You're the greatest man in the world! I long to serve you! What can I do for you?" "May it please your grace, an exciseman of this town is very old. I would beg leave to succeed him as soon as he shall die." "Ay, that you shall with all my heart. I wish for your sake, he were dead and buried now! As soon as he is, set out to me, my dear friend! be it night or day, insist upon seeing me sleeping or waking. If I am not at Claremont, come to Lincoln's-Inn Fields; if I am not at Lincoln'sInu Fields, come to court; if I am not at court, never rest till you find me ; not the sanctum sanctorum, or any place, shall be kept sacred from such a dear, worthy, good soul as you are. Nay, I'll give orders for you to be admitted, though the king and I were talking secrets together in the cabinet." The voter swallowed every thing with extasy; and; scraping down to the very ground, retired to wait in faith for the death of the exciseman. The former took his leave of this wicked world in the following winter. As soon as the duke's friend was apprised of it, he set off for London, and reached Lincoln's-Inn Fields by about two o'clock in the morning. The king of Spain had, about this time, been seized by a disorder, which some of the English had been induced to believe, from particular expresses, he could not possibly survive. Amongst these, the noble duke was the most credulous, and probably the most anxious. On the very first moment of receiving his intelligence, he had dispatched couriers to Madrid, who were commanded to return with

unusual haste, as soon as the death of his catholic majesty should have been announced. Ignorant of the hour in which they might arrive, and impatient of the fate of every hour, the duke would not retire to his rest till he had given the strictest orders to his attendants, to send any person to his chamber who should desire admittance. When the voter asked if he was at home, he was answered by the porter, "Yes; his grace has been in bed some time, but we are directed to awaken him as soon as ever you came." "Ah, god bless him! I know that the duke always told me I should be welcome by night or by day. Pray shew me up." The happy visiter was scarcely conducted to the door, when he rushed into the room, and, in the transport of his joy, cried out, "My Lord, he's dead." "That's well, my dear friend; I'am glad of it, with all my soul. When did he die ?" "The morning before last, and please your grace." "What so lately? Why, my worthy good creature, you must have flown. The lightning itself could not travel half so fast as you. Tell me, you best of men, how shall I reward you?” “All I wish for in this world is, that your grace would please to remember your kind promise, and appoint me to succeed him.' "You, you blockhead! king of Spain ! pretensions can you have? Let's look at you." By this time the astonished duke threw back the curtains, and recollected the face of his electioneering friend; but it was seen with rage and disappointment. To have robbed him of his rest might easily have been forgiven; but to have fed him

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What family

with a groundless supposition that the king of Spain was dead became a matter of resentment. He was, at first, dismissed with all the violence of anger and refusal. At length, the victim of his passion became an object of his mirth; and, when he felt the ridicule that marked the accident, he raised the candidate for monarchy into a post, which, from the colour of the present times, may seem at least as honourable-he made him an excise

man.

ARGUMENTUM AD HOMINEM.— James Ferguson, the ingenious mechanic and astronomer, was travelling once in a stage-coach in which there happened to be only another passenger, who was a sectarian. The man being brain-full of zeal, kept the discourse continually on the subject nearest his heart, and pointed out passages of scripture incessantly, exclaiming, as he uttered every text or disjointed passage -"Is not that scripture!" Ferguson, at last, grew quite impatient, and told his fellow-traveller, that upon his principles he would undertake to prove the lawfulness of suicide. "How so?" vociferated the scripturist. Why," returned the mathematician," Judas went and hanged himself." Is not that scripture? "Go thou and do likewise." not that scripture? This put an end to the conversation, and the parties went on to the end of the stage in silence.

Is

TACITURNITY. - Few people were ever possessed of that gift of taciturnity which the halfbrother of the illustrious Camden, Mr. Edward Pratt, was noted for. In his voyages to the east, he often doubled the Cape

of Good Hope without opening his lips. Upon one occasion, the ship had been long becalmed ; at length the breeze sprung up, and a sailor at the mast-head proclaimed land. Mr. Pratt's features had previously been observed to brighten, and on being congratulated on the near approach to terra firma, replied— "I know it all; I saw it before that idle sailor aloft did :" and these were the first, the last, and the only words he uttered during that voyage.

