a

seat. He took a candle in his hand, and I not only know who are writing, but advancing in measured steps, at length I have intelligence of who are about came up close to me, and stood intently to write: I know the secret history of fixed upon my countenance for the space every book that issues from the press ; of several minutes. I felt a good deal I can tell every circumstance belongconfused at this examination : I had ing to it, from the birth of the first not courage to raise my eyes to his idea in the author's teeming brain, to but looked down, awaiting what should the last stroke of the fairly copied MS. follow. At length, when he was satis- Nothing, sir, is unknown to me; to fied with this investigation of my fea. great powers nothing is impossible tures, he withdrew the light, and then Impossible, is a word, sir, which it is not still standing, said, in a deep impressive in my capacity to understand—it is the voice, “ An author, I believe, if my only problem which I cannot demonprognostics do not deceive me." I bow- strate. But allow me to inquire into the ed profoundly in reply. “And,” said honour you confer on me by this visit ; he again, raising the candle so near my for I confess that my foreknowledge face that I could not help flinching, has left me in the dark on that point.” “if there be any truth in the science I was delighted with the courtesy of of presentiments, I behold a great theo- his manners; my wildest dreams of logian.” I bowed again, though I con- literary ambition had not anticipated fess it went a little against my con- so much honour, and I seemed now near science to appropriate the whole of the the accomplishment of my best hopes. compliment. “Be seated, sir, I beg," I explained to him, as respectfully as said the Critic, condescending to draw I could, the dread and reverence in a chair near to his own, in which he which I held himself and his brethren; re-seated himself with an air of great and that I had come to town with my dignity: then turning his “spectacled work, from such a distance, in order eyes full upon mem" I confess I had to crave the previous criticism of some no forewarning that I was so soon to of the learned reviewers, and to enreceive the honour of a visit from so treat the promise of a favourable cridelectable a divine ; though I had ac- tique in the Review, of which he was curate information of the invaluable one of the conductors, before I could acquisition which the republic of let- venture to publish. The Critic, duters have recently made in a scholar soring the course of my speech, frequentprofound.”—“You amaze me, sir," said ly raised his hands and eyes to Heaven. he in a voice trembling with pleasure, "Mirror of modesty !" cried he, when “ that the name of so obscure an in- I had ended; “ unheard-of diffidence! dividual —" “ Call not yourself ob- Who shall be certain of a favourable scure," cried the Reviewer, in a loud critique, if you are not? And yet you tone; “it is high treason to the literary condescend to ask it! Why, sir, my profession which you have embraced; respect, my veneration, increase for and the path which nature and choice you every instant! Sure Nature has have pointed out to you, is one of the committed a strange anachronism, in noblest and most laudable in all the producing you in an age like this, when walks of literature."--"Thank heaven," ignorant pretenders are swarming acried I, mentally: "I have at last met round us, and inundating the world with a Christian in the shape of a Re- with their mushroom productions, in viewer !”—“It is only, I think, with the shape of quartos, octavos, duodeciin the last few months, that you have mos, &c.—making, sir, a chaotic mass conceived the design of your work?” of ignorance, through which we vainly

-"About that time, sir.”—“And you grope with the lamp of criticism. And have actually concocted a work on di- now, when my eyes, which have been vinity?"_"Yes, sir, if I may so say." dimmed by the unwearied labours of “And you are about to publish it, sir?” half a century-by a toilsome search "Even so, sir," said I, with increa- after merit, in works where none was sing wonder," though I presume not to be found--watching for a view of even to guess how such circumstances the bright projection of learning, with have become known to you."-" There as much diligence as the eager alcheis nothing, sir, however remotely con- mist surveys his crucible-my waning nected with the great interests of li- orbs are refreshed by the renovating terature, that does not immediately sight of a new luminary in the world reach my ear. You are to learn, sir, that of science-a venerable and profound

