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I have not existed entirely to no purpose.
"Which falls into mine ear as profitless
“But such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine. Out upon those death's fools, who
"Patch grief with proverbs; make misfortune drunk "With candle-wasters-Men
"Can counsel, and speak comfort to that grief "Which they themselves not feel; but, tasting it, "Their counsel turns to passion, which before "Would give preceptal medicine to rage; "Fetter strong madness in a silken thread, "Charm ach with air, and agony with words:
No, no; 'tis all men's office to speak patience
"But no man's virtue nor sufficiency, "To be so moral, when he shall endure "The like himself: therefore, give me no counsel; My griefs cry louder than advertisement."
And I should deserve such rebuke. I wish not to break in upon the sainted abode of sorrow, and force my admonitions on the child of affliction; far from me, and from my friends, be such frigid philosophy and senseless impertinence! Much rather would I, like the good uncle Toby, sit down by the side of the afflicted mourner,and say nothing.
But the Adviser comes not with authority, advances not with lordly strides; he approaches in the garb of humility, in the array of sincerity, and offers his lucubrations with the most ardent wish, and fervent prayer, that they may not prove entirely without amusement, nor altogether devoid of instruction to some who may not disdain to employ a few moments in listening to the narrative, and hearing the remarks of a fellow being, now on the brink of eternity, and desirous that his remaining days may be devoted to the holding up a mirror, in which shall be represented a faithful tran
script of a life marked with variety, and abounding with incident. The impertinent insignificance of the fop I can laugh at; the censures of dull malignity I can despise; and from the secret stabs of affected candour I cannot shrink: my appeal is to the open, the honest, and the unsuspecting,
unhackneyed in the ways of men;" for them have I laboured, and by their decision do I wish to stand or fall. The disdainful rejection of advice proceeds from pride, which is a quality too mighty for me to attack with any hopes of success; but, that I might make some amends for the tedious solemnity of the former part of this paper, I will conclude with two or three little anecdotes, which serve to set this accomplishment in a glaring point of view; not because they are immediately connected with my subject, but from compassion to the reader, that he may be somewhat compensated for the toil of having waded through so much serious matter.
A noble earl in the county of York, full of that laudable self-consequence and dignified loftiness which so well becomes, and
is so frequently assumed by the noblesse and great gentry of our land, having, some few days since, occasion to direct a worker in marble about some operations going on in his lordship's salon, and, very prudently conceiving that the sight of so much greatness would confound and dismay the astonished artist, with great discretion and humanity, turned his back while he greeted the workman with," Fellow, I am the earl of, and will have my chimney-piece finished in such a manner!" The whole of this noble speech it is needless to transcribe; I only wish to point out to his earlship a still better mode of conveying his sentiments to those subordinate animals, who may, in future, be so highly honoured as to hear the gracious expressions of his lordly tongue. Let him follow the example of a worthy viscount, who, standing in need of a waistcoat, accosted the tailor through the medium of his valet, "Tell the man my lappell must be large." "His lordship orders the lappell to be large." "How would his lordship choose to have the buttons placed?" "How would your lordship choose to have
the buttons placed?" "Tell the man I will have the buttons placed in two rows." Thus was conducted the conversation, to the great edification of the tailor, who received the benefit of hearing his instructions related twice; first by his lordship to the valet, then by the valet to himself; and all this within the compass of two yards and a half. He felt himself not a little gratified at being thought worthy of receiving the nobleman's words, through a strainer, in the shape of a coat duster, and went on his way rejoicing. Not so a little snappish bookseller in a provincial town in Dorsetshire; he had been intimate with Warburton in his younger days, when that gentleman, then newly initiated into the sacred function, was wont to ransack his library, listen to his conversation, and swallow his pudding. After a lapse of some years did the bibliopolist perceive the bishop of Gloucester heave his portly frame into his shop, with a smooth and sleek chaplain on each side. "How do you do, Dr. Warburton?" His episcopalian humility whispered to a chaplain, which chaplain whispered to his