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We do not act, that often jest and laugh;
Enter Falstaff in women's clothes, led by Mrs Pace. 'Tis old but true, Still swine eat all the draff. [Exit. Mrs Puge. Come, mother Prat, come, give me your
Re-enter Mrs Ford, with two Servants. hand. Mrs Ford. Go, sirs, take the basket again on your Ford. I'll prat her:--Out of my door, you witch! shonlders; your master is hard at door; if he bid you [beats him) you rag, you baggage, you polecat, you set it down, obey him : quickly, despatch! [Exit. ronyon! out! ont! I'll conjure you, I'll fortone-tell 1 Serv. Come, come, take it up!
(Exit Falstaf. 2 Serv. Pray heaven, it be not full of the knight again. Mrs Page. Are you not ashamed? I think, you have 1 Serv. I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead.
killed the poor woman. Enter Ford, Page, SHALLOW, Caius, and Sir Hugh
Mrs Ford. Nay, he will do it !-'Tis a goodly credit Evans. Ford. Ay, but ifit prove true, master Page, have you Ford. Hang her, witch! any way then to unfool me again?-Set down the bas- Eva. By yea and no, I think the 'oman is a witch inket, villain ; somebody call my wife:-You, youth in deed: Ilike not, when a ’oman has a great peard; I spy a basket, come out here ! – 0, you panderly rascals !
a great peard under her muffler. there's a knot, a ging, a pack, a conspiracy against me: Ford. Will you follow, gentlemen ? I beseech you, now shall the devil be shamed. What! wife, I say! follow; see but the issue of my jealousy: if I cry out come, come forth; behold, what honest clothes you thus upon po trail, never trust me, when I open again. send forth to the bleaching !
Page. Let's obey his humour a little farther! Come, Page. Why, this passes? Master Ford, you are not gentlemen. [E.xeunt Page, Ford, Shallow, and Evans. to go loose any longer; you must be pinioned.
Mrs Page. Trust me, he beat him most pitifully:
Mrs Page. I'll have the cudgel hallowed, and hang Ford. So say Itoo, sir.-- Come hither, mistress Ford; o'er the altar; it hath doue meritorious service. mistress Ford, the honest woman, the modest wife, the Mrs Ford, Whatthink you? May we, with the warvirtuous creature, that hath the jealous fool to her rant of womanhood, and the witness of a good conhusband! Isuspect without cause, mistress, do I ? science, pursue him with any farther revenge?
Mrs Ford. Heaven be my witness, you do, if you sus- Mrs Page. The spirit of wantonness is, sure, scared
out of him; if the devil have him not in fee simple, Ford. Well said, brazen-face; hold it out. Come with fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the forth, sirrah!
[Pulls the clothes out of the basket. way of waste, attempt us again. Page. This passes !
Mrs Ford. Shall we tell our husbands, how we have
Mrs Page. Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape Eva. 'Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your wife's the figures out of your husband's brains. If they can clothes? Come away.
find in their hearts, the poor unvirtuous fat knight Ford. Enrpty the basket, I say !
shall be any farther afficted, we two will still be the Mrs Ford. Why, man, why !
ministers. Furd. Master Page, as Iam a man, there was one con- Mrs Ford. I'll warrant, they'll have him publicly veyed out of my house yesterday in this basket. Why shamed: and, methinks, there would be no period to may not he be there again? In my house I am sure he is the jest, should he not be publicly shamed. my intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable. Mrs Page. Come, to the forge with it then, shape Pluck me out all the linen!
it! I would not have things cool.
(Exeunt. Mrs Ford. If you find a man there, he shall die a flea's Page. Here's no man.
death. SCENE III.- Aroom in the Garter Inn. Shal. By my fidelity, this is not well, master Ford;
Enter Host and BARDOLPH. this wrongs you. Eva. Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the horses: the duke himself will be to-morrow at court,
Bard. Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies. Ford. Well, he's not here I seek for.
and they are going to meet him.
Host. What duke should that be, comes so secretly?
gentlemen; they speak English ?
Bard. Ay, sir: I'll call them to you. for ever be your table-sport; let them say of me, As jealous as Ford, that searched a hollow walnut for his
Host. They shall have my horses; but I'll make them wife's leman.Satisfy me once more; once more search pay, I'll saucethem; they have had my houses a week with me!
at command; I have turned away my other guests :
SCENEIV.-Aroom in Ford's house.
I rather will suspect the sun with cold, Mrs Ford. Nay, good, sweet husband ;—good gentle-Than thee with wantonness : now doth thy honour men, let him not strike the old woman.
In him, that was of late an heretic,
Mrs Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies,
Finely attired in a robe of white.
