THE HOME AND THE OPEN SPACE. Wor, GRUMBLE AT BEING EWICTED, AND FOR THE PUBLIC GOOD? Now, I CALLS THAT INGRATITOOD! WY, WE'RE JIM'S JOTTINGS. No. 1.-DOWN OUR COURT. (In which Jim Juniper, better known as "Ginger Jimmy," discourses of Homes and Open Spaces, &c., and puts a practical problem to the new Public Health and Housing Committee of the London County Council.") I'm a bit thick in the clear, like, and don't quite know wot they mean, But I guess it isn't mansions, and I'm sure it isn't clean. They are always on the job now about Slums, and they do say They are going to clear our Court out on the suddent some fine day. Whether it's roads, or railways, or hotels, blowed if I know; Only 'ope they'll give us notice, and some place where we can go. 'One is 'ome, if but a dungheap; if you 're pitchforked out of that, In Rats Rents, the kind o' nay'brood wot the Swells now calls a Slum. And turned loose in chilly London on the scoop, like a stray cat, My name is GINGER JIMMY, and I live, when I'm to hum, With yer bits o' sticks permiskus in a barrer, or a truck, I can tell yer you feels lost like, and fair down upon yer luck. Heviction? When you re stoney-broke, your dubs all hup the spout, And you've nix to raise the rent on, I suppose you must turn hout; 'Cos without them "rights o' proputty" no country couldn't jog; But that brings a cove small comfort when e's 'ouseless, in a fog! I 'ave knocked about a middlin' little bit, you bet I'ave, And I ain't what Barber BIDDLECOMBE Would call "a heasy shave"; But these Sanitary codgers give me beans, and no mistake. I am fly to most all capers, but don't tumble to their fake. Seems to me all sentimental jor and cold chuck-out, it do. They may call their big Committees, and may chat till all is blue, But to shift me till they gives me somethink sweeter is all rot; [in the pot. Better leave my garret winder, and the flower That gerenum there looks proper; which I bought it of a bloke What does the "All a-blowin'!" with a [jolly sure barrer and a moke; And though tuppences is tuppences, I ain't so As to spend two-d. upon it were to play the blooming cure them eyes as never blink. And I ain't no softy, neither, bet your buttons. That don't pay, For you're 'bliged to keep yer eyes peeled and to twig the time of day; But I've got a mash on flowers; they are better than four 'arf, Them red blazers in my winder; so let NOCKY 'ave his larf! TAKING HIM RATHER TOO LITERALLY. Sir Biggan Burleigh (who doesn't see why he shouldn't have a turn in his own house, to very young Lady). "MISS VIOLET,-ROUND OR SQUARE?" I SHOULD SAY "-(hesitating)-DECIDEDLY ROUND!" Miss Violet (her first ball, very bashful). "WELL-REALLY-SIR BURLEIGH-IF YOU INSIST NOCKY tells me that the Westry means a-clearin' hout our place Well, it's opened with a flourish, and there's everyone content; But I don't object to gardings, not a mossel-t'other quite; And it won't be werry spashus, the new "Park" won't, arter all, 'Arf a cove's poor screw to pay it. That's the present landlord's fake! If they only knowed 'ow 'ard it is to meet "Saint Monday" square, When yer 'ealth is werry middlin', and the jobs is werry rare! P'raps them Dooks, and Earls, and Marquiges, and Kernels, wot they states Has just clubbed theirselves together to keep down the bloomin' Rates, And to smash the Kounty Kouncil, as they 've bunnicked the Skool Jest a few of their hodd moments to our naybrood might afford. Arter all yer Public Garding 's little better than a chouse, Oh, Philanterpists, and Sanitrys, and Dooks, I do not mean 'Arry Examined. Q. What is meant by "Higher Education"? Arry. Getting a Tutor at so much a week. That's the way I should 'ire education-if I wanted it. A DEFINITION.