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THE HOME AND THE OPEN SPACE.
A-GOING TO MAKE THIS INTO A PEOPLE'S PLEASURE-GROUND, WE ARE !!!"
I'm a bit thick in the clear, like, and don't quite know wot they
mean, No. 1.-DOWN OUR COURT.
But I guess it isn't mansions, and I'm sure it isn't clean. (In which Jim Juniper, better known as “Ginger Jimmy," discourses of They are always on the job now about Slums, and they do say
Homes and Open Spaces, &c., and puts a practical problem to the They are going to clear our Court out on the suddent some fine day. new " Public Health and Housing Committee of the London County Whether it's
roads, or railways, or hotels, blowed if I know; Council.”).
Only 'ope they'll give us notice, and some place where we can go. My name is GINGER JIMMY, and I live, when I'm to hum,
'One is 'ome, if but a dungheap; if you 're pitchforked out of that, In Rats Rents, the kind o' nay' brood wot the Swells now calls a Slum. And turned loose in chilly London on the scoop, like a stray cat,
With yer bits o'sticks permiskus in a barrer, or a truck,
Osre, il I can tell yer you feels lost like, and fair down
upon yer luck. Heviction? When you re stoney-broke, your
dubs all hup the spout, And you've nix to raise the rent on, I suppose
you must turn hout; 'Cos without them "rights o' proputty" no
country couldn't jog; But that brings a cove small comfort when
e's 'ouseless, in a fog! I’ave knocked about a middlin' little bit, you
bet I'ave, And I ain't what Barber BIDDLECOMBE would
call " a heasy shave”; But these Sanitary codgers give me beans,
and no mistake. I am fly to most all capers, but don't tumble
to their fake. Seems to me all sentimental jor and cold
chuck-out, it do. They may call their big Committees, and may
chat till all is blue, But to shift me till they gives me somethink sweeter is all rot;
[in the pot. Better leave my garret winder, and the flower That gerenum there looks proper; which I
bonght it of a bloke What does the "All a-blowin'!” with a barrer and a moke;
(jolly sure And though tuppences is tuppences, I ain't so As to spend two-d. upon it were to play the
blooming cure NOCKY SPRIGGINS did chi-ike me. Reglar
nubbly one is Nock, With about as much soft feelink as a blessed
butcher's block. He'd a made a spiffing Club Swell if he'd ony
'ad the chink, With them lips like a ham sandwidge, and
them eyes as never blink. And I ain't no softy, neither, bet your
buttons. That don't pay, For you 're 'bliged to keep yer eyes peeled
TAKING HIM RATHER TOO LITERALLY. and to twig the time o' day; But I've got a mash on flowers; they are vorina Lady). “Miss VIOLET,—ROUND OR SQUARE!"
Sir Biggan Burleigh (who doesn't see why he shouldn't have a turn in his own house, to very better than four 'arf, Them red blazers in my winder; so let NOCKY | I SHOULD SAY ', -shesitating)
Miss Violet (her first ball, very bashful). “WELL-REALLY-SIR BURLEIGH-IF YOU INSIST
DECIDEDLY ROUND ! 'ave his larf! Nocky tells me that the Westry means a-clearin' hout our place | And to smash the Kounty Kouncil, as they've bunnicked the Skool For to make a bit o' garding, wot they calls a Hopen Space,
Board, 0 I know the sort o' fakement, gravel walks, a patch o' grass, Jest a few of their hodd moments to our naybrood might afford. And a sprinkle of young lime-trees of yer Thames Embankment class. They must'ave a feelink ’art towards the poor, and no mistake. Some bloke spots the place as likely, and praps buys it on the cheap, Or they wouldn't take sech trouble for the poor Ratepayers' sake, (Spekylators keeps their lids hup though the parish nobs may sleep,) NOCKY SPRIGGINS sez it ’minds 'im of a League of Loving Cats Pooty soon the pot's a-bilin' about Hopen Spaces. Yus!
To purtect from traps and pizen the poor mice and starvin' rats. And the chap as bought the bit o' ground 15 fust to raise the fuss. Jest like NOCKY's narsty way that is ! But if them Dooks would try Recreation for the People, Hopen Playgrounds for the Young ! To assist the Kounty Kouncil in their new Committee-wy, [mock, That's the patter of the platformers; and don't they jest give They might 'elp our Health and Housing in a style as none could tongue !
Give the proud “Pergressives” what-for, and fair put the shut on Well, it's opened with a flourish, and there's everyone content;
NOCK Pertiklerly the landlords round as nobbles better rent.