BARBER'S WIT.-A hair-dresser at Halifax informed one of his customers, the other morning, that he had just been finishing off an attorney in that place, who had departed soon after to York, to attend his professional duties at the assizes; on which the gentleman inquired if he, the barber, had any cause to try there? "No," replied the operator, "I had much rather shave a lawyer than let a lawyer shave

me."

IRELAND AND ROME-A gentleman of the sister kingdom, speaking of his countrymen the other day, said, "they were, like the Romans, the most peaceable people in the world, so they had but panem et circenses, rows and potatoes."

CONUNDRUM.-Sir W. Smyth, the learned Irish baron of the exchequer, spent two days and nights in considering the answer to this conundrum-" Why is an egg underdone like an egg overdone?" He would not suffer any one to give him the answer, which he at length discovered. It is a tolerable pun enough"Because they are both hardly done."

SAGACITY OF A HORSE.-The

following anecdote, related in a French paper, proves that the instinct of a horse is sometimes as surprising as that of the dog, and that it is equally intelligent and susceptible of a warm attachment to its master. "A young gentleman went on horseback, from Paris to the Faubourg St. Antoine, to receive some money, and, on his return, wishing to let his horse drink, by some accident fell into the water and was drowned. The horse returned to the house where its master had been to receive the money, and by its neighings and the noise of its feet attracted the attention of the people of the house, who were no less astonished than alarmed at its reappearance without its rider. One of them mounted the horse, and allowed it to go its own course. The animal set off a full trot in the direction of the river, and stopped at the very spot where it is supposed its master had disappeared. body was taken out of the water, and in his purse was found the money he had received."

The

PROOF THAT A MAN CAN BE HIS OWN GRANDFATHER.-There were a widow and her daughter-inlaw, and a man and his son. The widow married the son, and the daughter the old man; the widow was, therefore, mother to her husband's father, consequently grandmother to her own husband. They had a son to whom she was great-grandmo`ther; now, as the son of a greatgrandmother must be either a grandfather or great uncle, this boy was, therefore, his grandfather. This was actually the case with a boy at a school at Norwich.

own

PROVOKING Mistake Revenged. Count Stackelberg was once sent on a particular embassy by the empress Catherine, of Russia, into Poland; on the same occasion, Thurgut was dispatched by the emperor of Germany. Both these ambassadors were strangers to each other. When the morning appointed for an audience arrived, Thurgut was ushered into a magnificent saloon, where, seeing a dignified looking man seated, and attended by several Polish noblemen, who were standing most respectfully before him, the German ambassador, Thurgut, concluded it was the king, and addressed him as such, with the accustomed formalities. This dignified looking character turned out to be Stackelberg, who received the unexpected homage with pride and silence. Soon after, the king entered the presence chamber, and Thurgut, perceiving his mistake, retired much mortified and ashamed. In the evening, it so happened, that both these ambassadors were playing cards at the same table with his majesty. The German envoy threw down a card, saying, the king of clubs." "A mistake !" said the monarch," it is the knave!" "Pardon me, sir," exclaimed Thurgut, casting a significant glance at Stackelberg," this is the second time to-day I have mistaken a knave for a king!" Stackelberg though very prompt at a repartee, bit his lips and was silent.

A seaman, it is said, who wished to become a branch pilot from the Downs to Spithead, being, among other questions, while under examination at the Trinity house, asked-" When

the Owers Light is north of you, where is Chichester church?" meaning, how did it bear by the compass, replied-" In Chichester churchyard, most certainly, gentlemen!"

M. de la Riviere went to Rome to endeavour to be made a cardinal, but came back without success. Returning with a violent cold, M. de Bautru said, "that's because he came back without a hat!"

