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take rank, and high rank, among our Kitchener ! And this lady is dead! It public benefactors. Marry, I say, that almost makes us waver in our faith! the thing is so, and shall be so ; for,
Turn sour ye casks of table beer, even amidst all the press and crowd of Ye steaks, forget to fry ; her moral and culinary precepts,- Why is it you are let stay here, even while she stands already, as a And Mrs Rundell die ? man may say,
« in double trust, teaching us good life in one page, and But whims, (if they happen to take good living in another ; here, hold. hold at all,) take the strongest hold ing up her ladle against “ excessive commonly upon strong understandluxury," such as “ Essence of Ham" ings. -(praised be her thick duodecimo, Count Rumford, though an ingenibut for which the world had never ous man, had a touch of this bon chere known that there was such a perfume ;) a peu d'argent disease ; and his Essays and, presently, pointing out the im- afford some pleasant illustrations of portance, and weeping over the rarity the slashing style in which men conof such “ creature comforts” as strong struct theories, when the practice is to coffee, and smooth melted butter ;– fall upon their neighbours. ever and anon, even amid all these com- After exhausting himself upon the plicated interests, the kind lady finds smoky chimnies of the world, the Count room to edge in a thought or two about strips to the next of its nuisances,
the beggars. Pour echantillon,
He was to feed the poor; (encore the
Poor !) and the point was, of course, “ The cook should be charged,” how to feed them at the cheapest rate. says Mrs R.,
to save the boiling of “ Water," then, he begins—(the every piece of meat or ham, however cunning rogue !) “ Water, I am insalt; the pieces of meat which come clined to suspect, acts a much more from the table on the plates ; and the important part in nutrition, than has bones made by the family.” “What a been generally supposed." This was relief,” adds she, “ to the labouring a good active hobby to start upon; husband, to have a warm, comfortable and, truly, his Countship, in the semeal !”—The rind of a ham, for in- quel, does outride all the field. stance, after Mrs R. had extracted the First, he sets out an admirable ta“ Essence?”
ble, at which he dines TWELVE HUNAnd again she goes on.-“ Did the DRED persons, all expenses included, cook really enter into this, (the love for the very reasonable cost of one of her fellow creatures ;) she would pound fifteen shillings English. never wash away as useless the peas, But this (which was three dinners or groats, of which soup, or gruel, have for a penny) was nothing; and, in a been made ;-broken potatoes ; —the trice, the Count, going on with his reouter leaves of lettuce ;-the necks and ductions, brings down the meal for feet of fowls,” &c.; “ which make a twelve hundred, to one pound seven delicious meat soup, especially for the shillings. And, here, he beats our Sasick.”—(Sure, people would be falling ver of Wealth (the contractor at twosick, on purpose to eat it !)
pence a day) hollow ; because, with The sick soup essay concluding with his dinner found for a farthing, a man a farther direction to the cook, not to must be an example of debaucherytake the fat off the broth,
a mere rascal-to think of getting like it, and are nourished by it!" and through such a sum as twopence a-day; with a calculation which, if we know out of which, indeed, he might well anything of the mathematics, might put by a provision for himself and his make Demoivre himself look to his wife, in old age; and fortunes for two laurels ;-—" Ten gallons of this soup," or three of his younger children. concludes Mrs R., “ from ten houses, The Count's running commentary would be a hundred gallons; and that, upon these evolutions, too, is a chef divided among forty families, would d'auvre in the art of reasoning. At be two gallons and a half to each fa- one time, it seems, he dieted his flock, mily."
