THERE MUST BE A HOST OF MORALS TO BE DRAWN FROM THE FACT THAT

Forgasse

WHEREAS ONE CAN USUALLY DISTINGUISH THE MALE RABBIT

FROM THE MALE EXPERT

ON THE OTHER HAND ONE HARDLY EVER SEES A FEMALE PLAYER WHO DOESN'T LOOK TERRIBLY LIKE A STAR PERFORMER

"Some of Jane's splendid hundred, I guess," said Felicity.

I wish she would be more circumspect. "If it's natural features you want, it ought to be 'The Rubbles,'" I said, not being too circumspect myself. "The rubble won't always be here, you ass," said James.

"Then there's the more modern touch," I went on. "Osokosy,' spelt with a 'k.'"

"If you suggest anything misspelt again I'll brain you with a drain-pipe,"

said James.

"Then it'll be 'The Murderies.'" "That's better than 'Separation House' or 'Divorce Court,' which seems dangerously likely," said Felicity. "Meaning that you'd rather your husband were murdered than that your friends' married life were wrecked?" I asked sourly.

"I've known them longer, you see. But if we can find a name all may yet be well. What about 'The Revokeries,' remembering that little affair of James's last night?"

James leapt up. I thought at first that he was going to use the drain-pipe on Felicity and that it would be "The Murderies" after all. But no.

"I have it," he cried, seizing her by the hand. "You've given me the idea bless you! It shan't be The Revokeries,' but it shall have a bridge name." He took off his hat solemnly. "This house is called Four Aces.'

it," was the reply. Not only did both AN ACID TEST. CONSTANTINE and GRIFFITH (who bowl A FINE Concerted effort towards best almost exactly alike, each with a long behaviour was made on the opening fluid run and a leap at the end of itday of the Test Match. The elements CONSTANTINE'S leap being tigerish in combined to give our visitors, almost its ferocity) make the ball kick, but for the first time, a taste of the weather LARWOOD was almost worse, and it was and temperature to which they are LARWOOD who found a real sufferer. accustomed, and lovers of cricket arrived HALLOWS and SUTCLIFFE and TYLDESin such numbers as to pack every place | LEY escaped with mere body bruises, -just as though the West Indians had but MARTIN received a crack in the not been so unfortunate as to be beaten neighbourhood of his right ear which by the minor Counties a day or so could have been heard in Maida Vale. before. And they had value for their He did not, however, allow this to money, for they saw some excellent rattle him and continued what was the

BRIGHTER CRICKET A FEW SPASMS OF CONSTANTINE.

best innings on the West Indian side and, with CHALLENOR'S, the Spanish Main's only contribution to first-class batting attack and defence. Together they took the score to 86 for no wicket; then MARTIN was leg before to TATE, and at the same total CHALLENOR was caught at the wicket off LARWOOD and what we hoped was to be a fine struggle was over. From that moment there was nothing but disaster forthe West Indians; while in their second attempt the débácle was so much worse that England won by an innings and 58 runs. Such are the vicissitudes of this most capricious game.

The patience of HALLOWS and SUTCLIFFE was invaluable, and ERNEST TYLDESLEY'S score of 122 put his side into security; but the cream of the English batting was supplied by HAMMOND, who played

English batting and some excellent like an old master and a young. There
West Indian bowling, now and then could not well be a greater contrast than
very good indeed, and, although there between HAMMOND and his captain.
were a few regrettable dropped catches, HAMMOND has the grace of a figure by
they saw alert and determined fielding PRAXITELES: easy postures, rhythmical
by men whose arms seem to have a muscles. Colossal PERCY has become
miraculous last-moment capacity of like a blend of G. K. CHESTERTON and
elongation.
ALFRED MYNN, with a dash of MILLAIS'

For the first hour the West Indian Bubbles. Always tall, he is now im-
ball was indeed a sore trial to the Eng-mense and solid, his bat diminishing to
lish bat, and SUTCLIFFE and HALLOWS a toy. HAMMOND also has every stroke
were by no means happy. It was also where his Captain contents himself with
a peril, particularly when CONSTANTINE
put down a short one and it rose high.
During this match the old story of the
officer and the Irish soldier more than
once came to mind. "Hold up your
head," said the officer during a bombard
ment. "I will when there's room for

but one: a prodigious slash to the off. Since he gathered half-a-hundred runs with it, it must be called a successful stroke, while as a handler of bowlers CHAPMAN displayed an acumen that was almost uncanny in its results.

The West Indian decline as a whole

was disappointing to everyone, but the simultaneously reached the ball. Now Wandering about Lord's after lunch deficiency of CONSTANTINE as a bat and then, indeed, we had the spectacle I found a novelty in the shape of must have been particularly a matter of slip, say, pursuing the ball, while notices stating that "anyone asking for for grief, because it was the fame of third man (to whom it was going and to an autograph may be removed" from his prowess at Lord's the other day, whom it might have been left) was ad- the ground, a sight which, with every vancing with equal rapidity upon it, so that we covered our ears against the shock of the collision. But if such scenes are not reminiscent of the staider methods of ordinary British fielding, that is not necessarily any indictment of them. Eagerness and zest are great virtues.

FREEMAN may be said to have owed him this, for he was one of CONSTANTINE'S most conspicuous victims with the ball. Never have I seen the failure to make a catch so pungently and even devilishly atoned for as when, just unable to hold a return from FREEMAN, which he overran in his eagerness, he knocked with his next ball the Kentish Midget's leg stump out of the ground with such force that it turned a couple of somersaults. FREEMAN is a bit of a bowler himself, but among all the thousands of wickets that he has taken never has he caused a stump to caper and cavort like that. As he returned to the pavilion he looked very like a professional who prefers blondes and who, when the time was ripe, would have something to say to the driver of the Constantinople Express.

Excitability is, I fear, the danger of the West Indian team. There are such exceptions, of course, as the Captain, who could not have been more watchful or more astute in his changes of bowling, and as CHALLENOR and MARTIN; but the others can let their keenness impair their judgment. Never have I seen a game where two fieldsmen so often

The first two days, during which the sun continued to shine as though it had mistaken London for Montego Bay, were full of entertainment to those to whom cricket is more than exhilarating success with the bat. There was always something well worth watching -something of the highest qualityin the strategy of the game. And if you were bored by the refusal of FRANCIS or GRIFFITH to get out in the first innings and let us have our tea, or by the profound respect with which FERNANDEZ treated the most tempting and succulent half-volleys tossed up to him by JUPP and FREEMAN, you could. admire the tenseness which CHESTER the umpire brings to the game. In his own way he is not much less electric than CONSTANTINE; and when there is an appeal for "leg-before" and he gives it in the bowler's favour there is a finality in his gesture which suggests Fate itself. He does not merely lift an acquiescing finger; he points a nervous arm direct at the guilty batsman. "Enough from you!" we seem to hear him say, and the wretched creature falters from the pitch towards a friendly pavilion where his shame can be hidden and perhaps forgot.

CHESTER POINTS THE FINGER OF SCORN.

HEATH FIRES.

in his office I can't think !-he gives the where reasonably near the barracks, it signal. Owing to the youth and inex- takes some time for the men to arrive THE worst of our barracks is that it perience of our buglers the Barrack Fire at the scene of action. When they do stands in the midst of Government- Alarm is first sounded in mistake for they are all so exhausted by their mileowned heath and woodland, for which the Heath Fire Alarm. This error is and-a-half double that the officer in we, as the Government's representatives, soon rectified, but not so the results. charge-say Lieutenant James-has to are to some extent responsible. This For some while we have two large give them two minutes' "Stand-Easy pickets dashing about the barracks, one at the fireside before they can even stand armed with shovels and axes asking up. He then commences operations in where the fire is, and the other armed the usual way by with hoses, buckets and belts asking where that bugler is.

may not seem very terrible to you, but
it is to us, especially in summer. For
in summer we get into a sort of vicious
circle. The troops go out and sit down
and smoke on the heath, and the heath
catches fire, and the fire has to be put Order being at last established, it is
out by more troops, and after these discovered that either the officer ap-
troops have put the fire out
they sit down and smoke-well,
you see what I mean.

If one has a keen Adjutant--and we have-it is worse. The possibility of fire simply dominates our summer existence. There are fire pickets for heath fires and fire pickets for barrack fires, and barrack pickets for wood fires, and wood pickets for cook-house fires-if the storekeeper doesn't catch anyone at it; and there are men on inlying picket and men on outlying picket and waiting men on inlying duty and hardlying men absent from waiting duty, and-well, it 's fair hell.

(a) Cutting down branches to beat out the flames.

(b) Digging trenches round the affected part to isolate it.

(c) Sending back to barracks for more men.

Method (a) is rarely much use. By another unwritten law the nearest tree is always discovered to be four hundred yards off and a solitary pine at that, with its lowest branch thirty feet from the ground. Indeed on one occasion Private Barrel, a conscientious worker, spent two hours trying to swarm it and only tore his trousers. Methods (b) and (c) are, however, undertaken with great vigour and energy, a large portion of which finds its way into the language of Private O'Jector, who has barely finished his short "Stand-Easy when he is casually told to "run back to the barracks, my lad, with this message."

