therefore very heartily, or else—but I have no serious reason for suspecting that-they laughed at me.

I eventually decided to stay; for, besides being somewhat in doubt that the inaccuracy which I have mentioned would not be a legal justification for then absenting myself, I thought so to act might be considered shabby, and I did not like to be thought meanly of for seven and sixpence.

So my real name, Tristram, was inserted in the list. I insisted on this reparation; and I took my seat at the table with the rest of the company.

And now began a very important proceeding indeed.

necessary to know exactly how many gentlemen proposed to dine there. I permitted my friend Kneller to name me for one, and immediately after this the foreman called upon me for a guinea.

I did not clearly understand this; but, as Mr. Kneller told me it was usual, I thought it was better to comply with a good grace than to risk being suspected of meanness or of poverty. Nearly all the gentlemen present put down the same sum. The chairman remarked that we had thus got a snug little fund, which, the undertaker added, he hoped would keep us alive.

I now concluded that the most disagreeable part of the day's work was over, for it is not pleasant to be taxed and laughed at; when my friend, Kneller, very good-naturedly observed, that it was the first time he had had the happiness of seeing me there, and he believed I had never served on the grand jury before.

I answered, with great alacrity, that he was right on both points. "Then, Mr. Foreman," said the undertaker, with all the grave waggery peculiar to the mirthful fraternity of which he is a member, "my friend here is a colt."

"Bless me!" said the foreman, in the tone of one who had escaped no common danger, "I had nearly forgotten to look after the collages!"

And then, that this momentous part of his duty might not again be exposed to omission from his negligence, he proceeded to call over the names seriatim, and to ask the owner of each if he had ever served on the grand jury before.

Three besides me answered as I had done, and each was required to pay ten and sixpence for being a colt."

The fine was rather unpalatable to a man of my economical turn, and I did not feel very grateful to Mr. Kneller for his services on the occasion. However, I put down the money with as good a grace as I could, and, while doing so, attempted to be facetious; remarking that " I suffered for being a colt, while many of my neighbours had nothing to pay on account of their being full-grown

asses!"

These important matters had hardly been arranged when a message came to us that the court waited, and could do nothing till we should have sent up some bills; upon which Mr. Wiggs, the chairman, said we must proceed to business without loss of time. He suggested that the best course would be, to take the cases of certain houses which were complained of by their neighbours, as upon these, probably, there would be little difference of opinion. We all considered this a very good idea; and to it we went against those questionable abodes, which were stated, with all the indispensable

rigmarole of law, to have offended "against our Lord the King, his Crown, and dignity," (our Lady the Queen being then out of the question.) The jury were not long in disposing of them. In the course of half an hour we had a good handful of bills ready. All, I believe, felt as I did, that acting thus we had rendered good service to the morals of the nation; but, in the course of the next twelve months, I had some doubts on the subject. Though the parties presented were convicted, they were let off scot-free, except that they were obliged to abate the nuisance, which was supposed to be done by their removal. But, as three or four of the offenders were inhabitants of the same street, all they did was to change houses, and their trade went on without interruption as usual. The county, however, had to pay the constables and witnesses, and also for the drawing of the indictment and other legal charges. To me it appeared that the character of the neighbourhood was not materially improved; but still I must in candour own, that, as it put money into the pockets of the officers and various individuals connected with the prosecution, the main object of the indictment was fully answered.

It would hardly be doing justice to the parties engaged to forward the administration of justice if I were not here to mention that they really make considerable exertions to discourage vice and immorality. That was clearly established by all the evidence given respecting nocturnal disturbances at public-houses, gaming-shops, and other places of dissipation. The officers certainly did not go the extreme length of compelling the keepers of such establishments to close their doors at eleven or twelve o'clock at night, which I had previously understood to be their duty; but they subjected the owners to so heavy an impost on keeping open,-I mean, they demanded such large sums as "hush-money," that it really amounted to a very dreadful penalty, which, connected with the inflexible determination (unchangeable as the law of the Medes and Persians) to punish without mercy those who were so shockingly irregular in their habits as not to keep up regularly their payments to the police inspectors and parish functionaries, must have the effect of deterring many from entering on that course of life, while it holds out a strong inducement for others to leave it. In this way the magistrates of the county, (who touch no per-centage on the tax,) as it constantly works the parties in question, are unanimously of opinion that "the law works well."

