LETTER TO THE EDITOR. SIR, My aunt Adelgitha Penelope Smith was a most worthy old lady; and her memory will long be held in respect, in consequence of her various good properties; but more especially for the inflexible resolution with which she defended herself against the attacks of a legion of lovers, and, at length, departed this life, leaving many grounds of consolation to her relatives. Yet, during her valuable life, she lived not for herself alone. She was kind to the poor, and supported a school for their children, which was holden daily in a small building, in the roof of which dwelt an aged favourite, whose habits and temper, in his latter days, rendered him an unfit companion for her boudoir, wherein he had whilom spent much of his time. The animal, thus banished from society, became morose and ascetic, which we should not have wondered at, had we been aware that he had taken to scribbling, a propensity which commonly leads the victim thereunto to believe himself a very important animal, whatever other people may think or say to the contrary. So-there he seems to have sat, "alone in his glory," profiting by the instruction of the schoolmaster, and hugging himself, according to the manner of his kind, in the belief that he was inditing what would astonish the world. It was my lot to discover his papers, which have been sadly nibbled by the mice; and I forward you two or three of the most perfect sheets, thinking that they may be found to contain matter quite as important as the "Reminiscences" of certain bipeds which have lately been given to the public. I am, Sir, Your most obedient servant, J. SMITH. Christopher North, Esq. THE REMINISCENCES OF AN OLD MONKEY. For the last few days I have felt myself extremely uncomfortable. My appetite has failed me, and I have been troubled with unpleasant dreams and strange fancies, both by day and night. Why is this?" I ask myself, "what can the matter be? I cannot surely be in love in my old age?" Oh, no! The years of such pleasing folly have long since past, and all the gaieties and frolicsome pranks of my youth are but as a dream. I recall them to memory alternately with a smile and a sigh; and, as I sit and mumble my nuts in solitude with my few remaining teeth, and view the grey hairs which cover my emaciated and shrivelled frame, I find it difficult to imagine that I am the same monkey that was once the life and soul of every party. And as for love-even if my years did not exempt me from the torments of the tender passion, who could I be in love with? I have often felt a conviction that I am the only survivor of my race; and love cannot exist without hope! Of this latter truth I was long since convinced, by an adventure which befell me in my voyage from India to Europe. The ship in which I was a passenger, or rather a prisoner, stopped to take in a supply of water, and was, as I then thought, very fortunately, becalmed. The face of the country was altogether too tempting to be withstood, and I made my escape to the shore, where I roved and revelled for many hours in all the luxury of newly recovered liberty. But, when evening drew near, I felt a painful sense of loneliness, and was beginning to wish myself again on shipboard, when my eyes were ravished by the sight of one of the most beautiful creatures I had ever beheld. She was sitting upon the bank of a small rivulet, with her elegant tail gracefully spread in a circle upon the ground close around her, so as to appear as though she was seated upon a cushion of rich black and white fur. I approached as carefully as possible; but when within a few yards, she looked round, and uttering a cry of alarm, started up and ran off to the adjacent woods. Had I pursued immediately, doubtless I should have overtaken her; but I was paralysed. As she rose and fled, her tail streamed behind like that of a comet. Many a tail have I seen since, but never one like that. A lover's description of his mistress, however, as I have since had frequent occasion to observe, is seldom interesting to any one else. I shall therefore only say, that she was the handsomest of the ringtailed species, of whose very existence I was not previously aware. A passion, which I then believed would terminate only with my life, instantly took possession of me. ran after her, and in wild and tender accents, besought her to take pity upon a poor solitary being, far from home, and in a strange land. But all remained silent, save the coarse howling of some unknown animals which dwelt in that country; and I passed a sleepless night in a tree, anxiously watching for the morning, that I might be enabled to seek the mistress of my affections, and offer her my vows. Ere the sun rose, I began the search; yet it was noonday ere we met. Her shyness at first was excessive; but at length I persuaded her to sit quietly and listen to my story, at which she felt much interested, though it was evident that she doubted my word when I told her that I had crossed the sea. She then informed me that she