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Orl. I pr’ythoz, recount some of them.
Ros. No; I will not cast away my physic, but on those that are sick. There is a man haunts the forest, that abuses our young plants with carving Rosalind on their barks; hangs odes upon hawthorns, and elegies on brambles ; all, forsooth, deifying the name of Rosalind : if I could meet that fancy-monger, I would give him some good counsel, for he seems to have the quotidian of love upon him.
Orl. I am he that is so love-sh ked; I pray you, tell me your remedy.
Ros. There is none of my uncle's marks upon you : he taught me how to know a man in love; in which cage of rushes, I am sure you are not prisoner.
Orl. What were his marks ?
Ros. A lean cheek ; which you have not: a blue eye, and sunken; which you have not: an unquestionable spirit; which you have not: a beard neglected; which you have not :—Then your hose should be ungarter'd, your bonnet unbanded, your sleeve inbuttoned, your shoe untied, and every thing about you demonstratir g a careless desolation. But you are no such man; you are rather point-device in your accoutrements; as loving yourself, than seeming the lover of any other.
Orl. Fair youth, I would I could make thee believe I love.
Ros. Me believe it? you may as soon make her that you love be lieve it; which, I warrant, she is apter to do, than to confess she does; that is one of the points in the which women still give the lie to their consciences. But, in good sooth, are you he that hangs the verses on the trees, wherein Rosalind is so admired ?
Orl. I swear to thee, youth, by the white hand of Rosalind, I am he, that unfortunate he.
Ros. But are you so much in love as your rhymes speak ?
Ros. Love is merely a madness; and, I tell you, deserves as well a dark house and a whip, as madmen do; and the reason why they are not so punished and cured, is, that the lunacy is so ordinary that the whippers are in love too: Yet I profess curing it by counsel.
Orl. Did you ever cure any so?
Ros. Yes, one; and in this manner. He was to imagine me his love, his mistress; and I set him every day to woo me: At which time would I, being but a moonish youth, grieve, be effeminate, changeable, longing, and liking ; proud, fantastical, apish, shallow, inconstant, full of tears, full of smiles; for every passion something, and for no passion truly any thing, as boys and women are for the most part cattle of this color; would now like him, now loath him ; then entertain him, then forswear him ; now weep for him, then spit at him ; that I drave my suitor from his mad humor of love, to a living humor of madness; which was, to forswear the full stream of the world, and to live in a nook merely monastic: And thus I cured him; and this way will I take upon me to wash your liver as clean as a sound sheep's heart, that there shall not be one spot of love in't
Orl. I would not be cured, youth.
Ros. I would cure you, if you would but call me Rosalind, and come every day to my cote, and woo me.
Orl. Now, by the faith of my love, I will; tell me where it is.
Ros. Go with me to it, and I'll show it you: and by the way, you shall tell me where in the forest you live: Will you go?
Orl. With all my heart, good youth.
(E.ceunt. Bosalind, still in her male attire, wins the love of Phebe, a rustic beauty, living in the forest, and by her wit and sprightliness gains the attention of the Duke and his followers.
SCENE I.—The same.
Enter ROSALIND, CELIA, and JAQUES. Jaq. I pr’ythee, pretty youth, let me be better acquaintec with thee.
Ros. They say you are a melancholy fellow.
Ros. Those, that are in extremity of either, are abominable fe.lows; and betray themselves to every modern censure, worse than drunkards.
Jaq. Why, 'tis good to be sad and say nothing.
Jaq. I have neither the scholar's melancholy, which is emulation ; nor the musician's, which is fantastical; nor the courtier's, which is proud; nor the soldier's, which is ambitious; nor the lawyer's, which is politic; nor the lady's, which is nice; nor the lover's, which is all these : but it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects : and, indeed, the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me, is a most humorous sadness.
Ros. A traveller : By my faith, you have great reason to be sad : I fear you have sold your own lands, to see other men's ; then, to nave seen much, and to have nothing, is to have rich eyes and poor hands. Jaq. Yes, I have gained my experience.
Enter ORLANDO. Ros. And your experience makes you sad: I had rather have a fool to make me merry, than experience to make me sad; and to travel for it too.
Orl. Good day, and happiness, dear Rosalind !
Ros. Farewell, monsieur traveller: Look, you lisp, and wear strange suits ; disable all the benefits of your own country; be out
of love with your nativity ; or I will scarce think you have swam in a gondola.—[Exit JAQUES.–Wly, how now, Orlando! where have you been all this while ? You a lover ?-An you serve me such another trick, never come in my sight more.
Orl. My fair Rosalind, I come within an hour of my promise.
Ros. Break an hour's promise in love ? He that will divide a minute into a thousand parts, and break but a part of the thousandth part of a minute in the affairs of love, it may be said of him, that Cupid hath clapp'd him o' the shoulder, but I warrant him henn whole.
Orl. Pardon me, dear Rosalind.