We went on with the calendar, which somewhat disappointed me, and, I believe, the whole of the jurors. "There is nothing at all interesting," was the general remark; and some of us were inclined pathetically to deplore that no spirit-stirring murder, no startling assault on man or woman, and no burglary of importance, appeared on our list. In the absence of these we were obliged to put up with the meagre fare of street-rows, begging-letter writers, and stealers of pewter-pots.

Our lot was hard, but we resolved not to suffer alone; and, as "one story is always good till another is told," we bravely sent all whose misdeeds were brought before us to answer for their conduct elsewhere.

Labour so arduous soon made us all feel that sandwiches and sherry were absolutely necessary to go on, and these were accord

ingly introduced. At a later hour in the day a very good dinner was served up. A true bill was soon found against that; and it was not only tried, but executed with praiseworthy despatch. Considering the toil we had undergone, and the solemn character of the duties we had to perform, we were in pretty good spirits. Mr. Kneller especially seemed to feel himself quite at home, and could not have been more jolly at a funeral.

The cloth removed, not to appear too festive, we determined that only two bottles of wine should remain on the table while we continued our inquiries, which we hoped to bring to a close that day; but that though, as we proceeded, the witnesses called in became fewer and fewer, and the examinations shorter and shorter,—we could not accomplish, and in the end we were obliged to adjourn to the following morning.

On assembling in the grand jury room on the second day, the first inquiries of the chairman and Mr. Kneller were naturally directed towards dinner. I had paid my guinea on our first meeting, rather than look mean, with a tolerably good grace; but I hardly cared to subscribe a second, and such, I perceived, was the feeling of at least half the company. It produced a series of very genteel excuses, and apologies of the most touching character. One gentleman was obliged to deny himself the enjoyment of our society, as the Lord Mayor on the preceding day had postponed a party solely on his account. Mr. Felt, the hatter, could not be with us, as he had a public duty to perform, having to carry a petition to Mr. Quackly the member, which must be presented that very evening. Another juror begged to be excused, as his mother (a lady who, as he was at least sixty-five, must have been somewhat advanced in years,) was dangerously ill; and a cadaverous little man, with a turn-up nose and crooked legs, was most anxious to be at home, as his lady was on the point of being confined. Mr. Kneller, who was appointed treasurer the day before, and who in that character had been most active in collecting subscriptions, received these excuses, and half a dozen others, with as much good will on this occasion as he had done the guineas upon that; and whispered to me with a friendly wink that "he by no means wished those to stay who desired to be absent, as he for his part had no taste for screwing down."

I held this to be very liberal on his part; but to show that I did not value money more than he did, and having never been in such a scene before, I determined to see it out. Our task was not very severe; and early in the afternoon we found ourselves so near the end of our labour, that the president considered we had leisure to see the prison, and accordingly sent a message to the chairman of the sessions, requesting his permission to do so.

Our suit was granted; and, preceded by a man with a wand, who had on both days been in attendance, we all marched to the gaol. I beheld, with mingled feelings of satisfaction and sorrow, the commodious but formidable iron-guarded area appropriated to the various classes of prisoners then awaiting their trial. One circumstance struck me rather forcibly where the men were confined, several sad, anxious-looking females appeared, who approached, as closely as the grating would permit, the objects of their solicitude, evidently desirous of contributing all the solace that affectionate sym

pathy could supply; but, when I looked to the yard in which the women were detained, no man was to be seen acting the same kindly part by them. "Oh, woman!" I mentally exclaimed, "while man is happy, shy, timid, and retiring, you are faithful to him in adversity and disgrace!

'When stern affliction wrings the brow,

A ministering angel thou !'

