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INCIDENT.

gained an asylum. About five-and- Save me, and hover o'er nie with your twenty years since, my friend, Nr wings, Richard Wilson, the landscape painter, You heavenly guards." saw Fisher at Rome, and spoke to him. He was then, I think, one of the “ At the appearance of the ghost, conoscenti, and a picture-dealer.” Hamlet immediately rises from his

seat affrighted; at the same time he And let those that play your clowns, contrives to kick down his chair, which, speak no more than is set down for them." by making a sudden noise, it was ima

gined, would contRIBUTE TO THE “ In the play of the Recruiting Of- PERTURBATION AND TERROR OF THE ficer, Wilkes was the Captain Plume,

But this, in my opinion, and Pinkethman one of the recruits. is a poor stage-trick, and should be The Captain, when he enlisted him, avoided.” asked his name. Instead of answer- Well done, Tom Davies, again say ing as he ought, Pinkey replied, Why we. Let us see what sort of notes you don't you know my name, Bob? I write on Julius Cæsar. Not so very thought every fool had known that!' bad, by any means, as might have Wilkes, in a rage, whispered to him been anticipated. Tom argues the cethe name of the recruit, Thomas Ap- lebrated question, “ Was Brutus juspeltree. The other retorted aloud, tifiable,” &c., and we think he puts it

Thomas Appeltree! Thomas Devil! in a new light. “ The Romans," says My name is Will Pinkethman ;' and he, “ weighed their fishes at table, and immediately addressing an inhabitant took a pleasure in beholding them exof the upper regions, he said, “Harkee, pire. The death of a mullus, with the friend, don't you know my name?' variety and change of colours in its last “Yes, Master Pinky,' said a respond- moments, says Dr Arbuthnot from ent, we know it very well. The Pliny, was reckoned one of the most playhouse was now in an uproar ; the entertaining spectacles in the world. audience at first enjoyed the petulant AND NOW I HOPE WE SHALL'HEAR folly of Pinkethman, and the distress of Wilkes ; but, in the progress of the MEN AMONGST THE ROMANS APPROjoke, it grew tiresome, and Pinkey met VING THE ASSASSINATION OF JULIUS his deserts-a very severe reprimand CÆSAR.” This settles the question for in a hiss; and this mark of displea- ever-so let the Speculative Society sure he changed into applause, by cry- discuss it no more. -Oh! North ! Í ing out, with a countenance as melan- can read no more of this Tom Davies. choly as he could make it, in a loud The book is said to be extremely ennasal twang, Odso, I fear I am tertaining, and no doubt your corre

Let Liston and others spondent T. D. could shew it to be so. read this, and blush for their gratui- But I hate the stage, and all that betous buffoonery. A low jester on the longs to it; and am of opinion that stage ought never to be suffered to use none of Shakespeare's plays were orithe slightest insolence to the audience. ginally intended for representation. I His drollery must be bounded by the have no heart to prove this just now; row of lights above the heads of the but, take my word for it, it was the fiddlers; and the moment he presumes case ; and in this way can we at once farther, every person in the theatre has account for our admirable friend Lamb's a right to pelt him with bad pence, or being affected so much more in the worse oranges. A hiss is insufficient closet than the theatre by Willy's tra--nothing like a lash on the brazen gedies. brow of the buffoon. Low farce is, at Here is “ British Field Sports, by the best, somewhere about the mean- William Henry Scott. Sherwood, est of all allowable human recreation; Neely, and Jones, &c. 1818.” “There and the animal performing it does, for must,” says this humane and excellent the time being, make himself too con- writer, " be no indiscriminate perioditemptible to retain any right to look a cal whipping of the hounds in the lump.gentleman in the face, much less to I seriously recommend this advice to colloquy with a lady in a side-box. the gentlemen of your Magazine. What There can be no illiberality in saying do they mean by everlastingly laying 80 and therefore once more we re- on these poor hounds, Hazlitt, the peat, “ Well done, Tom Davies !” Hunts, and all that pack? It is of no

NO MORE OF THE WISEST AND BEST

wrong !'"