Arter all yer Public Garding 's little better than a chouse, .. But I don't object to gardings, not a mossel—t'other quite;
While the landlord rents yer heart out for a wretched Privit 'Ouse. As I've said, a bit of green stuff and a flower is my delight;
And yer Hopen Space's pootiness ain't much good to our sort, I wish London wos more hopen, and more greener, and more gay ;
Who are shut up in the dismal dens called 'Omes, gents, down our Only people down our Court has got to live as well as play.
Court. If they clears out the arf acre where we huddles orful close,
Oh, Philanterpists, and Sanitrys, and Dooks, I do not mean We must all turn out, that's certain; where we'll turn to, goodness To be rucking upon Charity, or rounding on wot's clean; knows;
But if yer wants to 'elp us as has lived so long in muck, And it won't be werry spashus, the new “Park” won't, arter all, The only thing wot 's wanted ain't to give us the clean-chuck! With the graveyard railinks one side, and on t'other a blank wall. W ot we want is decent 'ouses, at a rent as doesn't take
'Arry Examined. 'Arf a cove's poor screw to pay it. That's the present landlord's fake!
Q. What is meant by “Higher Education "? If they only knowed 'ow 'ard it is to meet “Saint Monday" square, Arry. Getting a Tutor at so much a week. That's the way I When yer 'ealth is werry middlin', and the jobs is werry rare ! should 'ire education-if I wanted it. P'raps them Dooks, and Earls, and Marquiges, and Kernels, wot | they states
A DEFINITION.-"A pun on a word is a new sense.” – Dr. Has just clubbed theirselves together to keep down the bloomin' Rates, JOHNSON, Junior.
Bob. Very likely—but I couldn't. I never interfere in my sister's THE TRAVELLING COMPANIONS.
affairs, and, to tell you the honest truth, I don't feel particularly No. XXII.
inclined to make a beginning on your account. [Strolls away.
Culch. (to himself). What a surly boor it is! But I don't care SCENE–The Campo S.S. Giovanni e Paolo. Afternoon. CULCHARD I'll do him a good turn, in spite of himself! (Miss T. returns.) Do is leaning against the pedestal of the Colleoni Statue.
you know, I've just been having a chat with poor young PRENDERPodbury (who has just come out of S. Giovanni, recognising GAST. He seems quite cut up at being forced to side with his sister. CULCHARD). Hullo! alone, eh? Thought you were with Miss I undertook to-er-intercede for him. Now is it quite fair, or like TROTTER ?
your-er-usual good-nature, to visit his sister's offences-whatever Culchard. So I am. That is, she is going over a metal-worker's they are-on him? I-I only put it to you. show-room close by, and I-er-preferred the open air. But didn't Miss T. Well, to think now! I guess you 're about the most you say you were going out with the-er-PRENDERGASTS again ? unselfish Saint on two legs! Now some folks would have felt jealous.
Podb. So I am. She's in the Church with BOB, so I said I'd Culch. Possibly—but I cannot accuse myself of such a failing as come out and keep an eye on the gondola. Nothing much to see in that. there, you know!
| Miss T. I'd just like to hear you accuse yourself of any failing! Culch. (with a weary irony). Only the mausoleums of the Doges- I don't see however you manage to act so magnanimous and live. I RUSKIN'S " Street of the Tombs”-and a few trifles of that sort ! told you I wanted to study your character, and I believe it isn't
Podb. That's all. And I'm feeling a bit done, you know. Been going to take me vurry much longer to make up my mind about you. doing the Correr Museum all
You don't suppose I'll have the morning, and not lunched
any time for Mr. PRENDERGAST yet! So Miss TROTTER's look
after getting such a glimpse ing at ornamental metal-work?
into your nature? There, help Rather fun that, eh?
me into the gondola, and don't Culch. For those who enjoy
talk any more about it. Tell it. She has only been in there
him to go to Salviati's right an hour, so she is not likely to
away. come back just yet. What do
Culch. (dejectedly, to himyou say to coming into S.S. Gio
self). I've bungled it! I might vanni e Paolo again, with me?
have known I should only make Those tombs form a really re
matters worse! markable illustration, as RusKIN points out, of the gradual
On the Piazzetta ; it is moondecay of
light, the Campanile and dome Miss Trotter (suddenly flutters
of San Giorgio Maggiore are
silhouetted sharp and black up, followed by an attendant
against the steel - blue sky carrying a studded halberd, an antique gondola-hook, and two
across a sea of silver ripples. copper water-buckets – all of
PODBURY and CULCHARD are which are consigned to the dis
pacing slowly arm - in - arm gusted CULCHARD). Just hold
between the tico columns. these a spell till I come back.
