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et cui per mediam nolis occurrere noctem,
clivosae veheris dum per monumenta Latinae.
Flos Asiae ante ipsum, pretio maiore paratus
quam fuit et Tulli census pugnacis et Anci,
et, ne te teneam, Romanorum omnia regum
frivola. Quod cum ita sit, tu Gaetulum Ganymedem
respice, cum sities.

60

60-66. -- His attendant scorns to serve a client, and thinks it quite enough that you should sit at all while he has to stand.

Nescit tot milibus emptus pauperibus miscere puer : sed forma, sed aetas digna supercilio. Quando ad te pervenit ille ? quando rogatus adest calidae gelidaeque minister ? Quippe indignatur veteri parere clienti, quodque aliquid poscas et quod se stante recumbas. Maxima quaeque domus servis est plena superbis.

65

67 - 75. - Then you have hard and mouldy bread : he the best

wheaten flour ; and if you take this instead of your own, the slave insults you.

70

Ecce, alius quanto porrexit murmure panem vix fractum, solidae iam mucida frusta farinae, quae genuinum agitent, non admittentia morsum : sed tener et niveus mollique siligine fictus servatur domino. Dextram cohibere memento; salva sit artoptae reverentia : finge tamen te improbulum, superest illic, qui ponere cogat. “Vis tu consuetis, audax conviva, canistris impleri, panisque tui novisse colorem?"

75

70 fictus P. factus w.

76-79.-— And this was what you left your home and braved the

weather for so long ! “Scilicet hoc fuerat, propter quod saepe, relicta coniuge, per montem adversum gelidasque cucurri Esquilias, fremeret saeva cum grandine vernus Iupiter et multo stillaret paenula nimbo ?”

80

80-91.-He has a lobster served in asparagus, you a crab pinched

up in half an egg : he uses Venafran oil, while you must be

content with African oil, which smells of the lamp. Aspice, quam longo distinguat pectore lancem, quae fertur domino, squilla, et quibus undique saepta asparagis, qua despiciat convivia cauda, cum venit excelsi manibus sublata ministri. Sed tibi dimidio constrictus cammarus ovo ponitur exigua, feralis cena, patella. Ipse Venafrano piscem perfundit : at hic, qui pallidus adfertur misero tibi caulis, olebit lanternam : illud enim vestris datur alveolis, quod canna Micipsarum prora subvexit acuta; propter quod Romae cum Boccare nemo lavatur, quod tutos etiam facit a serpentibus atris.

85

90

92-98. — Our seas are well-nigh emptied of their fish, and the

provinces are compelled to furnish materials for Roman

gluttony. Mullus erit domini, quem misit Corsica, vel quem Tauromenitanae rupes, quando omne peractum est et iam defecit nostrum mare, dum gula saevit, retibus adsiduis penitus scrutante macello proxima, nec patimur Tyrrhenum crescere piscem.

95

80 distendat w.

91 Afros s.

Instruit ergo focum provincia : sumitur illinc quod captator emat Laenas, Aurelia vendat.

100

99-106. – Virro is served with a lamprey from the Sicilian

Straits ; before you is placed a pike caught almost in the

drains of the Subura. Virroni muraena datur, quae maxima venit gurgite de Siculo : nam, dum se continet Auster, dum sedet et siccat madidas in carcere pinnas, contemnunt mediam temeraria lina Charybdim. Vos anguilla manet longae cognata colubrae, aut glacie aspersus maculis Tiberinus, et ipse vernula riparum, pinguis torrente cloaca, et solitus mediae cryptam penetrare Suburae.

105

107-113.- We do not expect to find in you, Virro, a second

Seneca or Piso, but we do claim that you should dine as a

citizen among citizens." Ipsi pauca velim, facilem si praebeat aurem. “Nemo petit, modicis quae mittebantur amicis a Seneca, quae Piso bonus, quae Cotta solebat largiri : namque et titulis et fascibus olim maior habebatur donandi gloria : solum poscimus, ut cenes civiliter.

Hoc fac et esto, esto, ut nunc multi, dives tibi, pauper amicis.”

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114-119.- His next course is a goose's liver, or a wild boar,

then, if the weather suits, some mushrooms from Libya, which are of much more importance to our epicures than all

its corn. Anseris ante ipsum magni iecur, anseribus par altilis et flavi dignus ferro Meleagri

112 faciet P.

115

spumat aper : post hunc tradentur tubera, si ver
tunc erit et facient optata tonitrua cenas
maiores. “Tibi habe frumentum,” Alledius inquit,

o Libye : disiunge boves, dum tubera mittas.”

66

120

120-124.—Meanwhile, you may see the carver going through his

evolutions and observing the rules of his art.

Structorem interea, ne qua indignatio desit, saltantem spectes et chironomunta volanti cultello, donec peragat dictata magistri omnia. Nec minimo sane discrimine refert, quo gestu lepores et quo gallina secetur.

125-131.-If you would avoid summary ejection, hold your peace

and take no liberties.

125

Duceris planta, velut ictus ab Hercule Cacus, et ponere foris, si quid temptaveris umquam hiscere, tamquam habeas tria nomina. Quando propinat Virro tibi sumitque tuis contacta labellis pocula ? quis vestrum temerarius usque adeo, quis perditus, ut dicat regi, “ bibe ?" Plurima sunt, quae 130 non audent homines pertusa dicere laena.

132-140. —Should you by some chance come into a fortune,

will become your friend and brother, and nothing will be too good for you. Though, even then, you will do well to remain childless. Quadringenta tibi si quis deus aut similis dis et melior fatis donaret, homuncio quantus ex nihilo fieres, quantus Virronis amicus. “Da Trebio ! pone ad Trebium ! vis, frater, ab istis Ilibus ?” O nummi, vobis hunc praestat honorem,

116 fumat p. w ; raduntur a.

135

vos estis fratres. Dominus tamen et domini rex
si vis tu fieri, nullus tibi parvulus aula
luserit Aeneas, nec filia dulcior illo :
iucundum et carum sterilis facit uxor amicum.

140

141-145. — As it is, you may have three at a birth, and your

patron will be as condescending as before. Sed tua nunc Mycale pariat licet, et pueros tres in gremium patris fundat simul : ipse loquaci gaudebit nido; viridem thoraca iubebit adferri, minimasque nuces assemque rogatum, ad mensam quotiens parasitus venerit infans.

145

146-155.For dessert Virro and his friends will have apples

worthy of the garden of the Hesperides ; you will have fruit

such as performing monkeys are glad to gnaw. Vilibus ancipites fungi ponentur amicis, boletus domino ; sed quales Claudius edit ante illum uxoris, post quem nil amplius edit.

Virro sibi et reliquis Virronibus illa iubebit poma dari, quorum solo pascaris odore : qualia perpetuus Phaeacum autumnus habebat, credere quae possis subrepta sororibus Afris : tu scabie frueris mali, quod in aggere rodit, qui tegitur parma et galea, metuensque flagelli discit ab hirsuta iaculum torquere capella.

150

155

156-173.Virro does all this of set purpose to annoy you. Nor

is he wrong : he sees your sordid motive and he fittingly rewards it. Your next step will be to become a jester and

submit to the punishment of a slave. Forsitan impensae Virronem parcere credas. 141 Mygale P.

142 semel P. 146 potentur P. S. ponentur p. W.

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