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its existence, in the most modified slang, of which you will see a specimen state,] and shuffling duplicity of le- in Hobhouse's Letters froin Paris, which gerdemain, it was merited by those always sung defeat and disgrace to adopted in the brief–happy word, England, and rejoiced in the hoped-for the brief administration of the wretch- approach of a new mess of murder. I ed Talents; and if we forget them, it made no reply-I merely offered the is only because we are absorbed by wager. I said nothing against the arthe contemplation of the more heinous guments, which proved, to the satisfac villainies of the faction.
tion of Sir Richard Philipps, and other And, again, we are too well used to philosophers, that we should be overhear of England's ruin in the particu- thrown ; for I trusted in the bayonets lar of its funds, to be much frighten- and the bottom of the soldiery that ed. Hume-not exactly Joseph, but NEVER was beaten in the field, and the David, a man a leetle more famous honour and steadiness of officers, whose some seventy years ago, pronounced us backs an enemy never had seen in a bankrupt. Many have been the simi- rout; and disdained to argue on the lar prophecies since. In 1796, Tom subject. That feeling do I carry into Paine proved, in a most mathematical everything connected with my counmanner, that in twenty years from that try. I trust in our present ministers; time, the English funding system not because I care a farthing about any would be demolished totally;
and Cob- individual statesman among them, but bett was so enraptured with the accu- because I know that any ministry put racy of the demonstration, that he, as forward to represent Tory feeling, we all know, disinterred a baboon or must have the interests of the country a negro, (I forget which,) and brought in their inmost hearts; and because I over the bones as the identical skeleton kuow also, that any ministry chosen by of the brandy-bibbing advocate of the that party, which, with about a dozen Rights of Man. Cobbett has since put exceptions, contains all the intellect, off the date to May 1822; on which in every department of intellect, of day he was to broil himself on a Grid. England, must have the talents and iron ; of which he gave an accurate knowledge requisite for the due guarlikeness at the beginning of one of his dianship and promotion of those inteRegisters, if the bubble did not burst rests. The financial bark may be tem-if there was not, as he called it, a pest-tost; but lost it will not be, while puff out. I should be sorry, indeed, in the hands of our chancellors. Feel to hear that he was taken at his word; ing this as plainly as I feel the goosefor I could better spare a better man. quill in my fingers, I shall not bother
Now, sir, I never despaired of the inyself with the first three-and-forty stability of any of the institutions of pages of the 77th Number of the Edinthe country. Before Trafalgar was burgh Review. Sperno Humum fufought, I said, and enforced my saying giente penna. (Pardon the pun.) I by the British argument of a rump despise Hume with flying pen, and pass and dozen, that the English fleet would The general fama against Jou sweep the French and Spaniards off the seph is not relieved by the character of sea. When Buonaparte was moving the Review, in which his conclusions on Waterloo, I said he would be are adopted as infallible. Do you not smashed before the Duke of Welling, remember some of its contributors in ton; and that the ever-to-be-honour former days-Chalmers, I believe ; for ed Aag of Old England would wave he used to sully himself by dabbling where the leopards of Harry the King in the sable stream, before we frighthad waved long ago-over the conquer- ened him away, by our execution of ed walls of Paris. I was reminded of the infidels-gravely asserting, and the talents of Napoleon-his mighty arguing, page after page, on the asmarshalshis enthusiastic soldiers sertion, that nine-tenths of the peohis undoubted knowledge of war-his ple of England were paupers, supportwell-won fame as a great captain ;-I ed by poor-rates extorted from the was assailed besides by the Jacobin other tenth?* This bedlamite proposi
• As this piece of almost beastly stupidity may appear incredible to those who have forgotten the back Numbers of the Edinburgh-that is, of course, everybody except professional people like ourselves, we shall copy it verbatim. In the 58th Number of that
tion, which one would think should bers of the French royal family. That have startled anybody with ears of any the simple fact of their being written length short of a yard, was grounded by persons of that rank, would suffice on the fact, that in a year of great dis- to get them pretty roundly abused by tress, 900,000 people were returned as the Whigamore, was quite to be expaupers ; and the reviewer, with a pected : I own, however, that I did knowledge of division worthy of the not think he would have had the cangreat Joseph himself, discovered, with dour to avow, as he has done, in the much art and pains, that that sum is very opening sentences of his critique, the tenth part of ten millions ! Shade the existence of such a feeling. He of the much-injured Cocker! what an begins, indeed, by a tirade against all immensity of misery you have escaped, royal authors. But I can assure this by leaving the terrestrial globe before reviewer, that he is very ill-advised, the days of Whig computers ! when he thinks proper to do over again
