A TERRITORIAL IN INDIA. I. MY DEAR Mr. Punch, We take swung mated, did I say? Far, far worse than called upon to fill the vacancies. Ichthat. We are practically wiped out. abod. 1 No, there has not been a second When the announcement that clerks Mutiny, concealed by the newspapers. were required was made to us my special pride in the fact that we were We have not perished of malaria. Nor blood ran suddenly cold. I rememthe very first Territorials ever to land have we been eaten by white ants. bered how, centuries ago, when in in India. As our battalion Even the last - named would be a camp on Salisbury Plain, I had been through the streets of Bombay before glorious, an inspiring end compared requested to fill up a form giving, the critical eyes of the assembled with the fate which has overtaken us. among other particulars, my occupanatives, this knowledge enabled us to You remember how, many years ago, tion, and light-heartedly and truthfully preserve an air of dignity despite the you used to sit with your infantile I had written "Clerk." It is a great rakish angle of our unaccustomed tongue protruding from the left-hand mistake to be truthful in the Army. topees. When you first march at corner of your mouth and write in a How I wished I had described myself attention with a rifle and a very large than the sword." fair round hand, "The pen is mightier as an agricultural labourer. Or a helmet discover that the only pos- disbelieved it. you At that time you taxidermist-surely there is no demand sible position for the latter is well over But you were wrong. for taxidermists in the Indian Army. the right ear. Later on you realise It is true, sadly true. that this is a mistake, like most of the discoveries made during the first few days' residence in India. On that memorable day, of our battalion poet has written which O day of pride and perspiration, And filled ourselves with eggs and tea" In a vain attempt to remedy the A few days after our arrival we were mistake I preserved a stony silence reviewed by the G.O.C. In eloquent when we were asked who had had words he told us that we were not in clerical experience, who could do typeIndia for garrison work, but to be writing, who possessed a knowledge of trained speedily for the Front, to be shorthand. With a single lift of my fitted to play our part on the great right eyebrow I disclaimed all acquaintbattlefields of Europe. Inspiring ance with office stools. With a faint visions of military glory rose before us. pucker of the brows I made myself Later in the day they began to evapo- appear to be wondering where I had rate. They have been evaporating ever once heard that word typewriter. But my fatal incriminating declaration was too great a handicap. we were eight hundred strong, having since. spent thirty-two days in a transport Owing to the departure of the Expeand passed through all the salutary ditionary Forces there has been a great By threes and fours our brave fellows trials of inoculation, vaccination and shortage of soldier clerks in India, and melted away. They went as clerks; starvation with considerable éclat. the luckless Territorials who had the they went as typists; they went as A TERRITORIAL IN INDIA. in India. I. MY DEAR Mr. Punch, We take special pride in the fact that we were the very first Territorials ever to land As our battalion swung through the streets of Bombay before the critical eyes of the assembled natives, this knowledge enabled us to preserve an air of dignity despite the rakish angle of our unaccustomed When you first march at topees. attention with a rifle and a very large discover that the only poshelmet you sible position for the latter is well over the right ear. Later on you realise that this is a mistake, like most of the discoveries made during the first few days' residence in India. On that memorable day, of which When, 'scaping from the dreary sea, 1 mated, did I say? Far, far worse than called upon to fill the vacancies. Ichthat. We are practically wiped out. abod. I remem when in No, there has not been a second When the announcement that clerks Mutiny, concealed by the newspapers. were required was made to us my We have not perished of malaria. "Nor blood ran suddenly cold. have we been eaten by white ants. bered how, centuries ago, Even the last - named would be a camp on Salisbury Plain, I had been glorious, an inspiring end compared requested to fill up a form giving, among other particulars, my occupawith the fate which has overtaken us. Or a You remember how, many years ago, tion, and light-heartedly and truthfully you used to sit with your infantile I had written "Clerk." It is a great tongue protruding from the left-hand mistake to be truthful in the Army. corner of your mouth and write in a How I wished I had described myself than the sword." fair round hand, "The pen is mightier as an agricultural labourer. disbelieved it. At that time you taxidermist surely there is no demand But you were wrong. for taxidermists in the Indian Army. It is true, sadly true. In a vain attempt to remedy the A few days after our arrival we were mistake I preserved a stony silence reviewed by the G.O.C. In eloquent when we were asked who had had words he told us that we were not in clerical experience, who could do typeIndia for garrison work, but to be writing, who possessed a knowledge of trained speedily for the Front, to be shorthand. With a single lift of my fitted to play our part on the great right eyebrow I disclaimed all acquaintbattlefields of Europe. Inspiring visions of military glory rose before us. Later in the day they began to evaporate. They have been evaporating ever since. ance with office stools. With a faint pucker of the brows I made myself appear to be wondering where I had once heard that word typewriter. But my fatal incriminating declaration was too great a handicap. we were eight hundred strong, having spent thirty-two days in a transport Owing to the departure of the Expeand passed through all the salutary ditionary Forces there has been a great By threes and fours our brave fellows trials of inoculation, vaccination and shortage of soldier clerks in India, and melted away. They went as clerks; starvation with considerable éclat. the luckless Territorials who had the they went as typists; they went as |