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DR. TIMES. “ YOU'RE A CLEVER BOY, JOE, AND WE CONGRATULATE YOU; BUT NOW YOU'RE IN A POSITION OF RESPONSIBILITY,-AHEM !—YOU MUST-AHEM !—BEHAVE YOURSELF ACCORDINGLY!”
ought to have his own motto. Now I was thinking of Cede nullis !
Doctor T. Tut-tut-tut, JOSEPH! Inappropriate,in your present position. You will have to yield to many, - to those in authority over you, in fact. “Leaders (and Monitors) have to subordinate their personal tastes, and even their individual convictions, to an enlarged conception of the general advantage."
Mrs. S. Yes, Joe, don't, whatever you do, compromise your authority by any indiscreet or extravagant insistance
Master Joe (quickly, though with becoming gravity). Quite so, Ma'am! Very true, Sir! My.“ conceptions," I may say, have “enlarged ” considerably of late, since I have found (as Mrs. Š. well says)“ how much of my antipathy" (to the powers that be) "was sheer prejudice.” And, as to the general advantage," I am sanguine that I shall find it consonant-if not identical –with my own..
Doctor T. (dubiously). Humph! Suppose you say yours with it, JOSEPH
Master Joe (airily). As you please, Sir. Things which are equal to the same thing are equal to one' another, you know.
Mrs. S. (aside). Smart boy, very! I fancy I should have more confidence in him if he were a little less so.
Doctor T. (grarely). You see, JOSEPH, there are some things in your earlier school career which your wellwishers would fain-forget. You were rather what is called, I think, "a young Radical” once, not to say “a bit of a pickle." You seemed not altogether out of sympathy with such revolutionary proceedings as “revolts" and " barring-outs,” and even talked once, if I remember rightly, of putting the Principals “to ransom"-doctrines better worthy of a Calabrian brigand than of a public school-boy. But let bygones be bygones. Now that you are in a position of responsibility and-respectability, you will, of course, abandon all such revolutionary rubbish, and think not of yourself, but others; consider less the wild wishes of your inferiors than the wise commands of your betters.
Master Joe (solemnly). Oh, of course, Sir! And now, if you, Dr. Poloni-ahem :-Dr. T., and Mrs. Pip-I mean Mrs. S., have quite finished your wig- I should say wise counsellings, I think I'll-go out and play! [Does so.
DYNAMITICAL ARGUMENTS. — The Apostles of "the Gospel of Dynamite". would, if they could, speedily convert a whole town-into a ruin.
A STARTLING PROPOSITION.
“Aon ? FLOY WITH ME ERCROSS THER SEA,
ERCROSS THER WORK LERG00N !!”
the effect of the pun, the Baron ventures to think, it is impossible to
convey in print to the reader, read he never so wisely, nor however WITi a spice of Tristram Shandy, a dash of Ferdinand Count vividly graphic may be the description. Yet if this same reader Fathom, and none the worse for the quaint flavouring thus given to possesses the art of reading aloud, with some approach to the dramatic the style and manner of the romance, The Blue Pavilions by "Q.” Dickensian manner, then, given an appreciative audience, it is prois about as good a tale of rapid dramatic and exciting adventure bable that the pun itself would not lose much in recital. At best, howas the Baron remembers to have read,- for some time at least. There ever, the crispness of the original salt is impaired, though the flavour is in it little enough of love, though that little is well and prettily is not lost by keeping, and the enjoyment of it must depend on the new told, but there is no lack of fighting at long odds and at short seasoning provided by the reciter. Of course, its piquancy may have intervals, of hairbreadth escapes, and of such chances by land and been staled by too frequent use—but “this is another story.” After sea as keep the reader, all agog, hurrying on from point to point, all, is a jest-book meant to be taken seriously? A question which anxious to see what is to happen next, and how the expected is to "nous donne à penser," quoth THE BARON DE Book-WORMS. eventuate unexpectedly. The story is for the most part told in a humorous devil-may-care-believe-it-or-not-as-you-like sort of way which compels attention, occasionally raises a smile, and always
FOGGED! excites curiosity. As a one-barrel novel, this ought to score a gold | BLEST if I know where I am in this murkiness made to benight us. right in the centre.
Blest if I know what it means, this infernal Impressionist etching ; The writer of a little leader in the Daily News of last Wednesday s.
esday. Surely some WHISTLER renowned in the gibbering realms of Cocytus seems to have been rather hard-up for a subject when he fell foul of the Messrs. MACMILLAN's cheap re-issue of A Jest-Book, compiled
Drewitand draws us along through its avenues ghostlily stretching. many years ago by Mr. Punch's MARK LEMON, “Uncle MARK," Lights flicker out in the gloom, like diminutive goblins that beckon; who brought the ancient Joe Miller up to that particular date. It _Onward we stagger and gasp in the grip of this emanence deadly: was the last of the jest-books, and they are now quite out of fashion. How I would curse if I could, but not RABELAIS even I reckon A quarter of a century hence, no doubt, the fortunate possessor of Language could find, or a voice if he wished for the sulphurous medley. one of these little books will come out with many a new jest, and be Blest if I know who you are, wicked giant, colossal above me, esteemed quite an original wit. It would have been well for the writer of the above-mentioned
Pluto perchance or, that fell spirit-ferryman, Charon uprising ! leaderette had he referred to the ninth of Elia's Popular Fallacies,
ed Blest if I know if survives in this demon-land anything of me, and been thereby reminded how "a pun is a pistol let off at the ear;
Blest!—It's a lamp-post, by George-a reality somewhat surprising! and not a feather to tickle the intellect.” The Baron is prepared to London, how long shall thy sons rue this Angel of Death with his admit that the lesson to be learned from this delightful Essay of grim bow,
[throttled ? CHARLES LAMB's is, that a pun once let off, has fizzled off, and Suffer this nightmare to last by its pestilence mangled and cannot be repeated with its first effect. Now the honest historian Would magic Science could scare the black vista to luridest Limbo, of this,'or of any pun, must reproduce in his narrative all the circum- Would that fresh breezes were tinned and the sunshine of Italy stances of time, place, and individuality that gave it its point; but! bottled !!
