A SCOTS BALL-ROOM BALLAD. WHY sit ye on the stair, Ladie, It's merry dancing in the hall, And partners still are there. Ye arena in a cosy neuk, But in the lamp's full glare; No gentle whisperin' words are spoke- AN OLD-WORLD CHRISTMAS. The runkled He fain wad win They are as hot wi' twirlin' roon As blacksmith frae the village. Just like when ancient madam scares When all the world is merry? Her beart sings, "Waly, waly! The Laird o' LANTHORN JAWLEY. By talkin' o' Quit, quit, for shame! This winna do. himsel'. Your voice is clear, your You answer what the gaffer says, Or feckless couples tearin' past, The floor's as smooth as summer grass, And whirlin' kirtles, as they pass, The lassies' gowns are creased and rent; Rouse up and play the man, Sir! Ah, see, she smiles! Could any word Now go and soothe your bonnie burd, THE LOST (AT LAST!)-CHORD. I was anxious and ill at ease, For borne like a wail on an Easterly gale I made unambiguous signals That I wanted the tune to cease, The historian may praise Christmas feasts you, plays the devil With your liver. And steadily turned the handle, And poured his distracting din. I know not of what he was dreaming, And thoughtfully lifted a scuttle of coals, Though I judge from his satisfied simper It may be they 'll take the picces And carve from his bones mosaical stones To pave St. Peter's at Rome; Or if they don't-it's the same to me, The children had all been especially forbidden to go into the field. HARRY, however, thought he knew how to take care of himself, and one morning, when his parents had driven over to Dobbinton, determined he would pay a visit to the forbidden spot. He could just see the nest, one or two hornets were crawling in and out, and a few buzzing about in the neighbourhood. They were enormous hornets. He inserted the point of a switch in the nest, and rattled it about. In a moment there was a roar, and the air was thick with a cloud of hornets. HARRY turned and fled through the garden - gate, and did not know where to go. All at once he saw Uncle BULGER'S gigantic portable india-rubber bath, which had THE birthday of Prince Von BISMARCK, on the 1st, will be celebrated by the fools of the period. His Imperial Master will send the Ex-Chancellor a speech and a portrait-which will be valued by their recipient as of equal value. On the 6th there will be a great demonstration of ancient females. Many venerable dames will travel to the Bank, others will patronise the National Gallery, and the South Kensington Museum, and others, again, will go to the Crystal Palace. Expectant grand-nephews will visit their grand aunts," and the suction of eggs will be practically taught to many giandmothers by their grandchildren. The reason of this unusual attention to the more elderly of the weaker sex will be found in the fact that the 6th is "Old Lady Day." On the 18th 'ARRY and 'ARRIET will hold high festival, in honcur of Easter Monday. By the reculiar arrangement of the stars, it would seem that Kiss-inthe-Ring will be played at Sydenham, and a Ministerial crisis will take place in Turkey. Universal regret will be felt at the expiry of Life Insurance on the 9th. The weather will be changeable. Rain may be expected during the month at Margate, Gravesend, Birmingham, Brighton, and some parts of Persia. The St. James's Park blossoms will appear, without leaves on the trees, to the great annoyance of the keepers. I've a hatred of jars and of all kinds of strife, For my daughters have mct, as they say, with their fate, Whilst the girls get short-tempered and even enraged When but one was engaged it was all very well, TILDA and NED. Then ADOLPHUS proposed to my next daughter, NELL, Well-the dining-rcom suited them nicely, they said. But the worst was to come when diminutive GERTIE Camo to tell me she wished to be married to BERTIE. For they've taken the breakfast-room -all that was left Of the house that I dared to con- So my wife and myself have to live Of our rooms, since we gently, but Well, the girls, I suppose, deem it nothing but bliss, |