ROUNDABOUT READINGS.

SOME INDIRECT EFFECTS OF THE BOAT-BACF. THE direct effects of the great contest between the two universities are of course well known. It draws the country parsons to London in shoals; it opens the flood-gates of reminiscence in countless elderly gentlemen, and induces them to relate marvellous stories of prowess and endurance in bygone years; it covers Putney with dark and light blue bunting; it decorates the whips of cabmen, busdrivers, and butcher-boys; it arrays unconscious dogs in the rival favours, and ranges them in hostile camps; and it causes sixteen healthy young men to affront the wind and rain of March, in clothing which can only be described as just adequate for decency, and totally inadequate for anything else. There are other effects, those, for instance, which the ups and downs of practice exercise on the impressionable minds of the gentlemen of the Stock Exchange, and on the variegated and descriptive vocabulary of the assiduous journalists who compile reports in the sporting papers. It is only during Boat race time that "the clock of Putney Church chimes high noon," or that a crew's endurance becomes so extraordinary, that at the end of twenty-one minutes of hard rowing, "their breath would not have flickered a candle."

BUT the effects that I wish chiefly to refer to are those which are caused in the family circles of the members of the crews. It is not too much to say that, as the day of the race approaches, some sixteen quiet establishments scattered up and down the country become convulsed with excitement and anxiety. The minds of fathers and mothers are torn with conflicting emotions. Pride in the achievement of the beloved son struggles with a painful solicitude as to his power of enduring the stress and struggle of the race, and the Sportsman and Sporting Life are devoured every day by the unaccustomed eyes of mothers intent on discovering the weight of their darlings and their chances of success on the fateful day. As an example, I may describe a terrible scene which took place only the other day in (let us say) a Surrey home.

missed them with some asperity, and sat down to the paper. Just as he had done so, mamma came in. She is ordinarily a lady of the most regular and methodical habits, scarcely ever varying by a minute the moment of her morning appearance. On this occasion, however, she was at least ten minutes before her usual time. The fact was, that she, too, was bent upon the Sportsman, and had come down in high hopes of anticipating papa. Seeing, however, that she was too late, she made an unimportant remark about the weather, and sat down to endure with as much resignation as she could command until her lord and master should have exhausted the acquatic news. She was too proud to ask him to read it out to her; besides, to have a paper read to you can never give anything like the same satisfaction as reading it yourself. So the minutes sped by, the breakfast was brought in, and papa still sat reading, while mamma waited to step into his shoes.

the breakfast-room, heard his mother's voice declaiming, in tones of A LATE son (sons are always late at breakfast) as he approached unwonted anger, and marvelled as he heard. He entered, and his mother saluted him with these memorable words: 66 ARTHUR," she said, "I have been waiting half an hour for the Sportsman, and I can't wait any longer. You are young and strong. Take the paper away from your selfish father by force, and give it to me. Why, he won't even tell whether HARRY's weight has gone up or down." Papa's silence was perhaps excusable, for mamma had announced her intention, if the boy's weight dropped another pound, of fetching him away from Putney at once. HARRY'S weight had dropped, but, by a curious chance, that part of the Sportsman which recorded it was found to have been torn out when it arrived at length in mamma's hands.

and most unfinished sentences I have ever come across. Here it is:A FIRM of tailors has sent me a letter containing one of the longest

WHY NOT ESTABLISH A STUDIO AT WESTMINSTER, WHERE HON. MEMBERS MAY, AFTER A FEW LESSONS, CREATE STATUES OF THEMSELVES, OR, BY ARRANGEMENT, OF OTHER MEMBERS, FOR SUBSEQUENT USE IN THE PRECINCTS OF THE HOUSE.

THE COMING RACE.

(4 Note in Advance from a Prophet sure of being on the spot.)

WHAT new thing can be said of the University Boat Race? If the sun is reported to be shining brightly, the birds singing, the leaves budding from the trees, the description will be lacking in novelty. On the other hand, if a paragraph be given to an account of the fog and the rain, the mist and the mud, again a precedent will have been followed, and nothing more. In like manner, what does it matter whether the crowd be large or small? Nothing could be easier than to describe the dresses of the ladies in the sunshine, or their umbrellas in the wet.