partly upon bread begged publicly in Tam Marti quam Mercurio! And charity, and partly upon neat which done with chalk upon a milk tally, was the remnant of the markets. Even ten to one else ! - Tam Cocker quam out of evil the wise man shall bring
as the poor
good. The charity bread was found with it. Such a turmoil as to what the extremely dry and hard; "but, there- poor shall eat! I say, there are plenty fore," says the Count, “ we found it of them let them eat one another. answer better than any other; because People must not be startled by the it made mastication necessary, and so apparent novelty of this plan ;-those prolonged the enjoyment of eating.” who can swallow Count Rumford's As for the meat, he soon finds that an dinners, may, I am sure, swallow anyarticle quite unnecessary, and actually thing. I have examined the scheme, omits it altogether in the people's which I propose narrowly, and (presoup, without the fact being discovered! judice apart) can see no possible objec
But the crowning feature of all, (and tion to it. It is well known, that rats there I leave Count Rumford,) is the and mice take the same mode which experiment which he makes in eating I hint at, to thin their superabundant (to be quite certain) upon himself; population; and what are the poor, but arguing upon the nutritious and sto- mice in the cheese of society? Let the mach-satisfying qualities of a parti- public listen only to this suggestion, cular“ cheap" dish, he puts the thing and they will find that it ends all difto issue—thus :
ficulty at once. I grant that there “ I took my coffee and cream, with might be some who would be ravenous, my dry toast, one morning” (hour not at first, upon their new diet ; * espegiven)“ at breakfast, and ate nothing cially any who had been, living upon between that and four o'clock. I then Mrs Rundell's soup; but that is an ate,” [the particular dish,] I believe, evil which would correct itself; behowever, it was a three farthing one, cause, so admirably operative and per“ and found myself perfectly refresh- fect is the principle, the mouths would ed.” And so the Count finishes his diminish in exact proportion with the dissertation upon food, by declaring meat. Upon my system, (and, I rethe Chinese ! to be the best cooks in peat, I can see no objection to it), the the world.
poor might go on pleasantly, reducing Now, I confess that (at first sight) their numbers at their leisure, until there would seem to be something ac- one individual only, in a state of necomplished here. No doubt, if our cessity, should be left; and if it were labourers would eat farthing dinners, worth while to go on to niceties, I could and get rid of that villainous propensity provide even for him under my ar. which they have to beaf-steaks, their rangement, by having him taught to
savings," and consequent acquisition jump down his own throat, like the of property, would be immense. But clown, in “Harlequin Conjurer.” Cerdoes the Count not perceive, and did tain it is, we hear, on every side, it never strike his coadjutors, that, if that, if the poor go on increasing, they this system were acted upon, all the will soon eat up the rich ; and, sure poor would become rich? when they ly, if anybody is to be eaten by them, it would be an incomparably greater nui- ought, in fairness, to be themselves. sance than they are in their present And, moreover, as it is shrewdly suscondition. I grant the existing evil, pected that too many of them are albut do not let us exchange it for a ready eaten up with laziness, why, greater. The question is a difficult hang it, if they are to be eaten at all, one, but there be minds that can cope let them be eaten to some purpose.
Compere Matthieu, I think, makes this remark somewhere, in a general defence of cannibalism. But my project does not go so far.
A CHAPTER ON GOBLINS.
" I am thy Father's Ghost !”_SHAKESPEARE. It is well observed by Pierre de and the crone of seventy, who, thought Loyer, (an ingenious author of the she believes valiantly every lie that su15th century,) who discussed the mat- perstition ever invented, " watches” a ter de spectris, with much labour and corpse, or “ lays it out," for the research, that there is no topic upon wretched bribe of half-a-crown, would which, in all classes, talkers are so shrink, almost on any terms, from imlittle apt to tire. And, besides the posing the same task upon her caredeep interest which even the incredu- less, blooming, laughing, light-heartlous take in tales of spirits, there are ed grand-daughter of eighteen. two other facts connected with the sub- It is a sad, and, in some sort, a hru. ject, both seemingly contrary to the miliating reflection; but there is a common course of cause and effect ;- stage of life from which the step to many persons, who believe implicitly eternity seems but a short one ;-a in the reality of apparitions, feel very state (although few reach it) which is little inconvenience or apprehension almost a link between the day-light from their possible propinquity; while and the grave. We constantly find others, who have no jot of faith in their persons in age (particularly women) existence, are subject, nevertheless, keeping the clothes, &c.“ by them, very frequently, to nervous uneasiness, in which they desire to be buried. On when they think of them. It would the other hand, youth has not merely be difficult, perhaps, even by an ana- a horror of the “ appliances,” and lysis of that transitory commodity call- concomitants of dissolution, but a cered courage, to explain, or account tain shrinking and averseness from the for, the last of these anomalies; but sight even of living dotage, or exthus much we may be sure, that nei- treme infirmity. The author of the ther real danger, nor even the belief of Antiquary, with his usual happy tact, it, is absolutely necessary to the ex- notices the dislike which people (escitement of fear. While the soldier pecially the uneducated) feel to being who has fought twenty battles, will left alone with very aged persons; and quit his tent because a bat flies into it; a German writer tells us, that he was or one man shrinks from handling the compelled to quit a public vehicle, berat, which he sees another take alive cause a somewhat extraordinary feout of his waistcoat pocket ;—so long male happened, as well as himself, to as both these individuals feel a horror be travellirg in it. He describes her at the presence of objects which they extremely old,--probably more know to be neither dangerous, nor mis- than eighty years of age; of unusual chievous, nor offensive, so long John- stature, very coarsely featured, and afson's argument for the reality of ap- fected (though in apparent health) by paritions, must go for little that many an evident decay of mind and faculty:' who deny them with their tongues, and adds, that it is difficult for him confess them by their terrors.