Page. That silk will I go buy;-and in that time
Shall master Slender steal my Nan
away, [-Aside. As in oilence;
And marry her at Eton.-Go, send to Falstaff straight!
Ford. Nay, I'll to him again in name of Brook.
He'll tell me all his purpose. Sure, he'll come.
Mrs Page. Fear not you that!Go, get us properties,
[Exeunt Page, Ford, and Evans.
[Exit Mrs Ford,
And none but he, to marry with Nan Page.
That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot;
The doctor is well money'd, and his friends
Potent at court: he, none but he, shall have her,
SCENEV.- Aroom in the Garter Inn.
Enter Host and SunPLE.
Sim. Marry, sir, I come to speak with sir John Fai-
staff from master Slender, You have heard of such a spirit; and well you know, Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his The superstitious idle-headed eld
standing-bed, and truckle-bed; 'tis painted about Received, and did deliver to our age,
with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new: go, This tale of Herne the hunter for a truth.
knock and call; he'll speaklikean Anthropophaginian Page. Why, yet there want uot many, that do fear unto thee. Knock, I say ! In deep of night to walk by this lerne's oak:
Sim. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gonenp But what of this?
into his chamber : I'll be so bold as stay, sir, till she Mrs Ford. Marry, this is our device;
come down: I come to speak with hier, indeed.
Host. Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed:
Fal. [-Above.] How now, mine host?
descend; my chambers are honourable: Fye! privacy ? Nan Page my daughter, and my little son,
with me; but she's gone.
Sim. Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of
Fal. Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell: what would
you with her ? Wetwoin great amazedness will fly:
Sim. My master , sir, my master Slender, sent to Then let them all encircle him about,
her, seeing her go thorough the streets, to know, sir, And, fairy-like, to pinch theunclean knight; whether one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, And ask him, why, that hour of fairy revel,
had the chain, or no.
Fal. I spake with the old woman about it.
Sim. And what says she, I pray, sir ?
Fal. Marry, she says, that the very same man, that:
beguiled master Slender of his chain, cozened him ofit. And burn him with their tapers.
Sim. I would, I could have spoken with the woman Mrs Page. The truth being known,
herself; I had other things to have spoken with her We'll all present ourselves; dis-horn the spirit,
too, from him.
Fal. What are they? let us know.
Host, Ay, come; quick!
Sim, I may not conceal them, sir.
tress Anne Page: to know, if it were my master's forFord. That will be excellent. I'll go buy them vi- tune to have her, or no.
| Fal. "Tis, 'tis his fortune.
Sim. What, sir?
Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber : Fal. To have her, - or no: go; say, the woman you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to yonr told me so.
content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good Sim. May I be so bold to say so, sir?
hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sure, Fal. Ay, sir Tike; who more bold?
one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are Sim. I thank your worship: I shall make my master so crossed. glad with these tidings. (Exit Simple. Fal. Come up into my chamber.
(Exeunt. Host. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, sir John: was there a wise woman with thee?
SCENE VI.-- Another room in the Garter Inn. Fal. Ay, that there was, mine lost; one, that hath
Enter Fenton and Host.
Fent. Yet hear me speak! Assist me in my purpose,
And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee
least, keep your counsel.
The mirth whereof so larded with my matter, Eva. Where is mine host?
That neither, singly, can be manifested, Host. What is the matter, sir?
Without the show of both ;-wherein fat Falstaff Eva. Have a care of your entertainments: there is a Hath a great scene: the image of the jest friend of mine come to town, tells me, there is three
Showing the letter. cousin germans, that has cozened all the hosts of I'll show you here at large. Hark, good mine host ! Rcadings, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and To-night at Herne's oak, just 'twixt twelve and one, money. I tell you for good-will, look you : yon are Must my sweet Nan present the fairy queen; wise, and full of gibes and vlouting-stogs; and 'tis The purpose why, is here; in which disguise, not conveniend you should be cozened! Fare you well! While other jests are something rank on foot,
(Exeunt. Her father hath commanded her to slip Enter Doctor Cair's.
Away with Slender, and with him at Eton Caius. Vere is mine host de Jarterre?
Immediately to marry: she hath consented: Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity, and doubt- Now, sir, ful dilemma.
Her mother, even strong against that match, Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a me, dat And firm for doctor Caius, hath appointed, you make grand preparation for a duke de Jarmany :by That he shall likewise shuffle her away, my trot, dere is no duke, dat de court is know to come: While other sports are tasking of their minds, I tell you for good vill: adien!
