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THE GOOSE WITH THE GOLDEN EGGS. (Capital and Labour.)

ESOP UP TO DATE.

THE SUN AND THE WIND. (Drink and Prohibition.)

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THE PARLIAMENTARY ALMANACK FOR THE SESSION OF 1892.

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(BY ZADKIEL, M.P.)

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FEBRUARY.-A pretty conjunction of Venus with Jupiter will take place in the evening western sky on Saturday the 6th inst.; but, as the days are still short, and the nights dark, the interesting couple will probably escape embarrassing observation. About the same time there will be a conjunction of the House of Lords and the House of Commons, meeting to witness the opening of the new Session by Royal Commission. The SPEAKER will probably attend in wig and gown, and, as Mars speeds on his way through the sign Sagittarius, the Sergeantat-Armsarius will precede the procession, carrying the Mace. About the middle of this month Venus will be in opposition with Saturn, very near the Equator. This will bring Sir WILLIAM HARCOURT to the front, wanting to know from the Government much more than they are disposed to communicate. The stationary position of Uranus, in 6° 5' of Scorpio, will bring trouble to the Home Office, where the criminally lavish use of stationery (including pens) is well known. Towards the end of the month there will be trouble below the Gangway. The new Leader of the House is warned to beware of a sudden outbreak from Mr. LABOUCHERE, having reference to the cost of the equipment of the Queen's yacht. South America will suffer from severe shocks of earthquake, the Isle of Skye will be under a cloud, and the Isle of Man will have trouble with its female population. MARCII.-Jupiter is again in opposition with Saturn on the 6th inst. at 8:51 P.M. The former planet being in Pisces 27°, Sir WILLIAM HARCOURT says that before the month is out he means to knock tho Government into pieces 28. The evil Mars forms the quartile aspect with Saturn on the 9th, and takes a friendly pint with Jupiter on the 11th. This period is therefore sure to be tempestuous. Earthquakes will shake the South of Europe, and the First Lord of the Treasury, the Secretary of State for India, and the First Door Keeper will have their hands full of trouble. Greece will also feel the disturbing influence. Indeed if the MARKISS doesn't keep things straight with Mr. GENNADIUS the fat will be in the fire. The 20th is rather a fortunate day, but the 28th is an evil anniversary threatening quarrels, losses, thunder-showers and skin eruptions. JOKIM is warned not to select this date for bringing in his Budget. With the Moon in the 26th degree of the sign of Virgo, he will have quite enough trouble without wantonly seeking it by disregarding the Voice of the Stars. The 25th of this month is Lady Day, when rents and insurances fall due. With Mars only just risen at the vernal equinox, strong in Capricornus and in quartile aspect with the Sun, they had better be paid. APRIL.-Saturn is on the cusp of the third house of the last new moon. This threatens danger to Mr. CHAMBERLAIN who is warned to safeguard his health, avoid dangerous places, and regard Mr. G. as if he were a distant mountain. Mars is at it again. Progress of the red planet through Capricornus disturbs Greece, shakes India to the core, renders Mexico unquiet, and may have potent influence on the Red Earl. Lord SPENCER is therefore warned to avoid during this month experiments as to the suitability for his personal use of any stray high collars he may find lying about his dressing-room, or in that of any blood relation. Honours will be conferred on some Members sitting either above or below the Gangway. Magnetic currents very strong about the 26th. Mr. BALFOUR will do well to note this.

MAY.-Mars enters Aquarius on the 6th of this month, and will not leave the sign as long as there is a drop to drink on the premises. This protracted stay will write the history of the Agricultural Department in letters of blood and fire, bringing sorrow on GEORGIE HAMILTON, WIL

FRID LAWSON, and the borders of Wales. Jupiter's progress through Arics continues to benefit Old England, and gives Lord HARTINGTON an opportunity of taking ten minutes nap on the Front Opposition Bench, whilst Mr. STANIIOPE explains the Army Estimates in Committee of Supply. We shall hear of conflagrations and explosions at sea, with some trouble in the House of Lords. The LORD CHANCELLOR, at whose birth the Moon held the 24th degree of the sign Virgo, would do well to have the Woolsack carefully examined before seating himself thereon. It is not for nothing that the Moon is this month eclipsed in the sign Scorpio.

JUNE.-Mars holds on his way through Aquarius, thereby disturbing Russia, bringing sorrow on Prussia, heaping coals of fire on Piedmont and the borders of Persia. This will bring much occupation for the Foreign Secretary, who is warned to avoid any attempt to walk from Hatfield to Downing Street without his hat. Weddings will be numerous towards the end of the month. There will also, in all probability, be some births and deaths. The Sun and Mercury in Gemini, forming the quartile aspect with Saturn in Virgo, Members of the Opposition are warned (if they can avoid it) not to be born on the 8th. 19th, 24th and 25th of this month. Mars being in a lower meridian at the New Moon of Midsummer Day, fires will be numerous, discord and strife will arise in connection with the landed interest, and an Irish Member-perhaps two-will be suspended. The sign Cancer rules New York, Berne and Lubeck. Sir JOHN LUBBOCK will, accordingly, do well to live quietly and avoid changes. [CONTINUED ON PAGE 8.

