46 HERE WE ARE AGAIN! 39 AN elegant show! a splendid spectacle! a graceful grouping! inimitable as an elderly matronly shrew, is facile princeps as CinderFun, Fancy, and Frolic! Such is the summary of the Annual ella's step-mother, and supremely ridiculous. HERBERT CAMPBELL Pantomime provided for us all, young and old, by Master DRU- seconds him excellently: upon these two, with the Brothers GRIFFITHS RIOLANUS, semper virens nunquam viridis, Grand Master of and Mr. LIONEL RIGNOLD (ordinarily a hook-nosed Hebrew villian in Christmas Revels and Popular Pantomime. With him attendant a melodrama, but now a comic Irish tutor with tiptilted nose, which sprites CECIL RALEIGH and ARTHUR STURGEES, with stage-manager just makes the difference), rests the fun of the pantomime; and COLLINS, and J. M. "rests" is not the word, for the fun is always kept moving. GLOVER, Master of the the programme and read But there are nine more names to this department, and three are responsible for the 64 an shoes," including the glass slippers of Cinderella, of which the maker is not specially named. There is Assistant Stage Manager, and, by CLARKSON! there are wigs !! suffice it some fifty names appear as the officers of the Pantomime Army, marching and dancing (with JOHNNIE D'AUBAN) to victory. Charming But ballets; quite Original; which you mightn't expect from a maître EVERY ONE'S GOOD HEALTH! Really splendid is Miss ALEXANDRA DAGMAR, who as Dandini, the Prince's valet, tops her royal master, Prince ADA BLANCHE, considerably, and is much more of a Royal Highness, by her Royal Tallness, than is the little prince. Surely ALEXANDRA ought to have been where ADA is. and the prince should have been the valet, as "Ada and abettor.' However, let us take the caste as it is, and be thankful. Petite et pétillante d'esprit is the representative of the French Ambassador, Miss MARGUERITE CORNILLE. ISA BOWMAN is an interesting Cinderella, of whom the authors have not "made half enough of her." Poor Cinderella is just a bit out of it; as, by the way, she was in her kitchen. The show begins at 7.30, and is over about 11.30. The music is graceful throughout, and Conductor GLOVER takes wonderful physical exercise in directing the orchestra; arms, hands, head, and all that is visible of him give practical illustration of the theory of perpetual motion. As much as he makes in money during his engagement, he must lose in weight. It is all good, and there are very few topical allusions, and not many political ones, thank goodness! as a Pantomime ought not to have any thing of "party" about it, always excepting "Christmas party," of which seasonable material there is in this a plentiful supply. So success to the Seventeenth Annual! Foreat Druriolanus Mimus Imperator! STOPPED. THE other day, when I was down in the country, I suffered from severe toothache. I decided to come up to town the next morning. see a friend of mine, a famous dentist, and get back by the 3.30 express after lunch at my club. He is a capital fellow, as kind as he is clever, and he touches one's aching jaw with a hand as gentle as a woman's. So, rather than consult a stranger in the country, I resolved on a three hours' journey to town, to see my friend. Having some other business to do, I started early, breakfasting very lightly and hastily at 7.30, and catching the 8.23 train after a six-mile drive in the keen, bracing air. My business delayed me a little; my friend delayed me more. He is so much occupied. When at last he was able to see me and had stopped my tooth, it was past two, and I was very hungry. "Come with me," I said, when he had taken out of my mouth his hands, his instruments, and other impediments to conversation, "and have lunch at the club. I'm ravenous.' As the festive season draws to a close, when the plum of the pudding is heard of no more, when the mince-pie lingers only in the memory, when the bear's head ceases to adorn the buffet in the castle hall, when the chemist has done his best and the doctor has departed, when elderly maidens begin to regret lost opportunities afforded by now vanished mistletoe boughs, and when, by the disappearance of the sprigs of holly, the schoolboy is reminded of the rapid approach of the blossoms of the birch tree, then is the hour when the Lordly Baron solemnly bethinketh him that some change of air will be beneficial to his state of health. Opportunely he receiveth a copy of the Fortnightly Review for January, wherein the title of an essay, "The Climate of South Africa and its Curative Influence," attracteth his kindly regard. Of South Africa and its gold wotteth he somewhat: it needs no BARNATO to tell him this. Of the climate he hath heard, but as to its "curative influence" he hath received no information whatever. At a glance, and with half an eye, he grasps the fact that "consumption" is to be grappled "All right," he said. "I've half an hour; I'll come. Open with in South Africa and its baneful effects neutralised. The your mouth once more. Wider, please. Yes, I'm rather hungry, learned medico, yclept Dr. ROBSONIUS ROOSE, whose signature is to too. Had my breakfast very early, and very little of it. But you this brief but most interesting article, shows "how," "when," and mustn't eat anything, you know.' I almost bit his hand off in my "where" to go in search of recuperating the vital forces at Frazer-effort to shout "What?" with my mouth filled with a napkin, burg, Victoria (West), Aliwal (North), and Kimberley, ranging from dentist's mirror, &c. "No," he said. you mustn't bite anything 4000 to 4500 feet up in air, places, alas, as far above the ordinary for two hours at least, or you'll spoil all the stopping. You may means of the ordinary patient as they are above the level of the sea. have a little soup." The benevolent doctor should tell us where the £4500 is to be obtained by the patient who would with pleasure ascend these 4500 feet!! But even if the patient obtains the ways and the means, how about the Rhodes, the