[It is stated that Mr. GLADSTONE feels very much the want of exercise since his return to Parliamentary duties.]

"Dear me," said ESSLEMONT, who overheard the remark; "I don't remember BALFOUR with a beard when he was at the Irish Office. You're not mixing him up with GRANDOLPH?"

That

"Ah, ah!" said CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN, looking on from the Sittings on Tuesdays and Fridays for rest of Session. Front Opposition Bench, "I spy the beard of the Irish Secretary means virtual appropriation on very threshold of Session of time under the muffler of the Leader of the House." belonging to private Members. They furious; Mr. G. in benignest mood; shocked, he must confess, at Prince ARTHUR'S unparalleled greed; but not disposed to turn a deaf ear to his importunity. If you'd make it Easter, now," he said, with winning voice and manner, "limit the scope of resolution to that date, I'm not sure that I should feel disposed to say you nay."

66

"Get thee to a nunnery, worthy draper," said CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN, "and in that leisurely retirement read your SHAKSPEARE.' "A nunnery!" cried ESSLEMONT, more than ever bewildered; why they wouldn't let me in. I suppose you mean a monastery; but man and boy for fifty years I've gone to Kirk, and nothing would" By this time CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN was out of hearing. Business done.-One Vote in Committee of Supply.

Tuesday. The MARKISS not in his place in Lords to-night. Looked in at Arlington Street to inquire if absence was due to illness.

"Not at all, TOBY," said the MARKISS who, indeed, looked quite fit. "There was nothing particular on the paper to-night, so I didn't go down. It's necessary for Nephew ARTHUR to be regular in his attendance on the Commons. But in the Lords it's different. A happy fortune places the Leader there in a position that relieves him from strain of unbroken attendance. With STRATHEDEN AND CAMPBELL looking after foreign policy, and DENMAN taking charge of home affairs, my post is really a sinecure. They talk about ending or mending of the House of Lords; but as long as we are blessed with this remarkable combination of legislative and administrative capacity we can laugh at the idle threats."

Prince ARTHUR jumped at proposal. Sufficient unto Easter are the Morning Sittings thereof. If he wanted more he could ask again. Meanwhile he was in possession of what he wanted.

House looked on in amazement at this little scene. Opposition expected Mr. G. would have thundered forth denunciations of Prince ARTHUR'S audacity. Here he was making terms with the enemy; doing it all, too, with imposingly judicial manner that was irresistible. Before House quite knew where it was, everything was settled.

"Now I'm furnished, Now I'm furnished, for my flight'-of oratory." It was BLUNDELL MAPLE chanting this line, sung in another place by Hecate. Flight didn't amount to more than asking question as to whether audiences at unlicensed places of entertainment (in neighbourhood of Tottenham Court Road or elsewhere) open for Radical or Liberal entertainments, are duly protected from fire? Members went off to dinner, pondering on this conuadrum. Came back to find Mr. G. on his legs again, denouncing proposition to vote £20,000 for

It was DENMAN who took the floor to-night; moved Second Reading of a Bill, the simple and comprehensive object of which was to repeal Local Government Acts of England and Scotland. These passed only a Session or two ago by continuous united effort of both Houses of Parliament. DENMAN been closely watching them in operation. Finds them disappointing, and so would have them repealed. House fully constituted, with LORD CHANCELLOR on Woolsack, Mace on Table, and quorum present; gravely listens, whilst tall, white-haired, sad-faced man rambles on in plaintive voice, urging proposition which, if carried out, would arrest machinery of Local Government throughout the Kingdom, leaving all to be gone over again. No one smiles, much less winks or wags the head. It is just as solemn and as orderly as if it were the MARKISS himself sub- survey of railway from Mombasa to Nyanza. A splendid piece of mitting a Resolution or making a statement. Only, when the plain-invective; almost literally shrivelled up poor JOKIM, at whom some of tive voice ceases and the tall figure is reseated on the Bench, nobody the scorching flame was pointed with outstretched forefinger. For proposes to continue the conversation. LORD CHANCELLOR rapidly more than half an hour, at period of night when most gentlemen of gabbles shibboleth in which "content" stumbles over "not content." his years are snugly tucked up in bed, Mr. G. held the audience enNotcontentshaveit," says LORD CHANCELLOR, by way of last tranced, thunderous cheers rolling forth in rapid succession from Libword; leaves Woolsack; the few Peers slowly pass out. It seems eral ranks, now and then answered by low growl from Ministerialists. the House has adjourned, DENMAN'S Motion being negatived without 'What a man it is!" cried KENRICK, looking on with monuDivision, and Local Government in England and Scotland will mental suavity; "almost sorry he left us. Sometimes, at his best, proceed to-morrow as it has gone on to-day. he equals our JOE." Business done.-A couple of Votes in Supply. mountains in Scotland. Friday.-BRYCE at last got access to

66

Business done.-House of Commons, having agreed to meet at two o'clock to-morrow instead of twelve, makes up for it by getting itself Counted Out at eight o'clock.

