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THE COMFORTS OF AN INN, &c.
71 THE COMFORTS OF AN INN. petitions and apologies.
« Please to
remember the porter, sir."-.-", Please to A GENTLEMAN whose veracity may remember the waiter, sir."-" Remember be depended upon, slept, or rather should the boots, sir."---“ Remember me, sir, if have slept, at the York Hotel, in the city of York, one morning in the month of you please. I'm the chambermaid, I called
“ I beg pardon, May, 1822. Having been engaged with sir, for disturbing you."-.-"Yes, I'll
party of friends, he did not retire till pardon you and remember you too, when midoight; an hour which in that place is i am many miles hence."" ..." But don't not considered untimely. Having taken
you mean to gee ws nothing, sir.” “Yes, his place by the Highfier Sheffield Coach, i do mean to give you nothing : and I'll which left York at half-past eight the remember you all as long as I live, you next morning, he gave express orders to
may rely upon it.” be called at half past seven. Having no dread of evil spirits, he straightway composed himself; but his rest was of
THE CHANGE OF RINGS. short duration, for at one o'clock, he was roused by a koocking at the door. “ Who's
(From the German.) there? said the sleepy traveller. “ Pray, sir, don't you go by Mail ? _No, I
Two lovers bound themselves by go by the Highflier." “ Beg your pat- mutual faith to separate during the latter don, sir, it's another gentleman.”. This part of the seven years' war, or as long opwelcome visitor robbed him of his next
as the officer chose to serve, or the half hour's repose; but after many campaign lasted : they agreed however twistings and twinings, he slumbered to consider themselves as engaged, and again. Scarcely had Morpheus taken accordingly exchanged rings, and swore bim into his service, ere a second voice eternal and inviolable constancy. This saluted his ear. “ Two o'clock, sir, the affair was signified on the rings, and the Express will be off in half an hour.” initials of the words were engraved on “What have I to do with the Express ? each: I wish you would express yourself else
On the ring of the lady which she had where.” “ Laws, sir, why I was towd given her lover, were the following letters: as how you went by the Express.” “I told your master I was to go by the High A. I. L. T. N. A. F. A. flier, and I hope I shall hear no more of you till half past seven.” “I ax your Alas ! I languish truly; now adored friend,
adieu. pardon, sir.” Again he tumbled and tossed, and again be became subject to
On the ring which the gentleman gave the son of Erebus; but like poor Mon
to her: sieur Toason, he was doomed to be haunted. At half past three, he heard a
H. T. F.T. PE. loud thundering at the door :-“ Sir, l're brong your boots, you mun be up in
Hold thy faith, iby pains endure. a moment, the coach is at the doer.”
After an absence of eighteen months, Out bouuced the astonished guest, and the officer returned at the end of the war, quickly rejoined,“Why did not you speak in expectation of marrying the lady, but before? I have had trouble enough with found her wedded to another. He went one or the other of you. Why did your immediately to her, to reproach her master say the coach went at half past infidelity, but was received with
great eight ?” “Bless me, sir, is it you as goes coldness, and abusive raillery. On bis by the Highflier ? they towd me as bare mentiou of the ring, and the verses how you went by the Nelson. Beg your on it; she desired him with an insulting pardon, sir, am sure.” In any place but smile to read the letters backwards on the York this would have been the last ring she had given him, and he would customer, but the fates conspired. At find their true meaning. five be hears another knocking, and his patience being exhausted, he exclaims,
Adieu for ay, no true lover is absent. " What the do you want." A On hearing this, he was so enraged, faultering female replies, “Don't you that he begged the same favour of her go by the Highftier, sir ?”. “To be jo read his ring likewise in the inverse sure I do." "Well, sir, ru be sure to order of the letters, and she would also call you at half past seven.” Half past iscover their true signification. seven arrived, and the gentleman made his appearance amidst numerous Egregious perfidy! thou'rt false, thou assemblage of menials, all loaden with
No. XLIII.-THE DRUNKARDS.