-"A pun on a word is a new sense." - Dr. JOHNSON, Junior. THE TRAVELLING COMPANIONS. No. XXII. SCENE-The Campo S.S. Giovanni e Paolo. Afternoon. CULCHARD is leaning against the pedestal of the Colleoni Statue. Podbury (who has just come out of S. Giovanni, recognising CULCHARD). Hullo! alone, eh? Thought you were with Miss TROTTER? Culchard. So I am. That is, she is going over a metal-worker's show-room close by, and I-er-preferred the open air. But didn't you say you were going out with the-er-PRENDERGASTS again? Podb. So I am. She's in the Church with BOB, so I said I'd come out and keep an eye on the gondola. Nothing much to see in there, you know! 66 Culch. (with a weary irony). Only the mausoleums of the DogesRUSKIN'S Street of the Tombs "-and a few trifles of that sort! Podb. That's all. And I'm feeling a bit done, you know. Been doing the Correr Museum all the morning, and not lunched yet! So Miss TROTTER'S looking at ornamental metal-work? Rather fun that, eh? Culch. For those who enjoy it. She has only been in there. an hour, so she is not likely to come back just yet. What do you say to coming into S.S. Giovanni e Paolo again, with me? Those tombs form a really remarkable illustration, as RusKIN points out, of the gradual decay of Miss Trotter (suddenly flutters up, followed by an attendant carrying a studded halberd, an antique gondola-hook, and two copper water-buckets all of which are consigned to the disgusted CULCHARD). Just hold these a spell till I come back. Thanks ever so much... Well, Mr. PODBURY! Aren't you going to admire my purchases? They're real antique - or if they aren't, they'll wear all the better... There, I believe I'll just have to run back a minute-don't you put those things in the gondola yet, Mr. CULCHARD, or they 'll get stolen. [She flutters off. Culch. (helplessly, as he holds the halberd, &c.). I suppose I shall have to stay here now. You're not going? Podb. (consulting his watch). Must. Promised old Boв I'd relieve guard in ten minutes. Ta-ta! [He goes; presently BOB PRENDERGAST lounges out of the church. Culch. If I could only make a friend of him! (To BOB.) Ah, PRENDERGAST! lovely afternoon, isn't it? Delicious breeze! Bob. (shortly). Can't say. Not had much of it, at present. Culch. You find these old churches rather oppressive, I daresay. Er-will you have a cigarette? [Tenders case. Bob. Thanks; got a pipe. (He lights it.) Where's Miss TROTTER? Culch. She will be here presently. By the way, my dear PRENDERGAST, this-er-misunderstanding between your sister and her is very unfortunate. Bob. Very likely-but I couldn't. I never interfere in my sister's affairs, and, to tell you the honest truth, I don't feel particularly inclined to make a beginning on your account. [Strolls away. Culch. (to himself). What a surly boor it is! But I don't careI'll do him a good turn, in spite of himself! (Miss T. returns.) Do you know, I've just been having a chat with poor young PRENDERGAST. He seems quite cut up at being forced to side with his sister. I undertook to-er-intercede for him. Now is it quite fair, or like your-er-usual good-nature, to visit his sister's offences-whatever they are-on him? I-I only put it to you. Miss T. Well, to think now! I guess you're about the most unselfish Saint on two legs! Now some folks would have felt jealous. Culch. Possibly-but I cannot accuse myself of such a failing as that. Miss T. I'd just like to hear you accuse yourself of any failing! I don't see however you manage to act so magnanimous and live. I told you I wanted to study your character, and I believe it isn't going to take me vurry much longer to make up my mind about you. You don't suppose I'll have any time for Mr. PRENDERGAST after getting such a glimpse into your nature? There, help me into the gondola, and don't talk any more about it. Tell him to go to Salviati's right away. Culch. (dejectedly, to himself). I've bungled it! I might have known I should only make matters worse! On the Piazzetta; it is moonlight, the Campanile and dome of San Giorgio Maggiore are silhouetted sharp and black against the steel-blue sky across a sea of silver ripples. PODBURY and CULCHARD are pacing slowly arm-in-arm between the two columns. Culch. And so you went on to S. Giovanni in Bragora, eh? then over the Arsenal, and rowed across the lagoons to see the Armenian convent? A delightful day, my dear PODBURY! I hope you-er-appreciate the inestimable privileges of-of seeing Venice so thoroughly? Podb. Oh, of course it's very jolly. Find I get a trifle mixed afterwards, though. And, between ourselves, I wouldn't mind-now and then, you know -just dawdling about among the shops and people, as you and the TROTTERS do! Culch. That has its charms, no doubt. But don't you find Miss PRENDERGAST a mine of information on Italian Art and History? Podb. Don't I just-rather too deep for me, y' know! I say, isn't Miss TROTTER immense sport in the shops and that! Culch. She is-er-vivacious, seem rather dull to-night, my "I guess you're about