Culch. And so you went on Thanks ever so much ... Well,
to S. Giovanni in Bragora, eh? Mr. PODBURY! Aren't you
then over the Arsenal, and going to admire my purchases ?
rowed across the lagoons to see They 're real antique — or if
the Armenian convent? A dethey aren't, they 'Il wear all
lightful day, my dear PODBURY! the better... There, I believe
I hope you-er-appreciate the I'll just have to run back a
inestimable privileges of - of minute-don't you put those
seeing Venice so thoroughly? things in the gondola yet, Mr.
Podb. Oh, of course it's very COLCHARD, or they 'll get stolen.
jolly. Find I get a trifle mixed [She flutters off.
afterwards, though. And, beCulch. (helplessly, as he holds
tween ourselves, I wouldn't the halberd, 8c.)." I suppose I
mind—now and then, you know shall have to stay here now.
- just dawdling about among You're not going ?
the shops and people, as you Podb. (consulting his watch).
and the TROTTERS do! Must. Promised old BoB I'd
Culch. That has its charms, relieve guard in ten minutes.
no doubt. But don't you find Ta-ta!
Miss PRENDERGAST a mine of [He goes; presently BOB PREN
information on Italian Art and DERGAST lounges out of the
Podš. Don't I just-rather Culch. If I could only make
too deep for me, y' know! I a friend of him! (To BOB.)
say, isn't Miss TROTTER immense Ab, PRENDERGAST! lovely after
sport in the shops and that! noon, isn't it? Delicious breeze! "I guess you 're about the most unselfish Saint on two legs !”
* Culch. She is-er-vivacious, Bób. (shortly). Can't say. Not had much of it, at present. | certainly. (PODBURY sighs.) You seem rather dull to-night, mý
Culch. You find these old churches rather oppressive, I daresay. dear fellow ? Er-will you have a cigarette ?
[Tenders case. | Podb. Not dull--a trifle out of sorts, that's all. Fact is, I don't Bob. Thanks; got a pipe. (IIe lights it.) Where's Miss TROTTER ? think Venice agrees with me. All this messing about down beastly Culch. She will be here presently. By the way, my dear back-courts and canals and in stuffy churches-it can't be healthy,
ter and I vou know! And they've no drainage. her is very unfortunate.
caught something, as it is. I've that kind of sinking feeling, and Bob. I know that well enough. It's none of my doing! And a general lowness-She says I lunch too heavily-but I swear it's you've no reason to complain, at all events !
more than that! Culch. Quite so. Only, you see, we used to be good friends at Culch, Nonsense, you re well enough. And why you should feel Constance, and-er-until recently —
| low, with all your advantages-in Venice as you are, and in constant Bob. Used we? Of course, if you say so, it's all right. But intercourse with a mind adorned with every feminine gift! what are you driving at exactly?
Podt. Hul-lo! why, I thought you called her a pedantic prig ? Culch. All I am driving at is this: Couldn't we two-er-agree to Culch. If I used such a term at all, it was in no disparaging sense. effect a reconciliation between the two ladies ? So much pleasanter Every earnest nature presents an-er-priggish side at times. I for-er-all parties !
know that even I myself have occasionally, and by people who didn't Bob. I daresay. But how are you going to set about it? I can't begin. know me, of course, been charged with priggishness. Culch. Couldn't you induce your sister to lay aside her-er- | Podb. Have you, though? But of course there's nothing of that
Podb. Have you, though? But of course there's nothi prejudice against me? Then I could easily —
| about her. Only-well, it don't signify.
I only hope I haven't
Culch. Ah, PODBURY, take the good the gods provide you and be who wants full change for his money and a bonus into the bargain, content! You might be worse off, believe me!
will find it in the return he will get for his outlay on visiting the Podb. (discontentedly). It's all very well for you to talk-with Drury Lane Annual. And now about the Harlequinade. The Miss TROTTER all to yourself. I suppose you're regularly engaged
“Opening," as it used to be called, which, terminating with the by this time, eh?
Grand Transformation Scene, ought to be, theoretically at least, only Culch. Not quite. There's still a — And your probation, that's the introduction to the real business of the evening, that is, the practically at an end ?
