we would rather see you than any of them."Aye, any one that did not know you so well as I do, might believe you. But since you are come, I must get some supper, I suppose."-No, doctor we have supped already."" Supped. already, that's impossible! Why it is not eight o'clock yet. That's very strange! But, if you had not supped, I must have got something for you. Let me see; what should I have had? A couple of lobsters; aye, that would have done very well: two shillings: tarts, a shilling. But you will drink a glass of wine with me, though you have supped so much before your usual time only to spare my pocket."-"No, we had rather talk with you than drink with you."-" But if you had supped with me, as in all reason you ought to have done, you must then have drank with me. A bottle of wine, two shillings-two and two are four, and one is five: just two and sixpence a piece. There Pope, there's half a crown for you; and there's another for you, Sir; for I won't save any thing by you, I'm determined." This was all said and done with his usual seriousness on such occasions; and in spite of every thing we could say to the contrary, he actually obliged us to take the money."

The reputation of wit too frequently makes the possessor rude and overbearing. Swift's wit was ready on all occasions, but it was of the coarsest kind, and his manners were such as to make it a matter of surprize that his company should have been

2 I

been courted, as it was, by persons of the highest rank.

The last time he was in London, he was invited to dine with the Earl of Burlington, who was then but lately married. His lordship being willing to surprize the lady, with a new character, and to have some diversion, did not introduce the dean by name; and as the latter generally appeared in a rusty cassock, and his person was by no means prepossessing, her ladyship could not help eying him with some surprize. After dinner the dean abruptly said, " Lady Burlington, I hear you can sing; sing me a song." Her ladyship was astonished, and refused with an expression of contempt. This only made the dean more vehement, he said she should sing, or, if he was her husband, he would make her. 66 Why, madam," said he, I suppose you take me for one of your poor paltry English hedge parsons; sing when I bid you."

As the earl did nothing but laugh at this freedom, the lady was so vexed, that she burst into tears and retired.-Swift's first compliment to her when he saw her again, was, "Pray madam are you as proud and as ill-natured now, as when I saw you last?" To which she answered, " No, Mr. Dean, I will sing for you now if you please."

In one of his pedestrian excursions, Swift stopped to view Leeds castle, the seat of Lady Fair

1

fax. Her ladyship observing a clergyman contemplating the walls of that ancient mansion, very politely sent out a servant to invite him into the house, to whom he churlishly answered, "Tell your mistress I came here to see old walls, not old women."

On some occasions, however, his rude behaviour met with a spirited retort.

Dining one day with Mrs. Fleming, of Belleville, he complained that a leg of mutton, one of the dishes at table, was full of maggots. "Not half so full as your head, doctor," replied the lady. Swift was struck dumb, and did not recover his humour that evening.

Having slept at an inn at Drogheda, he complained the next morning to the landlady, that the sheets were dirty. "Dirty, indeed!" replied she, "you are the last man, doctor, in the world that should complain of dirty sheets." He had just then published his indecent poem, called "The Lady's Dressing Room."

Being at a corporation dinner in the city of Cork, Swift threw out many successful jests on Alderman Browne, which were taken by the worthy magistrate in good part, who ate heartily, and laughed at the ridicule. Towards the conclusion of the dinner, Swift sent his plate for some roast duck, at the same time desiring to have apple sauce with it, upon this, the alderman raising his head, gravely exclaimed, "Mr. Dean, you eat your duck like a goose." This unexpected retort excited

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excited a general laugh, and Swift was silent for the rest of the evening.

Swift had justly a great dislike to apologies: but his manner of treating those who indulged in them was sometimes cruel. This was the case in the following instance.

A lady invited him to dinner, and hearing that he was hard to be pleased, she took several days to provide for the occasion. When the time came every delicacy which could be had for money, was on the table. This was what Swift hated, and formalities he hated more. Unfortunately the lady was full of them, and no sooner was dinner served up than she began in the usual cant, to make a thousand apologies for the badness of the entertainment. Swift immediately cut her short, by saying, "Pox confound you, why didn't you get a better? Sure you have had time enough; but since you say 'tis so bad, I'll e'en go home and eat a herring." Accordingly taking his hat, he hurried out of the house, leaving the lady and her company in astonishment and confusion.

Swift's attachment to the Earl of Oxford ap. pears to have been disinterested and constant, yet he was sometimes provoked by the over cautious and dilatory spirit of that mysterious states

man.

Some person presented Swift with an elegant tortoiseshell snuff-box, lined with gold, painted and ornamented on the inside. His lordship, on

being shewn the box, was greatly struck with the workmanship, which he examined very minutely; at last he spied a figure resembling a goose, on which, turning to the doctor, "Jonathan," said he, "I think they have made a goose of thee,"

"Yes," my lord, said Swift, "but if your lordship will look a little farther you will see that I'm driving a snail before me." To this the earl replied, "That's severe enough, Jonathan, but I deserve it."

The dean's hatred of King William, and the cause of it, we have already mentioned. He was accustomed to stile that monarch, "a bloody and remorseless tyrant," adding, "that so far from this country receiving any benefit from him, he and his favourites only were the gainers."

Swift dined one day with several friends of both parties, in Crow Street, Dublin, when the conversation turned upon a paraphrase which Concanen had lately made of Prior's celebrated epitaph. The paraphrase was as follows:

Hold MATTHEW PRIOR, by your leave,

Your epitaph is somewhat odd;
BOURBON and you were sons of Eve,

NASSAU, the offspring of a GOD.

"Let us see

The dean shaking his head, said, whether a man, who is neither a fool nor a parasite, cannot write four lines, that will sound as well as these;" then taking Dr. Sheridan's pencil, he wrote the following: