six years, under the facetious denomination of a Merry Andrew, where I learnt physic.

Dor. O that thou hadst followed him still! Ah! illfated hour, wherein I answered the parson, I will.

Greg. And ill-fated be the parson that asked me the question!

Dor. You have reason to complain of him, indeed, who ought to be on your knees every moment, returning thanks to heaven, for that great blessing it sent you, when it sent you myself. I hope you have not the assurance to think you deserve such a wife as I.

Greg. No, really, I do n't think I do. Come, come, madam, it was a lucky day for you, when you found me

out.

Dor. Lucky, indeed! a fellow who eats every thing I

have.

Greg. That happens to be a mistake, for I drink some part on 't.

Dor.

That has not even left me a bed to lie on. Greg. You'll rise the earlier.

Dor. And who, from morning till night, is constantly in an alehouse.

Greg. 'Tis genteel. The squire does the same.

Dor. And do you imagine, sot—

Greg. Hark ye, my dear; you know my temper is not over and above passive, and that my arm is extremely active.

Dor. I laugh at your threats, poor, beggarly, insolent fellow.

Greg. Soft object of my wishing eyes, I shall play with your pretty ears.

Dor. Touch me if you dare, you insolent, impudent, dirty, lazy

Greg. Oh, ho, ho! you will have it then, I find. (Beats her.)

Dor. O murder! murder!

(Enter Squire Robert.)

Robert. What's the matter here? Fie upon you, neighbor, to beat your wife in this scandalous manner.

Dor. Well, sir, and I have a mind to be beat, and what then?

Rob. O dear, madam! I give my consent, with all my heart and soul.

Dor. What's that, you saucebox? Is it any business of yours?

Rob. No, certainly, madam.

Dor.

Here's an impertinent fellow for you; wont suffer a husband to beat his own wife!

Rob. Neighbor, I ask your pardon, heartily; here, take and thrash your wife; beat her as you ought to do. Greg. No, sir, I wont beat her.

Rob. O sir, that 's another thing.

Greg. I'll beat her when I please, and will not beat her when I do not please. She is my wife, and not yours. Rob. Certainly.

Dor. Give me the stick, dear husband.

Rob. Well, if I ever attempt to part husband and wife again, may I be beaten myself. (Exit.)

Greg. Come, my dear, let us be friends.

Dor. What, after beating me so?

Greg. 'T was but in jest.

Dor. I desire you will crack your jests on your own bones next time, not on mine.

Greg. Psha! you know, you and I are one, and I beat one half of myself, when I beat you.

Dor. Yes, but for the future, I desire you will beat the other half of yourself.

Greg. Come, my pretty dear, I ask pardon. I'm sorry for 't.

Dor. For once, I pardon you; but you shall pay for it.

Greg. Psha! psha! child, these are only little affairs, necessary in friendship. Four or five good blows with a cudgel, between your very fond couples, only tend to highten the affections. I'll now to the wood, and I promise thee to make a hundred fagots before I come home again. (Exit.)

Dor. If I am not revenged on those blows of yours! Oh, that I could but think of some method to be revenged

on him! Oh, that I could find out some invention to get FROM FIELDING.

him well drubbed!

XXXI. THE DOCTOR.-SCENE II.

CHARACTERS.-Harry, and James, and Dorcas.

(Enter Harry and James. Dorcas in the background.) Harry. WERE ever two fools sent on such a message as we are, in quest of a dumb doctor?

James. Blame your own paltry memory, that made you forget his name. For my part, I'll travel through the world, rather than return without him. That were as much as a limb or two were worth.

Har. Was ever such a sad misfortune? to lose the letter! I should not even know his name, if I were to hear it.

Dor. (Aside.) Can I find no invention to be revenged? Heyday! who are these?

Jam. Hark ye, mistress. Do you know where—where -where doctor what-d'ye-call him, lives?

Dor. Doctor who?.

Jam. Doctor-doctor-what's his name?

Dor. Hey! what! has the fellow a mind to banter me? Har. Is there no physician hereabout, famous for curing dumbness?

Dor. I fancy you have no need of such a physician, Mr. Impertinence.

to banter you.

Har. Don't mistake us, good woman. We don't mean We are sent by our master, whose daughter has lost her speech, for a certain physician, who lives hereabout. We have lost our direction, and 't is as much as our lives are worth, to return without him.

Dor. There is one Doctor Lazy lives just by, but he has left off practicing. You would not get him a mile, to save the lives of a thousand patients.

Jam. Direct us but to him. We'll bring him with us, one way or other, I warrant you.

Har.

Ay, ay, we'll have him with us, though we carry him on our backs.

Dor. (Aside.) Ha! revenge inspires me with one of the most admirable thoughts to punish my husband, for treating me so badly. He's reckoned one of the best physicians in the world, especially for dumbness. Har. Pray tell us where he lives?

Dor. house.

You'll never be able to get him out of his own But, if you watch hereabout, you'll certainly meet with him, for he very often amuses himself here with cutting wood.

Har. A physician cut wood!

Jam. I suppose he amuses himself in searching after herbs, you mean.

Dor. No, he's one of the most extraordinary men in the world. He goes dressed like a common clown; for there is nothing he so much dreads, as to be known for a physician.

Jam. All your great men have strange oddities about 'em.

Dor. Why, he will suffer himself to be beat, before he will own himself to be a physician. I'll give you my word, you'll never make him own himself one, unless you both of you, take a good cudgel and thrash him into it. 'Tis what we are all forced to do, when we have any need of him.

Jam. What a ridiculous whim is here!

About half a

Dor. Very true; and in so great a man. Jam. And is he so very skillful a man? Dor. Skillful! why, he does miracles. year ago, a woman was given over by all her physicians, nay, it is said, she had been dead, some time. When this great man came to her, as soon as he saw her, he poured A a little drop of something down her throat. He had no sooner done it, than she walked about the room as if there had been nothing the matter with her.

Both. Oh, prodigious !

Dor.

'Tis not above three weeks ago, that a child of twelve years old, fell from the top of a house to the bot

tom, and broke its skull, its arms, and legs. Our physician was no sooner drubbed into making him a visit, than having rubbed the child all over with a certain ointment, it got upon its legs, and ran away to play.

Both. Oh, most wonderful !

Har. Hey! James, we'll drub him out of a pot of this ointment.

Jam. But can he cure dumbness?

Dor. Dumbness! why, the curate of our parish's wife, was born dumb, and the doctor, they say, with a sort of wash, washed her tongue till he set it a-going, so that in less than a month's time, she out-talked her husband.

.

Har. This must be the very man we were sent after.
Dor. Yes, no doubt; and see, yonder he is.

Jam. What, that he, yonder?

Dor. The very same.

up his ax.

He has seen us, and is taking

Jam. Come, Harry, don't let us lose one moment. Mistress, your servant. We give you ten thousand thanks for this favor.

Dor. Be sure and make good use of your sticks.
Jam. He shan't want for that.

(Exeunt.)

FROM FIELDING.

XXXII. THE DOCTOR.-SCENE III.

CHARACTERS.-Harry, and James, and Gregory.

(Gregory with his ax. Enter James and Harry.)

Greg. FEUGH! 't is most confounded hot weather. Hey!

who have we here?

Jam. Sir, your most obedient, humble servant.

Greg. Sir, your servant. (Bowing.)

Jam. We are mighty happy in finding you here.

Greg. Ay, like enough.

Jam. 'Tis in your power, sir, to do us a very great favor. We come, sir, to implore your assistance in a certain affair.

Greg. If it be in my power to give you any assistance, masters, I am very ready to do it.