FRIGHTFULNESS.

Coombes Minor was sitting on the hot-water pipes after prep. There is

no need to rush off to bed nowadays,
for Jagger, our beast of a house-prefect,
does company drill in the gymnasium
every night. It is a wonderful thing
that KITCHENER always picks out the
decent prefects for coms. and gives the
brutes a miss. We were just taking
it out of young Lepping for swank.
His brother is a casualty, so we were
rotting Lepping by saying that he was
not wounded by a German sniper, but
kicked by a British army-mule when
ten miles from the trenches. All at
once Coombes Minor broke in,
"You
chaps don't take this war seriously
enough. We want to be frightful, like
the Germans." No doubt Coombes
would have explained his plan, but just
then young Lepping switched the light
off and threw inkpots.

However, Coombes began next morning when we went to old Giles. Old Giles is one of those polite beasts who always say "Good morning" when they come into the class-room, and then hand out the punishments wholesale. He said it this morning. Everyone but Coombes answered "Good morning," but Coombes said "Death to Germany."

"H'm," said old Giles; "Coombes is defying an empire of seventy millions. His defiance would be more impressive from an elevation. Stand on the form, Coombes, and write me out Delenda est Carthago five hundred times in detention."

Office Boy (breathlessly). "ARIOPLANE A-COMING, SIR!"
Employer (strictly businesslike). "TAKE THE CHART AND CHECK IT."

Then we went to Newbold for Maths. Coombes preferred to spend his time. writing a hymn of hate. He had got the first line done all right, but then he stuck. Second lines in poetry are horribly difficult. Well, Coombes had written, "I hate thee, William, oh, I patriotic self-sacrifice, Coombes. We if he has turned over a new leaf), or hate," when Newbold collared his paper. must preserve our stocks of flour. It whether it had better go straight to Would you believe that Newbold took seems to me that flour should be KITCHENER, when all at once someone it as applying to himself? We always utilised in its most nutritious forms. called him" Bodger," and I'm sure that Bread, for example, and not pastry. Coombes never knew his name was Do I understand that you purpose abWilliam. Well, Newbold, thinking he staining from apple-pie?" was the only William in the world, reported Coombes to the Head for gross impertinence.

noticed that Lepping was missing. Would you believe that he had slipped out to town and popped his scarf-pin for seven-and-six? Coombes said that Yes, Sir," said Coombes, with a Lepping was a traitor to the country wild look in his eye. He confided to and must be made to run the gauntlet, me afterwards that he felt convinced when old Progers came in and anthat Progers was a naturalised German.nounced that Jagger, our beast of a Nothing else could account for such house-prefect, had got his com. and treacherous conduct. was leaving that night. We gave Then Coombes began to argue that three-times-three and a few more for we ought to give up our gold to the KITCHENER, and three very small cheers Government. I agreed, of course. The for Jagger. Lepping announced that what was left of the seven-and-six should be spent in a bedroom feast to celebrate the occasion. Then Coombes said that if Jagger was going against the Germans his "frightfulness" cam-paign was off. The Huns with Jagger on

Coombes was so occupied thinking of trouble to come that he forgot all about his campaign till dinner. Now Progers, our housemaster, makes what he thinks is intelligent and elevating conversation at meal-times. The gravy gets like glue while he is dismembering Government can have all my gold in Austria instead of the joint.

"If you please, Sir," said Coombes, "don't you think it would help the Empire if we used less bread and helped to pull prices down?"

mid-term and welcome. When it came
to be settled it was found that the only
gold in the form was Lepping's scarf-pin.
We all thought it a grand idea, and we
were wondering whether it would be

BLANCHE'S LETTERS.

RAIDS AND THINGS.

Park Lane.

when I had the lights switched off,
someone else had them switched on
again, and then in another moment the
invaders were upon us and had burst
into the house, a crowd of them, all
muffled up in cloaks and caps.

escaped, those creatures occupied the chateau, led by a certain Prince, who loaded himself with valuables, and, when his hands and arms and pockets DEAREST DAPHNE,-The prospect of were quite full, filled his mouth with a raid is the great attraction just now small jewellery, and then trod on one at week-end parties. Dick and Dottie "Ach Himmel!" one of them cried. of the unbolted trap-doors and fell down Flummery sent round invitations, a "You are prisoners, mein littel ladies. into the worst of all the oubliettes (the little while ago, when Dick was home We take you back to de Vaterland!" one where the sneezing nephew was from the Front for a few days' leave: "You don't take me or Pompon back kept), and when he was got out had to "Come from Friday to Monday. Raid to your immensely odious Vaterland!" be operated on, as he was being suffoI said, putting my little petty-pet be-cated with brooches and ear-rings going hind me in his basket. "You'll have down his throat in the fall. It has to step over my dead body before you been given out that he was wounded in touch my own darling!" and I pointed battle, but Mélanie says the truth is my revolver.

expected." As they're lucky enough to have a place on the East coast, people were simply slaying each other to get there, and Popsy, Lady Ramsgate, wrote to say she didn't mind where they put her up, in the garage or even with the dogs, she said, if only she might come! Pompom and I were invited, and went off at once to get raid-wraps. "Olga" is making quite a feature of these big, cosy, fur-lined satin wraps with hoods lined with the Union Jack, great enamelled buttons with one of our Allies' flags on each, a design of bombs, guns, aeroplanes and submarines in steel embroidery down the fronts and round the skirts, and a little precious pistol pocket on the hip. For dogsies she makes them all sizes, down to the weeniest, and my angel looks too darling for words in his.

