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ÆSOP UP TO DATE. THE FROG AND THE BULL. (Juvenile Betting and the Stock Exchange.) THE FOX AND THE GRAPES. (Elderly Love-making )

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ÆSOP UP TO DATE. THE SUN AND THE WIND. (Drink and Prohibition.)

THE GOOSE WITH THE GOLDEN EGGS. (Capital and Labour.)

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THE PARLIAMENTARY ALMANACK FOR THE SESSION OF 1892.

(BY ZADKIEL, M.P.)

FEBRUARY. – A pretty con junction of Venus with Jupiter will take place in the evening western sky on Saturday the 6th

inst. ; but, as the days are still
Gr

short, and the nights dark, the
interesting couple will probably
escape embarrassing observation.
About the same time there will
bo a conjunction of the House of

Lords and the IIouse of Com-
mons, meeting to witness the opening of the new
Session by Royal Commission. The SPEAKER will
probably attend in wig and gown, and, as Mars speeds
on his way through the sign Sagittarius, the Sergeant-
at-Armsarius will precede the procession, carrying the
Mace. About the middle of this month Venus will bo
in opposition with Saturn, very near the Equator. This
will bring Sir WILLIAM HARCOURT to the front, want-
ing to know from the Government much more than

they are disposed to communicate. The stationary position of Uranus, in 6° 5' of Scorpio, will bring trouble to the Home Office, where the criminally lavish use of stationery (including pens) is well known. Towards the end of the month there will be troublé below the Gangway. The new Leader of the House is warned to beware of a sudden outbreak froin Mr. LABOUCIIERE, having referenco to the cost of the equipment of the Queen's yacht. South America will suffer from severe shocks of earthquake, the Isle of Skye will be under a cloud, and the Isle of Man will have trouble with its female population.

Marcii.—Jupiter is again in opposition with Saturn on the oth inst. at 8:51 P.M. The former planet being in Pisces 27°, Sir WILLIAM HARCOURT says that before the month is out he means to knock tho Government into pieces 28. The evil Mars forms tho quartile aspect with Saturn on the 9th, and takes a friendly pint with Jupiter on the 11th. This period is therefore sure to be tempestuous. Earthquakes will shake the South of Europe, and the First Lord of the Treasury, the Secretary of State for India, and the First Door Keeper will have their hands full of trouble. Greece will also feel the disturbing influence. Indeed if the NARKISS doesn't keep things straight with Mr. GENNADIUS tho fat will be in the fire. The 20th is rather a fortunate day, but the 28th is an evil anniversary threatening quarrels, losses, thunder-showers and skin eruptions. JOKIM is warned not to select this dato for bringing in his Budget. With the Moon in the 26th degree of the sign of Virgo, he will have quite enough troublo without wantonly seeking it by disregarding the Voice of the Stars. The 25th of this month is Lady Day, when rents and insurances fall due. With Mars only just risen at the vernal cquinox, strong in Capricornus and in quartile aspect with the Sun, they liad better Le pail.

APRIL.-Saturn is on the cusp of the third house of the last new moon. This threatens danger to Mr. CILAMBERLAIN who is warned to safeguard his health, avoid dangerous places, and regard Mr. G. as if ho were a distant mountain. Mars is at it again. Progress of the red planet through Capricornus disturbs Greece, shakes India to the core, renders Mexico unquiet, and may have potent influence on the Red Ear). Lord SPENCER is therefore warned to avoid during this month experiments as to the suitability for his personal use of any stray high collars he may find lying about his dressing-room, or in that of any blood relation. Honours will be confrrred on some Members sitting either above or below the Gangway. Magnetic currents very strong about the 20th. Mr. Balfour will do well to note this.

MAY.--Mars enters Aquarius on the 6th of this month, and will not leave the sign as long as there is a drop to drink on the premises. This protracted stay will write the history of the Agricultural Department in

letters of blood and fire, bringing sorrow on GEORGIE HAMILTON, WILFRID Lawson, and the borders of Wales. Jupiter's progress through Aries continues to benefit Old England, and gives Lorul HARTINGTON an opportunity of taking ten minutes nap on the Front Opposition Bench, whilst Mr. ETANTOPE explains the Army Estimates in Committee of Supply. We shall hear of conflagrations and explosions at sea, with some trouble in the IIouse of Lords. The LORD CHANCELLOR, at whose birth the Moon held the 24th degree of the sign Virgo, would do well to have the Woolsack carefully examined before seating himself thereon. It is not for nothing that the Moon is this month eclipsed in the sign Scorpio.

JUNE. - Mars holds on his way through Aquarius, thereby disturbing Russia, bringing sorrow on Pruszia, heaping coals of fire on Piedmont and the borders of Persia. This will bring much occupation for the Foreign Secretary, who is warned to avoid any attempt to walk from Hatfield to Downing Street without his hat. Weddings will be numerous towards the end of the month. There will also, in all probability, bo some births and deaths. The Sun and Mercury in Gemini, forming the quartile aspect with Saturn in Virgo, Members of the Opposition are warned (if they can avoid it) not to be born on the 8th. 19th, 24th and 25th of this month. Mars being in a lower meridian at the New Moon of Midsummer Day, fires will be numerous, discord and strife will arise in connection with the landed interest, and an Irish Member-perhaps two-will be suspended. The sign Cancer rules New York, Berne and Lubeck. Sir Joux LUBBOCK will, accordingly, do well to live quietly and avoid changes.

