make due allowance, and form corresponding expectations in regard to the results. To take the position that advice is of no value, unless the individual who gives it sees the whole case, is to maintain that nearly all the advice in the world is valueless. He has certainly overlooked one important end of matrimony, who is not in the frequent prac tice of seeking this sort of assistance, that is, of ascertaining how, with the facts she has before her, a thing strikes his wife. Many an individual would have been saved from bankruptcy, had he done so; and from what are the frequent consequences of bankruptcy—intemperance, insignificance, and crime."* To be worthy of this confidence, and to be able to impart sound advice to her husband, the wife should be interested in his affairs, and should study to comprehend and become familiar with such subjects as he brings to her attention. But if she is negligent in this respect-if, whenever her advice is sought, she appears entirely indifferent and unconcerned in regard to the topic brought to her notice if she manifests, by her listlessness and carelessness, that she is more deeply engaged in some frivolous amusement, or in some trifling ornament wherewith to deck her person, her children, or her dwelling, than in the weighty concerns of her husband-she cannot consistently complain if he ceases to seek her opinion, or neglects to pay that deference to her views, to which she may think herself entitled. * Young Wife. CHAPTER V. CHERISHING LOVE FOR THE WIFE. "What is life when wanting love? It may, perhaps, appear unnecessary to urge upon husbands the necessity of cherishing love for their wives of cultivating a proper regard for those connected with them by one of the most intimate ties of our nature. But a few moments' reflection will suffice to show that some remarks on this subject are not uncalled for. There is every reason to believe that thousands of husbands are lamentably deficient in that real love for their wives, upon which all connubial happiness so vitally depends. How can peace diffuse its balmy influences-how can harmony's sweet voice be heard how can contentment spread its downy couch, in the domestic abode-if Love's golden chain be absent—or if, having once existed, its links have been broken and severed by discord and hatred? Mutual love and respect form the foundation upon which rests the whole fabric of domestic happiness. Let that foundation be kept well cemented and strong, and it will be a basis for enjoyment which cannot easily be overthrown or disturbed. But allow it to crumble into fragments, and with it will disappear and perish all the true happiness connected with married life. There are, probably, few if any men, who do not, at marriage, cherish towards the objects of their choice some degree of love. But many there are, not capable of analyzing the feelings of their own hearts towards those whom they have selected for wives, and entirely unable to determine whether they are acting under the influence of pure love, or of some fleeting emotion which will speedily pass away for ever. And it is lamentable to believe that not a few, who actually cherished sincere love at the time of their union, have allowed that divine principle to leave their souls, and permitted its place to be usurped by cold indifference or utter repugnance. There are many causes which tend to produce this disastrous state of the affections. One of the most prolific causes of this vanishing away of love, is to be found in the fictitious qualities which the lover frequently ascribes to his mistress, before marriage. He seldom, if ever, sees her, except when she is prepared to receive himwhen she is arrayed in her choicest attire, and radiant with her sweetest smiles. On such occasions, it is natural for her to exhibit her most pleasing and attractive qualities, and conceal, as far as possible, any defects, of which she may unfortunately be possessed. Hence the young man continues a stranger to her true disposition and habits. His imagination, vivified by the "witching" influences of love, attributes perfections and excellences to her which she does not actually possess, and leads him to adore her as one nearly akin to angelic natures! And as such a being, he ardently loves her. But, alas! in due time, on becoming more intimately acquainted with her, he perceives characteristics and habits of which he was before unaware he finds his wife another being than the one so pleasantly pictured in his imagination, and at last he makes the discovery, that, after all, instead of obtaining a faultless seraph, he has married but an imperfect mortal! And if he discovers no new qualities of a valuable character, to take the place of those fictitious ones which have vanished, love flees away, to be succeeded by indifference, or perhaps absolute dislike. But in all this, the husband has more reason to blame himself than his wife; for had he exercised common discernment, and been guided by a proper degree of prudence, he would have ascertained her actual character and qualifications, before it was too late to recede. Another cause of indifference to wives, is to be attributed to the practice of selecting them through mere love of their personal charms, without any reference to beauty of disposition or mind. The love thus inspired may continue, perhaps, as long as the attractions which awoke it are unimpaired; unless previously destroyed by a sour, morose, or termagant disposition. But if that personal beauty is marred by disease or accident, then the love which rests upon it alone must vanish away. And if there are no intellectual and moral beauties to supply the deficiency of departing personal charms, affection must give place to indifference. "There can be no objection to external love, where it is a mere accompaniment of that which is internal. What I object to is, the making too much of it; or giving it a place in our heart which is disproportioned to its real value. Our affections should rather be based chiefly on sweetness of temper, intelligence, and moral excellence. It is the internal which we should chiefly regard, and not the external, except in so far as the latter is an appropriate index of the former." Those instances where marriages are consummated through sordid motives—the love of wealth, of distinction, of fashionable and influential connexions, or any purpose of like character-form another class, where love is absent. In those cases, the affections have very little, if anything, to do with matrimony. And where love is not excited before marriage, the cases are very rare where its flame is kindled afterwards. Hence it is not at all astonishing that those who marry without love, should continue to live without love and without happiness through life. As well may a bitter fountain send forth sweet waters, as for a marriage where sincere, heart-felt affection is absent, to become the source of rational enjoyment. These are some of the causes of a lack of love, |