Dick and Dottie, whose place is not far from Herrinport and so in the thick of the fun, were all ready for anything. But nothing happened for three days, and on Monday evening we were feeling very cheap at the thought of going away the next day raidless. We stayed up, hoping against hope, till some of us gave up in despair and went to bed. Dick and the rest of the men went out to make observations and report if anything was coming. Suddenly, at past midnight, we heard the sound of firing close to

the coast.

"They're here!" I screamed, and, with wonderful self-possession, I at once put on my own and darling Pompom's raid-wraps.

"They're landing!" shrieked all the others in chorus. "Oh! why don't Dick and the others come back and defend us?"

man

that he still has a small lace-brooch At that moment Popsy, Lady Rams- sticking in his throat, and there's a gate, who was one of those that had diamond ear-ring in one of his lungs, given up in despair and gone to bed, and he'll never be the same came rushing down without her raid-again! However, I e's got a whole row wrap and without several other things of iron crosses and eagles and things that would have improved her appear- for the "Great Victory of Vieuxance. Brandishing an umbrella, the chateau!" only kind of weapon she had managed My dearest, I've such an adorable to snatch up, she charged the invaders secret for your own, own ear. I believe with a shrill cry of, "You dreadful your Blanche is going to influence this wretches! Go back to your horrid dreadful war and have a little, little country!" And then there was a great niche in history. You remember how shout of laughter, and the cloaks and popular the King of Rowdydaria was caps were pulled off-and there were when, as Prince Blorin, he was over Dick and the rest of them and the here some time ago. He and I were Delamonts from Delamont Hall three miles away! It was a put-up thing. They had used the Delamonts' yacht and let off squibs before landing, and Herrinport replied by firing off its one little old cannon, which burst in the process!

So there's our raid, m'amie! Dick and the others got a small wigging from the powers that be, but as they were going back to the Front it was all kept quiet and allowed to blow over.

I've Mélanie de Vieuxchateau with me on a long visit. The Comte is with the army. Vieuxchateau, their lovely old place in the North of France has been spoiled by those creatures. Mélanie only just got away in time, but the dear thing, though in such a tearing hurry, actually went and saw that the bolts of the concealed trap-doors in the old part of the chateau were drawn back, so that anybody treading on one of them would fall down into an oublie te.

In the delicious romantic old times, people who weren't wanted quite often fell down into these lovely old under

great pals-he gave me that little sapphire lucky-pig that I wear as a mascot. So the idea came to me to write to him and get him, for my sake, to leave off being so wretchedly neutral and join us and our allies with his army, which is considered one of the in

-. (I'm censoring this myself, as one can't be too reticent about these things). I wrote him a perfectly sweet letter, reminding him of the happy times at Jinkshigh Manor, when he distinguished himself so gloriously in a pillow fight in the corridors one evening. I said I still wore his mascot, and then I asked him to leave off being so neutral, as it was utterly unworthy of him, and, for my sake, to come into the war on the right side at once.

I got his answer the other daya most sweet one! He says he remembers his fair and charming friend only too well for his peace of mind; that he's honoured that I still wear his little gift, that he only lives to please me, and that he kisses my hands and is my "devoted Blorin." So, of course,

One of the gardeners came rushing in. "There's a lot of they Germans landing close by, ladies!" he shouted. Herrinport's all in a buzz and they be goin' to fire off the old cannon. But ground donjons and were never heard he means to come into the War, and they chaps bo comin' straight for this of again; and a former Comte, who I shall have been the means of ending house!" was Hereditary - Chief - Great - Wig - it sooner, and I shall be in history, Comber to Louis XIV., kept his nephew and I shall be-but I'm still for two years in the worst of all the donjons for sneezing in the Galerie des Glaces at Versailles when the Roi However, they wouldn't stand in a Soleil was passing through. What row, and they wouldn't do anything darling old days those were!

66

"

Keep your heads!" I said (wasn't I wonderful, my Daphne?). Let's all stand in a row, with our raid-wraps on and our revolvers pointed!"

Ever thine, BLANCHE. P.S.-I've just read in the morning papers that "the King of Rowdydaria has made a formal proclamation of strict neutrality" That Blorin is a

"No, MUM-ROUTE MARCHIN'." "GONE TO CAMP."

"GONE SCOUTIN'; AN' I 'OPE YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

WHAT WE HAVE TO SUFFER IN OUR SELECT CLUB NOW THAT ALL SERVANTS OF ELIGIBLE AGE HAVE JOINED THE COLOURS. Temporary Waiter. "'Oo SAID MUFFINGS'?"