Wednesday.-Came across LOCKWOOD this afternoon in remote part of corridor, gesticulating whilst he recited some lines. Fancy he's getting up that lecture on the "Lawyers in Pickwick," announced for delivery in York on the 15th. Most interesting undertaking. AS CHARLES RUSSELL says, "Coke-upon-Lyttleton will have to take a back shelf in the Law libraries when Lockwoodupon-Dickens is in circulation."

66

Wonder how he finds time for these excursions into the bye-paths of literature? Hands full at the Bar; frequent attendant here; and yet he has time to discover Pickwick! He tells me great secret of capability for this kind of work is plain living and regular habits. A chop or steak at eight o'clock with a potato (boiled in its jacket) and a tumbler of toast-and-water; that's my regular dinner; leaves me clear-headed and free for a couple of hours' work at my briefs before I go to bed. Except when kept down at House, rarely out of bed after eleven. Up at five; cold bath; dry toast; hot milk; another grind at my briefs; ride down to Court; at it all day, with intervals for Abernethy biscuit when Court adjourns; and so the mill goes round."

66

Been wandering round foot of them through many Sessions, and several Parliaments. Always something happened to lieve he'd have got there to-night, only prevent his reaching the top. Don't befor FARQUHARSON.

When F. came forward to second proprietor of a mountain myself," we felt Motion, incidentally observing, "I'm the something must be done, and BRYCE'S Motion was agreed to.

FARQUHARSON, for rest of evening, object of respectful regard. Some inquiry as to where he kept his mountain. Did he bring it to Town with him when he came up for the Session? And, when at home, was he in habit of leaving it out all night?

"Don't happen to have it about you, I suppose?" WILFRID LAWSON asked, eyeing his trousers' pockets.

FARQUHARSON very reticent on subject. Rumour, just before House adjourned, that his mountain is one of those situated in the Moon-but this only envy.

"Don't you think," said BOB REID, "it's a little unprofessional of LOCKWOOD going into this Pickwick business? The cases were never, that I know of, reported in the Law Journal. Good fellow LOCKWOOD, but a little apt to stray outside the ropes. Now he 's started lecturing, there's no knowing how far he'll go. We may see him on the stage bowling BEERBOHM TREE out as Hamlet, Business done.-Access secured to FARor even with his face corked, dancing a breakdown at St. James's Hall. What does he want to go a-lecturing for? Do you think QUHARSON's mountain and others in Scot

he'll draw ?"

"Draw!" I cried. "Why, he's always drawing; he's drawn for Punch." That shut up Master Boв. When you want to hear disparaging remarks about a man, nothing like going to his bosom friend. Business done.-Irish.

land.

The Man who Owns a
Mountain.

STRANGE CHARGE AGAINST A GREAT POET.-Lord TENNYSON'S Robin Hood is to be produced at DALY'S, New York, and simultaneously, to secure copyright, by one performance only, at the Thursday.-Mr. G. in fine form to-night; delivered two speeches, Lyceum. We never thought TENNYSON a plagiarist before this, each in highest form of Parliamentary Debate. Infinite variety but here is proof positive he's at it now, Lord TENNYSON'S in manner. Before dinner, Prince ARTHUR moved to take Morning robbing Hood!!

NOTICE.-Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.

"ARE YOU HANSARD NOW?" Merchant of Venice.

["The entire stock of Hansard's Parliamentary Debates... was offered for sale. The vast collection, nearly 100,000 volumes, scarcely fetched the price of waste paper."-Daily Paper.]

THE Auctioneer exclaimed,-"These Vols.
Have neither fault nor blot.

I think that I, without demur,

66

May call them quite a lot.'

Speeches by RUSSELL, PAM, and BRIGHT,
Good for the heart and head.

Take them as spoken; if you like,
Pray take them, too, as read."
But when the Auction did begin,
Bidders, alack! were lacking;
Back numbers hove in sight in shoals,
Yet seemed to have no backing.
"Then this," quoth he, "appears to be
The dismal situation;

Though from these speeches statesmen quote,
For them there's no quotation.
"The eye has 'heavenly rhetoric,'

Hear WILLIAM SHAKSPEARE cry;

But heavenly rhetoric now, 'tis plain,
Itself is all my eye.

"A penny! Really such a bid
I can't allow to pass;

A man who'd offer coppers here
Must be composed of brass.

"Progress' I cannot well report,'
Unless this lot is bought in;

The only progress seems to be,

When there'll be no reportin'.

"Such priceless gems, such wretched bids!"
The hammer-man did shout;
"If you desire, I knock them down-
You first must knock me out!
"No higher offer? Then I'm forced,
Pray pardon the suggestion-
To take a hint from Parliament,
And 'move the Previous Question.""

ENTÊTEMENT BRITANNIQUE.

RONDEAU.