to describe the sensations which were There be infidels who fear, and be- produced by her presence.-" It was lievers who are at ease. The faithful, most,” he says,
“ like what one would who tremble not, are chiefly among the feel, I think, at being left alone with old. The incredulous, who fear, will an insane person. I seemed to be near be among the young and the enthusi- something which was not in its proper astic. Whether it be that our sympa- and natural state. A human form sat thies, like our appetites, become (ge- before me, which was already the pre nerally) callous in the decline of life, perty the tomb. It was returning or that, by a special dispensation of to dust before my eyes, and I could Providence, we lose, as we advance in not look on to witness the process. I years, some of that aversion to death, could better have borne the presence and to its symbols, which belongs to of a corpse, than of the object which the earlier stages of existence, certain I am describing; for death itself is it is, that usage has thrown upon the quiescent ;-this was death in animaaged, almost entirely, the duty of act- tion.”. ing and officiating about the dead; This is a little too German, but
there is something in it notwithstand- looked round the room a dozen times, ing.
and did not care to look the thirteenth. On the occasional nervous misgiv. I tried to sing, and could not. I took ings of unbelievers, an Italian heretic up a book, which I had brought with speaks,-and to his “ own case in me, but could not read three sentences
together. Then I talked rapidly—any “ I do not wonder,” he sets out, jargon-inwardly—to myself; tried " that ordinary scatter-brained peow to count,—to recollect verses,” &c. ple, who never know their minds upon He goes through the affair, in the any question, should waver as to the end, with extreme exertion and distruth or falsehood of supernatural comfort:-"And yet, had I been askvisitations. Such people, naturally, ed," he concludes, “ at the time when doubt by day-light, and believe as soon I felt most distressed, -whether I had as it gets dark. But why is it, that any thing to apprehend? I should 1, who wish to believe, and yet can- have answered, most certainly, (even not,—who, for twenty years, have been at the time,) that I had not." dying to see a ghost, and am sure that This man was the victim of a lively I shall never see one as long as I live; imagination; and it is no more wonwhy is it, that, under certain circum- derful that he should have shrunk stances, I have been disquieted, when from a peril, which he knew existed the subject has crossed my mind?". only in his own fancy, than it would
Being quartered near Bologna, (he be if he had wept at reading a pathetic served probably in the army,) the same narrative, which he knew to be a fable. author meets with a real haunted house, Besides, there are modes, and degrees and makes an experiment whether he and very different degrees, of what can convince his nerves as well as his we call “ belief.” understanding. The precise character It is difficult to dismiss entirely from of the spectre whom he is to meet is the mind any matter, however appanot mentioned; but he goes to the un- rently incredible, which has been potenanted mansion about eleven o'clock sitively stated as a fact. Juries very at night; the girls admiring his fear- often find verdicts against the real lessness; the young men enraged at weight of evidence in a case, because his impudence'; and the old people, it cannot be shewn, to demonstration, of both sexes, somewhat displeased at that some single fact sworn to is a his presumption !-Afterwards, he de- falsehood. That becomes a doubt, when scribes the manner in which he passed the point is of life or death, which his time.
