Fal. There was, mine host, an old fat woman even now with me, but she's gone. Sim. Pray you, sir, was 't not the wise woman of Brentford? Fal. Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell: what would you with her? 19 Sim. My master, sir, Master Slender, sent to her, seeing her go through the streets, to know, sir, whether one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the chain or no. Fal. I spake with the old woman about it. Sim. And what says she, I pray, sir? Fal. Marry, she says that the very same man that beguiled Master Slender of his chain cozened him of it. Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, villain. Do not say they be fled: Germans are honest men. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS. Evans. Where is mine host? Host. What is the matter, sir? Evans. Have a care of your entertainments: Caius. Vere is mine host de Jartiere? Host. Here, Master doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma. Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat; but it is tell a me dat you make grand preparation for a Duke de Jarmany: by my trot, dere is no duke dat de court is know to come. I tell you for good vill : Exit. 91 adieu. Host. Hue and cry, villain! go. Assist me, knight; I am undone. Fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone! Exeunt Host and BARDOLPH. Fal. I would all the world might be cozened, for I have been cozened and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court how I have been transformed, and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots with me: I warrant they would whip me with their fine wits till I were as crestfallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent. Enter Mistress QUICKLY. Now, whence come you? Quick. From the two parties, forsooth. Fal. The devil take one party and his dam the other! and so they shall be both bestowed. I have suffered more for their sakes, more than the villanous inconstancy of man's disposition is able to bear. 113 Quick. And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them: Mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her. Fal. What tellest thou me of black and blue ? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow; and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford: but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, delivered me, the knave constable had set me i' the stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch. 125 SCENE VI.- Another Room in the Garter Inn. Enter FENTON and Host. Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me: my mind is heavy; I will give over all. Font. Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my purpose, there is a friend of mine come to town, tells me And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee there is three cozen-germans that has cozened | A hundred pound in gold more than your loss, one, Must my sweet Nan present the Fairy Queen; 20 Her mother, ever strong against that match The better to denote her to the doctor, 40 That quaint in green she shall be loose enrob'd, Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me: 50 Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the vicar. Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest. Fent. So shall I evermore be bound to thee; Besides, I'll make a present recompense. ACT V. Exeunt. SCENE I.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Fal. Prithee, no more prattling; go: I'll hold. This is the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd numbers. Away! go. They say there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance or death. Away! Quick. I'll provide you a chain, and I'll do what I can to get you a pair of horns. Fal. Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince. Exit Mistress QUICKLY. Enter FORD. How now, Master Brook! Master Brook, the matter will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you shall see wonders. 13 Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me you had appointed? Fal. I went to her, Master Brook, as you see, like a poor old man; but I came from her, Master Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave Ford, her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, Master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell you: he beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man, Master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's beam, because I know also life is a shuttle. I am in haste: go along with me; I'll tell you all, Master Brook. Since I plucked geese, played truant, and whipped top, I knew not what 'twas to be beaten till lately. Follow me: I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford, on whom tonight I will be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand. Follow. Strange things in hand, Master Brook! Follow. Exeunt. SCENE II.- Windsor Park. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER Page. Come, come; we'll couch i' the castleditch till we see the light of our fairies. Remember, son Slender, my daughter, Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her and we have a nayword how to know one another. I come to her in white, and cry 'mum'; she cries budget'; and by that we know one another. Shal. That's good too: but what needs either your 'mum' or her 'budget'? the white will decipher her well enough. It hath struck ten o'clock. 11 Page. The night is dark; light and spirits will become it well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let's away; follow Excunt. me. Caius. I know vat I have to do. Mrs. Page. Fare you well, sir. My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff, as he will chafe at the doctor's marrying my daughter: but 'tis no matter; better a little chiding than a great deal of heart-break. 13 Mrs. Ford. Where is Nan now and her troop of fairies, and the Welsh devil, Hugh? Mrs. Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne's oak, with obscured lights; which, at the very instant of Falstaff's and our meet. ing, they will at once display to the night. Mrs. Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him. Mrs. Page. If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if he be amazed, he will every way be | Enter Sir HUGH EVANS, like a Satyr; ANNE mocked. 22 SCENE V.-Another Part of the Park. Enter FALSTAFF disguised as Herne, with a buck's head on. Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute draws on. Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me! Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love set on thy horns. O powerful love! that, in some respects, makes a beast a man; in some other, a man a beast. You were also, Jupiter, a swan for the love of Leda; O! omnipotent love, how near the god drew to the complexion of a goose. A fault done first in the form of a beast; O Jove! a beastly fault; and then another fault in the semblance of a fowl: think on 't, Jove; a foul fault! When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag: and the fattest, I think, i' the forest: send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow? Who comes here? my doe? Enter Mistress FORD and Mistress PAGE. 17 Mrs. Ford. Sir John! art thou there, my deer? my male deer? Fal. My doe with the black scut! Let the sky rain potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of 'Green Sleeves'; hail kissing-comfits and snow eringoes; let there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here. Embracing her. Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart. Fal. Divide me like a bribe buck, each a haunch: I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your husbands. Am I a woodman, ha? Speak I like Herne the hunter? Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome! 33 Noise within. Mrs. Page. Alas! what noise? Mrs. Ford, Mrs. Page. Away, away! They run off. Fal. I think the devil will not have me damned, lest the oil that is in me should set hell on fire; he would never else cross me thus. 41 PAGE, as the Fairy Queen, attended by her Brother and Others, dressed like Fairies, with waxen tapers on their heads. Anne. Fairies, black, grey, green, and white, You moonshine revellers, and shades of night, You orphan heirs of fixed destiny, Attend your office and your quality. Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy oyes. Hobgoblin. Elves, list your names: silence, you airy toys! Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt leap 't: Where fires thou find'st unrak'd and hearths Anne. About, about! Search Windsor Castle, elves, within and out: Strew good luck, ouphes, on every sacred room, That it may stand till the perpetual doom, In state as wholesome as in state 'tis fit, Worthy the owner, and the owner it. The several chairs of order look you scour With juice of balm and every precious flower: Each fair instalment, coat, and several crest, 70 With loyal blazon, evermore be blest! 80 Evans. Pray you, lock hand in hand; yourselves in order set; And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be, To guide our measure round about the tree. But, stay; I smell a man of middle-earth. Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy, lest he transform me to a piece of cheese! Hobgoblin. Vile worm, thou wast o'erlook'd even in thy birth. Anne. With trial-fire touch me his finger-end : If he be chaste, the flame will back descend 90 Come, will this wood take fire? Fal. Oh, oh, oh! SONG. Fie on sinful fantasy! Fie on lust and luxury! Lust is but a bloody fire, Fed in heart, whose flames aspire 100 Pinch him, and bura him, and turn him about, During this song the Fairies pinch FALSTAFF. Enter PAGE, FORD, Mistress PAGE, and Mistress Page. Nay, do not fly: I think we have watch'd Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn? Mrs. Page. I pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher. 110 Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor See you these, husband? do not these fair yokes Ford. Now, sir, who's a cuckold now? Master Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns, Master Brook: and, Master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money, which must be paid to Master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, Master Brook. 120 Mrs. Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet. I will never take you for my love again, but I will always count you my deer. Fal. I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass. Ford. Ay, and an ox too; both the proofs are extant. Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought they were not fairies; and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all rime and reason, that they were fairies. See now how wit may be made a Jack-a-Lent, when 'tis upon ill employment! Evans. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you. Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh. Evans. And leave you your jealousies too, I Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Satan? Ford. And as wicked as his wife? Evans. And given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack and wine and metheglins, and to drinkings and swearings and starings, pribbles and prabbles? 170 Fal. Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh flannel. Ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me: use me as you will. Ford. Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one Master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pandar: over and above that you have suffered, I think to repay that money will be a biting affliction. Mrs. Ford. Nay husband, let that go to make amends; 180 Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends. Ford. Well, here's my hand: all is forgiven at last. Page. Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a posset to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee. Tell her Master Slender hath married her daughter. Mrs. Page. Aside. Doctors doubt that: if Anne Page be my daughter, she is, by this, Doctor Caius' wife. Enter SLENDER. Slen. Whoa, ho! ho! father Page! 190 Page. Son, how now! how now, son! have you dispatched? Slen. Dispatched! I'll make the best in Glostershire know on't; would I were hanged, la, else! Page. Of what, son? Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry Mistress Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy: if it had not been i' the church, I would have swinged him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I might never stir! and 'tis a postmaster's boy. 202 Page. Upon my life, then, you took the wrong. Slen. What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl: if I had been married to him, for all he was in woman's apparel, I would not have had him. Page. Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you how you should know my daughter by her garments ? 210 Slen. I went to her in white, and cried 'mum,' and she cried 'budget,' as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a postmaster's boy. Mrs. Page. Good George, be not angry: I knew of your purpose; turned my daughter into green; and indeed, she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married. Enter Doctor CAIUS. The offence is holy that she hath committed, 240 Caius. Vere is Mistress Page? By gar, I am cozened; I ha' married un garçon, a boy; un paysan, by gar, a boy; it is not Anne Page: by A thousand irreligious cursed hours, gar, I am cozened. 222 Mrs. Page. Why, did you take her in green? Caius. Ay, by gar, and 'tis a boy: by gar, I'll raise all Windsor. Exit. Which forced marriage would have brought upon her. Ford. Stand not amaz'd: here is no remedy: In love the heavens themselves do guide thestate: Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate. Fal. I am glad, though you have ta'en a special stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced. Page. Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy! 251 What cannot be eschew'd must be embrac'd. Fal. When night-dogs run all sorts of deer are chas'd. Mrs. Page. Well, I will muse no further. Heaven give you many, many merry days! And let them work. The nature of our people, Our city's institutions, and the terms For common justice, you 're as pregnant in, As art and practice hath enriched any From which we would not have you warp. Call hither, I say, bid come before us, Angelo. Exit an Attendant. What figure of us think you he will bear? Lent him our terror, dress'd him with our love, Escal. If any in Vienna be of worth Duke. Look where he comes, Enter ANGELO. Ang. Always obedient to your grace's will, That we remember. There is our commission, I come to know your pleasure. 20 E |