THEFT V. THRIFT.
A CENTURY 's gone, and still wiseacres plan
MR. PUNCH'S NEW-YEAR HONOURS, GIFTS,
GOOD WISHES, AND GREETINGS. (Conferred by him, without " Official Notification.") To Her Most Gracious Majesty.The Queendom of his heart.
To the Duke of Clarence, and the Princess May.-,
To Prince George of Wales.-A Clean Bill of Health.
To Mr. Gladstone.— Freedom from the City, its fogs, and politics.
To the Duke of Devonshire.-A Peerage, and the right successor in Rossendale.
To Mr. Chamberlain.-His Cartoon for the week.
To Lord Randolph Churchill.—“Something new out of Africa."
To the Peerage.-General Sir FREDERICK ROBERTS. (The greatest “honour" of the lot, by Jove !").
To Henry Irving.—“A Health to the King' (HARRY THE EIGHTH), and any number of Nights' (run).
To Johnny Toole.- Rapid recovery, and another kind love" from Toole-le-Monde!
To Mr. Punch's Young Men.- Privy Councillorships (to the Public) all round.
To Everybody.-A Happy New Volume !
A QUESTION OF PRECEDENCE, BUT NOT A PRECEDENT. It is a gracious act on the part of a Cabman, when, at a dinner-party, he gives the pas to an Omnibus-driver, at the same time courteously explaining this waiver of rights by saying that “at the present moment he is not standing on his rank.”
Page Boy (to Jeames). “WHERE SHALL I PUT THISH 'ER Dish OF AMMONDS ?” “THE COMPLEMENTS OF THE SEASON." - Christmas. Jeames (with dignity). “I'M SURPRISED, HARTHUR, THAT AT YOUR HAGE YOU Boxes.
L'AVEN'T LEARNT 'OW TO PERNOUNCE THE R IN HARMONDS !”.
his uneasiness under the cold steel-grey glance of STRATHEDEN. ONLY FANCY !
They finally agreed that the best thing they could do was to set In continuation of his interesting notes of incidents connected forth for Berlin, making secret détours in order to call at other of with the gathering of Ministers for the last Cabinet Council, Our the principal capitals, and confer with the Foreign Ministers. The Special Reporter states that the only contretemps arose in connection result, we are pleased to learn, has been most beneficial, and has, so
with the arrival of Mr. GOSCHEN. On to speak, contributed a hodful of mortar to the foundation on which
alighting from his coupé the CHANCELLOR rests the peace of Europe.
Mrs. RAMSBOTHAM is disposed to regard HOMER as over-rated. "Hi! wot's this?" shouted the Cabman.
The only book of his she ever read, she says, is Bombastical Furioso, “A one-pound note," said the CHAN
and certainly that did not assuage her appetite for any more. CELLOR of the EXCHEQUER, blandly ; “give
Mr. STEAD has been taking into his confidence a universe thrilled me the change.” “Oh, no you don't," said the Cabman ;
with interest, with respect to certain presentiments which from time “you try that on in the City, young feller.
to time have struck his mind. One he dates in October, 1883, at which This is too far West.”
time he was sub-editor of an evening journal which Mr. Joan MORLEY
then edited. He had, he records, à presentiment that at an early a Mr. GoSCHEN, evidently annoyed, carefully selected a worn-out shilling, and
approaching date, Mr. MORLEY would have quitted the establishtossing it to the man, stalked haughtily into the Treasury. A moment
ment-dead Mr. STEAD genially anticipated-and that he would later he hurriedly opened the door and looked out for the Cabman, but
reign in Stead. In view of the public interest involved in these conhe had gone. It was understood, Our Reporter says, that the Right his
fessions, we have interviewed a certain Right Hon. Gentleman as to
his susceptibility to presentiments. Hon. Gentleman had thought of a repartee.
“Well," he replied, “they are not usual with me; but I remember
| that for some time before the date mentioned, I felt that either The Morning Papers announce, with tantalising brevity, that “Lord Mr. STEAD or I must leave the paper." STRATHEDEN AND CAMPBELL has (sic) returned to Bruton Street from Berlin.” We are in a position to add that the occasion of the noble One of the earliest volumes issued in connection with the newlyLords' journey to Berlin was of international interest. It is no devised Automatic Library in use on some lines of Railway, is secret at the Foreign Office that their Lordships have for some entitled Beyond Escape. We understand that subsequent volumes time been uneasy at the turn events are taking in the East. will be Dashed to Pieces, The Broken Bridge, The Sprained Axle, They have endeavoured to disguise from each other their perturbed The Wheelbox on Fire, The Gorgon Guard, The Cruel Cowcatcher ; feelings. But STRATHEDEN felt that CAMPBELL'S eye was upon him, or, Cut in Twain, The Colour-Blind Signalman, and Shunted and whilst CAMPBELL at last abandoned the futile effort of dissembling Shattered,