SAYINGS AND DOINGS. health and spirits by their innocent recreations, they return at an early hour to their homely abode, retire to rest contented with the past, and prepared to renew their toils on the morrow. The Sunday rambler in London has but too often a far different tale to tell; he may feel no regret for the past-but-alas! "when he bitterly thinks on the morrow." L. T. THE PORTFOLIO. LONDON, FEBRUARY 12, 1825. In consequence of the ephemeral importance connected with the accident at the Custom House, and the interest with which our detailed ac 361 fantine attraction and maternal affection, when a considerable uproar and squalling was heard in the hall, and the parlour door flying open, Dawes made her appearance, attended by seyen fine healthy creatures, varying in their height from four feet two to two feet four, and in their ages from ten to three years. Chairs were ranged around the table for the young fry, who were extremely orderly and well-behaved for a short time, and in the first instance taken to the Colonel to be praised: the old gentleman, who was not particularly fond of nestlings at any time, but whose whole heart and soul were at the present moment occupied in the affairs of his prodigal nephew, kissed one and patted the other, and blessed the little heart' of this one, and 'pretty deared' that one, until the ceremony of inspection and approbation having been fully gone through, the whole party was turned over to Louisa, to undergo a count of it will, we trust, be read, second similar observation; after this, the "Editor's Conversazione" is un avoidably deferred till our Next, when the principle of the Phantasmagoria will be illustrated by a most singular Engraving. SAYINGS AND DOINGS. THE MAN WITH MANY FRIENDS. "THE Abberlys were at dinner when their guests arrived, the guests themselves having dined early to please the old gentleman at some distance from the metropolis. The meal was speedily finished, and the dessert put down, and Arden, who, as the reader may imagine, was most anxious to hear tidings from his misguided nephew, commenced a series of inquiries upon the interesting subject, when Mrs. Abberly interrupted the conversation by asking her husband to just ring the bell.' "This request having been complied with, a servant appeared, to whom his mistress whispered Tell Dawes to bring the children: the man disappeared, and the lady, turning to Louisa, with one of those sweet smiles which ladies about to praise themselves are in the habit of 'We are very oldputting on, said, fashioned folks, Miss Neville. Mr. A. and myself make it a rule to have all the children round us every day after dinner-some people don't like it, but I hope and trust we shall never be so fashionable as that comes to. "Miss Neville was about to rejoin something very laudatory, touching in they were placed upon the chairs assigned to them, Dawes retired, and the conversation was resumed. 666 And pray now,' said the Colonel, 'what is your real opinion, Mr. Abberly, of the state of poor George's pecuniary affairs?' 666 Sir,' said Abberly, I really think, if you wish me to speak candidlyMaria, my dear, look at Georgina,she is spilling all the sugar over the table.' "Georgina, said Mrs. Abberly, emphatically, ‘keep still, child; Sophy, help your sister to some sugar.' " I really believe,' continued Mr. Abberly, that Mr. George ArdenSophy, put down that knife-Maria, that child will cut her fingers off; how can you let her do so-I wonder at youupon my word, Sophy, I am quite ashamed of you.' "Sophy, you naughty gir',' cried her Mamma, put down that knife directly, or I'll send you up stairs.' "I was only cutting the cake, Ma,' said Sophy. "Don't do it again, then, and sit still,'exclaimed the mother, and turning to Louisa, added, in an under-tone, pretty dears, it is so difficult to keep them quiet at that age.' "Well, Sir,' again said the Colonel, 'but let me beg you to tell me seriously what you advise then to be done in the first instance.' "Why, there is but one course,' answered the lawyer, who was a man of first-rate talent; you know, Sir, there are different modes of treating different 666 That's a story, Robert,' cried the eldest girl, who was nearly ten years old, and was screwed in, and poked out, to look like a woman; with curls, and a necklace, and a dress exactly like her mother's, who was forty. "I'm sure you have had more than Sophy-only you are such a rude boy.' Bless my heart!' said the Colonel, half-aside, and warming a little with the events, I beg your pardon, what did you say you would advise, Mr. Abberly?' I 66 6 666 Decidedly this,' said Abberly, 'My love,' interrupted Mrs. Abberly once more, is that port or claret near you? Dr. Mango says that Maria is to have half a glass of port wine every day after dinner, this hot weather, half a glass thank you -there-no more-that will do, dear;'-here Mr. Abberly had concluded the operation of pouring out. Tom,' said Mamma, go and fetch the wine for your sister, there's a dear love.' "Tom did as he was bid, tripped his toe over the corner of the rug in passing round the table, and deposited the major part of the port wine in the lap of Miss Louisa Neville, who was habited in an apple-green silk pelisse, (which she had not taken off since her arrival,) that was by no means improved inits appear ance by the accidental reception of the contents of Miss Maria's glass. · "God God! Tom,' exclaimed Mrs. Abberly, what an awkward child you are!