MAL à la tête, ennui, migraine,
We risk in trying to explain

Why, though the Income-tax is high,
This country never can supply
Such galleries as line the Seine.
Yet gifts are treated with disdain,
Which gives the would-be donors pain,-
We've now a name to call that by,
"Mal à la TATE."

Next time an offer's made in vain
MACNEILL, or someone, will obtain,
Or ask, at least, the reason why,
And even dumber folks will cry,
"By Jove! they 've made a mull again,
MULL à la TATE!"

RICH V. POOR.

(A Note kindly contributed by Our Own Graphic Reporter.)

NOTHING could have been more impressive than the closing scene of a trial that was one of the features of the present Sessions. The Counsel for the Prisoner made no pretence of hiding his emotion, and freely used his pockethandkerchief. Many ladies who had until now been occupied in using opera-glasses, at this point relinquished those assistants to the eyesight, to fall back upon the restorative properties of bottles filled with smellingsalts. Even his Lordship on the Bench was seemingly touched to the very quick by the Prisoner's dignified appeal for mercy. Before passing sentence, the Judge glanced for a moment at the number of titled and other highly respectable witnesses who had testified to the integrity of the accused. Then he addressed the Prisoner :

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. friend Uncle Remus will thoroughly enjoy EVERYBODY who took delight in our old "You have pleaded guilty to an indictment A Plantation Prin- which charges you with having misapproter, by JOEL CHAND- priated trust moneys. You have reduced a LER HARRIS. The fortune of £28,000 to £7,000. This means a Baron doesn't recom- wretched pittance to beneficiaries who, before mend it to be taken your fraud, were enjoying a fairly decent at one sitting, the income. I am aware that you are a distindialect being rather guished Magistrate,-that you have belonged difficult, but a chap.. to many Clubs,-that there is not a slur ter at a time will be upon the cooking that used to distinguish found refreshing. your dinner-parties. I know the severity of The like advice may the sentence I am about to pass, and I wish be acted upon by my conscience would permit me to give you anyone who has a lighter punishment. But I cannot.' invested in the latest The accused was then sentenced to five volume of the Library years' penal servitude. of Wit and Humour, entitled Faces and Places. By H. W. LUCY. The "Faces" are represented by a portrait of Ride-to-Khiva BURNABY, and one of the Author of these interest. entertaining papers. The first brief narrative, which ought to have been called "How I met BURNABY," is specially interesting and the only disappointing thing in the book is the omission of An Evening with Witches," as a companion picture to "A Night at Watts's."

Brer Rabbit.

;

By the way, in my copy of A Plantation Printer, the English printer has made one slip, a sin of omission, at p. 153, where, Miss CARTER, a charming young lady, is watching a Georgian Fox-hunt. She sees a group of shadows, with musical voices, sweep across the Bermuda fields."

O

66

ANOTHER SHAKSPEARE! THE last play by M. BLAGUE VAN DER BOSCH has just been translated into English. It is called The Blackbeetle, and is a purely domestic drama. The following Scene from the last Act will give some idea of the exquisite simplicity and pathos of this great work. M. VAN DER ow beautiful!' exclaimed Miss Bosch's admirers freely CARTER, clapping her little hands," and, we assert that SHAKSPEARE may add, dropping her little "h" in her never wrote anything excitement. "I can put up with the loss of an like this. It will beh,' but not for a wilderness of aspirates would noticed that M. VAN I have lost this healthy, cheery chapter," DER BOSCH, like M. says THE BARON DE BOOK-WORMS. MAETERLINCK, does not always name his characters, but only mentions their relation to each other. SCENE XXV.-The Great Grandmother, the Mother-in-law, the Female First Cousin one remove, and the Brother-in-law's Aunt are discovered standing on the table, and the Half-sister's Nephew by marriage on a chair.

Mysterious!

The Mother-in-law. Eh? eh ? eh?

The Female First Cousin one remove (pointing to Half-sister's Nephew by marriage). He! he! he!

The Great Grandmother. Ay! ay! ay! The Half-sister's Nephew by marriage (shuddering). Oh! oh! oh!

The Brother-in-law's Aunt (to him). You! you! you! [The Half-sister's Nephew by marriage descends and resolutely steps upon the Blackbeetle. Curtain.

VOL. CII.

TO A RAILWAY FOOT-WARMER.
Ar first I loved thee-thou wast warm,-
The porter called thee "ot," nay," bilin.'
I tipped him as thy welcome form
He carried, with a grateful smile, in.
Alas! thou art a faithless friend,

Thy warmth was but dissimulation;
Thy tepid glow is at an end,

I

And I am nowhere near my station!
shiver, cold in feet and hands,
It is a legal form of slaughter,
They don't warm (1) trains in other lands
With half a pint of tepid water.

I spurn thy coldness with a kick,
And pile on rugs as my protectors.
I'd send-to warm them-to Old Nick,
Thy parsimonious Directors!

N

999