would be no doubt at all, upon a crisis “ Of course, I saw nothing. And less terrific. And, admit but one shaI expected to see nothing, unless that dow of a doubt in the mind of our some trick would be practised for the Italian adventurer, and, at once,-fear purpose of alarming me. But my apart,--you account for half his annight, notwithstanding, was far from xiety. Mere expectation-whether of being a pleasant one. I wished that good or evil—will be restless. Hope is something might appear to me; and every jot as great a trembler as alarm. yet, I was not at ease. I remained firm, A child cries even after it grasps the so long as I kept my attention fixed upon particular object which it has coveted. the business in which I was engaged; And the man who could not“read three but, the moment that the effort was sentences," when he was waiting to relaxed, I became-not alarmed-but see whether he should see a ghost, -uncomfortable. Strange thoughts would have been as much agitated, forced themselves, whether I would or probably, if he had been waiting to not, upon my mind; and, though I see whether he had got the twenty felt their folly perfectly, yet I could thousand pound prize in the Lottery: not shake them off. I wanted, after That there is much, too, as regards sometime, to fasten the door of the this subject, in the old argument of room in which I was sitting; and I “ nursery education,” cannot be denifound an unconquerable aversion come ed. Take notice how, with our nurover me to rising from my chair. And sery nervousness about apparitions, the inatter, (what was worse,) at one we retain also our nursery taste. time, seemed to be getting worse every People are fond, (whether they bemoment. I felt as though I should lieve it or not,) in general, of marvellose the full control of my senses. I lous narrative; but, nine times in ten,
it must be the genuine narrative of the very step which seals his destruction is housemaid, or else it will hardly do. the triumph of unshaken courage and Fairy tales please; but in England) misbelief. they do not touch the soul. The Gera In point of fact, however, nothing man devilry suits us rather better ; but does tell in England like the regular even Germany lays the scene too much Middlesex Ghost ;-with the white in the mountain and in the mine. In shroud, and the pale face; and, if with England, for a ghost story, we like an a chain and a long beard, the more old garret,-say in Hatton Garden; agreeable; and, above all, he should with plenty of dust, rats, and mice, be silent. Indeed, it will be observed, and a cockloft, or so, over ;-and, if a that your spectre proper, is, by all acman has hanged himself in it, why, so counts, naturally taciturn;-not speakmuch the better.
ing, in any case, until he is spoken to; But the German terrible, besides -even female ghosts do this. And, Í that it wants this our national locus should say, indeed, that apparitions in
дио, takes a course commonly that must be compelled to speak, even when the English do not pleasantly fall in accosted; and not merely permitted to with. Almost all the northern legends do so, as has vulgarly been imagined. set out with a man's taking the bounty For your spectre, be it remarked, almoney of the devil; so that we guess ways loses ground the moment“he or pretty well, in the beginning, how he
« his or her” mouth. All is to be disposed of in the end. And our eminently successful stage ghosts we feel but little interest about a man, have been either totally silent, or have after he has made a bargain of this sort discoursed only in monosyllables. The He is above (or below) our sphere. Castle Spectre, and the Bleeding Nun, As “ the gods take care of Cato," so always keep the galleries breathless. such a man becomes the protege of the The statue in Don Juan steps upon nether powers. There is no hope of the very marrow of his audiences. But good fortune at all for him ; and very Hamlet's ghost (in spite of the critilittle choice as to his fate. He must cisms in the Spectator,) does now-aeither be damned, as Shakespeare says, days very little ;-one never is quite “ for keeping his word with the devil; sure that he really is a ghost, until he or else, he must be damned " for co- disappears down the trap. And the zening the devil.” And, even where only talking ghost I ever met with, at there is (as happens sometimes) a sort all effective, (even in the reading of,) of point reserved; some plea of usury is one in a play of Beaumont and Fleta against the fiend, or coming out of the cher's, (The Lover's Progress,) where victim under the Insolvent Act, still the master of an inn walks about after we are not satisfied. There is a cer- his death, singing, and seeing that his tain love of equity always present to guests are properly attended to. But, the human mind. True, the contract apart from the feelings and tastes of is with the devil; but, we think, that others, to come for a moment to my even the devil should have his due. own.-Touching the reality (as well
Thus it is, that Faustus and Don as the amusingness) of spectral appearJuan both come, dramatically, to the ances, I protest, altogether, against besame end; but Faustus, upon the Eng- ing put down as a scoffer. I have my lish stage, will never be interesting in own personal cause of belief, and perany shape; while Juan is interesting haps it may seem a peculiar one; but in every shape, and in every country. that lies entirely between me and my There is the decided difference, in spis conscience. I will not believe, with Dr rit, between the two characters. Faus- Johnson, upon the ground of “ tus may make his bargain under pres- mon credit,” because I have known sure, but still he does make it ; Juan that credited by hundreds which Johnnever makes any bargain, and, (as we son himself would have rejected. think,) would 'refuse to make one. People believed, only the other day, in Faustus seals his doom wilfully ; Juan the miraculous conception of Joanna judges ill. Faustus does not rise, ei- Southcott ;—people believed that Miss ther as to courage or talent, in our es- M'Avoy, of Liverpool, could see what timation, when he avails himself, and was o'clock with her eyes shut;-there with his eyes open, of the assistance are people who believe that Prince of the evil spirit; Juan is all energy, Hohenlohe is able to work miracles ; all force, and natural power; and the and that Mr Hume is a statesman, and