And as if it were not bad enough by itself the existence of it all seems to have gone right to our Adjutant's head. We think he's potty. I mean, From now on, various things he looks for fires. No one in may happen. Occasionally an his senses wants to go and get intricate and far-reaching involved in a heath fire, which system of trenches has scarcely generally means six hours' hard been dug, with enormous labour, work in smoke and flame and before it starts to rain, and the probably hot sun too, on purfire goes out, leaving the weary pose. Of course, if a heath fire picket a wet walk home. More comes up and burns just behind often than not a picket from you, you've got to do somea neighbouring battalion, the thing about it, or, if you sudFirst Blankshires, arrives, and denly meet one when out walkthis starts a long dispute as ing, you should come back and to whose fire area the fire is report it, taking care first of taking place in. Anything may course to obtain leave of absence happen after this, for, though for the evening in case you yourself get pointed to be in charge of the Heath we are only too anxious that someone involved. But there's a bit of differ- Fire Picket that week has only heard else shall do all the work, there is ence between rational conduct like that the Barrack Fire Alarm, or else that he always the question of standing on our and doing what the Adjutant does has mistaken the Heath Fire Alarm rights and not allowing clod-hoppers getting up on the roof of the orderly- for the "Retire" or "Orderly Sergeants" like those First Blankshires to touch room to scan the countryside for smoke, or even some purely secular call, such our fire. Sometimes the result is that especially when the smoke he descries as that of a soulful bugler trying over both pickets go home in a huff and are on the horizon is discovered, after we "What'll I Do?" In either case he is immediately sent out again. have doubled out to it, to be either a usually found in the Mess, though his fire in some other unit's area or else excuse may vary. a gipsy encampment.

"PRIVATE BARREL

SPENT TWO HOURS TRYING TO
SWARM IT."

Sometimes, if the fire is on the boundary-line, it is allowed to rage unchecked Within a bare half-hour, however, while we all consult maps and decide the picket is ready. The direction is which flames are in which area; for given it by both the Adjutant and the you must understand that it is not so R.S.M., and it dashes off on to the heath much a matter of extinguishing the at a smart double as per standing orders. heath fire as an important question of There being apparently an unwritten principle. By the time the affair is what time that man ever finds to work | law that no heath fire shall occur any-settled and Lieutenant James's map,'

There are various procedures in case of a heath fire, but the one in commonest use, at any rate in our barracks, appears to be as under:

When the Adjutant has spotted it

which he put down to ascertain the north point, has been partly burnt, the fire is nearly always well into both areas and we can all get on with it without much acrimony. Co-ordination is of course impossible, for we don't love the Blankshires at all. We find it difficult to love people who every week or so send over notes to complain of our buglers blowing the "Defaulters' call so frequently, or to ask whether we pay entertainment tax on our guardmounting parades. In fact they are a set of but in the natural heat of the moment I digress.

the same.

When the fire is eventually got under or dies out we return to barracks. From this point the procedure is invariably The Adjutant, up aloft like Sister Anne, has found another one. It is always a mile in the opposite direction, and when we have reached it we find, as likely as not, that it is merely the smoke from an engine shunting on the local railway-line.

Our Futurist Architects.

A. A.

"One of those much desired Small 77th Century Cottages which are practically unobtainable between Potters Bar and Northaw." Advt. in Daily Paper.

SAVE THE BOWS!

IT was disturbing to read the other day that a scarcity of horsehair for violin bows is causing anxiety to the trade.

As a temporary precautionary measure a horsehair-pool may seem advisable. Eventually, however, each country should be encouraged to grow its own horsehair, and grow it intensively. Hungary, for instance, probably the largest consumer, would of course turn her own vast plains to the fullest use.

Clearly the crisis is an unforeseen effect of the development of mechanical transport. Even if it be assumed that the disappearance of the horse from our Whether England could be self-supstreets is balanced by the elimination, porting is not so certain. For quality under the influence of wireless and the of horsehair the world looks to the gramophone, of the amateur violinist British thoroughbred, and supporters from our homes, the fact to be faced is of the Turf, now that it can hardly be that the world's mane-and-tail harvests urged that horse-racing is necessary to are insufficient for the needs of our improve the breed of tanks, may welcome daily more numerous orchestras and vir- this new raison d'être. But considertuosi, especially with a type of musical ations of quantity require us to think composition in vogue that tends to imperially. The ranges of Australia and aggravate the wear-and-tear on the bows. the Canadian prairies must be called So far the chemists have failed to upon to sustain the concert-halls of come forward with a synthetic horse-London. hair; and unless prompt steps are taken The solution of the problem, then, as we shall be confronted with the horrors far as Great Britain is concerned, seems of a horse-hair famine.

to be a scheme of horsehair farms in the

An International Horsehair Confer- great open spaces overseas. And as the ence should immediately assemble to ideal organiser of a "Save the Bows" consider the restriction of horsehair- movement the name of Sir THOMAS consumption by a system of rationing, BEECHAM leaps to the mind. Let him and to appoint a committee of experts but sound a call and all true musicto examine and report upon the world's lovers will unloose their heart-strings horsehair resources.

and send him their best wishes.