the most unselfish Saint on two legs!" certainly. (PODBURY sighs.) You dear fellow? Podb. Not dull--a trifle out of sorts, that's all. Fact is, I don't think Venice agrees with me. All this messing about down beastly back-courts and canals and in stuffy churches-it can't be healthy, you know! And they've no drainage. I only hope I haven't caught something, as it is. I've that kind of sinking feeling, and a general lowness-She says I lunch too heavily-but I swear it's more than that! Bob. I know that well enough. It's none of my doing! you've no reason to complain, at all events! Culch. Quite so. Only, you see, we used to be good friends Constance, and-er-until recently And at Bob. Used we? Of course, if you say so, it's all right. But what are you driving at exactly? Culch. All I am driving at is this: Couldn't we two-er-agree to effect a reconciliation between the two ladies? So much pleasanter for-er-all parties! Bob. I daresay. But how are you going to set about it? I can't begin. Culch. Couldn't you induce your sister to lay aside her-erprejudice against me? Then I could easily Culch. Nonsense, you re well enough. And why you should feel low, with all your advantages-in Venice as you are, and in constant intercourse with a mind adorned with every feminine gift! Podt. Hul-lo! why, I thought you called her a pedantic prig? Culch. If I used such a term at all, it was in no disparaging sense. Every earnest nature presents an-er-priggish side at times. I know that even I myself have occasionally, and by people who didn't know me, of course, been charged with priggishness. Podb. Have you, though? But of course there's nothing of that about her. Only-well, it don't signify. [He sighs. Culch. Ah, PODBURY, take the good the gods provide you and be content! You might be worse off, believe me! Podb. (discontentedly). It's all very well for you to talk-with Miss TROTTER all to yourself. I suppose you're regularly engaged by this time, eh? And your probation, that's Podb. I don't know. Can't make her out. She wouldn't sit on me the way she does unless she liked me, I suppose. But I say, it must be awf-rather jolly for you with Miss TROTTER? She's got so much go, eh? Culch. Not quite. There's still a practically at an end? Culch. You used to say she wasn't what you call cultivated. Podb. I know I did. That's just what I like about her! At least-well, we both ought to think ourselves uncommonly lucky beggars, I'm sure! [He sighs more heavily than ever. Culch. You especially, my dear PODBURY. In fact, I doubt if you're half grateful enough! Podb. (snappishly). Yes, I am, I tell you. I'm not grumbling, am I? I know as well as you do she's miles too good for me. Haven't I said so? Then what the devil do you keep on nagging at me for, eh? Culch. I am glad you see it in that light. Aren't you a little irritable to-night? Podb. No, I'm not. It's those filthy canals. talk-as if a girl like Miss TROTTER wasn't -! And the way you Culch. I really can't allow you to lecture me. I am not insensible to my good-fortune-if others are. Now we'll drop the subject. Podb. I'm willing enough to drop it. And I shall turn in nowit's late. You coming? Culch. Not yet. Good-night. (To himself, as PODBURY departs.) You insensate dolt! Podb. Good-night! (To himself, as he swings off.) Confounded patronising prig HUMPTY-DUMPTY UP AGAIN! THAT hardy annual known as The Drury Lane Pantomime is in full vigour this year, its flowers of a more brilliant colour than ever, and its leaves, as evidenced by the book of words, are fresh and vigorous. In no other sense, however, does the Drury Lane Pantomime 66 who wants full change for his money and a bonus into the bargain, will find it in the return he will get for his outlay on visiting the Drury Lane Annual. And now about the Harlequinade. The Opening," as it used to be called, which, terminating with the Grand Transformation Scene, ought to be, theoretically at least, only the introduction to the real business of the evening, that is, the "Pantomime business," concludes at 10'45, and allows threequarters of an hour for what is called "the Double Harlequinade" which consists of one old-fashioned English Pantomime-scene, followed by a comparatively modern-for 'tis not absolutely "new and original"-French Pantomime-scene, and this arrangement seems like, so to speak, pitting English Joey against