[Exit. And at the deanery, where a priest attends, Host. Hue and cry, villain, go!-assist me, knight;1 Straight marry her : to this her mother's plot am nudone:—fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am un- She, seemingly obedient, likewise hath done!
[Exeunt Host and Bardolph. Made promise to the doctor. —Now, thus it rests :
To pinch her by the hand, and, on that token,
The maid hath given consent to go with him.
Host. Wich means slie to deceive? father or mother? Quick. From the two parties, forsooth.
Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me: Fal. The devil take one party, and his dam the other, And here it rests,--that you'll procure the vicar and so they shall be both bestowed! I have suffered To stay for me at church, 'twixt twelve and one, more for their sakes, more, than the villainous incon- And, in the lawfulname of marrying, stancy of man's disposition is able to bear.
To give our hearts united ceremony. Quick. And have not they suffered ? Yes, I warrant ; Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the vicar : speciously one of them; mistress Ford, good heart, is Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest. beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot Fent. So shall I evermore be bound to thee; about her.
Besides, I'll make a present recompense.
(Exeunt. Fal. What tell'st thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow; and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of
A CT V. Brentford; but that my admirable dexterity of wit, SCENEI.- Aroom in the Garter Inn. my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, delive
Enter Falstaff and Mrs QUICKLY. red me, thekuave constable had set me i' the stocks, i' Fal. Pr’ythes no more prattling ;-gn---I'll hold: the common stocks, lor a witch.
time ; I hope, good luck lies in odd
this is the ti
numbers. Away, go ; they say, there is divinity in odd parts: be pold, I pray you ; follow me into the pit, and numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death. — Away. when I give you the watch'ords, do as I pid you ; come Quick. I'll provide you a chain; and I'lI do what I can come; trib, trib.
[Lxeunt. to get you a pair of horns.
Fal. Away, I say; time wears : hold up your head, SCENE V.- Another part of the Park.
(Exit Mrs Quickly. Enter FALSTAFF disguised, with a buck's head on. Enter Ford.
Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the miHow now, master Brook? Master Brook, the matter will nute draws on. Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me! be known to-night, or never. Be you in the park about -fiemember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; midnight, at Hernes' oak, and you
see wonders. love set on thiy horns.-0,powerful love! that,in some Fori. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told respects, makes a beast a man; in some other, a man me you had appointed ?
a beast. —You were also, Jupiter, a swan, for the love Pål. I went to her, master Brook, as yon see, like a of Leda;-0, omnipotent love! how near the god drew poor old man: but I came from her, master Brook, like to the complexion of a goose! — A l'ault done first in a poor old woman. That same knave, her husband, hath the form of a beast ;-0, Jove,a beastly fault! and then the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, master Brook, another fault in the semblance of a fowl; think on’t, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell you.--Hebeat me Jove; a foul fault.— When gods have hot backs, what grievonsly, in the shape of a woman; for in theshape shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag, of man, master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's and the fattest, I think, i'the forest: send me a cool beam; because I know also, life is a shuttle. I am in rut-time,Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow? haste; go along with me; I'll tell you all, master Brook. -Who comes here? my doe? Since I plucked geese, played truant, and whipped top,
Enter Mrs Ford and Mrs Page, Iknew not what it was to be beaten, till lately. Follow Mrs Ford. Sir John? art thou there, my deer? my me : I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford; on male deer? whom to-night I will be revenged, and I will deliver his Fal. My doe with the black scut?—Let the sky raia wife into your hand.-Follow; strange things in hand, potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green Sleeves; niaster Brook! follow.
(Exeunt. hail kissing-comfits, and snow eringoes; let there SCENE II.-Windsor Park.
come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here. Enter Page, SHALLOW, and SLENDER.
Embracing her. Page.Come,come; we'll couch i'the castle-ditch, till Mrs Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart. we see the light of our fairies.-Remember, son Slen- Fal. Divide me like a bribe-buck, cach a hamch: I der, my daughter.
will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the felSlen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and we low of this walk, and my horus i bequeath to your hus
I have a nay-word, how to know one another. I come to bands. Am I a woodman? ha! Speak Nike Herne the her in white, and cry, mum; she cries, budget; and by hunter?--- Why,now is Cupid a child of conscience; he that we know one auother.
makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome! Shal. That's good too: but what needs either your
Mrs Ford. Heaven forgive our sins !
Fal. What should this be?
Mrs Ford. means evil but the devil,and we shall know him by his
Mrs Page. Away, away.
run off horns. Let's away; follow me!
(Exeunt. Ta!. I think the devil will not have me damned, lest
the oil that is in me should set hell on fire; he would SCENE III.-The street in Windsor.
never else cross me thus, Enter Mrs PAGE, Mrs Ford, and Dr Carts.