likewise had lost sight of her own tribe and kindred, which had been alarmed and scattered by strange noises along the shore, which I suspect were from the guns of the ship. So there we were, alone in that wilderness! And when two young monkeys are left alone together in a wood, what can be expected? There was something singular about the countenance of my dear Cinera,* which I could not help occasionally wishing were more in character with those of my own tribe; but then there was a gentleness in her manners, and a lightness and elegance in her every movement, which were perfectly bewitching, and which were doubtless greatly enhanced by the splendid black and white ringtail, the recollection of which even now sometimes haunts my pillow. We had spent some hours together, and I flattered myself that all was going on favourably for me. We were again at the side of the rivulet, seated, side by side, beneath a low spreading tree that overhung the water; and she had, at my request, assumed the same attitude as when I first saw her; and I was gazing passionately upon her, while her eyes were modestly cast upon the ground. If ever I felt the tender passion, it was at that moment! But I was soon to be cured, and in a very different way from what I had anticipated. The very recollection makes my blood run cold! I was sitting, as before described, lost to every earthly thing, save the beautiful Cinera, when suddenly I felt a sharp twitch across my two forepaws, by which they were perfectly benumbed; and, looking round, I beheld a monstrous animal with a huge grinning mouth, and blue ribbed cheeks, standing over me with a stick, with which he was about to repeat his blow. Resistance was out of the question against such a baboon, and, therefore, I immediately sprang aside, and made my escape, leaving Cinera to do the same. For some time I dared not venture to look round; but finding I was not pursued, I at length halted to draw breath, and then, casting my eyes towards the fatal spot, I beheld the hideous creature squatting by the side of Cinera, and sharing with her a pile of fruit which I had toiled hard to collect, and which I had presented to her as a pledge of the sincerity of my affection. What was to be done? My whole frame trembled with agony. I thought of taking a stone, and creeping slyly up the tree and letting it fall upon the monster's head; but my paws hung powerless by my side, and refused to perform their office, "Prosimea cinerea, caudâ cinctâ annulis alternatim albis et nigris." The most elegant of the maucauco species, and of a mild and harmless nature. +"Simia Sphinx." Linn. VOL. XXVIII. NO. CLXVIIÌ, Ꮐ Yet a spell seemed to be upon me, and I could not tear myself from the spot. So I stood aloof and gazed, and a gleam of hope even then came upon me. He will soon have devoured the fruit, thought I; and as for his being a rival in the beautiful ring-tail's affections with a well-formed and comely monkey like me, that is quite out of the question. I was right respecting his appetite; for the gormandizing wretch would have crunched fifty times the quantity between his tremendous jaws; but no opportunity was afforded me of judging whether he really had sufficient vanity to talk of love. At that period my eyes were particularly good; so that, though I was more than three hundred yards distant, I plainly perceived a hideous, leering, liquorish expression in his countenance, as he looked towards Cinera, and drew his right arm, from the elbow down to the paw, across his frightful grinning mouth. By my native groves!" cried I, " this is too much!" and such was my agitation, that I plainly heard my heart thump against my ribs. At this moment, however, there arose a strange outcry in the woods, which excited the attention of all parties. Cinera jumped upon her hind legs, and uttered a respondent shriek, at which the outcry was repeated, and suddenly a large party of ringtails, who were doubtless her friends and relatives, rushed forward into the open ground. The baboon looked sulkily round, and began his retreat by slowly and awkwardly lounging, and pretending occasionally to jump, along the banks of the rivulet, which, by a circuitous course, came to the spot where I lay concealed. The lovely ringtail-now for ever lost to me-was instantly surrounded by her own tribe; and there was such a confused chattering among them, that I in vain endeavoured to ascertain whether they were congratulating or scolding the amiable truant. Amid the group, which had now grown very numerous, I plainly discerned her, as she stood alone in a sort of ring which they had formed round her; and she appeared to be addressing the multitude. With intense feelings of anxiety, I observed that she pointed in the direction which I took when scampering away from the baboon. Hope and strange ambitious dreams instantly arose within me. I perceived that she was a female of high rank among them, and judged that I was the subject of her discourse. "Dear creature!" said I to myself, "she