ON CONVERSATION:

A LETTER OF SIR MATTHEW HALE TO HIS CHILDREN, WRITTEN ABOUT 1662.

[SIR MATTHEW HALE was born at Alderley, in the county of Gloucester, in 1609, and died in 1676. He was made Lord-ChiefJustice of the Court of King's Bench in the reign of Charles II., and enjoyed the high reputation of being one of the most able and upright judges that ever sat upon the seat of justice.]

DEAR CHILDREN,-I thank God, I came well to Farrington this day about five o'clock. And, as I have some leisure time at my inn, I cannot spend it more to my own satisfaction, and your benefit, than by a letter to give you some good counsel. The subject shall be concerning your speech, because much of the good or evil that befalls persons arises from the well or ill managing of their conversation. When I have leisure and opportunity, I shall give you my directions on other subjects.

Never speak anything for a truth, which you know or believe to be false. Lying is a great sin against God, who gave us a tongue to speak truth, and not falsehood. It is a great offence against humanity itself. For where there is no regard to truth, there can be no safe society between man and man. And it is an injury to the speaker; for besides the disgrace which it brings upon him, it occasions so much baseness of mind, that he can scarcely tell truth, or avoid lying, even when he has no colour of necessity for it; and in time, he comes to such a pass, that as other people cannot believe he speaks truth, so he himself scarcely knows, when he tells a falsehood. As you must be careful not to lie, so you must avoid coming near it. You must not equivocate,1

nor speak anything positively, for which you have no authority but report, or conjecture, or opinion.

Let your words be few, especially when your superiors or strangers are present, lest you betray your own weakness, and rob yourselves of the opportunity, which you might otherwise have had, to gain knowledge, wisdom, and experience, by hearing those whom you silence by your impertinent talking.

Be not too earnest, loud, or violent in your conversation. Silence your opponent with reason, not with noise.

Be careful not to interrupt another, when he is speaking; hear him out, and you will understand him the better, and you will be able to give him the better

answer.

Consider before you speak, especially when the business is of moment; weigh the sense of what you mean to utter, and the expressions you intend to use, that they be significant, pertinent, and inoffensive. Inconsiderate persons do not think, till they speak; or they speak, and then think.

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Some men excel in husbandry, some in gardening, some in mathematics. In conversation learn, as near as you can, where the skill or excellence of any person lies. Put him upon talking on that subject; observe what he says; keep it in your memory, or commit it to writing. By this means you will glean the worth and knowledge of everybody you converse with, and, at an easy rate, acquire what may be of use to you on many occasions.

When you are in company with light, vain, impertinent persons, let the observing of their failings make you the more cautious, both in your conversation with them and your general behaviour, that you may avoid their errors. If any one, whom you do not know to be a person of

truth, sobriety, and weight, relates strange stories, be not too ready to believe or report them; and yet (unless he is one of your intimate acquaintances) be not too forward to contradict him. If the occasion requires you to declare your opinion, do it modestly and gently, not bluntly nor coarsely; by this means you will avoid giving offence, or being abused for too much credulity.

If a man, whose integrity you do not very well know, makes you great and extraordinary professions, do not give too much credit to him. Probably you will find, that he aims at something besides kindness to you, and that when he has served his turn, or been disappointed, his regard for you will grow cool. Beware also of him, who flatters you, and commends you to your face, or to one he thinks will tell you of it. Most probably he has either deceived and abused you, or means to do so. Remember the fable of the fox commending the singing of the crow, who had something in her mouth, which the fox wanted.

Be careful, that you do not commend yourselves. It is a sign, that your reputation is small and sinking, if your own tongue must praise you; and it is fulsome 3 and unpleasing to others to hear such commendations.

Speak well of the absent, whenever you have a suitable opportunity. Never speak ill of them, or of anybody, unless you are sure they deserve it, and unless it is necessary for their amendment, or for the safety and benefit of others.

Avoid, in your ordinary communications, not only oaths, but all imprecations and earnest protestations. Forbear scoffing and jesting at the condition or natural defects of any person. Such offences leave a deep im

pression, and they often cost a man dear.

Be very careful that you give no reproachful, menacing,

or spiteful words to any person.

Good words make

friends, bad words make enemies. It is great prudence to gain as many friends, as we honestly can, especially when it may be done at so easy a rate as a good word; and it is great folly to make an enemy by ill words, which are of no advantage to the party who uses them. When faults are committed, they may, and by a superior they must, be reproved; but let it be done without reproach or bitterness, otherwise it will lose its due end, and, instead of reforming the offence, it will exasperate the offender, and lay the reprover justly open to reproof.

If a person be passionate, and give you ill language, rather pity him than be moved to anger. You will find that silence, or very gentle words, are the most exquisite revenge for reproaches; they will either cure the distemper 4 in the angry man, and make him sorry for his passion, or they will be a severe reproof and punishment to him. But, at any rate, they will preserve your innocence, give you the deserved reputation of wisdom and moderation, and keep up the serenity and composure of your mind. Passion and anger make a man unfit for everything that becomes him as a man or as a Christian.

Never utter any profane speeches, nor make a jest of any Scripture expressions. When you pronounce the name of God or of Christ, or repeat any passages of words of Holy Scripture, do it with reverence and seriousness, and not lightly, for that is "taking the name of God in vain."

If you hear of any unseemly expressions used in religious exercises, do not publish them; endeavour to forget them, or, if you mention them at all, be it with pity and sorrow, not with derision or reproach.

Read these directions often, think of them seriously,

and practise them diligently. You will find them useful in your conversation, which will be every day the more evident to you, as your judgment, understanding, and experience increase.

I have little further to add at this time, but my wish and command, that you will remember the former counsels, that I have frequently given you. Begin and end the day with private prayer; read the Scriptures often and seriously; be attentive to the public worship of God. Keep yourselves in some useful employment; for idleness is the nursery of vain and sinful thoughts, which corrupt the mind and disorder the life. Be kind and loving to one another, Honour your minister. Be not bitter nor harsh to my servants. Be respectful to all. Bear my absence patiently and cheerfully. Behave as if I were present among you and saw you. Remember you have a greater Father than I am, who always, and in all places, beholds you, and knows your hearts and thoughts. Study to requite 5 my love and care for you with dutifulness, observance, and obedience; and account it an honour that you have an opportunity, by your attention, faithfulness, and industry, to pay some part of that debt which, by the laws of nature and of gratitude, you owe to me. Be frugal in my family, but let there be no want; and provide conveniently for the poor.

I pray God to fill your hearts with His grace, fear, and love, and to let you see the comfort and advantage of serving Him; and that His blessing, and presence, and direction may be with you, and over you, all.—I am, YOUR EVER-LOVING FATHER.

1. EQUIVOCATE, to use words of double or doubtful meaning in order to mislead. (Lat. æquus, equal; vox, a voice or sound.) 2. PERTINENT, fitting, appropriate.

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