-dear Miss Neville, what shall we do?-ring the bell. Sophy, send for Simmons, or send for Miss Neville's maid-Miss Neville, pray take off your pelisse.' "Oh, I assure you it is not of the slightest consequence,' said Louisa, with one of her sweetest smiles, at the same moment wishing Tom had been at the bottom of the Red Sea before he had given her the benefit of his gaucherie; a stain upon a silk dress being, as every body knows, at all times and seasons a feminine aggravation of the first class. "Tom, anticipating a beating from some quarter, but which he did not stop to calculate, set up a most mellifluous howling; this awakened from its peaceful slumbers a fat poodle, who had been reposing after a hearty dinner beneath the table, and who forthwith commenced a most terrific barking. "Be quiet, Tom,' said Mr. Abberly-Maria, my angel, do keep the children still.' 666 Ma,' exclaimed Maria junior, ' I'm not to lose my wine, am I, Pa?' 6 "No, my love, to be sure,' said Abberly; come here and fetch it yourself, my darling.' "She had better drink it there, Mr. A.' said the prudent mother. "And accordingly, under the surveillance of his wife, who kept watching him as to the exact quantity, periodically cautioning him with-There, my love-there, my dear-that will do-no more, my love, &c.-Mr. A. as she Bloomsburily called him, poured out another half glass of port wine, as prescribed by Dr. Mango for his daugh ter. "Old Arden, whose patience was nearly exhausted, and who thought that Mrs. Abberly was, like Lady Cork's chairs upon state occasions, screwed to her place, sought what he considered a favorable lull,' as the sailors call it, to endeavour to ascertain what Abberly's plan for the redemption of his nephew actually was, and had just wound himself into an interrogative shape, when Mrs. Abberly called his attention by observing, that a certain little lady,' looking very archly at Miss Maria, wanted very much to let him hear how well she could repeat a little poem without book.' "Mrs. Abberly had prepared Louisa for this, by whispering to her, that such SAYINGS AND DOINGS. exhibitions created emulation in the nursery, and that Dawes was a very superior person, and with Miss Gubbins, (who was quite invaluable,) brought them on delightfully. 6 "I shall be charmed, Ma'am,' said the Colonel, heaving a sigh. And accordingly the child stood up at his side, and began that beautiful bit of Barbauldism so extremely popular in the lower forms of preparatory schools, called The Beggar's Petition.' Arden could not, however, suppress a significant ejaculation, quite intelligible to his niece, when the dear little Maria, smelling of soap and bread and butter, with her shoulders pushed back, her head stuck up, and her claviculæ developed like drum-sticks, squeaked out the opening line 'Pity the sorrows of a poor old man.' “Ah !'—exclaimed Arden, at the same time pushing back his chair and twirling his thumbs. Pity the sorrows of a poor old man,' continued the sweet innocent, "Whose trembling limbs have bore him to oo door, Whose dace are dwilden'd to is sortest 'And Heav'n''Well, what's next?' said Abberly. Give a leaf and Heav'n, well, what's next?' said the child. No, my dear love,' said her papa, patting her little head, 'Heav'n will bless your store.' Why you said it yesterday, my darling, without missing a single word.' 'Heav'n will bless your store,' said the child. "Now that's all learnt from the book, Colonel,' said Mrs. Abberly, 'not by rote !' "Very pretty indeed, Ma'am,' said the Colonel, very clever!' "Ah! but there are six more verses, Sir,' said Sophy; she only knows three, -I can say 'em all!' "That you can't,' said Tom; I can "Oh, you story-teller, Tom!' “I know you can't, Tom, and Miss Gubbins said so only yesterday,' replied "Very like indeed,' said the Colonel; After such a trial of patience, who As a punishment for this unchristian prayer, he had a second visitation at tea in the drawing-room, where Mrs. Abberly (who had overheard him, and set him down for a monster who hated innocents) "called her favorite Tom, (without exception the rudest and stupidest boy in Christendom,) and placing him paternally at her side, began to