is no doubt endeavouring to describe my perfections, and asking her parents' consent to our happy union. It is evident that her race are much behind my own nation in the noble art of climbing; but I will take pity upon their ignorance, and our young family shall be brought up according to the customs of Persia. In the meanwhile, I will, by long accounts of my travels, and the display of my agility, astonish the natives, and, as a matter of course, I shall become their leader." Such was my last soliloquy in that country; and it was scarcely terminated, when the whole body of ringtails uttered a simultaneous yell, and advanced towards the place of my retreat. Their grimaces were too evidently hostile for me to wait the result: therefore, when they were within about a hundred yards, I rose up and fled, and, in an instant, all were in pursuit of me. I made for the sea-shore, where I had left the ship on the preceding day, and where she still fortunately lay at anchor. My speed was such that I gained ground considerably of all the ringtails, whose yells were far behind when I arrived within half a mile of the water side; and then, and not till then, I took courage to look back. Never shall I forget the horror which then took possession of me! Not twenty yards in my rear was that detestable ribbed-nose baboon who had driven me from happiness. He had joined, unknown to me, in the chase, and at every bound, notwithstanding his apparent clumsiness, gained upon me; and what made him still more horrible was the brandishing of that fearful stick, the painful effects of which I had already experienced. On he came, and nearer and yet nearer I heard the bounding of his hind legs, and the whirring of that awful weapon! Still I strained every nerve, and the ground appeared to fly from under me; but all my exertion seemed vain the monster was now so close that I expected every bound would bring him on my tail. I heard him draw his breath, and fancied that the hot and impure air, which issued from his mouth, warmed the nape of my neck. Fear added wings to my flight-I saw nothing-I knew nothing-I cared for nothing;-death itself was nothing, so that I might escape from that inconceivable horror! To all that happened afterwards I was insensible. I made one tremendous bound-it seemed as though I had leaped beyond the limits of earth, and was careering it amid the clouds-then came a noise as of thunder, and anon a yell of agony more piercing than the cry of ten thousand cats, and then all was darkness-sudden and unusual darkness;-for my eyes were open, and my limbs continued in full activity, yet without performing their duty; for the ground was gone from beneath me, and the light of day had closed upon me. I had jumped into the sea! The noises which I had heard in my descent were the firing of a gun, and the consequent cry of my wounded pursuer. One of the ship's boats happened to be at the usual place of landing at the moment; and by the exertions of the crew, I was snatched from a watery grave, after I had rescued myself, by my agility and that desperate leap, from the great blue nosed baboon. The revulsion which had taken place in my feelings was extraordinary; for immediately I found myself safe on shipboard, I would not have given a rotten nut for my hitherto beloved Cinera. She became as nothing to me; nay, the recollection of her, for some time after this adventure, was absolutely disgusting; so that I really think, had she at that period been delivered up to me, I should have contrived to throw her overboard. Reflection has, since that time, led me to do justice to her good qualities; for, after all, she did but submit to the guidance of her parents and friends, and is most likely long since married to some one in her own sphere of life. I question much, indeed, whether one bred up in the evident barbarity of the ringtails would ever have made a fit companion for me. But-let that pass. I shall only add, that my love was completely dispelled when hope vanished; and that, from my own experience, I am convinced that a stick, properly applied, and a good ducking, would do more towards curing young monkeys, who fancy they are dying for love, than any other remedy with which I am acquainted. My own occasional lowness of spirits at the present period, however, proceeds, I am convinced, from very different causes. Alone as I am, in a country far distant from the place of my birth and early associations, I can not avoid recollecting that such things were; and a sigh will sometimes escape me when I reflect that the remainder of my days must be spent among beings so artificial as the human race. I am disgusted with their vain boastings. To hear them talk, one would really imagine that they were all perfection; and yet they are indebted to the beasts of the field and the birds of the air, and even to poor miserable worms, for their outward skins, their own being of such a wretched texture as to be nearly useless; and, strange as it may seem to animals who have been