a

theologian-mature in years as in judg- Divine, to open those sluices of know.. ment-clear as learned-safe as deep ledge which I so well know are ready subtle as solid-elegant as orthodox- to flow from you; and I am, thereand modest as erudite! I must indeed, fore, prepared to encounter the torsir, beg respectfully to decline the ho- rent-” « Indeed, sir-" “Of course pour that you propose to me, merely you have, in your profound and imbecause I am well aware, that in the mortal work, taken a comprehensive work of such a man as I see before me, survey of Religion, as it existed as not a word could be added or taken mongst the ancients, down to these away without disparagement. Of such modern times. I should like to be fapraise as our evanescent labours can voured with the leading features of bestow, you are certain ; but the ap- your confutation of the absurd hypotheplause of distant ages will raise an im- ses of the Ancient Philosophers-Arisperishable monument to your immor- totle, Plato, Xenocrates, &c. &c. &c. tal merit. No, sir-proceed in your and the whole system, as related by glorious career-march on to glory; Varro, Scævola, Plutarch, and others, but, I confess, I should like to see the whom you could enumerate with so precious manuscript, from which so much more ease than I. What are the much edification is to flow-May I be weapons with which you at once put permitted to cast my eye upon it?"- to fight the whole host of Pagan Phii hastened to explain to his where it losophers, with their mythic monstrowas; but I promised to bring it on the sities, their theogonies, their polythefollowing morning. "I shall be in- isms, their barbarisms, their rudities, debted to you beyond the value of and their erudities? How do you put worlds, sir, for such a condescension. down the Peripatetic Philosophy?Allow me, before I lose you, to avail Of course you encounter the whole myself of your luminous presence, to phalanx of ancient Rabbins, and holy throw some light on many difficulties, Fathers of the Primitive Church which, amid my more multifarious How do you silence Berengar, with his pursuits, I have not decided entirely transubstantiational heresy? What do to my own satisfaction. How have you you do with the Thomists and the settled the exact day of the Cream Scotists, the Homoiousians and the tion? and what portion of time do you Homoousians, the Nominalists and the allow for cach division styled a day Realists, the Arians and Arminians ? in the Mosaical text? Is the deluge How do you dispose of the Manichies, to be or not to be as Moses relates ? or the Donatists, the Pelagians ? Sir, I do you lean at all to the hypothesis

of thirst for knowledge, and await your a cataclysmus prior and posterior? Do answer most anxiously.”—“ Indeed, you permit Noah the use of his ark, and sir," said I, quite confounded with the the society of every animal in the crea- extent of his erudition, " I must again tion, within his doors ? But, chiefly, humbly assure you, that I am ignorant I would learn from such a seraphic of such things I have never read any. Doctor, your precise belief respecting other book of divinity than my Holy the real signification of the Urim and Bible."-" What do I hear!” cried Thummim, and how you trim your the Critic, in a loud voice; do

my opinion between the conflicting Fa- ears deceive me?--But you have certhers on that important question-Do tainly studied the Scriptures in the you lean towards Brannius and Hof- original Hebrew, and you have infinger on that point? or do you rather dubitably the works of Josephus at side with Witsius or Christophorus your fingers' ends.”—“ No, indeed, de Castro, or Josephus, or Prideaux ?

Heavenly powers! how have My eagerness to obtain knowledge on I been mistaken! Pray, have you stusuch high and knotty points, renders died the Aristotelian Philosophy ?"- — me, I fear, a little impetuous." “No, sir."-"Nor the Socratic doc“Indeed, sir,” said I, “I am very sorry trines of Plato, nor Zeno, nor Heranot to be able to give you any satisfac- clitus, nor Democritus, nor Confucius, tion on such points—It is not for a nor Zoroaster?"-"No, indeed, sir." man like me” “Oh now, sir, you -“Nor the ancient Fathers-St Ausmust indeed permit me to cast a shade tin, Bonaventure, Albert, and his of blame upon your conduct. Modes- learned pupil Thomas Aquinas-nor ty, though one of the most shining of Duns Scotus, nor Roger Bacon, nor your perfections, must not be pushed Eusebius, nor Erasmus?"-"No, upon too far-I entreat you, most sagacious my word, sir."-" Astonishing igno