French Pierrot. This friendly rivalry has had the effect of waking up the traditional Grimaldian spirit of Pantomime, and Mr. HARRY PAYNE'S scene, besides coming earlier than usual, is, in itself, full of fun of the "Fin de siècle' Clown! Why, I've seen that sort o' thing done years ago, when I was a boy!" good old school-boyish kind; and if the Public, as Jury, is to award bear any resemblance a palm to either competitor, then it must give a hand-which is to " a plant." There much the same thing as "awarding a palm"-to its old friend, is no "take in " about HARRY PAYNE, who, with TULLY LEWIS as Pantaloon, has pulled it, except that even himself together, and given us a good quarter of an hour of genuine big Old Drury is not Old English Pantomime, compared with which the other, though capable of holding all its fooling is excellent in its own way, is only comic ballet d'action who would be present; after the style of Fun in a Fog. I think that was the title, but am and so it happens not sure, of the gambols with which the MARTINETTI troupe used to nightly I believe, that entertain us. The new and improved style of ballet-dancing intromany are turned away duced by the now celebrated pas de quatre at the Gaiety, is charming, from the doors bit-as here and now represented by Miss MABEL LOVE and her graceful terly disappointed. companions. The Lay of the Analytic Novelist. Such certainly was To sum up; as the inspired poet of the immortal ode on Guy the case when the Fawkes' Day saw no reason why that particular treason should ever present deponent was be forgot, so I, but uninspired, and only mortal, am unable to ascerinstalled, without tain the existence of any objection to the opinion that this Pantoany unnecessary cere- mime possesses staying power sufficient to carry itself on for an mony, on a certain extra long run of several months over Easter, and, maybe, up to given night last week. Whitsuntide. There is but one DRURIOLANUS, and the Pantomime The book" is by the is his Profit! The two authors have achieved what "all the King's Every-knightly DRU- horses and all the King's men" (not of Cambridge, of course) could RIOLANUS and his not effect!-they have set Humpty-Dumpty on his legs again! And faithful Esquire, so congratulations to "all concerned"! And, without prejudice to HARRY NICHOLLS, Sir DRURIOLANUS, I beg to sign myself, THE OTHER KNIGHT. who, much to everybody's regret, does not on this occasion appear as one of the exponents of his own work. There are Miss FANNIE LESLIE-too much "ie" in this name now, and one may ask "for why"?-Miss MARIE (not "MARY"-oh dear no!) LLOYD, Miss PATTIE-not PATTY of course-HEYWOOD, Mr. JOHN and Miss EMMA (dear me not EMMIE!) D'AUBAN, and Mr. HERBERT CAMPBELL as a grotesque monarch, Mr. DAN LENO as Queen of Hearts, Mr. FRED WALTON, wonderful in a frame as the living image of the Knave of Hearts, and a crowd of clever people. But among the entire dramatis persona, first and foremost, both the least and the greatest, is the impersonator of Humpty-Dumpty himself, the Yellow Dwarf alias Little TICH, who shares with the gorgeous spectacle and the exquisite combination of colours in Scene Eight, The Wedding, the first honours of the Great Drury Lane Annual. It is emphatically a Pantomime for children to see and to enjoy. The action is so rapid, song succeeds dance, and dance succeeds song, and permutations and combinations of colour are so brilliant and so frequent, that anyone Little Tich and the Fine Fairy. ["It is not the patent, obvious results of the inner working of mind on which the modern novelist dwells, it is on that inner working itself."-Daily Chronicle.] THAT odd barrel-organ, the human mind, I love to explore; 'tis the analyst's lune; But if I can only contrive to find How the pipes will grunt, and the handle will grind, I don't care a fig for the tune! "HIT ONE OF YOUR OWN SIZE."-About the ups or downs of the Alexandra Palace, Mr. SHAW LEFEVRE shouldn't have a row with a LITTLER, specially when the LITTLER, who if he, with his friends, take over the lease of the Alexandra themselves, will then be a Lessor, is pretty sure to get the best of the discussion. BY A THOUGHTFUL PHILOSOPHER.