clad by nature, these borrowed coverings are a chief source of pride to the creatures called men and women. The greater part of their lives is spent in putting them off and on, and endea vouring to procure a greater variety, in which to strut about and endeavour to imitate the monkey tribe. But their imitations are perfectly ridiculous, and never can approach the graceful and natural agility of our tribes, which they, notwithstanding, affect to consider as beneath them! It would be an endless task to recount all the follies of their various attempts at concealing their natural deformity. The males, having no tail of their own,decorate themselves with one made from the wool of sheep; and so ignorant are they of the real and native elegance of this appendage, that they split it into two pieces, which hang uselessly dangling behind them! The variety of these mock upper skins worn by the females is yet infinitely greater; a circumstance the more remarkable, because that sex have far less occasion for concealing their persons. Indeed, I have seen some of them who need not fear a comparison with the comeliest of our own tribes. They have far more It was my misfortune, in early life, to fall into the hands of this species of animals, of whose existence no one, in the extensive districts belonging to our tribes, was previously aware and it has been my lot, with some few brief intervals, to remain among them ever since. I am now grown old and grey in captivity; but I shall not indulge in the natural garrulity of old age to such an extent as to write all the events of my eventful life, notwithstanding that hope sometimes whispers flatteringly in mine ear, that many monkeys will peruse these reminiscences with interest and gratification, if not with advantage. It is acknowledged by all, that the earth has undergone strange and divers revolutions, not only as it regards its organic formation, and the changes constantly in progress by the agency of rivers, floods, seas, and subterranean fires, but in the power held by different animals over extensive tracts upon its surface. Long before man was known, our tribes possessed a wide and undisputed sway over regions now disfigured in a strange manner by what are called houses, little dirty hillocks with holes in them, from whence smoke issues, as if in petty imitation of a volcano. Men dwell in these, and have so increased in number for the last few centuries, that it really becomes a serious question how their encroachments are to be put a stop to, so as to preserve upon the face of the earth a sufficient space for the aboriginal inhabitants. Sometimes a feeling of despair comes over me when I think on the present state of things, and I am haunted with the idea, almost amounting to conviction, that I am doomed to be the last monkey. But it may not be so! The reign of man, like that of the lions, tigers, and elephants, must have an end: and then our tribes may again be in the ascendant. Why they should not now be so I cannot conceive, unless it be from a want of union among ourselves; for such is the cowardice of the human race, that even I, old and decrepid as I am, have put half a dozen to flight by merely shewing my teeth, and could clear the whole house where I am now writing in five minutes, were it not that find their services convenient in this strange country, where there are few trees, and scarcely any fruit worth gathering. So I employ them to bring me food from better climates, and, upon the whole, have little reason to complain of their neglect. But it was not always thus. I have undergone many hardships, particularly after my first arrival in this country, which they call Great Britain, although it is but a small island, and a mere speck when compared with other nations. But the inhabitants possess a great deal of influence among their kind, owing, it is said, principally to certain of them called sailors. And I am inclined to believe the fact, partly because I have had opportunities of witnessing the bravery of that class of men, and received many attentions from them during my voyage here; but, principally, because the generality of them have a real tail, (which, however, grows out of their head!) and are very expert in the noble science of climbing. I am aware that many things which I may state will probably startle moukeys of a future age; but I consider myself as performing a duty for the benefit of future generations. Future generations did I say? What, and if there should be no more! Again that dreadful apprehension comes over me! Cold and chill, and shudderingly, it creeps throughout my whole system-it shakes me to the centre-and again my blood returns throbbing, boiling, and rushing through my veins, my brain feels scorched, and in vain I seek to quench in tears those torments which inwardly consume me, as I think on my bitter doom of desolation. And am I indeed to be the last monkey? No; I will not admit the idea, notwithstanding the fruitless research which I have prosecuted for years |