CECIL RHODES ? Won't the climate, just now, be a little too hot for any Englishman ? So, we must wait till, first, we get the £4500-and then? When we got to the club I had a little soup. And when he had finished, and I had indignantly waved away the tooth-picks handed to me by the waiter, there was only just time to catch the 3.30 express, which doesn't stop anywhere, and doesn't carry any provisions. To have no teeth must be very uncomfortable, but to have plenty, and to starve, so to speak, in the midst of them, is infinitely worse. JOTTINGS AND TITTLINGS. (BY BABOO HURRY BUNGSHO JABBERJEE, B.A.) Mr. Jabberjee gives his views concerning the Laureatship. IT is " selon les règles" and rerum natura that the QUEEN's Most Excellent Majesty, being constitutionally partial to poetry, should desire to have constant private supply from respectable tip-top genius, to be kept snug on Royal premises and ready at momentary notice to oblige with song or dirge, according as High Jinks or Dolorousness are the Court orders of the day. But how far more satisfactory if Right Hon'ble Marquis SALISBURY, instead of arbitrarily decorating some already notorious bard with this "cordon bleu" and thus gilding a lily, should throw the office open to competition by public exam, and, after carefully weighing such considerations as the applicant's res angusta domi, the fluency of his imagination, his nationality, and so on-should award the itching palm of Fame to the poet who succeeded best in tickling his fancy! Had some such method been adopted, the whole Indian Empire might to-day have been pleased as Punch by the selection of a Hindoo gentleman to do the job-for I should infallibly have entered myself for the running. Unfortunately such unparalleled opportunity of throwing soup to Cerberus, and exhibiting colour-blindness, has been given the slip, though the door is perhaps still open (even at past eleven o'clock P.M.) for retracing the false step and web of Penelope. For I would respectfully submit to Her Imperial Majesty that, in her duplicate capacity of Queen of England and Empress of India, she has urgent necessity for a Court Poet for each department, who would be Arcades ambo and two of a trade, and share the duties with their proportionate pickings. I Or, if she would be unwilling to pay the piper to such a tune, alone would work the oracle in both Indian and Anglo-Saxon departments, and waive the annual tub of sherry for equivalent in cash down. And, if I may make the suggestion, I would strongly advise that VOL. CX. this question of my joint (or several) appointment should be severely taken up by London Press as matter of simple justice to India. This is without prejudice to the already appointed Laureate as a swan and singing bird of the first water. All I desire is that the Public should know of another-and, perchance, even rarer-avis, who is nigroque simillima cygno, and could be obtained dog cheap for a mere song or a drug in the market-place, if only there is made a National Appeal to the Sovereign that he should be promoted to such a sinecure and are perennius. As a specimen of the authenticity of my divine flatulence, please find inclosed herewith copy of complimentary verses, written by myself on hearing of Poet AUSTIN's selection. Indulgence is kindly requested for very hasty composition, and circumstance of being greatly harrowed and impeded at time of writing by an excruciating full-sized boil on back of neck, infuriated by collar of shirt, poulticings, and so forth. CONGRATULATORY ODE. To Hon'ble Poet-Laureate Alfred Austin, Esq. Hail you full-blown tulip! Oh! when the wheezing zephyr brought glad news Of your judicious appointment, no hearts who did peruse, For no poeta nascitur who is fitter To greet Royal progeny with melodious twitter. Seated on the resplendent cloud of official Elysium, Is fully competent to turn out panegyric. In such a wrong box you will please remember yours truly, By an epithalamium (or what not) to inflame your credit With every coronated head that will have read it! And the quid pro quo, magnificent and grand, Sir, Would be at the rate of four annas for every stanza. Now, thou who scale sidereal paths afar dost, Deign from thy brilliant boots to cast the superfluous star-dust Upon The head of him (Signed) Whose fate depends On Thee! BABOO HURRY BUNGSHO JABBERJEE. The above was forwarded (post-paid) to Hon'ble AUSTIN'S official address at Poet's Corner, Westminster Abbey (opposite the Royal Aquarium), but-hoity-toity and mirabile dictu!-no answer has yet been vouchsafed to yours truly save the cold shoulder of contemptuous inattention! What a pity! Well-a-day, that we should find such passions of envy and jealousy in bosom of a distinguished poet, whose lucubrated productions may (for all that is known to the present writer) be no great shakes after all, and mere food for powder! The British public is an ardent lover of the scintillating jewellery of fair play, and so I confidently submit my claims and poetical compositions to be arbitrated by the unanimous voice of all who understand such articles. Let us remember that it is never too late to pull down the fallen idol out of the gilded shrine in which it has established itself with the egotistical isolation of a dog with the mange! 66 "JUST LIKE HYMN!"-SIB,-Mr. STEAD is sending circulars about asking everyone to give him a list of "Hymns that have helped him." Personally I am not going to be one of the "Hims who will help him (Mr. STEAD)," and shall not, if asked, mention the names of the "Hers that have helped me," though I have a grateful remembrance of a nurse and nursery governess, both of whom helped me uncommonly well at dinner, specially about Christmas time. They were, however, women equally capable of helping themselves. Wishing STEAD steadier than ever as he grows older, I am, yours truly, AVIS SENIOR. CONCISE PRÉCIS OF THE SITUATION IN THE TRANSVAAL. - The result of robbing Pietermaritzburg to pay "OOM PAUL." |