rance! Perhaps you have not opened saw before me, and immediately rea single page of the Erastian Contro- cognised, the oblique vision and sinversy."-"No, sir.”—“Matchless im- gular physiognomy of my old acquaintpudence! Nor of the dispute between ance in the stage-coach-the man in Erasmus and Scaliger? Measureless black ! No words could do justice to folly! Have you even compared the my astonishment; I stood rooted to doctrines of Luther, Zuingle, Calvin, the spot. The first thing that recall. Wickliffe, Arius, Arminius, and others, ed me to consciousness, was seeing with the Papistical doctrines ?"- this extraordinary being putting out “No, indeed," said I, with increasing the candles, and, opening the windowconfusion." And you pretend to the shutters, restored the light of day, rank of a theologian! and palm upon which tended very much to relieve me; the public a work on Piety, grounded for some very extraordinary ideas, I on à perusal of the Scriptures only! fear not wholly untinctured with suInconceivable arrogance! Incredible perstition, were finding their way to audacity! How is it, sir, that you my mind. “ Come,” said he, " let us have presumed, with this mountaiu of be better acquainted, Mr Tell. I see ignorance, to gain admittance to the you have, by this time, discovered an interior of my cabinet, and have even old friend with a new face; and I have had the unheard-of presumption to opened my windows that you may seat yourself on the very chair of the acquit me of any magic arts—You Theological Professor, whereon never know the true diabolical agent never yet sat a less luminary than a Paley, works by day-light. But I must first å Tillotson, a Butler !-Away, sir, entreat your pardon for the frolic I have with your hypocritical pretensions permitted myself; and, though no conAway with your smattering superfi- juror after all, I am sure I may rely cialities! I will make it my first care on my penetration, which assures me to expose your infamous imposition to that the author of Pious Pieces is too the whole world. Away, impertinent good a Christian not to forgive readily cheat! Away, fraudulent bubble! what is past; and as to any terrors of Avaunt, I say !"-And so saying, he my critical denunciations, you may balifted up his foot, and violently pushe nish them entirely, for I assure you ing back the chair on which I sat, he I have not the smallest title to the chasent me spinning into the middle of racter you hold in such reverence, but the room, where I stood shaking like am, in fact, a mere impostor. You an aspen leaf. “ Sir,” cried I, as he know I gave you some directions to the was advancing towards me with indig- Reviewers whose names I knew, and nant strides,“ most learned sir, I en- you must excuse my wishing to secure treat you to hear me, I have made no the pleasure of an interview with you, pretensions Iam no hypocriteindeed, by putting my own name at the bot.. but a plain, simple, undeceiving man tom of the list. I hope you have met -Ask any one in Cumberland, sir-I with a favourable reception in other would not cheat you or the world, in- quarters ?"-By degrees, I began to redeed, sir.— I have taken this long, and, cover myself from the confusion into I fear it will prove to me, calamitous which this strange scene had thrown journey, to crave your assistance in my me; and with spirits much relieved, little work; in which, I swear to you, by finding the sequel so much less traI have not pretended to put any learn- gical, I related to him all that had being—And I entreat you, sir, in pity to fallen me in London. He laughed very my grey bairs, not to execute your beartily ; advised me, by all means, to dreadful threat, nor bring them down recover my manuscript, and to print in sorrow to the grave! I will sup- it, if I could get a good bargain, withpress my work, if that will avert your out attending to what these gentlemen displeasure. Prescribe any thing to might say, who, in spite of their preme, and you shall be obeyed; but do tensions, might not be more infallible not, I entreat you, let my name be than many other mortals. He assured hung up to scorn in the pages of your me of his readiness to serve me in any awful works.”

emergency, and bid me call freely upon At this moment, the Reviewer (who him if I wanted any aid ; and after had been standing near me, in an at- conversing some little time, I took my titude of wrathful contempt), threw leave, charmed with the urbanity and away his gown, dropt his spectacles, good nature of my singular acquaintand, pulling off his black silk cap, I

(To be continued.)

ance.

NUPTIALS OUT OF JEOPARDY.

By BLAIZE FITZTRAVESTY, Esq.

Prologue and Dramatis Persona in Copartnership.

I hope you are not weary yet of JUDITH, my good Christopher,
Since here are fresh particulars which I would have you list of her.
Soft PETER too, the pinmaker, all radiant with his glory,

His sweetheart won, the knot secure, transported comes before ye.
TWO BANDS of BRATS who make his pins, at Peter's instigation,

Do make the bridal glorious, by strutting in procession;

The GIRLS bestrew the path with flowers, that the bride may walk on daisies; The BOYS Squall out a bridal poem, laden with her praises.