“ Pantomime business,” concludes at 10:45, and allows threePodb. I don't know. Can't make her out. She wouldn't sit on quarters of an hour for what is called “the Double Harlequinade" me the way she does unless she liked me, I suppose. But I say, it —which consists of one old-fashioned English Pantomime-scene, must be awf-rather jolly for you with Miss TROTTER? She's got so followed by a comparatively modern-for 'tis not absolutely “new much go, eh?
and original”-French Pantomime-scene, and this arrangement Culčh. You used to say she wasn't what you call cultivated. seems like, so to speak, pitting English Joey against French Pierrot.
Podb. I know I did. That's just what I like about her! At This friendly rivalry has had the effect of waking up the traditional least-well, we both ought to think ourselves uncommonly lucky | Grimaldian spirit of Pantomime, and Mr. HARRY PAYNE's scene, beggars, I'm sure!
[He sighs more heavily than ever. besides coming earlier than usual, is, in itself, full of fun of the Culch. You especially, my dear PODBURY. In fact, I doubt if you 're half grateful enough!
Podb. (snappishly). Yes, I am, I tell you. I'm not grumbling, am I? I know as well as you do she's miles too good for me. Haven't I said so? Then what the devil do you keep on nagging at me for, eh ?.
Culch. I am glad you see it in that light. Aren't you a little irritable to-night ?
Podb. No, I'm not. It's those filthy canals. And the way you talk-as if a girl like Miss TROTTER wasn't !
Culch. I really can't allow you to lecture me. I am not insensible to my good-fortune-if others are. Now we'll drop the subject.
Podb. I'm willing enough to drop it. And I shall turn in nowit's late. You coming ?
Culch. Not yet. Good-night. (To himself, as PODBURY departs.) | You insensate dolt!
Podb. Good-night! (To himself, as he swings off.) Confounded patronising prig'
HUMPTY-DUMPTY UP AGAIN! THAT hardy annual known as The Drury Lane Pantomime is in full vigour this year, its flowers of a more brilliant colour than ever, ".Fin de siècle Clown! Why, I've seen that sort o' thing done years and its leaves, as evidenced by the book of words, are fresh and ago, when I was a boy!” vigorous. In no other sense, however, does the Drury Lane Pantomime good old school-boyish kind ; and if the Public, as Jury, is to award
bear any resemblance à palm to either competitor, then it must give a hand-which is to “a plant." There much the same thing as "awarding a palm"-to its old friend, is no 'take in " about HARRY PAYNE, who, with TULLY LEWIS as Pantaloon, has pulled it, except that even himself together, and given us a good quarter of an hour of genuine big Old Drury is not Old English Pantomime, compared with which the other, though capable of holding all its fooling is excellent in its own way, is only comic ballet d'action who would be present; after the style of Fun in a Fog. I think that was the title, but am
and so it happens de 1812
not sure, of the gambols with which the MARTINETTI troupe used to nightly I believe, that entertain us. The new and improved style of ballet-dancing intro
duced by the now celebrated pas de quatre at the Gaiety, is charming,
from the doors bit- as here and now represented by Miss MABEL Love and her graceful iste
terly disappointed. companions. set of guru
Such certainly was! To sum up; as the inspired poet of the immortal ode on Guy
the case when the Fawkes' Day saw no reason why that particular treason should ever Guiatai
present deponent was be forgot, so I, but uninspired, and only mortal, am unable to ascer-
The Lay of the Analytic Novelist.
appear as one of the Little Tich and the Fine Fairy.
["It is not the patent, obvious results of the inner working of mind on exponents of his own work. There are Miss Chro
I which the modern novelist dwells, it is on that inner working itself.”— Daily
ISS Chronicle. FANNIE LESLIE—too much "ie" in this name now, and one may ask
THAT odd barrel-organ, the human mind, “ for why"?-Miss MARIE (not“MARY"-oh dear no!) LLOYD, Miss
I love to explore; 'tis the analyst's lune; PATTIE-not Party of course-HEYWOOD, Mr. John and Miss EMMA
But if I can only contrive to find (dear me! not EMMIE!') D'AUBAN, and Mr. HERBERT CAMPBELL
How the pipes will grunt, and the handle will grind, as a grotesque monarch, Mr. DAN LENO as Queen of Hearts, Mr.
I don't care a fig for the tune!
“HIT ONE OF YOUR OWN SIZE.”—About the ups or downs of the is the impersonator of Humpty Dumpty himself, the Yellow Dwarf Alexandra Palace, Mr. SHAW LEFEVRE shouldn't have a row with alias Little TICH, who shares with the gorgeous spectacle and the a LITTLER, specially when the LITTLER, who if he, with his friends, exquisite combination of colours in Scene Eight, The Wedding, the take over the lease of the Alexandra' themselves, will then be a first bonours of the Great Drury Lane Annual. It is emphatically a Lessor, is pretty sure to get the best of the discussion. Pantomime for children to see and to enjoy. The action is so rapid, song succeeds dance, and dance succeeds song, and permutations and By A THOUGHTFUL PHILOSOPHER.-Any remedy against London combinations of colour are so brilliant and so frequent, that anyone fogs must involve a grate change.
