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A SCOTS BALL-ROOM BALLAD.
(By The MacPry.)

WHY sit ye on the stair, Ladie,
Why sit ye on the stair?

It's merry dancing in the hall,

And partners still are there.

Ye arena in a cosy neuk,

But in the lamp's full glare;

No gentle whisperin' words are spoke-
Why sit ye on the stair?

AN OLD-WORLD CHRISTMAS.

The runkled
carle that 's
by your side
No tale of luve
can teil;

He fain wad win
ye for his
bride

They are as hot wi' twirlin' roon

As blacksmith frae the village.
The fiddles pour their love-sick pray'rs,
The flutie-man is whis'lin',

Just like when ancient madam scares
A thrummock-touzle hisslin'.
There's young folks movin' like a fair,
There's auld folks quaffin' sherry.
An' you sae weary, fu' o' care,

When all the world is merry?
Gin ye maun feed your dowie grudge,
At least fill up your programme,
And come victorious from the crush
Like BONAPARTE from Wagram.
Nay, diana off the lassie score;

Her beart sings, "Waly, waly!
She's talkin' with that awfu' bore,

The Laird o' LANTHORN JAWLEY.

By talkin' o' Quit, quit, for shame! This winna do.

himsel'.

Your voice is

clear, your
laugh is
cheer,
But oh,
your
eyes are sad;

You answer what the gaffer says,
You're lookin' for the lad.
(They winna stint their prattlin' talk-
Oh, but her eyes are sad!-
'Tis vain to cherche the fammy here,
I'll gang and speer the lad.)
Why prop ye up the wa', Laddie,
Why prop ye up the wa'?
Your lissome shoes are stickit oot,
Ye'll gar the dancers fa'.

Or feckless couples tearin' past,
Wi' elbows at an angle,
Will pin ye to the wainscoat fast
As wild boar in a jungle.

The floor's as smooth as summer grass,
Sma' feet, like crickets, caper,

And whirlin' kirtles, as they pass,
Sair waste the swealing taper.

The lassies' gowns are creased and rent;
The lads are oot o' knowledge;

Rouse up and play the man, Sir!
For they should dance who have the chance,
And they should sup who can, Sir.

Ah, see, she smiles! Could any word
More eloquently call ye?

Now go and soothe your bonnie burd,
And banish LANTHORN JAWLEY.

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THE LOST (AT LAST!)-CHORD.
SEATED one day in my study

I was anxious and ill at ease,
And I tapped at the window wildly
And rattled a bunch of keys;
Unless I could manage to scare him
All hope of repose was floored,

For borne like a wail on an Easterly gale
I heard that dread "Lost Chord!"

I made unambiguous signals

That I wanted the tune to cease,
For I had my work to finish,
And he was a foe to peace;
But the Grinder only answered.
With a fixed demoniac grin,

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The historian may praise Christmas feasts
in ancient days,
But I shiver,
For a real old Christmas revel, I can tell

you, plays the devil With your liver.

And steadily turned the handle,

And poured his distracting din.

I know not of what he was dreaming,
As softly I stole aside,

And thoughtfully lifted a scuttle of coals,
And opened the window wide;

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Though I judge from his satisfied simper
That his dreams were of anything, but
Of a blackened mound, and a muffled sound,
And a window suddenly shut.

It may be they 'll take the picces
To his far Italian home,

And carve from his bones mosaical stones

To pave St. Peter's at Rome;

Or if they don't-it's the same to me,
But this I'm prepared to maintain,
That the "Chord" he started to play is lost,
And will never be found again.

TOM NODDY'S CHRISTMAS NIGHTMARE, AFTER COLD MINCE-PIES FOR SUPPER.

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TOM NODDY'S CHRISTMAS NIGHTMARE, AFTER COLD MINCE-PIES FOR SUPPER.

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A PAGE FROM THE DIARY OF A DAUGHTER OF THIRTEEN.

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The children had all been especially forbidden to go into the field.

HARRY, however, thought he knew how to take care of himself, and one morning, when his parents had driven over to Dobbinton, determined he would pay a visit to the forbidden spot.

He could just see the nest, one or two hornets were crawling in and out, and a few buzzing about in the neighbourhood. They were enormous hornets. He inserted the point of a switch in the nest, and rattled it about.

In a moment there was a roar, and the air was thick with a cloud of hornets. HARRY turned and fled through the garden - gate, and did not know where to go.

All at once he saw Uncle BULGER'S gigantic portable india-rubber bath, which had

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THE birthday of Prince Von BISMARCK, on the 1st, will be celebrated by the fools of the period. His Imperial Master will send the Ex-Chancellor a speech and a portrait-which will be valued by their recipient as of equal value. On the 6th there will be a great demonstration of ancient females. Many venerable dames will travel to the Bank, others will patronise the National Gallery, and the South Kensington Museum, and others, again, will go to the Crystal Palace. Expectant grand-nephews will visit their grand aunts," and the suction of eggs will be practically

taught to many giandmothers by their grandchildren. The reason of this unusual attention to the more elderly of the weaker sex will be found in the fact that the 6th is "Old Lady Day." On the 18th 'ARRY and 'ARRIET will hold high festival, in honcur of Easter Monday. By the reculiar arrangement of the stars, it would seem that Kiss-inthe-Ring will be played at Sydenham, and a Ministerial crisis will take place in Turkey. Universal regret will be felt at the expiry of Life Insurance on the 9th. The weather will be changeable. Rain may be expected during the month at Margate, Gravesend, Birmingham, Brighton, and some parts of Persia. The St. James's Park blossoms will appear, without leaves on the trees, to the great annoyance of the keepers.

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I've a hatred of jars and of all kinds of strife,
And leave family quarrels severely alone.
Yet I do not mind saying that just now I'm rather
Embarrassed at times in the role of a father.

For my daughters have mct, as they say, with their fate,
Which in English just means that they 've all got engaged,
And their lovers come spooning from early to late,

Whilst the girls get short-tempered and even enraged
If, as sometimes it happens, they cannot discover
A separate room for each girl and her lover.

When but one was engaged it was all very well,
And the drawing-room did for MA-

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TILDA and NED.

Then ADOLPHUS proposed to my next daughter, NELL,

Well-the dining-rcom suited them nicely, they said.

But the worst was to come when diminutive GERTIE

Camo to tell me she wished to be married to BERTIE.

For they've taken the breakfast-room -all that was left

Of the house that I dared to con-
sider as mine.

So my wife and myself have to live
on, bereft
[firmly decline

Of our rooms, since we gently, but
Our family tent of existence to pitch in
The only resort still remaining the kitchen.

Well, the girls, I suppose, deem it nothing but bliss,
It's the parents who find it so dear at the price.
Then attend, all ye fathers, and listen to this,
As I give you at parting a word of advice:
In engagements remember this rule-use no other-
You should see one through first, e'er you sanction another.

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