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222

THE ESSENCE OF ANECDOTE AND WIT.

far,

THE BENDED BOW. The Essence of anecdote and whit, (From the New Monthly Magazine.)

EXTRAVAGANCE.
It is supposed that War was anciently

A writer in one of the reviews was proclained in Britain, by messengers in boasting that he was in the babit of different directions through the land, each distributing literary reputation. “Yes," bearing a bent bow, and that Peace was replied his friend, « and you have done in like manner announced by a bow un. it so profusely, that you have noge left strung, and therefore straight.

for yourself." See Cambrian Antiquities. There was heard the sound of a coming

BARBARITY OF SYLLA. foe,

[ed bow,

In the civil wars of Marias and Sylla, There was sent through Britain a bend the greatest atrocities were alternately And a voice was pour’d on the free winds committed by both parties. On Sylla's

return from the east, when undisputed As the land rose up at the sign of war.

master of Rome, he caused about four « Heard ye not the battle-horn?

thousand soldiers of the opposite faction -Reaper ! leave thy golden corn!

to be massacred near the temple of Leave it for the birds of Heaven,

Jupiter Stator, where the senate was Swords must flash, and shields be riven! then assembled. Alarmed at the groans Leave it for the winds to shed

of the unhappy tnén, the senators sat Arm! ere Britain's turf grow red!"

silent, and borror-struck, « Proceed,"

said Sylla, “ 'tis but a few seditious, And the reaper armed like a freeman's who are punished by my orders.” sou,

[on. And the bended bow and the voice pass'd EPISCOPAL CONDESCENSION. “ Hunter, leave the mountain-chase,

A certain prelate now no more hapTake the falchion from its place !

pened to meet at a large party his old Let the wolf go free to-day,

collegiate acquaintance, the celebrated Leave him for a nobler prey !

Dr. G., of coursing and classical notoLet the deer ungali'd sweep by riety. Having oppressed the Doctor

Arm thee! Britain's foes are nigb!" with a plentifol dose of distressing cou. And the hunter arm'd ere his chace was descension, his Lordship, with a famidone,

[on.

liarity evidently affected, inquired of And the bended bow and the voice pass'd the Doctor how long it might be since

they had the pleasure of seeing one « Chieftain! quit the joyous feast! another. « The last time I had the Stay not till the song hath ceased. honour of seeing your Lordship,” said Though the mcad be foaming bright, the Doctor, “ happened to be when you Though the fires give ruddy light, was walking to serve your curacy at Leave the hearth, and leave the ball Trumpington, and I was riding to serve

Arm thee! Britain's foes must fall." my church at Chelmsford ; and as the And the chieftain ara’d, and the hora was rain happened to be particularly heavy, blown,

[on. your Lordship most graciously condeAnd the bended bow and the voice pass'd descended to mount my servant's borse. « Prince ! thy father's deeds are told,

The animal, not having been used to In the bower and in the hold!

carry double, was a little unruly, and Where the goatherd's lay is sung,

when your Lordship dismounted, it was Where the minstrel's harp is strung!

at the expence of no small number of

stitches in your small-clotbes. I felt not -Foes are on thy native sea

a little embarrassed for your Lordship, Give our bards a tale of thee!"

as you had not then an apron to cover And the prince came arm’d, like a leader's them, but I remember you soon set me son,

[on. at ease, by informing me that a sermon, And the bended bow and the voice pass'd enclosing some black thread and a « Mother! stay thou not thy boy!

needle, were three articles which you He must learn the battle's joy.

never travelled without; on bearing Sister! bring the sword and spear,

which I ventured to congratulate your Give thy brother words of cheer !

Lordship on the happy expedient you Maiden! bid thy lover part,

bad kit upon, for giving a connected

thread Britain calls the strong in heart!"

to your discourse, and some

polish, no less than point, to your And the bended bow and the voice passid arguments.” His Lordsbip was never

afterwards known to ask an old friend And the bards made sovg for a battle won. how long it was since he had last the

F. H. pleasure of seeing bim.

on,

near

ANECDOTES, &c.

223 LOYALTY RUN MAD.

THE ABSENT MAN.