Article the second, on the Game Laws anything which Croker has already -a set of rehashed jokes, by the reve- handled, as every one will confess rend jester of the Edinburgh, Sydney who will compare this article with that Smyth, who obviously is growing very on the same subject which appeared old—is appended to the name of a poor in the Quarterly. It is a poor exbibipamphlet, (concerning which, most tion; but the last page is by a differ. judiciously, not a word is said in the ent hand from the rest. And what a Review,) by the Honourable and Re- hand! The editor of the Duchesse verend William Herbert, the facetious D'Angouleme's Memoirs reprobates, author of Helga, and other excellent with proper gentlemanly feeling, an jeux-d'esprit, much lauded in the Edin- indecent order made by the villains burgh Review, and highly patronized who were in power when the Bourbon by the confectioners. Let it pass. Va- ladies were in captivity. He justly leat quantum. After it, the third ar- remarks, that the phraseology of the ticle, on the intolerable imposture order is untranslateable into English; of Prince Hohenlohe, which is need on which the reviewer flies into a paslessly cut up, may waddle. With them, sion, and with great good taste, prolet the sixth article, on Foreign Wool, found regard for truth, and decorous spun out by some woolly-brained Ba- style of language, reminds us of the laamite, march in company. And the unhappy lady--unhappy, because she tenth, on Geology, shall slumber un- was profligate-who, for our sins, was cut by me.-How interes.ing a selec- given us as a queen. He silences, as tion we have hitherto got through ! he imagines, the editor by one word,
The fifth article is on the pam- “ Milan. Talk, indeed, of our lanphlets lately published by the mem- guage having no name for the act of
work, is an article on the Causes and Cure of Pauperism, (p. 262, &c. vol. 29,) and a supplement to it, as inserted in p. 498–501. In the supplement is given an abstract of the House of Commons Report on the subject ; by which it appears that the average of paupers in the last three years of the war, amounted to 940,026. On which the reviewer remarks, that “ the population of England and Wales, as taken from the ab. stract laid before Parliament in the year 1811, appears to have been 10,150,615 ; so that the number of persons relieved from the poor's rates, appears to have been 94 in each 10 of the population !!!" The italics are the reviewer's own. “ Such," he adds, “ is the extraordinary picture, exhibited on the highest authority, of the richest, the most industrious, and most moral population that ever existed. More than nine-tenths of its whole amount occasionally subsisting on public charity !!!!” What a thricedouble ass ! But the winding up of the article is one of the most delightful pieces of selfsatisfied blockheadism ever exhibited. “ We," quoth the wiseacre," do not mean, however, to resume any part of the argument on this subject ; but” (what think you, gentle reader ?) " shall end by merely recommending the facts" (his own italics) " we have just abstracted, to the serious meditation of all whom they may concern.". The facts! Oh! the facts ! viz. that nine is more than nine-tenths of a hundred ! Valuable facts, indeed ; but just as good as Hume’s facts, or Earl Grey's facts, or Duke Bedford's facts, or Little Waddington's facts, or Olive of Cumberland's facts, or Henry Brough. am's facts ; or, in short, the facts of the whole worshipful party. If Chalmers, as Tim suspects, is the person guilty of this stupendous betise, nothing can be said in his defence, except, perhaps, that he was dozing at the time. Christian charity can suggest no other apology.--C. N.
outrage on female delicacy by barbar- insult her husband. With these feelous treatment-unmanly insult-in- ings she came over. Were ministers decent pryings-disgusting exposures to suffer such a woman, so stigmatized, -hired treachery_suborned false- so marked out as an object of disgrace hood! Our language - the tongue by the voice of Europe, to be put at spoken by the King.” [The vermin the head of our women, to form a meant all the insult, the venom, the dress circle, to give the pattern of mospite for that name but with charac- rals? If they did, they were worthy teristic cowardice, adds, in order to of being turned out-turned out, do I give it an air of technicality, ] “ the say?-of being kicked out under a Lords and Commons of our coun- shower of spittle. There was not a Tory try," p. 108. What name does the heart which did not bleed at the necesa writer of that sentence deserve ? I be- sity of exposing her; but it was indislieve it is on the tip of everybody's pensible." The villainous Whigs, who tongue, and I shall willingly leave my never spared calumny against man or readers to give it utterance.
woman, (see Peter Pindar, Tom Why must these people be continu- Moore, the Edinburgh Review, Mornally reminding us of the existence and ing Chronicle, Old Bloody, &c. &c.) history of the Queen ? The time has found it a fine blowing horn to sound gone by when this could do them any the impropriety of assailing female regood, as an instrument to get into putation. In point of fact, they might power-when she was the organ of have said the same, if they were reinsult to the King-whom, it is evi- tained on the side of Mrs Brownrigg, dent, the wretched creature who wrote the apprenticide—a Whig, by the by this review detests--and when our feel- who was a murderer, though a lady. ings could be annoyed by the neces- But that now, when all is over, she sity of exposing the frailties of a daugh- should be brought forward, is an unter of Brunswick, the sister of him called for piece of blackguardism. Who who fell at Waterloo, the mother of wrote this last page? There is Denthe Princess Charlotte, the niece of man, who on that trial said in Greek, the King—I beg pardon—the niece of what, if he had said in English, he GEORGE THE THIRD. [I can't help would have been kicked out of any calling him the King – I lived sixty company, different from that of a years under his reign : I loved him brothel-who, because the vulgar picliving: I honour him dead.]. There tures of the Emperor Nero represent is now no difference of avowed opinion him as a parricide, an assassin, a tyrant, as to her guilt ; there never was any an incendiary, and a man stained difference of actual opinion.
