Can Love Last?: The Fate of Romance over Time"A beautiful and brilliant reexamination of love and its perils."—Barbara Fisher, Boston Globe Common wisdom has it that love is fragile, but leading psychoanalyst Stephen A. Mitchell argues that romance doesn't actually diminish in long-term relationships—it becomes increasingly dangerous. What we regard as the transience of love is really risk management. Mitchell shows that love can endure, if only we become aware of our self-destructive efforts to protect ourselves from its risks. "Those who read this book will love more wisely because of it."—Andrew Solomon, author of The Noonday Demon "[A] work on romance that is rich and multi-layered."—Publishers Weekly "Cheerful, open, and humane—you'd definitely have wanted him as your analyst."—Judith Shulevitz, The New York Times Book Review "[T]houghtful, compassionate, and profoundly optimistic."—JoAnn Gutin, Salon.com |
From inside the book
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Page 12
... partner bodes poorly for tenderness and respect and vice versa . Psychoanalysis , which prides itself on reaching the deepest under- standing of emotional life , seemed to have taken us to a conceptual dead end . Decades have passed ...
... partner bodes poorly for tenderness and respect and vice versa . Psychoanalysis , which prides itself on reaching the deepest under- standing of emotional life , seemed to have taken us to a conceptual dead end . Decades have passed ...
Page 14
... partners so often had affairs ? Or was this explanation an easy and comfortable cover for difficulties in becoming more intimate with a partner ? Is there 14 Foreword.
... partners so often had affairs ? Or was this explanation an easy and comfortable cover for difficulties in becoming more intimate with a partner ? Is there 14 Foreword.
Page 15
Stephen A. Mitchell. in becoming more intimate with a partner ? Is there only one " right one " ? Can one who isn't " right " become so ? How much work should one put into a relationship ? What constitutes productive work in a ...
Stephen A. Mitchell. in becoming more intimate with a partner ? Is there only one " right one " ? Can one who isn't " right " become so ? How much work should one put into a relationship ? What constitutes productive work in a ...
Page 38
... partner , more often the woman , assuming the value of home and the other partner , more often the man , assuming the value of the freedom of the road . However , a closer look always reveals both values in both partners . They are ...
... partner , more often the woman , assuming the value of home and the other partner , more often the man , assuming the value of the freedom of the road . However , a closer look always reveals both values in both partners . They are ...
Page 40
... partners in arranged marriages were expected to grow to love each other . Marriage should lead to romance , it was now believed . By the nineteenth century , as arranged marriages became less the norm , the sequence had become reversed ...
... partners in arranged marriages were expected to grow to love each other . Marriage should lead to romance , it was now believed . By the nineteenth century , as arranged marriages became less the norm , the sequence had become reversed ...
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adult adventure aggression animal arousal became become bonobo central childhood commitment complex constructed contemporary culture dangerous degradation dependency ego psychology emerges emotional erotic excitement exploring fantasy feel felt Frans de Waal Fred Freud fundamental Hans Loewald Harold hate Heinz Kohut human experience human sexuality idealization illusion illusory imagination important inevitably infantile intense interpersonal intimacy Jake Jake's kind less lives love and desire lover M. C. Escher marriage mind motives narcissism nature object of desire oedipal omnipotent one's oneself ourselves pain parents partner pathos and guilt perpetually person perspective pity pleasure pornography powerful predictable psychic psychoanalysis psychology reality regarded rela relation Relational Psychoanalysis relationships requires response rience romance romantic love romantic passion seemed self-pity sense sexual social someone Stanley Crouch strange loop struggle surrender things tion traditional unconscious understand University Press vulnerability wife woman women York zipless fuck