Once more, the race itself. Well, either the Dark or the Light mast win the toss for stations. And the challengers must appear before the challenged. floating in the neighbourhood of Putney Bridge. And then, whether it be rain or shine, there is sure to be a "hush of expectation." The Jerseys having been collected, the sixteen will be found waiting, after the warning "Are you ready?" for the signal giving them leave to go. Ard when the start is made, why, the first few strokes will be reported with the minutest detail. After a minute or two Oxford or Cambridge will forge ahead. A little later a broader view will be taken of the rowing. Only a distinct" spurt' will merit and obtain special notice. But the number of strokes to the minute will be recorded. Now the Dark Blues will be pulling 38, now they will have slowed down to 35, now they will have strained every

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Lords, Monday, March 16.-Peers not going to sit tamely by whilst other House is treated to statement on leading question of the hour. ROSEBERY will see to that. When House met to-day he, with tears in his voice, lamented absence of the MARKISS. Had not only expected him to be in his place, but looked for him to rise and make statement about Soudan, at least as full as Commoner people in another place were indulged withal. MARKISS came in later, with air of guilt not dispelled by affectation of indifference. When House about to adjourn he explained that he had said nothing because he was asked nothing. Pretty to see him demurely fold his hands over his broad bosom, archly look acr.ss table towards ROSEBERY, make dainty courtesy of mock grace, and hum

"Nobody axed me, Sir, she said."

ROSEBERY, not to be put off with these blandishments. "Thought," he sternly said, "the FOREIGN SECRETARY would deem your Lordships not unworthy of a statement similar to that made by the UNDER SECRETARY in the other House." Again MARKISS pleaded that he had not been asked. As ROSEBERY cddlv refrained from putting definitive question invited, nothing was said.

JAMES of Hereford (late of Bury) brought in Water Bill. SARK met GRAND CROSS after House rose. Always athirst for information, SARK asked what he thought of it. "You're a great authority on water, you know," he added, insinuatingly.

effort to pass the 40. And the record of Cambridge will be equally interesting. As a matter of course, the steering once and again will go wrong. But this is not to be unexpected now that "the water" is abandoned at Westminster. How can a cox know his way about if he is taken over the course on a steam-launch only a few days before the race? It stands to reason that he has no chance with those to the manner (or rather river) born.

The familiar landmarks will emerge from their obscurity. The Doves and the Elms and Hammersmith Bridge. Chiswick Eyot, too, and the iron sheds of Thornevcroft, of torpedo - catcher fame. Then will come Barnes Bridge and the finish.

And will not there be complaints anent the umpire's launch and the unsatisfactory progress of either of the 'Varsity steamers, or, perchance, the boat reserved for the Fourth Estate? And then the other conventionalities-the niggers, the loafers, the perambulating purveyors of cheap refreshments. All will have a line or two. The same old story told aga'n, year after year.

There it is in brief. Rather more than the outline, and only one thing necessary to make the whole complete -the name of the winner. Will it be Oxford or Cambridge? Oxbridge or Camford? But this cannot be told jast at present, owing to the exigencies of publication. So why write more? Echo obligingly, sympathisingly, and sensibly answers "why?"

INFORMATION WANTED.-We read that the Russian Emperor has "decorated the Negur." Is this the same thing as "crowning the flowing bowl" ?-IGNORAMUS.

years. And now here's a paltrv Poet Laureate attempting to compete with my masterpiece;" and GRAND CROSS read out, in voice trembling with scorn, the Poet Laureate's deathless verse suggested for monument of the Postman Poet :

"This

"O lark-like poet! Carol on, Lost in dim light, an unseen trill." "An unseen trill,' forsooth!" cried GRAND CROSS. ALFRID-AUSTIG is just the kind of fellow to talk of an unheard smile, and pass the idea off as original. But I'd have him know I heard a man smile years before he didn't see a trill."

of Soudan. House thereupon appropriately proceeded to consider Business done.-Statement in Commons presaging fresh invasion Army Estimater, voting a trifle under six millions before you could say " Dongola!

Tuesday.-HICKS-BEACH not kind of man to give himself up to riotous enjoyment. Temperature rather freezing than sultry. But to-night had high old time. Never imagined that bi-metallism covered possibilities of such human joy. Man from WHITELEY'S brought on resolution affirming principle of bi-metallism. As everyone knows, PRINCE ARTHUR has no philosophic doubts on this question. Believes thoroughly in bi-metallism. So does CHAPLIN.

"Pass a law establishing bi-metallism,” says that eminent economist, "and you will have what I may call bi-farming-that is to say, two blades of corn will grow in every field where hitherto only one has popped up an undersold head."

In such circumstances bi-metallists might well look hopeful. Even if CHANCELLOR OF EXCHEQUER did not (if the phrase may in this connection be used without disrespect) go bald-headed in support of principle, he at least must treat subject with deference.