Enter Sir Hluch Evans, like a satyr; Mrs Quickly, and Mrs Page. Master doctor, my daughter is in green: Pistol; Anne Pace, as the Fairy Queen, attended by when you see your time, take her by the hand, away her brother and others, dressed like Fairies, with with her to the deanery, and despatch it quickly! Go
waxen tapers on their heads.
You moon-shine revellers, and shades of night,
Cricket, to Windsor chimnies shalt thou leap : Mrs Ford. Where is Nan now, and her troop of fai- Wliere fires thou find'st unrak’d, and hearths unswept, ries? avd the Welch devil, Hugh?
There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry: Mrs Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Our radliaut queen hates sluts, and sluttery. Herne's oak, with obscured lights; which, at the very fal.They are fairies; he that speaks to them,shall die: instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, they will at once I'll wink and couch: no man their works must eye. display to the night.
(Lies down upon his face. Mrs Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him.
Eva. Where's Pede?-Go you, and where you find
up the organs of her fantasy,
But those as sleep, and think not on their sins,
Search Windsor castle, elves, within and out:
Strew good luck, ouples, on every sacredroom,
In state as wholesome, as in state'tis fit;
to master Brook: his horses are arrested for it, master Worthy the owner, and the owner it.
Brook. The several chairs of order look you scour
Mrs Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could With juice of balm, and every precious flower : never meet. I will never take you for my love again, but Each fair instalment, coat, and several crest,
I will always count you my deer. With loyal blazon, evermore be blest!
Fal. I do begin to perceive that Iam made an ass. And nightly, meadow-fairies, look, you sing,
Ford. Av, and an ox too; both the proofs are extant. Like to the Garter's compass, in a ring :
Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three or four The expressure that it bears, green let it be,
times in the thought, they were not fairies : and yet the More fertile-fresh than all the field to see ;
guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powAnd, Hony soit qui inal y pense, write,
ers drove the grossness of the foppery into a reIn emerald tufts, towers, purple, blue, and white; ceived belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and Like sapphire, pearl, and rich embroidery,
reason, that they were fairies. See now,how wit may be Buckled below fair knight-hood’s bending knee: made a Jack-a-lent, when 'tis upon ill employment! Fairies use flowers for their charactery.
Eva, Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your deAway; disperse! But, till’tis one o'clock,
sires, aud fairies will not pinse you. Our dance of custom, round about the oak
Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh. Of Herne the hunter, let us not forget!
Eva. And leave you your jealousies too, I pray you. Eva. Pray you, lock hand in hand; yourselves in or- Ford. I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou der set:
art able to woo her in good English. And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be, Fal.Have I laid my brain in the sun,and dried it, that it To guide our measure round about the tree.
wants matter to prevent so gross o'er-reaching as this? But, stay; I smell a man of middle earth.
Am I ridden with a Welch goat too ? Shall I have a Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welch fairy! lest coxcomb of frize?'tis time I were choaked with a piece he transform me to a piece of cheese!
of toasted cheese.
taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is
enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking, It is the flesh of a corrupted heart.
through the realm.
Mrs Page. Why, sir John, do you think, though we
would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head
scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made Quick. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire !
you our delight?
Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax?
Mrs Page. A puffed man?
Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Satan?
Page. And as poor as Job?
Ford. And as wicked as his wife?
Eva. And given to fornications, and to taverns, and
sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and
swearings, and starings, pribbles, and prabbles ?
Fal.Well,I am your theme:you have the start of me;I
Ford. Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one
Till candles, and star-light, and moonshine be out. whom you should have been a pander: over and above
set lo-night at my house; where I will desire thee to Enter Page, FORD, Mrs Page, and Mrs Ford. They laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee. Tell her, lay hold of him.
master Slender hath married her daugther.
daugther, she is, by this, doctor Caius' wife. [Aside. Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn ?
Enter SLENDER. Mrs Page. I pray you, come; hold up the jest no Slen. Whoo, ho ! ho! father Page! higher!
Page. Son! how now? how now, son? have you Now, good sir Joho, how like you Windsor wives?
despatched ? See you these, husband ? do not these fair yokes Slen, Despatched !- I'll make the best in GloceBecome the forest better than the town?
stershire know on't; would I were hanged, la, else. Ford. Now,sir,who's a cuckold now?-Master Brook, Page. Ofwhat, son? Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry mistress Anne horns, master Brook : and, master Brook, he hath en- Page, and she's a great lubberly boy: if it had not been joyed nothing of Ford's but his buck-basket, his cud- i' the church, I would have swinged him, or he gel, and twenty pounds of money; which must be paid should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been