No. XLIV.--THE FOOL. And be not drubk with wine, wherein is He goeth after her as an ox goeth to the excess.
EPHES. v. 18. slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks.
PROV. vij. 22. With wine's excess your souls to drench, Ye mortał throng, forbear;
Madness is sweet,' the mad-nian cries, For luxury of every kind,
And void of care ayd woe: And beastliness, is there.
Nor serious thoughts engage bis mind,
As well his actions show.
Heedless of fate, the witless fool,
Like sportive lambkin, treads, Compet you to resign.
And knows not that his every step
To Death's sad portal leads.
INDIAN COTTAGE. At the next hus, the woman was grinding MARIA GRAHAM, describing one of missala, or curry stuff, on a fat smouth
stone, with another shaped like a rollingthese, says, “ We found at the priucipal pin. Less than an Euglish halfpenny hut three very pretty children playing procures enough of turmeric, spice, salt; round their graudmother, who was sitting and ghee, to season the whole of the on the ground in a little viranda, at the rice eaten in a day by a labourer, his end of the house, grinding rice for the wife and six children'; the vegetables evening meal of the family. Three or and acids he requires are found in every foar goats with their kids were tied to hedge. In one corner in each of the huts stakes round the dyor, and a few fowls stood a large stone with red powder were running about in the garden. We sprinkled on it, as a housebold god, and sat by the old woman while she made her before it were laid a few grains of rice bread, but at a sufficient distance not to and cocoa nut, as offerings. pollute her cooking utensils or her fire. Every vessel she used, though apparently
SHAKING HANDS. clean before, sbe washed, and then mixed her rice flour with milk, water, and salt, At a late dael in Kentucky, the parties when she beat it between the palms of discharged their pistols without effect; her hands till it was round and thin, and whereu pon one of the seconds interfered, baked it on a round iron plate, such as is and proposed that the combatants should used in Scotland for oat cakes." Besides shake hands. To this the other second these, she prepared a few heads of maize objected as uppecessary; " for;" said be, by rubbing off the chiaff, and laying them “ their hands have been shaking this half in tlie fire to ruast for the farnily supper. bour."
The DANCE of DESTD.
No. XLV.-THE THIEF.
No. XLVI.—THE BLIND MAN.
MATT. xv. 14.
Himself does here commit;
Into the fatal pit.
Success his steps attends,
He suddenly descends.
his web passing from his view, with cone A LEADER of a noted band of thieves, siderable celerity, followed and found the who infested some of the villages and captain with the web ander bis arm, and public fairs in the neighbourhood of accused him of stealing it. The arch Glasgow, had a custom of waiting in rogue coolly replied, “ Have you really soine garret or private place contiguous lost your web? Hut man, bad you only to the bustle, and when his light-fingered' been as cautious as I was, you would not troops (dispensing with the usual tedious have luste your web. See, continued be formalities of bargain or barter) had (turning up the tail of his coat,) ! sewed made a transfer of property in their mine firmly to my coat-tail.' The favours, they repaired to the resort of
weaver seeined satisfied, and the rogue their captain, and deposited their booty. carried off the booty.
On a Fair day in Kirkintilloch, the troops being rather unsuccessful; the captain wearying, sallied out himself, and
QUEEN BESS: observing a customer weaver, with a A COURTIER came running to her, wallet on his back, containing a web, a' and, with a face full of dismay, Madam, small part of the end of which was hang sạid be, I have bad news for you: the ing out of the wallet, the captain placed party of tailors mounted on mares, that himself close up to the back of, the attacked the Spaniards, are all cut off.' weaver, and with a needle and thread, Courage, friend ! said the queen"; this quietly and firmly sewed the end of the news is indeed bad; but when we conweb to the tail of bis own coat, then made sider the nature of the quadrupeds, and his way through the crowd pulling the the descriptions of the soldiers, it is web after him. The weaver feeling that some comfort to think we have lost neither he was relieved of his burden, hastily man nor horse.'