The Chevalier de Brancas, gentleman An old maiden lady, who was a most usher to the Queen Dowager of France, determined espouser of the cause of the mother of Louis the Fourteenth, was Pretender, happened to be possessed of subject to the most extraordinary absence a beautiful canary bird, whose vocal of mind. On one occasion, as he passed powers were the annoyance of one half under a lustre in the queen's drawing of the neighbourhood, and the admira- room, bis wig caught, and remained tion of the other. Lord Peterborough hanging on the chandelier. The courwas very solicitous to procure this bird, tiers could not refrain from laughing; as a present to a favourite female, who De Brancas perceived the wig, and bad set her heart on being mistress of laughed louder than the rest ; nor was it this little musical wonder. Neither his till some time afterward that he discoLordship's entreaties, vor his bride's, vered his loss.--. It is reported of him, that could prevail; but so able a negociator on leaving the palace one evening, he was not to be easily foiled. He took an got, by mistake, into another person's opportunity of changing the bird, and carriage. The coachman thinking it was of substituting another in its cage, du- his master, put his horses in motion, and ring some lucky moment when its vigi- drove home. The chevalier sprang from lant protectress was off her guard. The the carriage, traversed the court.yard, changeling was precisely like the ori- hall, and ante-room, and seated himself ginal, except in that particular respect calmly in the priucipal salvon. The which alone constitutec jts value,-it master of the bouse at length returned, was a perfect mute, and had more taste and had no small difficulty in persuading for seeds than for songs. Immediately the chevalier that he was not in his owa after this manæuvre, that battle which

apartment. utterly ruined the hopes of the Preten

CONSOLATION. der, took place. A decent interval had

A lady complaining she was elapsed, when his Lordship summoned thirty, a person who knew she was older, up resolution to call again on the old replied, “ Madam, every day removes lady: in order to smother all suspicion you further from the complaint.” of the trick he had played upon her, he was aboat to affect a great anxiety for The following verdict was returned a the possession of the bird; sbe saved few days ago under a Coroner's inquest, him all trouble on that score, by anti- in Buckinghamshire, “ Died by the visicipating, as she thought, his errand, ex tation of God in a natural way." claiming, “ Oh, oh, my Lord, then you are come again, I presumie, to coas me TO A LADY WITH A BLOODout of my dear little idol, but it is all

SHOT EYE. in vain, he is now dearer to me than Oh! be not afraid, though your eye is all ever ; I would not part with him for his

red, cage full of gold. Would you believe Wbite your cheeks, my dear girl, are so it, my Lorul? From the moment that ruddy ; his gracious Sovereign was defeated, the For so many die by the stroke of that eye, sweet little fellow has not uttered a single No wonder the weapon is bloody. note!!”

COMPARISON.
JUST IN TIME.

As the rose of the valley, whien dripping

with dew, A DOCTOR call'd in Bedford Row, Is the sweetest of odeurs, and fairest (It matters not how long ago)

in hue; To see a patient. When he knock’d, So the giance of dear woman the brighter Now only think how he was shock'd, appears, When instantly the footmau said, When it beams, from her eloquent eye, “ Dear Doctor, our poor Lady's dead." through her tears. “ Dead ! surely not, it may by chance “Be nothing but a fleeting trance:

ANECDOTE. “ I'll just walk up and see for certain;" A gentleman one day remarking to a He did so, and undrew the curtain ; friend on the iminense practice of a Where laid the Lady pale and calm, certain Solicitor at Exeter, the other The usual guinea in her palm.

immediately replied, “ Why, yes; I hear “ I see,” he cried, (and took the fee), he ENGROSSES all the law business in “ The poor dear soul expected me.” the city.”

224

MECHANIC'S ORACLE AND DOMESTIC GUIDE.

cream.

Spechanic's Dracle and Domestic

ANCHOVY SAUCB.
Guide.

Chop one or two anchovies, without

washing them; put some flour and TO CLEAN SILKS, WOOLLENS, butter, and a table spoonful of water ; AND COTTONS, WITHOUT

stir it over the fire till it boils once or

DAMAGE TO THEIR TEXTURE AND twice; by that time, if the anchovies COLOUR.

are good, they will be dissolved; some

wash the 'anchovies, and add a little GRATE raw potatoes to a fine pulp in clean water, and pass the liquid matter through a coarse sieve, into another

YEAST. vessel of water; let the mixture stand till

The following method of making yeast the fine white particles of the potatoes for bread, is both easy and expeditious. are precipitated; then pour the mucila- Boil one pound of good flour, a quarter ginous liquor from the fecula, and pre

of a pound of brown sugar, and a little serve the liquor for use. The article to

salt, in two gallons of water, for be cleaned should then be laid upon a one hour; when milk-warm, bottle il, linen cloth on a table, and having pro- and cork it close. It will be fit for use vided a clean sponge, dip it into the

in twenty-four hours. One pint of this potatoe liquor, and apply it to the article, will make eighteen pounds of bread. to be cleaned, till the dirt is perfectly separated; then wash it in clean water

TO CURE TAINTED FISH. several times. Two middle-sized potatoes will be enough for a pint of water.