A GREAT DRAWBACK.
Master Joe (aside). Bothersome old Blimber! THE NEW MONITOR; OR, JOSEPH'S JOBATION. Mrs. 8. Yes, JOSEPH, slanginess, carelessness and extravagance ["It is reasonable to assume that Mr. CHAMBERLAIN will at once perceive of speech will not befit your present position, you know. how his position has been altered by becoming the head of a party including
Master Joe. (aside). Prosy old Pipchin! many shades of opinion, instead of being, as he has been, the spokesman of a
Dr. T. You could not, JOSEPH, put before you a better model than small set of politicians, earnest, no doubt, and 'active, but not quite in the boy whose post you assume, in consequence of his going to the sympathy with all those who shared their fortunes.”—The Times.
Upper School ; young HARTY, I mean, a boy who was ever a pattern “The arrangements consequent on Lord HARTINGTON's succession to the of propriety, and one absolutely to be depended upon to maintain the Peerage have very much narrowed the freedom previously enjoyed by the prestige of the school, and-abem !—the authority of the Masters, in Member for West Birmingham, and, in a corresponding degree, enlarged the every contingency. sphere of his responsibilities ...: The Statesman who has to act as guide Mrs. S. In every contingency, JOSEPH. How unlike
that talented, and moderator at St. Stephen's will be careful, no doubt, not to compromise but untrustworthy, senior of his, and of yours, WILL GLADSTONE; a his authority by any indiscreet or extravagant insistance on remote and lad whose leadership you once acknowledged, but whose pernicious contentious issues."— The Standard.)
influence, I am happy to find, you have lately quite cast off. SCENE — St. Stephen's School. Present, Doctor T., Principal, Master Joe (knowingly). Rather! Where there's a WILL there's
Mrs. S., Matron, and Master JOE, Pupil, lately promoted to a way; and WILL thought it must always be his way. But "not Monitorship in the Lower School.
for JOE!" Doctor T. Ahem! And so, JOSEPI, we have to congratulate you
Dr. T. Again, JOSEPH, is not that-ahem!-quotation from the upon your-a-a-promotion !
popular minstrelsy of our time a leetle reminiscent of ruder, and Master Joe (coolly), You are very good, Sir, I'm sure. (Whistles. more Radical days? Doctor T. Not at all, JOSEPI, not at all. That is to say-ahem !
Master Joe. Perhaps so, Sir, perhaps so. Let me then say that - you doubtless deserve it.
Ego primam tollo, nominor quoniam Leo” is a very pretty maxim Mrs. S. Doubtless deserve it, JOSEPI ! always said you would
for lions—and jackals. The former rôle I may not yet have risen to, turn out a better boy than, at one time 1-that is to say, many—but I'm hanged if I'll stoop, to the latter. expected. It is a great consolation to me, JOSEPH, after all the
Dr. T. Quite so, quite so! At any rate, not in such a question
able Leonina Societas. Remember, also, JOSEPH, what an awful Master Joe (aside). And the numerous jobations !
example you have in young GRANDOLPH, with whom, at one time, Mrs. S. That I—that we have bestowed upon you, to find-ahem! you seemed a little intimate. You have only to reflect upon his -our best hopes so amply fulfilled.
fiasco, “to have the counsels of prudence borne in imperatively Dr. T. FulAlled, JOSEPH ; whether amply or not it remains for upon your mind, and the lesson will not be the less impressively you to prove.
taught if it is remembered that GRANDOLPI will be on the spot to Master Joe (carelessly). All right, Sir, I'll prove it fast enough. take note of and profit by any mistakes that may
be committed by hardly the phrase I should have adopted, or-ahem !-recommended, grandmotherly advice is wondrous like a wigging."
in disguise. Dr. I. I trust so, JOSEPH, I trust so, though * fast enough” is his more deserving and successful rival.”
Master Joe (aside). Lessons all round, eh? Seems to me all this -in the circumstances !
Perhaps they'll find I'm better at teaching than learning.
Mrs. s. Cavendo tutus, JOSEPH, safe by caution. The motto of
your predecessor. You cannot do better than take it as your own. You know what our excellent HORACE bids you do in such a case. Master Joe (innocently). Think not, Ma'am? I fancy every man