Q. E. D.

use. Nothing will do but hanging. can enjoy, during a life of one, two, By the way, Scott, my good fellow, or three years, 'as may happen; and will you have the goodness, in another the death of one and all of them, time edition of your excellent volume, to taken at an average, occupies about tell me, whether a fox-hound or a three minutes of cut and come again. race-horse is swiftest for a race of four But besides these five hundred birds miles? I observe that, at page 498, which fight, several hundred more you inform us, that Flying Childers, have been called into existence, which perhaps the fleetest horse that ever do not fight at all, but enjoy the luxran, did the Beacon course of four ury of a natural death, in their chickmiles, one furlong, one hundred and enhood, from the hands of Dolly the thirty-eight yards, in seven minutes scullion. Moreover, somewhere about and thirty seconds; and, at page 407,

a thousand hen-chickens have been you state positively, that a fox-hound clacked, which, but for cock-fighting, bitch of Colonel Thornton's ran four had never chipped the shell, and which miles in seven minutes and half a sea are either humanely made into pies cond, which, good sir, is faster than during the tenderness of their untrodChilders. Curse me if I can swallow den virginity, or kept for breeding ; that at my time of life. You also in- and in neither predicament are they form us, that Childers ran three miles, ever heard to utter a complaint. A six furlongs, and ninety-three yards, prodigious sum total of feathered hapin six minutes and forty seconds, add- piness is thus produced ; and a coning, “ nearly after the rate of one mile stant cock-a-doodle-doo kept up from in the minute.” Now, worthy sir, farm-house to farm-house all over Joseph Hume himself could not have England, than which nothing can be exposed himself more than you do more agreeable to the feelings of a man here ; for, look again, and you will at and a Christian. once observe, that such running is

Patience,” says Mr Scott,“ is the more nearly at the rate of a mile in angler's chief virtue." Here, sir, you two minutes.

are wrong. No doubt, if you take your “ Cock-fighting,” says our author, station at the stern of a punt in a pond, “ is pronounced in a breath horrible! and voluntarily stake your credit on Weighed, however, in the balance of an attempt to delude a brace of perch, reason and fact, it is attended with out of the scanty brotherhood that are the least cruelty of all our diversions, par-boiled in stagnant mud during not even my favourite horse-racing the dog-days, patience will be found excepted. I shall be very expeditious highly useful, indeed indispensable. in my proof. The game-cock is kept But what has patience to do on the in a state of happiness and comfort green or rocky banks of a beautiful until the day of battle; he cannot stream, with all its pools and shallows, then be forced; but, in fighting, is and its light and shade, and its calms actuated by his natural instincts—is and breezes, and its silence, its murin fact gratified; and if he falls by his murs, its dashing, and its thunder ? adversary's weapon, he is the sooner Why, the angler so placed, is happy out of the sense of pain. Let not the as a bridegroom on his wedding-day; reader, however, mistake me for an and you may as well tell me, that of advocate of cock-fighting, for which, an ardent youth of twenty, on that in truth, I have no kind of relish; latter occasion, the chief virtue is paand probably should feel almost as tience. Stuff! The less patience the wearied, and out of place, at the cock, better. An angler should be impatient, pit royal, as at sitting to hear a long- eager, bold, active, vigorous, and full winded puritanical sermon-an enter- of fire--in every respect the reverse of tainment to which stale bread and sour Mr H. of the Liber Amoris, who, for small beer are luxuries."

his drivelling, was despised, even by This is well put, North ; and per- the daughter of a tailor; knew not how fectly justifies you and me in our fa- to bait his hook, or fasten his rod; vourite sport. A cocker on a large nor, after he had missed the mouth of scale, like my Lord Derby, for exam- a loose-fish by his awkward and imple, fights, we shall say, (trial battles potent skillessness, had the sense, by and ali,) five hundred birds per an- a sudden jerk, to catch her by the

One and all of these birds en- tail-fin. & Cockney, sitting in the joys the utmost happiness that bird stocks, must have patience; but not so an angler and a gentleman on Tweed- eructation, indigestion, blue devils, side, or by the silver Dee.

num.