The with revolting and unnameable crime, Whigs took her up as they would take compared, (in a speech, which the up the cause of the devil himself, if Lord Chancellor was to blame-the they thought it would serve their dir. only thing I ever blamed in his conty ends. Everything was done by duct in my life—for listening to withministers which could be done, to out sending the speaker to the Tower,) avoid unpleasant and disgraceful re- compared, I say, his King-King sults. princely revenue was offered George the Fourth-to that prince, her, if she would stay abroad in scenes and stigmatized him by his name. Is where her debaucheries could not cor- there any other man in the kingdom rupt English feeling. It was rejected. likely to commit this filthy tirade? I Ruffians—I shall mention no names, hope not. If I thought Denman could but ruffians they were-went over to write three sentences, which would her, to inform her of the then unhap- pass muster in the eyes of Lindley py state of feeling in the London mob Murray, I should accuse him of this -a mob always profligate, as must be infamous page in the review. Drop expected in so huge and motley a po- me a note, to give your ideas on the pulation. The duces multitudinis pro- subject. mised their assistance; the hack law- The article on the Baron de Kolli yers pledged their brazen visages and poor work--As for the attacks on the leathern lungs; she was herself reck Chancellor—why, they are merely piless. The altar of Belial is admirably tiful. It is a wretched thing to see pitched by Milton, next that of Mo- the Edinburgh Review reduced to copy loch homicide-Lust hard by Hate. She the old, stale, filthy, and refuted lies did not care if she plunged all Eng- of the Times or Chronicle. You have land in blood, if she could injure or already considered, at full length, in VOL. XIV.
your pages, the whole details of the
Friday, 7 o'clock, A. Mi charges adduced against this eminent . It was Mullion who called on me lawyer, so that there is no need of my yesterday, and hindered me from wriagain slaying the slain. The Lord ting. The worthy, physician kept Chancellor himself fully refuted the me up all night, discussing various slanders vented against him in the topics of conversation, and " horns of Lower House of Parliament, when the horn,” as Glenfruin hath it. He valorous Whig who brought them for- got quite sewed up about one o'clock, ward knew well his Lordship could and ‘is still slumbering away in a not answer him. As for the arguments sort of comatose sleep. I have been in this Review, they are mere twaddle up this hour, sound as a roach. These -as for the facts, they are Whig facts. young fellows from towns, after all, The only answer they deserve is al- cannot keep it up like us seasoned vesready in print—a formula cut and dry sels, invigorated by exposure to the -which the Review will remeraber. air, from year's end to year's end. I I SAY, SIR, THAT THAT IS FALSE. shall occupy the couple of hours, which
I shall not detain you long on the will certainly elapse before he rises, in article on our friend Blackwood's Pub doing articles for you; and first I shall lications. It is a poor thin criticism, tack a few lines to this letter. in Joffrey's thinnest style, and, God The doctor tells me, that in Edinknows, that is wretched enough. Had burgh this Review is very, generally we seen it in the poorest literary pe- considered quite a genteel, candid, riodical in the empire, it would not amiable, not-to-be-expected sort of have amazed us. We should rather thing on the part of Blue and Yellow. have reprehended Ebony for hiring so Mullion even dropped a hint, that shabby a scribe to puff his books. some conciliatory matter or other Scissars and paste work make up the should be tossed off in Blackwood in principal matter of the Review, and return. I am sorry to hear this the critical department is naught. nonsense. There is nothing genteel What a wooden-headed critic must not at all in the business. A dirty feelhe be, who, from the circumstance of ing—a Whig feeling-kept them from their style, discovers that Adam Blair, noticing these novels when a notice and Lights and Shadows, were written could be supposed to be of any use. by the same person ! Their style ! He -I say supposed to be, for of actual might as well have said, that Cobbett's use to them a notice from the Edinlast Register was written by Jerry Ben- burgh could not be then or now. At tham-that the Flood of Thessaly last, when they became part of the came from the pen of Lord Byron - staple of our literature-second but to that Marmion was concocted by Crabbe one-when everybody had read them, -any piece of nonsense, in short. and everybody had praised them-a Adam Blair is a story of gloomy sor- sense of shame, of the skulking sneakirow, arising from the indulgence of ness in hanging back, came over the guilty passions ; the other is filled minds of the conductors of the Edinwith all the gentle impulses that spring burgh. They could not but be confrom honourable loves or kindly feel- scious that the true motives of their ings, and even its sorrow and sin are silence were appreciated, and were marked by a gentleness of conception, driven into this Review. It was too and language radically distinct from late in the day to abuse them, and the tempestuous eloquence of Adam praised they were accordingly in the Blair. The one is black as midnight fashion you see. at Martinmas—the other glowing and The opening of the article is a spebalmy as a dewy morning when the cimen of humbugging pure I mean sun in Taurus rides. This one asser- where Jeffrey tattles about the nationtion would damn any critique. ality of Scottish feeling, and takes me
I am interrupted. Treat this ar- rit to himself for abstaining from disticle as you please, for I can write no playing this trait by panegyrizing the
productions of Mr Blackwood's press, Apropos, Lord B.'s very hard on a certain lawyer, in his 13th Canto of the Don.