Tainted fish may be much restored to The coarse pulp which does not pass

its proper flavour by mixing a quantity through the sieve, is of great use in clean- of vinegar and salt in the water in which ing, worsted curtains, tapestry, carpets, the fish is to be boiled. and other coarse goods. The mucila.

TO MAKE PARSNIP WINE. ginous liquor will clean all sorts of silk, cotton, or woollen goods, without hurting To twelve pounds of parsnips cut in or spoiling the colour; it may be also slices, add four gallons of water, and used in cleaning oil-paintings, or furni.. boil them till they become quite soft, , ture that is soiled. Dirtied painted Squeeze the liquor well out of them, rua wainscots may be cleaned by wetting a it through a sieve, and add to every. sponge in the liquor, then dipping it in gallon three pounds of loaf sugar. Boil a little fine clean sand, and afterwards the whole three quarters of an hour, aod, rubbing the wainscot with it.

when it is nearly cold, add a little yeast.,

Let it stand, for ten days in a tub, stir GERMAN METHOD OF CURING ring it every day from the bottom; then, HAMS.

put it into a cask for twelve months : as

it works over, fill it up every day. In Westphalia, hams are cured between November and March. The Germans

CORRESPONDENTS. pile them up in deep tubs, covering them

Donald Dhu will find a letter for him with layers of salt, saltpetre, and a small

at the Publisher's, quautity of bay leaves. In this situation they let them remain about four or five in its present state we must decline

J. Ci's Song requires much correction : days, when they make a strong pickle of

inserting it. salt and water, with which they covei,

« Acrostic," by Guilelmus, is inadmisthem completely; and, at the expiration sible. of three weeks, they take them out of

Is Samuel Sensitive out of his senses? pickle, soak them twelve bours in clean

We iecommend his relations to put him well water, and bang them up for three"? on a low diet and strait waistcoat. hours longer in a smoke made from the

Henri will be inserted bereafter. juniper bushes which in that country are

Joe Moody is too moody for us; and abundantly met with.

Frank Lightly is, on the contrary, much .

too light and trifling. TO PRESERVE EGGS.

Z. must learn common sense and comPut an egg for one minute in water

mon English. just about to boil, (it will not in that

F. H. A. V. will appear in a future time be hard), and it will afterwards

Number. keep well for a month.

Other Correspondents in our next. LONDON :-WILLIAM CHARLTON WRIGHT, 65, Paternoster Row, and may be had of all Booksellers and Newsmen.

(SEARS, Printer, 45, Gutter Lane, Cheapside.)

The Portfolio,

Comprising

1. THE FLOWERS OF LITERATURE. II. THE SPIRIT OF THE MAGAZINES

III. THE WONDERS OF NATURE AND ART. IV. THE ESSENCE OF ANECDOTE AND WIT. V. THE DOMESTIC GUIDE.

VI. THE MECHANICS' ORACLE.

No. XCIX

Or No. 45.07]

VolIV,

LONDON, SATURDAY, DEC. 18, 1824.

[2u.

THE GRAND SUSPENSION BRIDGE

OVER THE THAMES,

BELOW LONDON BRIDGE.

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Contents.
The Grand Saspension Bridge over the Witticism..

228 Tharnes 226 The Clever Idiot

329 The Fatal Marksman ib. Life Insurance.

ib. To Ada-By Lady Byron 228 Criticism

ib. Anacreontic. ib. Penance

ib. The Convict Ship ib. The Noble Hangidan

ib. Parliamentary Speeches of Lord Byron.... 229 Irish Advice

ib. Swedish Thief Catching Machine

232 On Cutting of Hardened Steel by a Wheel On the Hindoo Castes

233
of Soft Iron

140 The Ruined City

ib. To Preserve Cream for Long Voyages, &c. ib. A Recurrence to the Days of Youth 234 Parsnips productive of Milk in Cows.... ib. Sympathy

ib. Economical Mode of Cutting Cauliflowers il Rosedale and its Tenants 235 Rice Glue

il Public Literary Dinner at Pekin 237 Lusus Naturæ

ib. d North-west Passage, or a North-wester.. 238 Another Lusus Natura

ib. VOL. IV.