[CONTINUED ON PAGE 8.

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DESIGNED TO PLEASE THOSE MEMBERS OF THE FANATICAL PRESS AND OTHERS

WHO ARE ALWAYS RUNNING DOWN THEIR COUNTRY.

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JOHN BULL UP TO DATE.

near

me

man

were more

THE INDIGENT GHOST.

DROP BY DROP.
I SAT one night

Nine Stages of a Love Story.
within my room
and to myself I

First place, I dropped my eye on her,
said,

And she dropped hers, so blushfully!
As folks do on the

Then I “ dropped in,”—her sire sold fur,-
“It's

Then“ dropped a line,” most gushfully,
stage,

I dropped a deal of ready cash
twelve, and I
should be in

On her and her relations,
bed."

Then dropped some hints—that course proved rash

About her “expectations."
A tap came at the
door, and as I

She dropped on me, daring to ask
shouted out,

Such questions. Here I stopped her.
“ Come in!”

Her-bankrupt -sire then dropped the mask,
Lo!

And I-well then, I dropped her'
stood an aged
diaphan-

SIMPLE STORIES.
ously thin.

“ Be always kind to animals wherever you may be !" “I am a ghost,” he shyly said. I answered, “Ah, no doubt;

No. 1.-LILY AND THE LOBSTER. It's very right at Christmas time that ghosts should be about; Sit down, old man, and have a drink, I'm in no haste to snooze, Like many of the little girls at Dimplebeach, LILY was very And, if’twill serve to pass the time, why gibber, if you choose.” fond, on bright, warm sunny mornings, of paddling in the sea.

She would often take off her shoes and stockings, reef up her “I used to

skirts, and wander for a very considerable distance along the totally ab

sandy shore. She picked up in this way many varieties of pretty stain, the

and curious seaweed, and not a few rare shells and pebbles. Not aged spectre said,

being afraid of getting wet, she was enabled to clamber over the

rocks, to view the sea-anemone in its own private aquarium, and « Till Doctor

make friends with the benign barnacle, the light-hearted limpet, GRANVILLE'S

and the cynical star-fish. letters, upon

One morning LILY bethought her that she would walk alone stimulants I

by water as far as the little village of Pebbleton. She took off read; He wrote, you

her shoes and stockings, pinned up her petticoats, and waded

through the shallow water, thinking what a brave girl she was. know, teeto

She had not gone very far when she saw, on the shore, the seaweed tallers little

violently agitated, and the sand much disturbed. In going to

see what it was, she discovered a fine old Lobster, hopelessly than pulp."

entangled in seaweed, and nearly smothered in dry sand. She With that he took my whiskey jar and drained it at a gulp. did not hesitate for an instant. “You've taken his advice to heart, my phantom friend," I cried,

She recollected the words of the Great Bard, who sang, “Now don't you think that after that you 'd gibber if you tried ?”

“ Be lenient with lobsters, and ne'er be cross with crabs, “Don't scoff, young man,” he sadly said, “for know you speak to one

And be not disrespectful to cuttle-fish or dabs." Who never gets employment now, whose gibbering days are done.”

With great tenderness she disentangled the Lobster from the Well, well,” I said, " don't gibber, if you find yourself too weak. | weeds, she blew the sand I'll try and call a shudder up, if only you will squeak."

out of its eyes, and polished II e shook it up with her pocket-handhis head. kerchief. She then carried “ 'Twould it with great care to the sea, be no use,'

and launched it.
quoth

It quickly sped away into
' for
you

the deep water, and, though
get,

the callous crustacean showed That ghosts no sign of gratitude for all play second her thought and attention, fiddle now to the little girl felt pleased at Johnnies in having done a good action. Thibet.”

She went on slowly wading

towards Pebbleton.
"Mahatmas?" Suddenly she felt a sharp
· Yes,

and pain in her great toe. Her
hang them, first thought was, she was
Sir, a pretty Ker Papa. The agony was so great, that she retreated towards the
mess they've

shore. She found that she was pursued by an enormous Lobster, made,

who had severely bitten one toe, and seemed in the mind to have They've ta’en the bread from honest ghosts and ruined all the trade; We don't find teacups under turf and flop flowers on your head,

a turn at the remaining pine.

She was terribly frightened, but she limped along as quickly as We don't ‘precipitate ' a note and swear it ’s from the dead.

she could, the Lobster rattling his claws and hissing after her, “We scorn such banky - panky tricks, let those admire who list,

He pursued her till she reached the dry sand, sat down, dried I'd sooner sweep a crossing, Sir, than turn Theosophist ;

her feet, and put on her shoes and stockings. Then he waggled I'm driven into the workhouse now since not a soul employs,

his big claw at her, gave her a knowing wink, trotted off, and And earn the paltry parish pay by scaring pauper boys.

plunged into the sea. She thought she recognised his face-and

she was not mistaken. Goodbye,” he said, “and since you've been so very kind and nice, It was her old friend, whom she had rescued, who, by pinobing If you'd like me to haunt a friend, why you shall name the price : her toe, had stopped her just on the very brink of a pool of water, Good night! That little drop I took has given me pluck. Since it's twenty feet deep. The witching hour, I'll go and fright the Beadle into fits.”

Had it not been for the Lobster, Lily would have been drowned !

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