There was Parolles too, the legal bully,
Who limits all his battles to the bar
He shews more appetite for words than war.-P. 48,
If his inmost heart could be seen, we One article remains, on a subject should, I am pretty certain, discover on which I could, and, perhaps, will, that the honour these books have con- if vexed, write a volume—the cause ferred on our Scottish literature is quite of the Wesi India Planters. But on forgotten, in the fact of their being
pro- that, you have had lately an adduced by men hostile to Scottish Whig- mirable article, and I shall not ingery; and that the most scabby Cock- trude on your columns now. Suffice ney libeller of Scottish character, provi- it to say, that it behoves Parliament ded he was Whig, would receive higher and ministers to look, with a cautious meed of applause for the dirtiest effu- eye, on the whole concern. Let us sion of his dirty talents, from the Edin- listen to no pseudo liberality-no mock burgh Review, than the most honoura- philanthropy: let us regard it as it ble of the sons of Scotland, if holding interests our brother subjects in the by the cause of his country and his God, West Indies,-their property, and their he was enrolled among the Tories. I rights. We have suffered things to have given the real reason of the Re- come to an alarming crisis, and must view, and I do not thank him for it, nerve ourselves for the result. I either on account of the authors of the impute ill designs to no man, pronovels, or of Blackwood. There is no fessing zeal in the cause of the slaveuse in holding farthing candles to the trade, except the Whigs, who'avowsun. Mr Jeffrey's praise or blame is edly have taken it up as a clapmatter of perfect indifference to men, trap, without caring for anything his superiors in talent in every re- but their own aspiration after power ; spect. Let his whigling admirers, or but I hope this great question will be the pluckless shakers at his autho- taken out of the hands of irresponsirity, say what they please,,he is but ble bodies, guided by men who may a shallow article-monger, who, by be actuated by unworthy motives. If one quackery or other, has obtained these men have done what they have the attention of the public, so far as to done through a love of God and man, be called a smart clever man, and to even though mischief may have results be forgotten by the end of every quar- ed from their measures, yet shall their ter. În our literature, he has little motives have praise at all times from place even now-when defunct, he me-but if instead of piety and philanwill be remembered only by the po- thropy, views of filthy lucre be mixring and industrious John Nicholses, ed up in the business—if traces of (honoured be the name,) of the next bales of cotton, barrels of gunpowder, century. For such writers as those in pieces of romals, &c. &c. be found in hand, I anticipate a very different fate; the process-great indeed is their damnay, more, I think the very best things nation. Before another year elapses, they have, as yet, written, far inferior we shall hear more on the subject. to what they are capable of writing, Mrs T. calls me to breakfast. All and what they assuredly will write. well here. How is the hip? If poss. Indeed, in point of fact, Blackwood shall be with you on Tuesday. Give has published no books at all equal to the enclosed to Professor Leslie. parts of his Magazine-that is the book Yours eternally, of books. Pitch us, therefore, compli
T. TICKLER. ments to Auld Clootie.
agree mainly with Tim. Even in the Review, they have let the cloven foot shew forth, as a practised eye will see.
The indications are trifling, but indisputable. For instance, he begins his list with the Annals of the Parish, giving it, with Whig accuracy, a wrong date, in order to avoid putting the Ayrshire Legatees, which was the first, and is in reality the germ, of all that writer's best novels, at the head of the series, because it originated in this Magazine. Again, he condemns that pleasant little book, the Steam Boat, in a lumping censure-Why? because its stories were first published in the Magazine, in which he understands [i. e. knows right well] it originally appeared. Moreover, it contains the very good story of Mrs Ogle of Balbogle, which is not a pleasant recollection for some folk. For the same reason, Lights and Shadows, although bepraised, are rather given the go-by; because two or three of the best of them first appeared in this work-while Margaret