death; contempt, and oblivion ! A What, in the name of ponderosity man without back or loins, wrestling and Troy weight, have we got here for immortality! The lame and the two volumes in 4to-each an apparent halt in soul striving to climb the hill load for a miller, and too much for the of fame! The slave aping the free ! back of a Sexagenarian like the present The mean smuggling himself into the contributor, once a man not unknown ranks of the mighty! Lips black with in the gymnastic hemisphere--" Life soot, but untouched with the coal from of Hayley!" Here, indeed, is a tri- heaven! The slaver of fatuity for the umph of temper. No tombstone can dew of inspiration ! Down and pudbe Hatter than such a monument. A dock-hair, instead of the strong pipatent coffin is a joke to a corp-safe nion! The gabble of the goose for the like this. Open, Sisame! Now that the song of the swan! The hobble of the gates are unfolded, let some younger Suffolk punch, bred in and in, for the man turn again the weary load upon gallop of the “ desert-born !” The stoits hinges. For twelve years did our len lion's hide dangling over the nagood friend Colburn support the tough ked neck of the cuddy, instead of the annuitant, at the rate of £460 per an- os magna sonaturum, the long leathern num; and lo! the upshot ! "Kind- jaws, filled with half-chewed docks hearted Hayley! jilted in youth, living and burrs, intermingled with stingapart from the wife of his bosom in less nettles ! manhood, and forsaking his third flame I observe, by the way, that there in his dotage, what a Hermit wert has been a serious misunderstanding thou! Is this one of the poets of Eng- between Sherwood, Neely, and Jones, land? The friend of Cowper? The and Pierce Egan. I am sorry for it. model of a recluse? Vain, heartless, They are spirited, honest, kind-heartwavering, selfish, dull, doting drivelo ed publishers, as any in the kingdom, ler, what art thou now! What a les- and Boxiana is the prince of good felson is here! Versifying on the death lows. I wish they could make their of his friends! Sermonizing on the fu- quarrel up. Authors and publishers neral of the wife whom he forsook in should always be good friends. Pierce her insanity! And, last of all, forsa- seems to have been paid handsomely, king the bed of youth and beauty, in and no man deserves it better. As to the capricious impotence of dotage, that his fourth volume of Boxiana, we necould gloat no more! Epitaphs, epi- ver heard of it, and request him to send grams, lyrics, charades, epistles, sa- us a copy forth with ! As this is a natires, tragedies, and epics, all alike tional concern, we intend to give a fair feebly begotten, imperfectly conceived, statement to the public. and abortively delivered! Peevishness, My dear North, I began this letter sulkiness, the wretchedness of perpe- rather queerish, and was half-inclined tual failure ; egotism feeding on gar- to pick a quarrel with you; but I bebage, and yet doomed to insatiate cra- gin to feel the old regard for you and ving, and sick with the flatulence of Maga, and depend upon something seconstitutional imbecility, and the thin rious and erudite by Thursday's post. diet of solitary and mis-directed stu

Yours respectfully, &c. dies, that produced only constipation,

THE TORY.

No. II. England has at length fully revert- activity, cheerfulness, and profit; the ed to her old state of peace. War is at restoration of cash payments has gone an end, and even the spirit of war is through its round, and entered into laid; that ancient fiery blast which had the healthful and quiet system of the scorched and heaved her for an entire national prosperity, which it is to disgeneration, is blown over; the fluctu- turb no more. The reductions of the ations that followed the pause of hos- national expenditure, painful and antilities, and made it more uneasy than xious operations at the best, have now ever, has gone down; manufactures completed their course of difficulty, and agriculture have put on a face of and they are henceforth to be felt on

at once.

ly in lightening the public burthens. peal of the salt duties within a brief Át this hour, England stands in a more period, to extinguish lotteries after the vigorous and loftier position, with present year, and to sweep away thg veins filled with a richer plenitude of whole of the assessed taxes of Ireland health and spirits, and her eye commanding a larger horizon, than in the

The Spanish question engrossed a most prosperous days of our forefa- large share of public interest for the thers. The scars of the war have pass- time. A feeble and tampering spirit ed away, not a wrinkle is left to tell in our councils would have inevitably where his helmet galled, and she has plunged us into a war with France, now only to follow the career of her and subsequently with all Europe. own generous powers of head and Opposition, cheered by the prospect of heart, and be mistress of all the pros- national calamity, called furiously for perity that Providence appoints for war, but its clamour found no echo in wisdom, industry, and virtue. the country ; the minister's statement

To say that this elevation is the di- of his policy formed an intelligent rect result of any measures of our weak view of British interests and public human sagacity, would be idle and feelings, and was sanctioned by great presumptuous. The ancients, a peo majorities within the house, and by an ple wise in their generation, sacrificed unexampled approbation among the to Fortune ; we have a purer belief, people. Opposition was bafiled; and and it leads us to a still higher source; if the defeat of a body, so often repulwe acknowledge the bounty of Pro- sed, and sunk into such contempt, vidence, and, in the acknowledgment, could be a matter of triumph, its defeel, that far from our efforts or our feat was ridiculous and humiliating in cause, we are giving the noblest cha- the most memorable degree. racter and panegyric within the reach A paltry attempt at popularity was of language.

subsequently made by a motion relaIn the midst of this harmonious and tive to the arrest of Mr Bowring, a universal utterance of national congra- person charged with being the accretulation, I disdain to bend my ear to dited agent of disaffection in France. the petty querulousness of party. Its His notorious intercourse with the susvoice, loud and ominous during the pected in Paris, his communications night of the country, is less and less with Spain, and the appearance of audible as the day ascends, and is na- some incendiary French songs in an turally extinguished in the thousand English paper, at the moment of an atsounds of public content and industry. tempted insurrection in France, had fixThose obscenæ volucres are only for ed the eye of the police upon him. His darkness and the sick-chamber; but arrest was natural, but his papers were we have thrown off the sickness and apparently of noimportance, and he was the superstition together, and may now finally set at liberty without a charge, turn to the cheering and sunny con- after a childish and harsh detention of templations, habitual to the best times, a fortnight in a French prison. Lord and the manliest spirit of Englishmen. Archibald Hamilton was the Alecto on

