64

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Commons, Monday. June 8.-"Man and boy," said
SABK, I've lived in House of Commons for twenty five years.
Never till to-night was I so sbarply struck with sense of the innate
nobility, the pure unselfishness, the impulsive generosity of
Members."

What caused SARK's voice to falter, almost brought tears into his eyes, was the readiness shown from unexpected quarters to forward public business by closing debate on second reading Irish Land Bill. Arranged when House met that two nights should be given up to talk round subject. PRINCE ARTHUR, apprehensive that even that allotment of time would be insufficient, gave notice that he will to-morrow move suspension Twelve o'clock Rule, so that debate may, if need be, continue all night. Suddenly movement ia favour of completing debate at current sitting had birth. Rapidly grew till, by ten o'clock, Bill read second time, leaving two hours to discuss proposal to refer it to Grand Committee.

himself to favourable consideration of Committee as "a bit of authority on rows," gave graphic account of a Sunday morning spent in bosom of his constituency. This place of repose was literally represented by the middle of the main thoroughfare, where the hon. Member, flat on his back, off which his coat had been torn, seems to have spent a pensive hour, with the policeman who had knocked him down ot trusively standing over him.

64

Bitterest reflection was that he had reached this recumbent position whilst bent upon an errand of peace. Coming together in the quiet streets of Clare on a Sabbath morning, WILLIE R.'s constituents and the police had incontinently gone for" each other. The Apostle of Peace interposing, straightway found himself in the recumbent position described. It was nothing to him; he seemed quite used to spending his Sunday morning in such circumstances. What vexed him was (1) that his recumbent position prevented his pursuing his mission of peace; (2) that the overhanging policeman was not conveniently numbered as are his colleagues in the

streets of London. Whence ensued insuperable difficulties in recognising him and bringing him into a position where the ground of his almost rude conduct might be inquired into.

After this elaborate story, PATRICK O'BRIEN's modest narrative of how, upon a certain occasion, he received "a blow on the craynium" from a policeman's baton, fell a little flat. Mr. O'BRIEN mentioned that his "craynium" still bore evidence of the concussion. Languid Committee temporarily stirred by flush of expectation as he put his hand to his head. Expected that he was about to show Chairman of Committees exact spot of the tragedy. Apparently couldn't find it. Anyhow, after fumbling round for a moment, he gave up quest, and proceeded with speech.

Business done. - Irish votes in Committee.

Thursday.-Pity e-tablished custom is against Members making up for particular parts, as they do on the stage of other theatres. Loss felt with peculiar acutere s in case of JOHN o' GORST. Tcnight we get into Committee on Education Bill. As Cap'en TOMMY, who has been heaving the lead, genially announces, there are exactly 1335 Amendments already printed. Consideration thereof means some weeks' hard labour for House in general, and in particular for Minister in charge of Bill. So JOHN O' GORST, taking seat on Treasury Bench to-night, assumes strick en air of patient resignation pathetic to look upon.

Mr. Field (President of the Irish Cattle Trades' and Stock owners' Association, VicePresident of the National Federation of Meat Trades) introduces to the House two "Bulls " of his own breeding.

protested this indifference to prolongation of speech-making, each had made his own. Members who had prepared orations, and were waiting for opportunity of delivering them, not quite so enthusiastic in approval as was PRINCE ARTHUR. That a detail. Nothing could resist influence of lofty aspirations of TIM and the Colonel for dispensing with idle talk and getting to work. So, they having concluded their speeches, House listened with impatience to a few others, which the authors would not willingly let die. Members who had gone off to dinner, understanding that to-morrow night would also be given up to second reading debate, came back at ten o'clock to find Bill read a second time, and House embarked on fresh debate upon new issue.

Business done.-Irish Land Bill read second time. Tuesday.-Since to-night wasn't wanted for Irish Land Bill, it is given up to Irish Estimates. Occasion serves to show the change wrought by hand of Time. Ten years ago the House, in Committee on Irish Estimates, would have been liveliest spot in town. To-night it is one of the dullest. Member after Member gets up to tell moving story of how he has been attacked by Royal Irish Constabulary. Seems first thing happens to Irish Member on temporarily revisiting his native land is that he is set upon by the police, and more or less severely beaten. SWIFT MACNEILL, with tremor of genuine emotion in voice, held forth for over half an hour in succession of blood-curdling stories about the police. WILLIE REDMOND, modestly presenting

Where defect appears is in bis complexion. The consequence of going about his Ministerial duties on a vermilion-hued bicycle has been to reflect upon his countenance a ruddy tinge incompatible with the character he desires to assume. If, as is the case in preparation for another stage, our leading man of the hour were permitted use of powder-pot, effect on progress of Education Bill in Committee would be appreciable. As it is, there is obvious incongruity, distin tly deleterious.