P

The Flowers of Literature, or arch, above high-water, eighty-five

feet. The inclination of the road-way THE GRAND

over the bridge is one foot in each thirty

feet. The width of the carriage-way is SUSPENSION BRIDGE OVER twenty-one feel. The width of the foot

. THE THAMES,

path, on each side is eight feet. The BELOW LONDON BRIDGE. total length

of bridge and inclined planes three feet

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TAIS stupendous undertaking, of THE FATAL MARKSMAN. which we have, by much activity, and especial permission, presented our readers

(Concluded from page 212.) with a perspective view, bids fair to The black horseman turned away bis surpass in its boldness of design, and horse, and said with a gloomy solemnity extraordinary architectural effect, any — Thou dost know me : the very hair of of our metropolitan bridge structures. thy head, which stands on end, confesses Neither our own limits, nor the quantity for thee that thou dost. I am he-whom of detail to be obtained by possibility at this moment thou namest in thy heart

of an extensive buildiog of this character, with horror." So saying, he vanished ! before erection, allow us to give much followed by the dreary sound of withered

more explanation of it than is distinctly leaves, and the echo of blasted boughs conveyed by the engraving, and which falling from the trees beneath which he will, with the mass of our friends, be, had stood. after all, assuredly, the most satis “ Merciful God! what has happened factory.

to you, William?" exclaimed Kate and The intended situation of the bridge her mother, as William returned pale is immediately below the Tower of and agitated after midnight: “you look London, directly over the river to Ber- as if fresh risen from the grave.” mondsey; making an angle with the “Nothing, nothing,” said William,course of the river at that place of about “nothing but night air ; the truth is I am twenty degrees from a right-angled a little feverish.” direction, inclining towards the east. “William, William!” said old Bertram, The bridge is itself of iron, with solid you can't deceive me: something has piers of masonry. It is on the Suspen- met you in the forest. Why would you siðn plan, and is composed entirely of not stop at home? Something has crossed iron chains or jointed bars: the middle you on the road, l'll swear.' arch, or stretch which it makes actually William was struck with the old man's over the river, is six hundred feet in seriousness, and replied—“ Well, yes; width, out of one thousand, the whole acknowledge, something has crossed me. width of the river. The piers are four But wait for nine days: before then, you in number, exclusive of the two abut. know yourself that" ments; and the entire stretch of the “Gladly, gladly, son," said Bertram; bridge, which is to allow the passage of " and God be praised, that it is any thing vessels not requiring more than eighty- of that kind which can wait for nine five feet in height, will exceed three days. Trouble bim not, wife; Kate, leare thousand feet! It will commence at him at peace! now, my good lad, go to the bottom of the Minories, and passing bed, and rest thyself. Night," says the over Little Tower Hill, al an elevation proverb, " is no man's friend." But be above the road and pathways of more of good cheer : the man that is in his than thirty feet, increasing, as it passes vocation, and walks only in lawful paths, over St. Catharine's, to seventy feet, it may bid defiance to the fiends of darkwill cross the river to Shad Thames, a ness, and all their works.” few yards below Horselydown stairs;

William needed his utmost powers of and thence making its way over the dissimulation to disguise from the old present state of that neighbourhood, man's penetration how little his suspicious literally over streets and houses, it will had done him injustice. This indulgent cross Gainsford - street, Abdy - street, affection of father Bertram, and such Thornton-street, &c. aud will terminate unshaken confidence in his uprightness, its course in Russell-street and Dock- wrung his heart He hurried io his bed. head, whence a new line of road will be room, with full determination to destroy continued to the New Cut from the the accursed bullets. One only will í Neckinger:

keep, only one I will use," said he, holding The distance between the points of out his supplicating hands pressed palm suspension of each span, is six hundred to palm with bitter tears towards heaven. feet. The height of the centre opening, “Oh, let the purpose, let the purpose

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