The King's speech at the opening of this occasion, and put the trumpet to the Session embraced three principal his luckless lips for vengeance and war. objects. The question of continental But his motion had the usual fate of policy, the public burthens, and the his oratory,-it was thrown into easy state of Ireland. On these three points burlesque, and Mr Bowring was left, his policy was distinctly pledged.-To unavenged, to his usual pursuits, and preserve peace, to diminish taxation, the public inanagement of the suband to propose some remedy for the scription for the Spanish insurgents. disturbance of the Irish. The first step The Spanish war was the sole surwas directed to the taxation. Mr Van- viving hope of party, and the topic sittart had left the Treasury, and the was cherished and amplified with a new Chancellor of the Exechequer had fondness worthy of the desperate state assumed his office with a high character of Opposition. All had hitherto cheatfor intelligence and exertion. His career ed them ; events, rich with the prowas begun with peculiar triumph, for mise of public misfortune, had vanishhe was enabled to announce the abo- ed from their grasp. A malignant forlition of two millions and a half of tune har deprived them of the Queen English taxes, to promise the total re- at the moment when they seeined to VOL. XIV.

2.1

have secured complete and permanent notwithstanding abandoned it, from possession of that fine source of tu- finding that they could not compel it mult. The agricultaral distresses to answer the purposes of their own cheered them for a time, but it was to paltry appetite for office. Either conkeep the word of promise only to their clusion leaves them steeped in baseear; they no sooner swelled into the ness, duplicity, and folly. It must triumphant speculation of deserted now be asked by all men who have provinces, barns in a general circuit hitherto looked on this party with a of inflammation, and smock-frocked favourable eye,-on what subject are legislators re-modelling the constitu- they in earnest, what great political tion with the firebrand and the scythe, doctrine do they sincerely hold, to than prices rose, the sun shone, and what line of conduct would they feel the rustic became incapable of a gerre

themselves pledged, in case of their ral change of ministry. A fate

pur- being put in possession of the governsued them ; it was enough for them ment? The true answer is, their whole to set their feet on the most fetid spirit is insincere. If there ever was a ground of popular mischief, the soil question to which men were bound, became rotten at once, sank away, and those men were bound to the Catholic left them to look out for another spot question; their speeches, their reviews, for the great radical lever, that was to their votes, were full of it for the last shake all established things at a heave. thirty years; it went side by side with

The sound of insurrection in Spain even the panegyric of disaffection in came over them while they were in the England, and the triumphs of her enelowest despondency, and they snuffed mies abroad. It was a part of the the gale with the nostril so long un- living and sentient frame, the blood cheered with revolution. I have in a and brain of opposition. At once it former letter detailed the contemptu- was perceived that nothing more was ous and total disappointment of Op

to be made of it, and from that moposition; and the loss of character ment it was disowned and dismemberbranded on the legal coxcomb who ed from among the organs of faction. had volunteered to lead the forlorn This consummation, while it covers hope ; and the wretched artifice to the party with contempt, is fortunate conceal defeat by voting against their for the Roman Catholics. Their claims own question, and the bitter dissen- will be a mouth-piece for paltry persions that subsequently revealed and sonal objects no more ; they will be punished the intrigue.

decided on by a more honourable Minor debates filled up the period. judgment than that of faction. In Hume talked, of course, his usual al- the hands of administration they will lowance; but his topics lost their fresh- have their due weight, and the Roness, his blunders are mere repetitions man Catholic may rely on obtaining fatal to laughter, and he has settled every privilege that is not inconsistent into the insignificance which is the with the general safety of the constinatural place of a vulgar and unfur- tution. nished mind.

A direct step towards giving him The Catholic question, brought for political power has been made this Sesward in April, added to the exposure sion in giving him the elective franof the present weakness and habitual chise. This measure, pregnant with insincerity of Whiggism. The debate weighty consequences, was resisted upon the petition was left to the single on principle by some of the wisest and prowess of Mr Plunkett. Opposition most liberal minds of Parliament. The gave up the topic without the decency Bishop of St David's, a man venerable of an excuse, walked out of the House, by every title of literature, liberality, and left the advocate to the consolation and piety, opposed it strenuously, deof having made his annual speech, and clared it to be contrary to all sound at length learning the value of his policy, hostile to the maxims of our party. One of two conclusions must ancestors, and menacing to the constibe drawn from this extraordinary de- tution. What its result may be in sertion, either that the Catholic ques- England, must be discovered only by tion has been from the beginning a experience; but in Ireland the elective mere pretence in the mouth of Whig- franchise was a formidable gift both to gism, or that, believing it essential to the givers and the receivers. By allowtlie welfare of the empire, they have ing the Catholic peasantry to become

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