GORST does his best in the circumstances; is obviously determined not to add to length of debate. When Amendment moved, he states, in phrase of freezing brevity, insuperable objection, and sits down. Argument all very well in some cases. JOHN O' GORST is conscious that he has behind him overwhelming argument in form of majority varying from 170 to 249. As the advertisement says, "Why pay more?" JOHN O' GOBST certainly won't. Having said what he has to say he sits down, fo'ds fragile arms over timid breast, puts on look of preternatural pensiveness, patiently listens whilst others talk.

No lack of supply. At end of hour and a half constitution of audience considerably altered. Members freshly arrived from pro

longed tea on the Terrace look upon the grey-haired figure on the Treasury Bench, and wonder why it doesn't speak. Member after Member rises wanting to know why the Vice-President of the Council has no reply to give? A pleasing prospect this, capable of indefinite prolongation. At five o'clock, Minister stated his objections to amendment; speeches go on for hour and half. At 6.30 a new audience has gathered. Weren't present when Minister interposed; insist on his speaking again. Minister re-states his objection. Another hourand-a-half's talk. 8 P.M., fresh audience. "Why doesn't the right hon. gentleman state the Government view on this important point? Why treat the House with marked discourtesy ?" Angry cheering from Opposition. Minister meekly makes his speech a third time. Fresh audience fall to; discuss it with undiminished vigour.

"Received a blow on the craynium' " (Mr. P-tr-ck O'Br-n.)

9.30 P.M. Changing and hifting, another new audience assembles. Motion to report progress by way of resenting contemptuous silence of insolent Minister; and so on, till the morning and the evening are another day.

This legislation by shifts, as work is sometimes carried on in collieries, evidently has its disadvantages. JOHN O' GORST early checks it. "I have stated my objections," he said, when pressed a fourth time to set them forth. "Hon. Members who were not present

when I poke may read the
remarks in the papers to-
morrow morning."

Opposition horribly shocked
at this; but, after all, if we are
to get forward with our work,
there seems something in it.

Business done.- In Com

mittee on the Education Bill.

PRINCE ARTHUR's temporary weakness. Motion to suspend Twelve o'clock Rule not proceeded with. Waste of time upon a Bill no one pretends to see carried through Committee thus limited to midnight. Business done-Eight hours talk round Irish Land Bill.

BLUE RIBAND OF THE SURF!

"A WAY THEY HAVE IN THE ARMY."
(Extract from a Note Book found near Islington.)

29

Fridy.-The Codlin and METEOR II. DAZZLES THE YACHTING WORLD, AND WINS THE Short business of Irish Leaders sometimes a little hard on House. Habitually tends in direction of inflicting two speeches where one would have done; and that, as R. G. WEBSTER says, is very different from making two blades of grass grow where formerly there was a dust-heap. When JOHN REDMOND makes a speech, JOHN DILLON feels bound to put in appearance, and vice versa.

HAVEN'T much time for jotting down impressions. More's the pity, as, with my School Board learning, I am getting quite a dab at composition. But what with tent-pegging, musical rides, sword and bayonet contests, and the rest of it, there's quite enough to do. It pleases the public, I suppose, and the funds go to some Service cherity or other, so that's all right, and the Intelligence Department says it " promotes recruiting," so that 's all right, too. And then the management is re-organised. Not too much of the Volunteers-just a noble C.O. of the auxiliaries thrown in to give a civilian but aristocratic flavour to the show-and that's, from a Service point of view, all right again. But as the Commander-inChief was using one of his precious new brooms and sweeping some more of the old traditions away into the dust-hole, why didn't he get rid of "dressing-up"? Of course, I don't mean the dressing-up of the barrack-yard, but the painting-your-face-red dressing-up of Mr. CLARKSON, or some other eminent perruquier.

JOHN REDMOND, resolved to show Ireland that in her interest he neither slumbers nor sleeps, urged PRINCE ARTHUR to suspend Twelve o'clock Rale so that Irish Land Bill might, if necessary, be debated all night. PRINCE ARTHUR, for reasons inexplicable, except It's all very well to show the ten-shilling seat-holders "the sons of on ground of extreme hot the Empire," but if darkies run short, that's no reason why Tommy weather and consequent lan- Atkins should have to black his face as if he were waiting ready for guidness, consented. JEMMY an engagement, not on the battlefield, but at St. James's Hall, LOWTHER interposed; saved Regent Street and Piccadilly. The Military Tournament, no doubt, House from objectless sacri- is quite right and proper, especially now that the Viscount has fice. On Wednesday, JAMES's kindly taken it under his own special patronage, but surely the line heart stirred within him by might be drawn at blank cartridge, and not quite so low as burnt what an ordinary person would have called flat robbery. J. L. cork. How can a self-respecting soldier-man hold himself in proper denounced the project as "deletion of the Eighth Commandment." personal esteem if he has to daub his face as if he were a perambulatTo-day he, with equally magnificent manner, successfully withstands ling nigger on Margate sands?

He was invited to row on the Piræus.

(Mr. McK-nna.)

