CXLIII. THE SHEEP STEALER.-SCENE I. CHARACTERS.—Scout, the village lawyer; and Sheepface, the sheep stealer. (Enter Scout and Sheepface.) Scout. HA, ha. I think I have made a good morning's work! But who have we here? Sure I should know that face. Sheep. Sarvant, sir. I am come to ask your worship to stand my friend against a-his worship, my master. Scout. What, the rich farmer here, that lives in the neighborhood? Sheep. Yes, yes, he lives in the neighborhood, sure enough; and if you will stand my friend, you shall be paid to your heart's content. Scout. Ay! now you speak to the purpose: come, you must tell me how it was. Sheep. Why, you must know, my master gives me but small wages; very small wages indeed! So I thought I might as well do a little business on my own account, and make myself amends without any damage to him, with an honest neighbor of mine, a little bit of a butcher, by trade. Scout. Well, but what business can you have to do with him? Sheep. Why, saving your worship's presence, I hinders the sheep from dying of the rot. Scout. Ah! how do you contrive that? Sheep. I cuts their throats before it comes to them. Scout. What! I suppose, then, your master thinks you kill his sheep for the sake of selling their carcasses? Sheep. Yes; and I can not beat it out of his head for the soul of me. Scout. Well, then, you must tell me all the particulars about it. Relate every circumstance, and don't hide a single item. Sheep. Why, then, sir, you must know, that last night, as I was going down,-must I tell the truth? Scout. Yes, yes; you must tell the truth here, or we shall not be able to lie to the purpose any where else. Sheep. Well, then, last night, having a little leisure time upon my hands, I goes down to our pen; and, as I was musing on, I don't know what, out I takes my knife, and happening by mere accident, saving your worship's presence, to put it under the throat of one of the fattest wethers, I don't know how it came about, but I had not been long there, before the wether died, and all of a sudden, as a body may say. Scout. What! and somebody was looking on all the while? Sheep. Yes, master, from behind the hedge, and would have it, it died all along of me. And so, you see, he laid a shower of blows on me. But I hope your worship will stand my friend, and not let me lose the fruits of my honest labors, all at once. Scout. Why, there are two ways of settling this business; and one is, I think, to be done without putting you to any expense. Sheep. Let's try that first, by all means. Scout. You have scraped up something in your master's service. Sheep. I have been up late and early for it, sir. Scout. I suppose you have taken care to have your savings all in hard cash? Sheep. Yes, sir. Scout. Well, then, when you go home, take it and hide it in the safest place you can find. Sheep. Yes, sir, that I'll do. Scout. I'll take care your master shall pay all costs and charges. Sheep. Ay, so he ought. He can afford it. Scout. It shall be nothing out of your pocket. Sheep. That's just as I would have it. Scout. He'll have all the trouble and expense of bringing you to trial, and, after that, have the pleasure of seeing you hanged. Sheep. Hanged? Let's take the other way. Scout. Well, let me see. I suppose he'll take out a warrant against you, and have you taken before Justice Mittimus. Sheep. So I understand. Scout. I think the justice's credulity is easily imposed on; so, when you are ordered before him, I'll attend; and to all the questions that you are asked, answer nothing, but imitate the voice of the lambs, when they bleat after the ewes. You can speak that dialect. Sheep. 'Tis my mother tongue. Scout. But, if I bring you clear off, I expect to be very well paid for this. Sheep. So you shall. I'll pay you to your heart's con ent. Scout. Be sure you answer nothing but baa! Sheep. Baa! Scout. Ay! that will do very well. Be sure you stick to that. Sheep. Yes, your worship, never fear. What trouble a body has to keep one's own in this world. (Exeunt.) CXLIV. THE SHEEPSTEALER.-SCENE. II. CHARACTERS.-The Justice, Mittimus, at his table; Sheepface, the sheepstealer; Scout, his lawyer; and Snarl, the accuser; and Constables. Justice. So, the court being assembled, the parties may appear. Where is your lawyer, neighbor Snarl? Snarl. I am my own lawyer; I shall employ nobody; that would cost more money. Just. Well, neighbor Snarl, begin. Snarl. Well then, I say, that rascal, my shepherd, has killed fourteen of my fattest wethers. you make to that? Scout. I deny the fact. Snarl. What is become of them, then? What answer do Scout. They did die of the rot. Just. What proof have you got? (To Snarl.) Snarl. Why, I went down last night to the pens, having long suspected him, and there I caught him in the very act. Scout. That remains to be proved. Snarl. Yes, I will swear it is the very man. Just. Come here, my good fellow. (Sheepface crosses to Justice.) Hold up your head, do n't be frightened, tell me your name. Sheep. Baa! Snarl. It is a lie! It is a lie! His name is Sheepface. Just. Well, well, Sheepface or Baa, no matter for the name. Did Mr. Snarl give you in charge fourscore sheep? Sheep. Baa! Just. I say, did Mr. Snarl catch you in the night, killing one of his fattest wethers? Sheep. Baa! Just. What does he mean by baa? Scout. Please your worship, the blows he gave this poor fellow on the head have so affected his senses, he can say nothing else. He is to be trepanned as soon as the court breaks up: and the doctors say, it is the whole Materia Medica against a dose of jalap, he never recovers. Just. But the law forbids all blows, particularly on the head. Snarl. It was dark, and, when I strike, I never mind where the blows fall. Scout. A voluntary confession, a voluntary confession! Just. A voluntary confession, indeed. Release the prisoner. I find no cause of complaint against him. (Exeunt Constables.) Snarl. No cause of complaint against him. You are a pretty justice, indeed. He kills my sheep, and you see no cause of complaint against him. Just. Not I, truly. Snarl. A pretty day's work I have made, indeed. But as for you, Mr. Lawyer, we shall meet again. (Exit Snarl.) NEW EC. S.-22 Just. O fie, neighbor Snarl, you are to blame, very much to blame, indeed. Scout. Come, now it is all over, go and thank his worship. Sheep. Baa! baa! baa! Just. Enough, enough, my good fellow, take care you do not catch cold in your head. Go and get trepanned, and take care of yourself, Sheepface. Sheep. Baa! Just. Poor fellow, poor Scout. Bravo, my boy! mirably, and I think I did cleverly. Now I make no doubt, but, as you are a very honest fellow, you'll pay me as generously as you promised. fellow. (Exit Justice.) You have acted your part advery well to bring you off so Sheep. Baa! Scout. Ay! very well, very well, indeed. You did that very well just now, but there's no occasion to have it over any more. I'm talking about my fee you know, Sheepface! Yes, yes, I tell you it was very well done, but at this time, you know, my fee is the question. Sheep. Baa! baa! Scout. How's this, am I laughed at? Pay me directly, you rascal, or I'll make you rue it. I'll teach you to try to cheat a lawyer. I'll Sheep. Baa! Scout. What! again! bleating Sheep. Baa! Braved by a mongrel cur, a Scout. Out of my sight! or I'll break every bone in your dog's skin, you sheep-stealing scoundrel. Would you cheat one that has cheated hundreds? Get home to your hiding place! Sheep. Baa! (Exeunt.) |