English as She is Spoke: Or, A Jest in Sober Earnest

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The most perfect of trainwrecks.
This book was destined for disaster before pen was put to paper. Using a Portugese-French phrasebook and a French-English dictionary is not how you make a book that
works the way it's supposed to. Thankfully, it ended up working absolutely amazingly in a way nobody ever intended. It is the horse_ebooks of its day, the voice of heaven tumbling out of baffling madness in such famous phrases as "To craunch the marmoset". Even better, it's free! There is no reason not to read this rare gem of a book. 

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Page 1 - A. choice of familiar dialogues, clean of gallicisms, and despoiled phrases, it was missing jet to studious Portuguese and brazilian Youth ; and also to persons of other nations, that wish to know the Portuguese language. We sought all we may do, to correct that want, composing and divising the present little work in two parts. The first includes a greatest vocabulary proper names by alphabetical order ; and the second fourty three Dialogues adapted to the usual precisions of the life.
Page 4 - We expect then, who the little book (for the care what we wrote him, and for her typographical correction) that may be worth the acceptation of the studious persons, and especially of the Youth, at which we dedicate him particularly.
Page 2 - Dialogues adapted to the usual precisions of the life. For that reason we did put, with a scrupulous exactness, a great variety own expressions to english and portuguese idioms; without to attach us selves (as make some others) almost at a literal translation...
Page 3 - It was resulting from that carelessness to rest these Works Jill of imperfections, and anomalies of style ; in spite of the infinite typographical faults which some times, invert the sense of the periods. It increase not to contain any of those Works the figured pronunciation of the english words, nor the prosodical accent in the Portuguese; indispensable object whom wish to speak the english and Portuguese languages correctly.
Page 23 - For make a visit in the morning. Is your master at home ? Yes, sir. Is it up. No, sir, he sleep yet. I go make that he get up. It come in one's ? How is it, you are in bed yet ? Yesterday at evening, I was to bed so late that I may not rising me soon that morning.
Page 35 - Give mi another i will not that. He not sail know to march, he is pursy, he is foundered. Dont you are ashamed to give me a jade as like ? he is undshoed he is with nails up : it want to lead to the farrier.
Page 55 - A physician eighty years of age had enjoied of a health unalterable. Theirs friends did him of it compliments every days. "" Mister doctor," they said to him, "you are admirable man. What you make then for to bear you as well?" " I shall tell you it, gentlemen/' he was answered them : " and I exhort you in same time at to follow my example. I live of the product of my ordering, without take any remedy who I command to my sicks.
Page 43 - Never have you not done wreck? That it is arrived me twice. With a gardener, Shall I eat some plums soon ? It is not the season yet; but here is some peaches what does ripen at the eye sight. It delay me to eat some wal nuts-kernels ; take care not leave to pass the season.

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