Ros. Nay, an you be so tardy, come no more in my sight; I had as lief be woo'd of a snail.
Orl. Of a snail ?.
Ros. Ay, of a snail ; for though he comes slowly, he carries his house on his head; a better jointure, I think, than you can make a wonian : Besides, he brings his destiny with him.
Orl. What's that.
Cel. It pleases him to call you so; but he hath a Rosalind of a better leer than you.
Ros. Come, woo me, woo me; for now I am in a holiday humor, and like enough to consent :—What would you say to me now, an I were your very very Rosalind ?
Orl. I would kiss before I spoke. Ros. Nay, you were better speak first; and when you were grave elled for lack of matter, you might take occasion to kiss.
Orl. How if the kiss be denied ?
Ros. No, faith, die by attorney. The poor world is almost six thousand years old, and in all this time there was not any man died in his own person, videlicet, in a love-cause. Troilus had his brains dashed out with a Grecian club; yet he did what he could to die before; and he is one of the patterns of love. Leander, he would have lived many a fair year, though Hero had turned nun, if it had not been for a hot midsummer night; for, good youth, he went but forth to wash him in the Hellespont, and, being taken with the cramp, was drr wned; and the foolish chroniclers of that age found it was—Hero
91 Sestos. But these are all lies; men have died from time to buy and worms have eaten them, but not for love. Orl. I would not have my right Rosalind of this mind; for, I
proiest, her frown might kill me.
Ros. By this hand, it will not kill a fly: But come, now I will be four Rosalind in a more coming-on disposition ; and ask me what rou will, I will grant it.
Orl. Then love me, Rosalind.
Ros. Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing ?-Come, sister, you shall be the priest, and marry us.—Give me your hand, Orlando :-What do you say, sister ?
Orl. Pray thee, marry us.
Orlando, Cel. Go to: -Will you, Orlando, have to wife this Rosalind ? Orl. I will. Ros. Ay, but when ? Orl. Why now; as fast as she can marry us. Ros. Then you must say,—I take thee, Rosalind, for wife. Orl. I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.
Ros. I might ask you for your commission ; but,—I do take thee, Orlando, for my husband : There a girl goes before the priest; and, certainly, a woman's thought runs before her actions.
Orl. So do all thoughts; they are winged.
Ros. Now tell me, how long you would have her, after you have possessed her.
Orl. For ever and a day.
Ros. Say a day, without the ever: No, no, Orlando ; men are April when they woo, December when they wed: maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives. I will be more jealous of thee than a Barbary pigeon over his hen; more clamorous than a parrot against rain ; more new-fangled than an ape ; more giddy in my desires than a monkey : I will weep for nothing, like Diana in the fountain, and I will do that when you are disposed to be merry; I will laugh like a hyen, and that when thou art inclined to sleep.
Orl. But will my Rosalind do so ?
Ros. Or else she could not have the wit to do this : the wiser, the waywarder: Make the doors upon a woman's wit, and it will out at the casement; shut that, and 'twill out at the key-hole: stop that, twill fly with the smoke out at the ehimney
Orl. A man that had a wife with such a wit, he might say,— Wit, whither wilt?
Ros. You shall never take her without her answer, unless you take her without her tongue.
Orl. For these two hours, Rosalind, I will leave thee.
Orl. I must attend the duke at dinner; by two o'clock I will be with thee again.
Ros. Ay, go your ways, go your ways;— I knew what you would prove; my friends told me as much, and I thought no less ;—that Aattering tongue of yours won me: 'tis but one cast away, and so, come, death.-Two o'clock is your hour ?
Orl. Ay, sweet Rosalind.
Ros. By my troth, and in good earnest, and by all pretty oaths that are not dangerous, if you break one jot of your promise, or come one minute behind your hour, I will think you the most pathetical break-promise,
and the most hollow lover, and the most unworthy of her you call Rosalind, that may be chosen out of the gross band of the unfaithful : therefore beware my censure, and keep your promise.
Orl. With no less religion, than if thou wert indeed my Rosalind : So, adieu.
Ros. Well, time is the old justice that examines all such offenders, and let time try : Adieu !
[Exit ORLANDO. Cel. You have simply misus’d our sex in your love-prate ; we must have your doublet and hose plucked over your head. Ros. O coz, coz, coz,
my pretty little coz, that thou didst know how many fathom deep I am in love! But it cannot be sounded; my
Ι affection hath an unknown bottom like the bay of Portugal.
Cel. Or, rather, bottomless; that as fast as you pour affection in, it runs out.
Ros. I'll tell thee, Aliena, I cannot be out of the sight of Orlando I'll go find a shadow, and sigh till he come. Čel. And I'll sleep.
SCENE III.-The Forest.
Enter ROSALIND, CELIA, and OLIVER.
Cel. West of this place, down in the neighbor bottom,
Oli. If that an eye may profit by a tongue,
The boy is fair, Of female favor, and bestows himself