PERSONAL CHARACTER OF no rival; he could not tolerate the person LORD BYRON.
who attracted attention from himself; he
instantly became animated with a bitter (From the London Ma gazine.) jealousy, and hated for the time every Lord Byron's address was the most self: he carried his jealousy up even to
greater or more celebrated man tban himaffable and courteous perhaps ever seen ; Buonaparte ; and it was the secret of his his manners, when in a good humour, contempt of Wellington. It was danger. and desirous of being well with his guest, ous for his friends to rise in the world if were winning-fascinaitng in the extreme, and though bland, still spirited, and with they valued his friendship more than their
own fame-.-he hated them. an air of frankness and generosity
It cannot be said that he was vain of qualities in which he was certainly not deficient. He was open to a fault-a any talent, accomplishment, or other characteristic probably the result of his quality in particular; it was neither
more nor less than a morbid and voracions fearlessness and independence of the appetite for fame, admiration, public world; but so open was he that his applause : proportionably he dreaded the friends were obliged to live upon their
public censure; and though from irrita. guard with him, he was the worst person tion and spite, and sometimes through in the world to confide a secret to ; and design, he acted in some respects as if he if any charge against any body was men- despised the opinion of the world, no man tioned to him, it was probably the first
was ever more alive to it. communication he made to the person in question. He hated scandal and tittle. the foot, did not in the least impede his
His lameness, a slight mal-formation of fattle-loved the manly straitforward activity ; it may, perhaps, account in course : he would harbour no doubts, some measure for bis passion for riding, and never live with another with suspi- sailing, and swimming. He nearly divided cions in his bosom-out came the accu. his time between these three exercises : sation, and he called upon the individual he rode from four to eight hours every to stand clear, or he ashamed of himself. day when he was not engaged in boating He detested a lie-nothing enraged him
or swimming. And in these exercises, so so much as a lie; he was by temperament careful was be of his hands (one of those and education excessively irritable, and little vanities which sometimes beset men) a lie completely unchained bim.--bis that he wore gloves even in swimming: indignation knew no bounds. Lord
He indulged in another practice which Byron was above all fear; he finched is not considered in England genteel, that from telling no one what be thought to is to say, it is not just now a fashion with his face; from his infancy he had been the upper classes in this country-he. afraid of no one.
chewed tobacco to some extent. Lord Byron was irritable (as I have
At times, too, he was excessively given said), irritable in the extreme; and this to drinking'; but this is not so uncomis another fault of those who have been ac
In his passage from Genoa to customed to the unmurmuring, obedience Cephalonia, he spent the principal part of obsequious attendants. If he had lived of the time in drinking with the Captain at home, and held undisputed sway over of the vessel. He could bear an immense hired servants, led captains, servile quantity of liquor without intoxication, apothecaries, and willing county magis and was by no means particular either in trates, probably he might have passed the nature or in the order of the fluids through life with an unruffled temper, he imbibed. He was by no means a or at least his escapades of temper would drinker constantly, or, in other words, a never have been heard of! but he spent drunkard, and could indeed be as abste. his time in adventure and travel, amongst mious as any body, but when bis passion friends, rivals and foreigners : and doubt. blew that way, he drauk, as he did every less, he had often reason to find that his thing else, to excess. early life had unfitted him for dealing There was scarcely a passion which he with men on an equal footing, or for had not tried, even that of avarice. submitting to untoward accidents with Before he left Italy he alarmed all his patience.
friends by becoming penurious-absoHis vanity was excessive---unless it lutely miserly, after the fashion of the may with greater propriety be called by Elwes and other great misers on record. a softer name--a milder term, and per. The pleasures of avarice are dwelt on haps a juster, would be his love of fame. with evident satisfaction in one of the He was exorbitantly desirous of being late cantos of “Don Juan"--pleasures the sole object of interest : whether in which were no fictions of the poet's the circle in which he was living, or in the brain, but which he had enjoyed and was wider sphere of the world, he could bear revelling in at that moment; of course
THE WAGER LOST, &c.