question him on sundry topics usually resorted to upon similar occasions. From this promising lad the old gentleman learned that four and four make nine, that William the Conqueror was the last of the Roman Emperors, that gunpowder was invented by Guy Fawkes, and that the first man who went up in an air-balloon was Christopher Columbus. In the extreme accuracy of these answers, he received a satisfactory corroboration of his constant remark upon the education of boys at home, under the superintendance of mammas and governesses, and had dismissed his young friend with an approving compliment, when the boy, wishing to show that he knew more than the old man thought for, looked him in the face, and asked him, who lived next door to him? ""Next door to me, my fine fellow,' said the Colonel, why nobody; that is to say, I live in the country far from any other house-my next neighbour is Lord Malephant.' Sir?' Ah!' said Tom, and is he a brute, "No, my dear,' answered the Colonel; he is an excellent man, and one of my oldest friends.' 64 6 'Ab, then,' said the boy, 'who lives on the other side of you?' "Why, my neighbour on the other side,' said the Colonel, surprised at the apparently unnatural inquisitiveness of the child, is the rector of my parish.' 'No, my dear,' said the Colonel; ' a pattern for country clergymen-never did there exist a better man.' "Ah!" said Tom, evidently disappointed. "Why do you ask?' said his father. ""I don't know,' replied the boy. "You should never ask questions, child, without knowing why,' said papa. "I do know why, only I shan't tell,' said Tom. 66 666 "I desire you will, Tom,' said his parent, anticipating a display of that precocious wit, for which the dunderheaded ass was so celebrated in his own family. "Oh, I'll tell it, if you like; its only because I wanted to know which of them gentlemen was brutes,' said the boy. "Why? my fine fellow,' said the Colonel, whose curiosity was whetted by the oddity of the questions. "Why,' replied Tom, 'because when mamma was talking to Dawes just now about you, she said you was next door to a brute, and so I wanted to know who he was.' "This was the signal for general consternation." And yet in this confusion we must for the present leave Sayings and Doings, for we cannot give more than the brick as a sample of the single tenement here spoken of, far less enter into other stories. We need not say, Read these sportive effusions, for they will be read whether we advise it or not. CHRONOLOGY FOR THE YEAR 1824. MAY. 1. The King of Portugal escapes on board the Windsor Castle. 2. Great indignation excited on the Paris Stock Exchange, on its being announced that Ferdinand would not pay the Interest of the new Spanish Loan obtained on his account. The Parisians denounce his Most Catholic Majesty to eternal infamy. 4. A bill, for allowing Unitarians to marry without the forms of the church of England, lost in the House of Lords on the question of going into a committee. The Archbishop of Canterbury and the Prime Minister support the bill. Of the Temporal Lords, the Lord Chancellor alone speaks against it. The House of Commons reject Mr. Maberley's motion, that Government should lend a million of money to Ireland to promote the trade, manufactures, and commerce of that country. Londonderry and Mr. Battier, in conse6. Duel between the Marquis of quis in answer to charges brought by quence of statements made by the MarMr. Battier against him and other offcers of the 10th hussars. Mr. Battier charge does not take effect, upon which misses fire, and Lord Londonderry's disthe parties leave the ground. 7. A race between a fat and thin bridge to the obelisk in Bridge-street. man from the obelisk in BlackfriarsTo make the chances equal, the light weight carries a brewer's mash tub on his head, and wins the match easily. her moorings in the Thames on a voyage 8. The Hecla, Captain Parry, leaves of discovery to the North Pole. purpose of obtaining from France the Commissioners leave Hayti for the recognition of the independence of their country. 12. Six captains of the Guards row cutter, in sixteen hours, for a wager of from Oxford to London in a six-oared 1000 guineas; distance 90 miles. They arrive at the appointed place fifteen minutes within the given time. Immense against the match. sums lost by those who had betted the Royal Exchange is about to be low13. Whilst the statue of Charles I. on ered for the purpose of cleaning, the head falls off close to the shoulders. chased by the King of Denmark, leaves A steam-boat, built for and purthe river for Copenhagen. Lord Londonderry reprimanded by the Commander-in-Chief for accepting a challenge from Mr. Battier, an inferior officer. Execution of Thomas Franco at Madrid, for having used the expression, "My sabre is tarnished; I wish I could brighten it in the blood of the King." The King of Portugal leaves the lace at Lisbon. The Prince exiled. Windsor Castle, and returns to his Pa solonghi by the Greeks in honor of Lord Byron. A solemn Mass celebrated at Mis 17. Mr. Battier's name erased from the half-pay list of the army, for sending a challenge to a superior officer. The King and Queen of the Sandmouth in the Eagle, South-sea whaler, wich islands and suite arrive at Portsand immediately set off for London. 18. Sir Henry Hardinge, Lord LonBattier, horsewhipped by Mr. Battier donderry's second in the duel with Mr. on his way to the House of Commons. 19, Grand rout given by the members MEETING THE SAME PEOPLE. of the University Club to the Duke and Duchess of Gloucester, and above 2000 of the nobility, &c. The company continue to arrive till three the next morning. Many ladies, from the crowded state of the rooms, and being unable to procure their carriages, are seen reposing on the carpets till long after daylight. 25. Mr. Harris, together with a young female, named Jane Stocks, having as cended in a balloon from the Eagle tavern, City-road, in consequence of some mistake in the opening of the valve on descending, is precipitated to the ground, near Carshalton, Surrey, and killed on the spot. The female much injured. Grand Review at St. Petersburgh by the Emperor Alexander of the Imperial Guards, to the number of 34,000 men. 27. The independence of Columbia acknowledged by the Pope. Mr. Canning gives a grand entertainment at Gloucester Lodge to the King and Queen of the Sandwich islands. 305 "And what a gas," said the Colonel. This sentimental colloquy was interrupted by the entrance of a servant, who presented to Mrs. Nightingale, upon a silver waiter, with his thumb cautiously wound up in a napkin, the following document: "Mr. and Mrs. Wendover present their compliments to Colonel and Mrs. Nightingale, and request the honor of their company to dinner on Thursday, the 13th instaut, at six o'clock. "Russell Square, "Monday, 3rd January." "What! at it again!" exclaimed Colonel Nightingale, "Well! those Wendovers are the most persevering people I ever encountered: they will never let us alone: they must have a comfortable notion of their own attrac tions, to suppose that we can find any 31. Munden, the comedian, takes leave delight in bowling all the way from Al of the stage. (June in our next.) Spirit of the Magazines. MEETING THE SAME PEOPLE. COLONEL Nightingale sat in deep meditation in his drawing-room in Albemarle-street, pondering over the Morning Chronicle, and endeavouring to comprehend the merits of the suits and cross-suits Waters v. Ebers, and vice versa, and Benelli v. the same, and vice versa: not to mention a host of Garcia's, De Begnis', and Signor Di Giovanni's, similarly circumstanced. "And so it seems," said his lady, who at the same time perused the Morning Post, “that the annual expense of the Opera amounts to between sixty and eighty thousand pounds." ."-" And dog-cheap too," answered the Colonel. "I should not be surprised," said the lady, “if the Opera were not to open this season.' "Impossible!" exclaimed the Colonel with an involuntary shudder.. "Sad news from St. Petersburgh!" said the lady, still perusing the Morning Post, “Very sad!" answered the Colonel, still intent upon the Morning Chronicle. "The Neva has risen forty feet," said the lady." And opera-boxes forty pounds," said the Colonel." The loss of tallow is incalculable," said the lady. "The central chandelier is lighted by 66 bemarle-street to Russell-square. I hate Russell-square, with its erect bronze Duke of Bedford, looking up towards Bloomsbury-square after his recumbent bronzed friend Fox. Poor Charles! only think of making him, at his time of life, sit down on a white marble sofa bare-headed in the open air! The last time I saw him he had a lap-full of snow." My dear," said Mrs, Nightingale, "the Wendovers are not responsible for what happened to be cast in metal ten years before they entered the square. You know I had no horses at Cheltenham, and Mrs. Wendover's carriage was always at my disposal.' "Ay, there it is," answered her helpmate: "Mrs. Wendover makes a good thing of that carriage: she is always lying in wait, seeking what people of fashion she may devour: no sooner is one's wife caught without one's horses than in trots Mrs. Wendover with her two long-legged seducers. To my certain knowledge she has already currycombed herself into three houses in Berkeley-square, and now she is creeping up Albemarle-street somebody ought to put a check-string on such doings-it's a shame thus to prey on the necessities of the great! But I have a still deeper-rooted objection to dining with the Wendovers. One always meets the same people there: I hate the same people: company is like fish-good for nothing after the first day." |