange! Who hath got the right Anne? Page. My heart misgives me. Here comes master Fenton.
Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE.
How now, master Fenton ?
Mrs Page. Why went you not with master doctor, maid?
Fent. You do amaze her: hear the truth of it! You would have married her most shamefully, Where there was no proportion held in love. The truth is, She and I, long since contracted, Are now so sure, that nothing can dissolve us. The offence is holy, that she hath committed: And this deceit loses the name of craft, Of disobedience, or unduteous title; Since therein she doth evitate and shun A thousand irreligious cursed hours, Which forced marriage would have brought upon her. Ford. Stand not amazed; here is no remedy; In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state; Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate. Fal. I am glad, though you have ta'en a special stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced. Page. Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy!
What cannot be eschew'd, must be embrac'd.
Anne. Pardon, good father! good my mother,pardon! To master Brook you yet shall hold your word; Page. Now, mistress? how chance you went not with For he, to-night, shall lie with mistress Ford. master Slender?
Sir TOBY BELCH, uncle of Olivia. Sir ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK.
A C T I.
Lords, Priests, Sailors, Officers, Musicians, and other Attendants.
-a city in Illyria; and the sea-coast near it.
SCENE I. An apartment in the Duke's palace. Enter DUKE, CURIO, Lords; Musicians attend
Duke. If music be the food of love, play on, Give me excess of it; that, surfeiting, The appetite may sicken, and so die. That strain again; it had a dying fall: O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet south, That breathes upon a bank of violets, Stealing, and giving odour.-Enough; no more; 'Tis not so sweet now, as it was before. O spirit of love, how quick and fresh art thou! That, nothwithstanding thy capacity
Duke. O, she that hath a heart of that fine frame,
SCENE II. The Sea-coast.
Tio. What country, friends, is this?
Vio. And what should I do in Illyria?
Perchance he is not drown'd.-What think you,sailors? Cap. It is perchance, that you yourself were saved. Vio. O my poor brother! and so, perchance, may he be.
Cap. True, madam: and, to comfort you with chance,
(Courage and hope both teaching him the practice)
Vio. For saying so, there's gold:
Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope,
Cap. Ay, madam, well; for I was bred and born
Not three hours travel from this very place.
Cap. A noble duke, in nature,
As in his name.
Vio. What is his name?
Vio. Orsino! I have heard my father name him: He was a bachelor then.
Cap. And so is now,
Or was so very late: for but a month
Ago I went from hence; and then 'twas fresh
In murmur, (as, you know, what great oues do,
Vio. There is a fair behaviour in thee, Captain;
I will believe, thou hast a mind that suits
Cap. Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll be:
- A room in Olivia's house. Enter Sir TOBY BELCH, and Maria.
Sir To. What a plague means my niece, to take the death of her brother thus? I am sure, care's an enemy to life.
Mar. By my troth, sir Toby, you must come in earlier o'nights; your cousin, my lady, takes great exceptions to your ill hours.
Sir To. Why, let her except before excepted. Mar. Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest limits of order.
Sir. To. Confine? I'll confiue myself no finer than I am: these clothes are good enough to drink in, and so be these boots too; an they be not, let them hang themselves in their own straps.
Mar. That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard my lady talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish knight that you brought in one night here to be her
Sir. To. Who? Sir Andrew Ague-cheek?
Mar. Ay, he.
Sir To. He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.
Sir. To. Why, he has three thousand ducats a-year. Mar. Ay; but he'll have but a year in all these ducats; he's a very fool, and a prodigal.
Sir. To. Fye, that you'll say so! he plays o' the viol-de-gambo, and speaks three or four languages, word for word, without book, and hath all the good gifts of nature.
Mar. He hath, indeed, almost natural: for, besides that he's a fool, he's a great quarreller; and, but that he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among the prudent, he would quickly have the gift of a grave.
Sir To. By this hand, they are scoundrels, and substractors, that say so of him. Who are they? Mar. They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in your company.
Sir To. With drinking healths to my niece; I'll drink to her, as long as there is a passage in my throat, and drink in Illyria. He's a coward, and a coystril, that will not drink to my niece, till his brains turn o' the toe like a parish top. What, wench? Castiliano vulgo; for here comes Sir Andrew Ague-face.
Enter Sir ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK.
Sir And. Sir Toby Belch! how now, sir Toby Belch?
Sir To. Sweet sir Andrew!
Sir And. Bless you, fair shrew!
Sir To. Accost, sir Andrew, accost!
Sir And. What's that?
Sir To. My niece's chamber-maid.