Our other Dramatis Personæ are, one christen'd JERRY,

Who, with fiddle and with fiddle-stick, incites you to be merry;

A BEADLE, surnamed BADGE, with staff, wielded o'er factious people;
A SEXTON, with powers plenary commission'd from the steeple,
To seek a bounty for the ringers, coop'd within that angle,
And making there, with might and main, a most uproarious jangle.
All others are anonymous, but when they take their station
You'll soon discover what their parts, and what their occupation.
Our scenery must progressive be, like that is in Belshazzar,
Where fair Benina is compell'd to follow him who has her
In tow, through all the seven halls of Bel's stupendous temple;
Or rather ours perchance may be consider❜d to resemble

• The Tailor's Ride to Brentford,' as at Astley's represented;
Where in the back-ground, sweeping by, in endless line extended,
The villages, one after other, enter by rotation;

While in the midst, Snip jogs away, yet keeps the self-same station;
So in the scene we shall present, the church begins advancing,
Then divers streets successively slide on, like minuet-dancing,
-Till the procession is supposed, by dextrously meandering

About the stage, to stop in front of Peter's house, their wandering;
And there we leave them all, with thoughts of coming feast to tickle 'em.
The bell now rings-the curtain rises-Veluti in speculum.

SCENE-The outside of a Parish-church in a country town-a motley Crowd waiting before the door-Two Troops of Children drawn up in array, with white paper wedding favors pinned in their hats and bonnets-SIMON BADGE, the Beadle, is seen bustling about with much importance.

Badge. Now hark! if any body pelts a body,
I shall take that body up; so mind ye now,
And be on good behaviour. You who are honest,
Tell me immediately, if you perceive
Any one there with a dead cat behind him,
Potatoes, rotten eggs, or cabbage stumps.
In the King's name I charge ye, tell at once,
Have ye pocketed orange-peel, or turnip-tops,
Or other wicked and felonious weapons,
To have a shy with? Mark ye, if ye have,
You'll feel your habeas corpus served upon ye
Before you can count ten.

VOL. XIII.

E

Voices from Crowd. No, Master Beadle,
We are peaceable folk, and only come to see ·
What the wedding's like.
Beadle.

You youngsters, keep in order-
Your place, I take it, is to walk before,
And hold your tongues.
1st Boy.

Lord, Master Badge,
We are to repeat the Epithalamion,
And say it as we walk.
1st Girl.

And we, with baskets
Are to strew the road with flowers, good Simon Badge ;
Master excused us from the manufactory,
And gave us a holiday all yesterday,
To gather primroses, and butter cups,
And all this heap of daisies.
2d Boy.

Billy Nimble,
Are we to bawl as loud as ever we can ?

1st Boy. To be sure we are, or Mistress will not hear us,
She'll be so far behind us.
2d Girl.

I say, Sally,
You've filled your basket twice as full as mine,
And yet, I'm sure, I gather'd quite as many,

1st Girl. Why, Mary Sims, I am to take the lead,
And so in right I ought to have the most..
Besides, how can you say that I have many?

3d Girl. What a shame it is, she gave me nought but leaves And two or three stalks. Beadle.

Hush, hush, they're coming out. Enter from the Church-door Mr and Mrs Minikin, Bridemaids, Relations, 8c. Peter having a large white favour on his left lappel. The Crowd set up a hearty shout.

LUT
Mrs M. My gracious! what brought all these people here?
'Tis all the tag-rag of the town.
Peter.

Sweet wife,
'Twas I incited them to come and form
A fit procession as we pace it homeward.

Mrs M. A pretty business—a procession, truly,You should have ask'd me if I liked being stared at.

Peter. Why, they're our neighbours; and the children, dearest,
Are those who work at the manufactory
In heading pins. The girls will make our path
Seem, as it were, through flower-enamell’d meads,
By scattering fragrant posies from their baskets;
The boys will fill the air with dulcet strains,
Hymning our happy union. This, I own,
Was my device, but mine the verse is not.
Were I to die for't, never could I pen
A single stave ; and therefore I requested
Our neighbour Ellwide's son, him who has been
Learning at Cambridge, Greek and mathematics,
To rhyme us a verse or so—He brought me what
You soon shall hear, and call'd it Epithalamion,
And said he had adapted it from that
Which Spenser's Fairy Queen wrote long ago
For her own marriage,—which I thought surprising !

Mrs M. Well, if I must be trapes'd along, I must.
But I will say, methinks the brats had best
Been kept at work, not sent play-actoring here;
For you, I warrant, give 'em a day's pay.

Peter. Why, turtle dove, it is your marriage morn,