Can Love Last?: The Fate of Romance over Time"A beautiful and brilliant reexamination of love and its perils."—Barbara Fisher, Boston Globe Common wisdom has it that love is fragile, but leading psychoanalyst Stephen A. Mitchell argues that romance doesn't actually diminish in long-term relationships—it becomes increasingly dangerous. What we regard as the transience of love is really risk management. Mitchell shows that love can endure, if only we become aware of our self-destructive efforts to protect ourselves from its risks. "Those who read this book will love more wisely because of it."—Andrew Solomon, author of The Noonday Demon "[A] work on romance that is rich and multi-layered."—Publishers Weekly "Cheerful, open, and humane—you'd definitely have wanted him as your analyst."—Judith Shulevitz, The New York Times Book Review "[T]houghtful, compassionate, and profoundly optimistic."—JoAnn Gutin, Salon.com |
From inside the book
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Page 11
... live . We want it to be fulfilling , meaningful . We want it to sustain love and passion . Many of us long for ... lives , dealing with everyday familiarity , raising children , growing older ? Our best thinkers seem to have little ...
... live . We want it to be fulfilling , meaningful . We want it to sustain love and passion . Many of us long for ... lives , dealing with everyday familiarity , raising children , growing older ? Our best thinkers seem to have little ...
Page 12
... , Buddhism , and , sometimes on psychoanalysis . There was a kind of implicit con- test in our lives together : Would the prints I had purchased be suc- cessfully framed and hung on the wall before he claimed 12 Foreword.
... , Buddhism , and , sometimes on psychoanalysis . There was a kind of implicit con- test in our lives together : Would the prints I had purchased be suc- cessfully framed and hung on the wall before he claimed 12 Foreword.
Page 25
... lives and ourselves . Yet we continue to insist , both consciously and unconsciously , that we have more control ... lives . This book is about romance and its degradation . It is about romance , because I want to explore the struggle ...
... lives and ourselves . Yet we continue to insist , both consciously and unconsciously , that we have more control ... lives . This book is about romance and its degradation . It is about romance , because I want to explore the struggle ...
Page 26
... lives , to a consider- able extent , with other people : actually present people with whom we live and interact ... lives are so much with people , the quality of our relationships with others is central to the emotional quality of our ...
... lives , to a consider- able extent , with other people : actually present people with whom we live and interact ... lives are so much with people , the quality of our relationships with others is central to the emotional quality of our ...
Page 27
... lives meaning . It often works for a while . Romance can be captivating . It takes things over , adds verve , depth , and excitement about being alive . Yet what people in our time say about romance , across the spectrum from high ...
... lives meaning . It often works for a while . Romance can be captivating . It takes things over , adds verve , depth , and excitement about being alive . Yet what people in our time say about romance , across the spectrum from high ...
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Common terms and phrases
adult adventure aggression animal arousal became become bonobo central childhood commitment complex constructed contemporary culture dangerous degradation dependency ego psychology emerges emotional erotic excitement exploring fantasy feel felt Frans de Waal Fred Freud fundamental Hans Loewald Harold hate Heinz Kohut human experience human sexuality idealization illusion illusory imagination important inevitably infantile intense interpersonal intimacy Jake Jake's kind less lives love and desire lover M. C. Escher marriage mind motives narcissism nature object of desire oedipal omnipotent one's oneself ourselves pain parents partner pathos and guilt perpetually person perspective pity pleasure pornography powerful predictable psychic psychoanalysis psychology reality regarded rela relation Relational Psychoanalysis relationships requires response rience romance romantic love romantic passion seemed self-pity sense sexual social someone Stanley Crouch strange loop struggle surrender things tion traditional unconscious understand University Press vulnerability wife woman women York zipless fuck