DD

["If we decide to give advantages to the Colonists such as those mentioned by Mr. CHAMBERLAIN in consideration of their abandonment of Protective duties against British goods, are we sure that the masses in this country will be prepared for such an object to tax foreign foodstuff's and foreign raw materials ?"-The "Times" on Mr. Chamberlain's Speech at Congress of Chambers of Commerce, advocating a British Zollverein]

A SPORTING PARALLEL.

[Lord ROSEBERY's Quarrel, by Discord-Free and Easy, won this year's Royal Hunt Cup at Ascot.]

Lord ROSEBERY ruminates: :QUARREL, by Discord, lands me a win,

On the summer-parched turfin the Hunt Cap at Ascot! Humph! Are revenges about to begin? [Mascotte? Soon shall I hold a (political) Discord, from Quarrel, upset me last year.

Quarrel, from Discord, now

flurries my foemen,

And Free and Easy-dear
ARTHUR-I fear

Breedeth this Quarrel.

is this an omen ?

Now

HARCOURT and Option-ah well, never mind!

Let bygones be bygones! It cost him his Derby,

But BALFOUR must be amazingly

bliad

CRAVEN Hill
Fair Philistine. "I THINK AN ARTIST'S LIFE IS PERFECTLY CHARM-
ING-TO BE ABLE TO GO ABOUT FROM ONE SEASIDE PLACE TO ANOTHER,
AND SKETCH ALL THE PRETTY BITS!"

A LITTLE FLIRTATION.

SCENE-A Masked Ball. Enter a Fair Mask, in a wheat-tinted

domino, and a keen-faced Pierrot.

A QUICK CHANCE ARTIST.

["I have known an old gentleman to get up at five o'clock every morning to arrange one flower pot, one chair, and one screen, so that they should vary each day, but still be in strict artistic harmony with each other all the time. There is where the Japanese differ from us."-Mr. Mortimer Menpes to Correspondent of "Daily News" in Japan.]

AN ancient Jap it seems at five
Each day gets up-his daily lot
In cunning fashion to contrive
A chair, a screen, a pot.
How nice to see him as he sets,
With trembling hands and
loving care,

To work until at last he gets
A screen, a pot, a chair.
And if that does not satisfy,
A wondrous change comes o'er
the scene,

Artistic sense is set straight by
A pot, a chair, a screen.

How brain-exhausting it must be
To this old Jap-each day has
got

To have its own device, e.g.,

A screen, a chair, a pot.

Himself in seeking to adorn

The early minutes he'll not

means practically the same. I am not one to squabble over names. But what are the wise man's counters are the current coin of fools. Fair Mask. I fancied "Fair Trade" would fetch them, butPierrot. It is rather "blown upon" by this time, I fear, like "Bimetallism." As to "Protection," that, as SALISBURY says, is

Fair Mask. What, JOEY? Why, I hardly knew you in Pierrot impossible-now. But if, by a new name, we can only associate you motley.

Pierrot. And may I know you-without your mask?
Fair Mask. No, indeed-at least, not yet. But can you not
Pierrot. Perhaps that were impolite, or, at any rate, impolitic!
Fair Mask (sighing). Possibly! For some time I have not been a
persona grata with you and your friends.

Pierrot. My old or my new ones?

with Patriotism, even you will soon become popular! Imperial Free Trade Protected against the Foreigner! Surely that would divine?"fetch" both the "orthodox Free Trader" and the Jingo. Fair Mask (archly). And yourself, my dear JOSEPH? Pierrot (blandly). Do I look irreconcilable? Don another dress, assume a new name, mask, a new fan, and-who knows? "What I want to impress upon you is, my personal conviction that you would not be met with a blank refusal by the people of this country." Allow me! [Exeunt arm-in-arm.

Fair Mask. Both. I'm afraid! The difference is, that the new ones only "diesemble their love"-for obvious reasons-whilst the old ones would fain "kick me down stairs." With which class am I to rank you now, JOSEPH?

Pierrot. It is easier to dissemble love than hate. Do I show any signs of the latter?

Fair Mask (softly). Well, I admit you have changed considerably of late, and are ever so much nicer than you were-t) nous autres than when you associated with the Hawarden Set, and railed about Ransom. Now, tell me (seductively), are we also not much nicer than you fancied ?

Pierrot. Mutual knowledge breeds mutual liking-often. And if I knew you better

Fair Mask. Perhaps that were dangerous. I am terribly taboo to all your old friends-and some of your new ones, I fear. Even the Marquis admits-with sorrow, no doubt-that he sees no chance of my being cordially received in decent political society again. Pierrot. Humph! That depends on the name.

Fair Mask. Well, I have been called by several names. "Protection," " Reciprocity," "Fair Trade,"-oh! all sorts of amiable and attractive aliases.

Pierrot. Thanks! That is almost as good as lifting your mask. But what do you say to Miss ZOLLVEREIN?

Fair Mask. Humph! Sounds a leetle foreign, doesn't it? Pierrot. Pooh! We are all cosmopolitan now-in speech. Perhaps "Customs Union" would please you better. It sounds less neat, but