73 he indulged to excess, grew tired, and In travelling, he was an odd mixture of turned to something else.
indolence and capricious activity; it was Lord Byrun was not ill-tempered nor scarcely possible to get him away from a quarrelsome, but still he was very diffi- place under six months, and very difficult to live with; he was capricious, cult to keep him longer. full of humours, apt to be offended, and It is said that his intention was not to wilful. When Mr. Hobhouse and he remain in Greece-that he determined to travelled in Greece together, they were return after his attack of epilepsy. generally a mile asunder, and though Probably it was only bis removal inio some of his friends lived with him off and some better climate that was intended. on a long time (Trelawney for instance), Certainly a more miserableand unhealthy it was vot without serivus trials of bog than Missolonghi is not to be found temper, patience, and affection. He out of the fens of Holland, or the Isle of could make a great point often about the Ely. He either felt, or affected to feel, least and most trifling thing imaginable, a preseotiment that he should die in and adhere to bis purpose with a per- Greece, and when his return was spoker tinacity truly remarkable, and almost of, considered it as out of the question, unaccountable.
predicting that the Turks, the Greeks, or The Greeks had a kind of veneration the Malaria, would effectually put an for Lord Byron, on account of his having end to any designs he might have of sang the praises of Greece: but the returning. thing which caused bis arrival to make When dying, he did not know his so great a sensation there was the report situation till a very short time before he that he was immensely rich, and had fell into the profound lethargy, from brought a ship full of sallars (as they which he never awoke ; and after he call dollars (to pay off all their arrears. knew his danger, he could never speak So that as soon as it was understood he intelligibly, but muttered his indistinct had arrived, the Greek fleet was presently directions in three languages. He seems set in motion to the port where he was to bave spoken of his wife and bis stationed; was very soon in a state of daughter---chiefly of the latter; to this the most pressing distress, and nothing child he was very strongly attached, could relieve it but a loan of four thou with indeed an intense parental feeling; sand pounds from his Lordship, which his wife I do not believe he ever cared loan was eventually obtained (though much for, and perhaps he married her with a small difficulty), and then the for mercenary motives. Greek fleet sailed away, and left his Lordship's person to be nearly taken by the Turks in crossing to Missolooghi, as
THE WAGER LOST. another vessel which contained bis suite " Come, Ned," said Phil, "let's have some tea, and his stores actually was captured, The kettle's boiling now I see; though afterwards released. It was this Hunger and thirst, alike I feel,
Egad I'll make a glorious rural." money, too, which charmed the Prince Said Ned, I'll wager great or small, Mavrocordato, who did not sail away. The kettle does not boil at all." with his feet, but stayed behind, thinking Aud see, I put the money dowo:
• Done, done," said Phil,“ done, for a crowu, more was to be obtained, as more indeed Behold! the water oozing out, was, and the whole consumed nobody. And steam fast issuing from the spont." knows how. However, the sums pro
" Aye, aye," said Ned, but that's no sign, cured from his Lordship were by no. Now owa for once you're wrong a litule.
I take the crowo-poor Phil, 'tis mine; means so large as has been supposed; The water boils—but not the kettle." five thousand pounds would probably corer the whole, and that chiefly by way
HINT TO MINISTERS. of loan, which has, I hear, been repaid Our Ministers say, and it causes a smile, since his death.
They'll with pensioners garrison Newfoundland's Lord Byron was noted for a kind of Now if I'might advise, I could better the plan, poetical misanthropy, but it existed
Let them choose those who've lwo wooden legs much more in the imagination of the public than in reality. He was fond of The advantage is clear, legs and feet being lost,
Their toes they would ne'er find nipt off by the society, very good natured when not
QUIZ. irritated, and so far from being gloomy, was on the contrary, of a cheerful jesting
A WINDFALL. temperament, and fond of witnessing even low buffoonery; such as setting a
A HOUSE having fallen down one day couple of vulgar fellows to quarrel, during a heavy gale of wind, a wit most making them drunk, or disposing them provokingly congratulated the owner on in any other way to show their fully.
to each man: