session of Captain Cooke's bones. Very sick with eating made dishes at Osborne's for breakfast. Marquis of A--- confined to his home by the tie douloureux. Madame Hughes Ball indisposed with a court fever. Lord Fife's witty letter to her, enclosing his family motto---OPERA non verba: her dress being provided for the drawingroom, and excluded par ordre. Two other ladies of distinction shut out of Paradise. Transports of rage. Feuds among the gods of dancing at Paris. Madame Le Gros superseded by Louis le Gros. The smiles of May quenched in tears for the death of Byron. Companies for making old men young: equitable cat and dogs'-meat companies; and equitable explosion companies for expediting publishers. The Tenth charged with not being fighting-men: proposed to alter their designation to "Ninths." Squabble between XX Parkins and Cobbett about a horse: wonder that it did not break both their necks, removed by Sergeant Pell's reference to a proverb touching fatalities. Dinner at the Mermaid: neither Shakspeare nor a "rare Ben" present to mike the doings there worthy of record. Passion week appropriately distinguished by love and battles. A Roe, or a Doe, not certain which, shot by Mr. Conolly. Mr. James assaulted by June commenced his reign with the Sir John Phillimore. Fracas between fate of a new Icarus, Mr. Harris; and Lord W. Lennox and Mr. Newton, the sudden rise and sudden fall of touching Miss Paton. Duel between Stocks, in Beddington Park. Rage for Lord B- and Mr. H-, for disappoint- balloons of course increased by the ing the hymeneal hopes of Lord B---'s event. Fire at Carlton Palace; and sister at the altar. Duel between Cor- his Majesty taken into custody by a net Battier and the Marquis of London- watchman, on suspicion of being the derry. Assault and battery of Cornet Battier on Sir H. Hardinge. Alteration proposed in the former's name, from Battier to Batter. A citizen cornuted by a male performer, whose wooing is generally deemed effective; and a merchant cornuted by a Captain of chimney-sweeping notoriety. Large sums of money devoted by the moral public to the building of new churches and the institution of new gamblinghouses; the latter far the best attended, and most attractive: the former said by Mr. Bankes, in the House of Commons, to promote the union of the sexes"---(sects). Three indispensable requisites for the creation of a fashionable party at this time of the year, were---a dish of green peas, dressed plain, ten guineas; Rossini dressed à l'ordinaire, fifty guineas; Rustan, Napoleon's Mameluke, full dressed, one hundred guines. At the Easter Mansion-house dinner several severe indigestions were cured by Dr. Kitchiner's peristaltic persuaders; a shawl dance was very much admired at the ball in the evening. 66 May commenced, as usual, with smiles, with the exhibition of paintings, and the usual exhibition of follies and crimes. Ashantec threats of making drum-sticks of the enemy's thigh bones, in gratitude to the amis des Noirs. "Fiddlestick!" the Spartan reply of Sir Charles Macarthy. King and Queen of Owhyhee at the play; graceful etiquette of her Majesty in blowing her nose on the play-bill; said to be in pos incendiary. Mr. Mulley Chateaubriand dismissed from the table at the Tuileries; and the Infant Miguel sent to Brest. Mr. Brougham horsewhipped by Gourlay in St. Stephen's Chapel; and a puppy in black caned by a puppy in blue. Both assailants much benefited by breaking the law..-N.B. Breaking the law better than breaking stones. Neither members nor Manners left in the House. Head of Sir Thomas More the Chancellor found. Lord Eldon's head still in Chancery. July. Awful accident which happened to Mrs. Coutts: the fashionable world alarmed for the fundamental parts of the Constitution. Mr. Williams knocked down by Mr. Ellistou," for walking before my theatre." "Boys, Boys," said the governor-in-chief immediately after this feat, "stand aside while I look at my theatre." Oxberry "shuffles off this mortal coil." Munden retires; Miss Beaumont marries; Matthews grows rich; and Booth insane. Wallack in danger from the new "Lear of Real Life." The farce at St. Stephen's closed for the season; and those at the other winter theatres followed. Death of the Sandwiches ascribed to mange caught from a poodle. Great damages done by high gales: damages of thirty shillings offered for defamation to a "bare Bodkin:" ditto of one farthing to Barop or no Baron, Mr. Stafford Cooke; ditto of one farthing to Cacique or no Cacique, Sir Gregor McGregor. August. Venus, according to the "Straggling Astrologer," in her owa *MEMOIRS OF THE YEAR 1824. house in this reign. Crim. Con. affairs very numerous: Erskine v. Murray M'Gowan v. Mitchell. Crim. Con. reduced to a regular science, and its various degrees of profit estimated to a nicety by managing husbands and keen lawyers. Tender lien between Mrs. B. and a long pole: Mr. W. the wrong end of the stick in the affair. Advantages of being silent exemplified by Solomon's Proverbs,and by his letter to Galignani. Miss Paton presumed to be Lady Mary because presumed to be married to Lord William Lennox. Arrival of Sir William Curtis's small craft at Broadstairs, as being most likely to bear a man of his breadth and weight. Arrival of Lord Byron's body. An Opera Nightingale, or Rossignol, on the point of departing with 10,000/. of John Bull's notes in exchange for his, caught and caged by a Dove with a red tail. September commenced its reign with the usual happy auspices of the Septembering family; fusilades and Saturnalia; the first and third glorious days: one devoted to gamesomeness; and the other to game. Peasants, however, more in danger than pheasants; snips than snipes: a hare stands a better chance than a hedger; and a covey of partridges is much less likely to be brought down than a litter of pigs. Visit of Mr. Cauning to Ireland, à la Burleigh, in order to shake his head and say nothing. Royal progress of Mrs. Coutts and suite through Scotland ù la Queen Elizabeth, in order to exhibit the native sovereignty of wealth. Mr. Fauntleroy arrested: the usual mingled tears and calumny à la Thurtell of the gentlemen of the press. Stoppage of the bank of Marsh; ditto of Chambers; ditto of a mud-bank in Covent Garden; and a great run of water on it in consequence. France and the "Female Ouvrard" dissolved in tears for Louis the Inevitable. Shawls a l' enterrement, and reticules a la dissection, worn by the Parisian belles. Monsieur with tears on one cheek and smiles on the other, like the half-skeleton, half-beauty, at Bowles's print shop. Colonel Hanger's life suspended by death in London; and Mr. Fletcher suspended by the Scotch Kirk in Edinburgh; and M. Legendre and the Duke of Rochefoucault in Paris. Death of Major Cartwright: another great man's will: kind recommendation therein, to turn the pyramid of society topsy-turvy. The Earl of S--- posted at Brighton, Lord P--- posted at the watch-tower in St. James's Strect, and the Earl of H 1277 posted at the bar in Marlborough Street for being drunk. Interesting squabble of Lady Hawke and Lady Winnington with the police. October. Spots discovered at the beginning of this reign in the solar disk; and ditto in the "newest gloss" of the "golden opinions" won by the new French king. Death of Philippe the actor: resurrection of Peyronnet's wife; and re-appearance of M. de Chateaubriand as a pamphleteer. Pericles the Athenian also re-appeared at the Mansion-house, on the 24th, and danced a pas seul. No Aspasia to be found. November. Great fires at London and Edinburgh, and antichristian in both places: in Edinburgh the Tron Kirk consumed; in London, St. Bride's church spared, in order to be a receptacle for Carlile's infidelity. The literary world also on fire with rage at Medwin's libels on Lord Byron. Dallas's Conversations a damper. An alliance of Cobbett with the Catholic Association; and breach between Miss Foote and Mr. Hayne. Some philosophical associations à la Berkeley supposed to have influenced Mr. Hayne. The retort courteous on Mr. Hayne is, that he is a male coquet, having three strings to his bow in one family at the same time. Mr. H. however, having lost his Foot race, has subsequently won a horse race. The great Canadian hulk, Columbus, lying "like a lubber" on the mud off Blackwall Folly, found to be a great attraction to Cockney credulity. Arrivals and departures, Lafayette and Iturbide; one arrived at, and the other departed for, the other world. Humane bets in the sporting world on a similar departure by Mr. Fauntleroy. Thousands of the softer sex present at his execution. Great rage for bad translations of Kinder's Freischütz: the publie growing kinder to the jumble of flames, bullets, clouds, hobgoblins, &c. in proportion as each successive translation becomes better adapted for Kinder. Great prize fight at Warwick, under the patronage of the gay deceiver, Mr. Hayne; "a love of bloody noses and cracked crowns" appears to have succeeded his thirst for triumphs in the territories of Cupid. Cannon his great gun; the said Cannon reported, by a sporting gentlemen of the press, to have one eye closed, the other nearly blind." Seducing picture! Prize fights an irresistible proof of the refinement and superiority of English society. The same gamesome swain, who patronised the above amiable bruising, held to bail for nearly beating a man to death in conjunction with his game-keeper; his fair intended's friends may be congratulated on having disentangled their Foot from so boisterous a connexion. Black eye pretty; but black and blue eyes objectionable. December, the month of rain, fogs, dirt, and washerwomen, commenced appropriately with the first essay of the Steam-washing Company: found necessary to separate the linen in consequence of an unseemly conversation between a male and female night-cap of distinction. A truly Irish meeting of the Catholic Association held; in which a public proposal from a Mr. Iver, to act the part of a secret and anonymous agent abroad, was received with acclamations by that learned body. A puddle in a storm again. A Poole disturbed by the kick from the governorgeneral of Drury Lane, and the governor-general treated in return with a sprinkling of blows from the Poole. Charity becoming very warm in its zeal as the period of the general election approaches: shoes, blankets, coals, and flannel, being very liberally disposed of, in the various vicinities of contested boroughs. Reports of divisions of Turkey more current, as Christmas approaches. Joys of little boys. Breaking-up of the Academising and Macadamising systems: the levelling system disapproved in many quarters: suggested, that breaking of stones may tend to breaking the public peace, and the windows in times of commotion. Miss Foote awarded a Christmas-box of three thousand pounds, by a jury, for her loss of Mr. Hayne. British Magazine. The Flowers of Literature. Closed are the eyes which sparkled bright, The hearts are still'd in silence drear, That might have throbb'd with ours tonight, To hail the coming year! Alas---alas! why should we mourn O'er mellow pleasures which have been? Could sorrowing make the past return, Or bring the vanish'd scene--Could sighs restore whom we deplore, The foreign-far should now be here, And voices join with thine, and mine, To hail the coming year! Then far from us scowl sullen Care--And, as yon stars more brilliant seem, When frost is in the moonless air, And ice upon the stream: So let us cope, in buoyant hope, Yea, brave all ills with dauntless cheer, And trust to meet in friendship sweet, For many a coming year! Years past-how sad they all have been, Of them I dare not dream. Where many a hope lies dead, The future is a desert waste, Unknown, and dark and drear, Where my thoughts know not what they dread, They only know they fear. FAREWELL TO TWENTY-FOUR. Are there not stars whose evil light Is given but for ill? [At the last meeting of the Somersethouse Lodge of Freemasons, a capital Glee, composed to some whimsical words, written many years ago by Mr. Madan, was sung for the first time by Mr. Wesley, Mr. Goulden, and another musical Brother. A copy was shewn, with a humorous caricature drawing of a person in the act of swallowing himself, having begun by cramming his foot into his mouth. This created much merriment; and we regret that in transcribing the words for the Portfolio, we cannot accompany them with the droll picture or the clever music.] Autophagos. A new Glee, for Three Voices, respect- WHEN down his throat a man doth choose But if his teeth are worn and gone, 279 Impromptu on seeing an Accident on a new Macadamized Pavement. "YOUR roads are not level," said a fellow one day, As crossing o'er Bridge Street he happened to fall; "Ob, leave it to Time," said M'Adam, "I pray :" ་་ "Ah, indeed," said the man, "Time THE PORTFOLIO. LONDON, SATURDAY, JAN. 8. We have the pleasure to present to our readers three engravings this week. We are determined not to be eclipsed by the efforts of any cotemporary. There are some "evil-disposed persons" who are eternally pestering us with their foolish doggrels for poetry. And when refused, they cudgel their brains to prove themselves wiseacres. To those we have to say, that we have a public duty to perform; it is therefore incumbent on us to decide on the merits or demerits of any correspondent, fearlessly. To those who are willing to intrust their lucubrations to our care, we will say a few words. We are always ready to give insertion to the sensible and well-written essay. As the London Magazine has publicly declared that they have secured all the poetry of the country, our correspondents will excuse us if we look at theirs through dimmed optics. We conclude in the words of Bentham : "We shall conceal nothing---we shall exaggerate nothing." THE GREAT JIBOYA OF JAVA LEGUAT affirms that he has seen this animal fifty feet long; but the largest animal of this kind which has been brought into Europe is but thirty-six feet long; though it is probable that much larger have been seen, and destroyed, before they were thought worth sending so far to satisfy European curiosity. The most usual length, according to all travellers, is about twenty feet, and the thickness in proportion. The teeth are small compared to the size of the body; nor are they used. but when it seizes the smallest prey. It lies in wait in the paths frequented by wild animals, and having cast itself upon its prey, wraps so closely round the body as to break all the bones, and then takes the whole at once into its enormous mouth. The Boicuagu is supposed to be the next in magnitude, and has often been seen to swallow a goat whole. It is the thickest in the middle of the body, and grows smaller towards the head and the tail. On the middle of the back there is a chain of small black spots, and on each side there are large round black spots, at some distance from each other, with white specks in the centre; between these, near the belly, are two rows of black spots, which run parallel to the back. It has a double row of sharp teeth in eacli jaw, shining like mother-of-pearl. The head is broad, and over the eyes it is raised into two prominences near the extremity of the tail there are two claws, resembling those of birds. These serpents lie hidden in thickets, whence they sally out unawares, and rais ing themselves upright on their tails, will attack both men and beasts. They make a loud hissing noise when exasperated; sometimes they wind themselves round trees, where they patiently wait for their prey; on the approach of a beast, or even a traveller, they dart down, and twist so closely round their bodies as to despatch them in a few minutes. To this class of large serpents we may refer the Depona, a native of Mexico, with a very large head, and great jaws. The mouth is armed with cutting, crooked teeth, among which there are two longer than the rest, placed in the fore part of the upper jaw, but very different from the fangs of the viper. Ail round the mouth there is a broad, scaly border, and the eyes are so large that they give it a very terrible aspect. The forehead is covered with very large scales, and on which are placed others that are smaller, curiously arranged: those on the back are of a grayish colour. Each side of the belly is marbled with large square spots, of a chesnut colour, in the middle of which is a small round yellow spot. They avoid the sight of man, and, consequently, never do much harm. To these which we have enumerated might, possibly, be added many other tribes of serpents; and, indeed, to those naturalists who are inclined to consider every difference in marks and colour as a distinct species, their varieties must be innumerable; but that such would be a false conclusion is clearly demonstrated by the fact, that the brood of one serpent are frequently of seven or eight different colours. |