But he who eagerly, impetuously pursues you when ease and comfort surround you, coldly leaves you in the hour of your humiliation and distress, to pine and sigh, and, it may be, to die alone!”

I wished to see more to explore the interior-to examine the cells; but no order to that effect had been given, and, instead, we were allowed to walk round the governor's garden, which, the strawberries then being ripe, was pleasant enough. We returned to the grand jury room, where a report, setting forth that we had minutely inspected the prison, and were highly gratified with the cleanliness, order, &c. which every where prevailed, was tendered to us for signature. Of course we all put our names to it; though of the general economy of the gaol, as may be collected from what has just been stated, we knew no more than we did before leaving our apartment, or than might have been indited with equal propriety from Camberwell Grove or London Bridge. I do not mean to say that I felt this was exactly right; but then, I thought to myself, it was no use one going against the rest of the jury, and I did not like to make myself conspicuous. To do so might have offended some very pleasant gentlemanly people with whom I had been on excellent terms for a day and a half, and for what?-to abate the misery of a hundred or two of wretches whom I had never seen. The thing would not bear thinking of.

Our last bill presented, with the report above mentioned, we sat down to dinner. The fare was excellent,-so excellent that occasionally I had what, under some circumstances, might have been called a presentiment on the subject of what was to follow in that thrilling moment when,

"the banquet o'er,

The reckoning comes, and then men smile no more."

Mr. Kneller called our attention to this important matter. My mind was a good deal relieved at hearing him say we should not have more than half a guinea each additional to pay. All present, I thought, seemed cheered by the intelligence; but what language can adequately paint, as an eloquently descriptive writer would say, the transport experienced when, in the next moment, he added, "The fact is, gentlemen, we have funds sufficient to cover everything, and three bottles of wine to come in."

On scenes of extraordinary felicity it is generally thought unwise to dwell. At the theatre, managers drop the curtain the moment all parties are seen happy. Proud to imitate an example so illustrious, I stop not here to tell how we acknowledged the able and impartial conduct of our chairman, and the wonderful virtues of his vice. "Some feelings are to mortals given

With less of earth in them than heaven,"

as Mr. Kneller the undertaker said in a "neat and impressive speech," it being his way to go from "gay to grave," while returning

thanks on his health being drunk with three times three. He explained the cause of our present happiness to have partly grown on the readiness with which he had admitted the shirking excuses of about half our body, who would, it was more than probable, so he said, and so I thought,-have forgotten the Lord Mayor, the House of Commons, the dying mother, and the lying-in-wife, had they been aware that they could have found in the grand jury room a superior dinner, plenty of wine, and nothing to pay.

ODE TO MR. MURPHY.

HAIL to thee, Murphy! sage prognosticator!
With "weather eye'
Scanning the sky.

Thou art no commentator!

No mere harum-scarum
"Vox stellarum,"

But the great sky-Lavater!

Go, Francis Moore! all-wise physician!

66

Thy more or less

(A mere old woman's guess)

Proves thee to be, unlike our Murphy, no magician!
"Tis plain,

Frost, thunder, wind, and rain,

All follow at thy bidding! Not in vain

Thou scann'st the stars.

Venus or Mars

May smile or frown ;

Or the "Great Bear,"

Or the "

Iman in the moon," may stare,

And try to put thee down :

Thou carest not a button for them! so,

"Tis all "

no go"!

Great Murphy! thou 'rt in everybody's mouth
From north to south:

Grows learned! talking much of "meteoric,

""caloric,"

Galvanic, and magnetic powers,"

And all the secret causes strange combin'd,

Obscure to all save Murphy's mighty mind;

Expressing oft their wonder

What damage will be done next autumn by the thunder!
Murphy, adieu! beware!

The public sometimes "change," which is not "fuir."
Long may you reign, a hale old man of metal,

Great prophet! 'till the snows of age shall settle

Around thy brow!

Farewell! and now

(Though not a glutton)

Enjoy your "heavy-wet" and wether-mutton!

H. T.

W. E. S.