Abbreviating Ernie: A NovelWhen Dr. Ernest Haas, a cross-dressing Schenectady, New York, urologist, slips into a size-8 beige knit dress, handcuffs his Prozac-addicted wife, Audrey, to their stove, and expires in the act of making love to her, it creates serious problems for everyone. Especially Audrey. Does she go down with the ship? Or does she resort to her electric multi-purpose carving utensil to sever her ties with her late husband? So begins Abbreviating Ernie, a novel about the most sensational domestic-violence case in the history of upstate New York. The political correctness of spousal dismemberment polarizes women and antivivisectionists alike. And Audrey's trial becomes an international cause celebre exploited by everyone from feminists to forensic urologists. |
Common terms and phrases
Abelove's abuse Albany asked Audrey Haas Audrey's Barney Abelove burglar camera Carl Furillo Carrie Castle carving knife cell phone Clint Connie Chung courtroom dead defense Detective Abelove dick district attorney Doetz door drawer Emmanuel Longhouse Ernest Haas Ernie eyes Frances Myers front fucking going Haas's hand handcuffs head Home Shopping Network husband Indian Jack Myers Janice Meckler Jason Rappaport Judge Fenetre jury kitchen knew lawyer Lilian Wong Lizzie Vaught looked Martha Demerest Mazatlán Meredith Baxter Mohawk morning night Niskayuna nodded Pauline Haggis penis prosecution Ralph D'Imbroglio reporters Rottweiler Schenectady County Schenectady Police serial numbers sexual Sharon Marcuzzi shit Siggy sitting stared story stove Street Susan Bremmer talk tell told took trial trying turned Uh-huh urologist voice waited walked watching wearing witness woman women Yeah Zadek Zieff