-Any remedy against London fogs must involve a grate change. Dougal (with all his native contempt for the Londoner). "AYE, MON, AN' HE'S NO A BAD SHOT?" Davie. "DRED AN' HE'S A VERRA GUID SHOT." Dougal. HECH! IT'S AN AWFU' PEETIE HE'S A LONDONER!" Master Joe (aside). Bothersome old Blimber! THE NEW MONITOR; OR, JOSEPH'S JOBATION. ["Ir is reasonable to assume that Mr. CHAMBERLAIN will at once perceive how his position has been altered by becoming the head of a party including many shades of opinion, instead of being, as he has been, the spokesman of a small set of politicians, earnest, no doubt, and 'active, but not quite in sympathy with all those who shared their fortunes."-The Times. "The arrangements consequent on Lord HARTINGTON's succession to the Peerage have very much narrowed the freedom previously enjoyed by the Member for West Birmingham, and, in a corresponding degree, enlarged the sphere of his responsibilities.. The Statesman who has to act as guide and moderator at St. Stephen's will be careful, no doubt, not to compromise his authority by any indiscreet or extravagant insistance on remote and contentious issues."-The Standard.] SCENE .... St. Stephen's School. Present, Doctor T., Principal, Mrs. S., Matron, and Master JOE, Pupil, lately promoted to Monitorship in the Lower School. Doctor T. Ahem! And so, JOSEPH, we have to congratulate you upon your-a-a-promotion!' Master Joe (coolly). You are very good, Sir, I'm sure. [Whistles. Doctor T. Not at all, JOSEPH, not at all. That is to say-ahem! -you doubtless deserve it. Mrs. S. Doubtless deserve it, JOSEPH! I always said you would turn out a better boy than, at one time I-that is to say, manyexpected. It is a great consolation to me, JOSEPH, after all the care Master Joe (aside). And the numerous jobations! Mrs. S. That I-that we have bestowed upon you, to find-ahem! -our best hopes so amply fulfilled. Dr. T. Fulfilled, JOSEPH; whether amply or not it remains for you to prove. is Master Joe (carelessly). All right, Sir, I'll prove it fast enough. Dr. T. I trust so, JOSEPH, I trust so, though "fast enough" hardly the phrase I should have adopted, or-ahem !-recommended, -in the circumstances! "Is there a word wants nobleness and grace, Devoid of weight, nor worthy of high place?" You know what our excellent HORACE bids you do in such a case. Mrs. S. Yes, JOSEPH, slanginess, carelessness and extravagance of speech will not befit your present position, you know. Master Joe. (aside). Prosy old Pipchin! Dr. T. You could not, JOSEPH, put before you a better model than the boy whose post you assume, in consequence of his going to the Upper School; young HARTY, I mean, a boy who was ever a pattern of propriety, and one absolutely to be depended upon to maintain the prestige of the school, and-ahem!-the authority of the Masters, in every contingency. Mrs. S. In every contingency, JOSEPH. How unlike that talented, but untrustworthy, senior of his, and of yours, WILL GLADSTONE; a lad whose leadership you once acknowledged, but whose pernicious influence, I am happy to find, you have lately quite cast off. Master Joe (knowingly). Rather! Where there's a WILL there's a way; and WILL thought it must always be his way. But "not for JOE!" popular minstrelsy of our time a leetle reminiscent of ruder, and Dr. T. Again, JOSEPH, is not that-ahem!-quotation from the more Radical days? 66 Master Joe. Perhaps so, Sir, perhaps so. Let me then say that Ego primam tollo, nominor quoniam Leo" is a very pretty maxim for lions and jackals. The former rôle I may not yet have risen to, but I'm hanged if I'll stoop to the latter. able Leonina Societas. Remember, also, JOSEPH, what an awful Dr. T. Quite so, quite so! At any rate, not in such a questionexample you have in young GRANDOLPH, with whom, at one time, you seemed a little intimate. You have only to reflect upon his fiasco, "to have the counsels of prudence borne in imperatively upon your mind, and the lesson will not be the less impressively taught if it is remembered that GRANDOLPH will be on the spot to take note of and profit by any mistakes that may be committed by his more deserving and successful rival." 66 Master Joe (aside). Lessons all round, eh? Seems to me all this grandmotherly advice is wondrous like a wigging" in disguise. Perhaps they'll find I'm better at teaching than learning. Mrs. S. Cavendo tutus, JOSEPH, safe by caution. The motto of your predecessor. You cannot do better than take it as your own. Master Joe (innocently). Think not, Ma'am? I fancy every man |