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JOHN BULL UP TO DATE.

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THE INDIGENT GHOST.

I SAT one night
within my room
and to myself I
said,

As folks do on the
stage, "It's
twelve, and I
should be in
bed."

A tap came at the
door, and as I
shouted out,
"Come in!"
Lo! near me
stood an aged
man diaphan-
ously thin.

"I am a ghost," he shyly said. I answered, "Ah, no doubt;
It's very right at Christmas time that ghosts should be about;
Sit down, old man, and have a drink, I'm in no haste to snooze,
And, if 'twill serve to pass the time, why gibber, if you choose."

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aged spectre said,

"Till Doctor

GRANVILLE'S

letters upon stimulants I read;

He wrote, you know, teetotallers were little more than pulp."

With that he took my whiskey jar and drained it at a gulp.
"You've taken his advice to heart, my phantom friend," I cried,
"Now don't you think that after that you'd gibber if you tried?"
"Don't scoff, young man," he sadly said, "for know you speak to one
Who never gets employment now, whose gibbering days are done."
Well, well," I said, "don't gibber, if you find yourself too weak.
I'll try and call a shudder up, if only you will squeak."

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II e shook
his

head.

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Then dropped some hints-that course proved rash-
About her " expectations."

She dropped on me, daring to ask

Such questions. Here I stopped her.
Her-bankrupt-sire then dropped the mask,
And I well then, I dropped her '

SIMPLE STORIES.

"Be always kind to animals wherever you may be!"
No. I.-LILY AND THE LOBSTER.
LIKE many of the little girls at Dimplebeach, LILY was very
fond, on bright, warm sunny mornings, of paddling in the sea.
She would often take off her shoes and stockings, reef up her
skirts, and wander for a very considerable distance along the
sandy shore. She picked up in this way many varieties of pretty
and curious seaweed, and not a few rare shells and pebbles. Not
being afraid of getting wet, she was enabled to clamber over the
rocks, to view the sea-anemone in its own private aquarium, and
make friends with the benign barnacle, the light-hearted limpet,
and the cynical star-fish.

One morning LILY bethought her that she would walk alone
by water as far as the little village of Pebbleton. She took off
her shoes and stockings, pinned up her petticoats, and waded
through the shallow water, thinking what a brave girl she was.
She had not gone very far when she saw, on the shore, the seaweed
violently agitated, and the sand much disturbed. In going to
see what it was, she discovered a fine old Lobster, hopelessly
entangled in seaweed, and nearly smothered in dry sand. She
did not hesitate for an instant.

She recollected the words of the Great Bard, who sang,

"Be lenient with lobsters, and ne'er be cross with crabs,

And be not disrespectful to cuttle-fish or dabs."

With great tenderness she disentangled the Lobster from the
weeds, she blew the sand

out of its eyes, and polished
it up with her pocket-hand-
kerchief. She then carried
"Twould it with great care to the sea,
be no use,
and launched it.
quoth he,

66

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for you for

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They've ta'en the bread from honest ghosts and ruined all the trade;
We don't find teacups under turf and flop flowers on your head,
We don't 'precipitate' a note and swear it's from the dead.
"We scorn such hanky - panky tricks, let those admire who list,
I'd sooner sweep a crossing, Sir, than turn Theosophist;
I'm driven into the workhouse now since not a soul employs,
And earn the paltry parish pay by scaring pauper boys.
"Goodbye," he said, "and since you've been so very kind and nice,
If you'd like me to haunt a friend, why you shall name the price:
Good night! That little drop I took has given me pluck. Since it's
The witching hour, I'll go and fright the Beadle into fits."

It quickly sped away into. the deep water, and, though the callous crustacean showed no sign of gratitude for all her thought and attention, the little girl felt pleased at having done a good action.

She went on slowly wading towards Pebbleton.

Suddenly she felt a sharp pain in her great toe. Her first thought was, she was going to have the gout, like

her Papa. The agony was so great, that she retreated towards the
shore. She found that she was pursued by an enormous Lobster,
who had severely bitten one toe, and seemed in the mind to have
a turn at the remaining nine.

She was terribly frightened, but she limped along as quickly as
she could, the Lobster rattling his claws and hissing after her.
He pursued her till she reached the dry sand, sat down, dried
her feet, and put on her shoes and stockings. Then he waggled
his big claw at her, gave her a knowing wink, trotted off, and
plunged into the sea. She thought she recognised his face-and
she was not mistaken.

It was her old friend, whom she had rescued, who, by pinching her toe, had stopped her just on the very brink of a pool of water, twenty feet deep.

Had it not been for the Lobster, LILY would have been drowned!

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