The following epitaph to the memory of a favourite actor of the Norwich company, is in the churchyard of Gillingham, Norfolk :-" Sacred to the memory of Thomas Jackson, comedian,

who was engaged December 21, 1794, to play a comic cast of characters in this great theatre, the world, for many of which he was prompted by nature to excel. The season being ended-his benefit over the charges all paid and his account closed, he made his exit in the tragedy of death, on the 17th March, 1798, in the full assurance of being called once more to rehearsal, when he hopes to find his forfeits all cleared-his cast of parts bettered-and his situation made agreeable by Him who paid the great stock debt for the love he bore to performers in general."

BRIEF MEMOIR OF THE LATE MAR

QUIS OF LONDONDERRY.

(From Bell's Weekly Messenger.)

The public conduct and official advancement of the minister, whose sudden death has created such a sensation, are well known to most of our readers. Ever since 1802, he has occupied a considerable space in the eye of the public.

The noble marquis was the eldest son of the late marquis of Londonderry (to whose title he succeeded on the death of his father, last year), and of lady Sarah Frances Conway, sister of the late marquis of Hertford, his lordship's first wife. He was born June 18, 1769, and, consequently, was in the fifty-third year of his age. He received his early education at Armagh, under archdeacon Hurrock; and, at

seventeen (1796), was entered at St. John's college, Cambridge. time at the university, he made a After remaining for the usual tour on the continent, and on his return to his native country entered on that political career which has since been so successful.

In 1789, he was elected a representative in the parliament of Ireland for the county of Down ; and during the vice-royalty of earl Camden, was appointed chief secretary to the lord lieutenant, which situation he retained under his successor. His lordship was, also, at the same time, a lord of the treasury, keeper of the signet and privy seal, a privy counsellor of Ireland, and colonel of the Londonderry malitia.

Having been returned to the imperial parliament, his lordship was appointed president of the

board of control, and nominated a privy counsellor of Great Britain. The first occasion on which the noble marquis became known to the English public, was that of his seconding the address to the king, on the memorable 29th of October, 1795. The session of parliament was opened on that day; the chief object of calling it together at that early period of the year was, in the first place, to mitigate the evil, arising from the scarcity of corn which then prevailed throughout the country, and to adopt vigourous measures for putting a stop to the meetings of vast bodies of people, which at that time had been held in the vicinity of the metropolis, under the direction of the corresponding society, and which were represented by the ministers as seditious and treasonable. The outrageous attack made that day on his majesty, while he was proceeding to open the parliament, was dwelt upon as a complete justification of the severe acts passed for the above purpose. The address, in answer to the king's message, was moved in the House of Commons, by lord Dalkeith, and seconded by the subject of these memoirs, then the honourable Robert Stewart, in a speech of moderate length, which was his maiden speech, and held out no promise, either in point of eloquence or argument, of that great talent and expansion of mind, for which he has since become eminently distinguished. In 1805, he was appointed war minister, which he resigned in 1806, and again resumed in 1807.

During the time he was in office in Ireland, he was mainly instrumental in bringing about the

important measure of the union. His address and management beyond the walls of parliament— his application to the feelings and ambition of the different parties whose opinions, prejudices, or interests were opposed to his object and his presence of mind, his coolness of temper, and dexterity, if not eloquence, in debate, pointed him out as a valuable assistant to any ministry that might be disposed to accept of his services. Accordingly, having become a member of the imperial parliament after the union, which annihilated the theatre in which he had previously figured, he was, by Mr. Pitt, promoted to the head of the board of control, and made a privy counsellor. This appointment, we believe, he re-accepted under lord Sidmouth, who succeeded Mr. Pitt, and retained it under Mr. Pitt, who succeeded lord Sidmouth. Before Mr Pitt's death he was advanced to the high situation of minister of war, which he retained till, on that minister's death, he was obliged to resign in favour of Mr. Wyndham, who composed part of the united administration of Mr. Fox and lord Grenville. On the resignation of this administration, in 1807, he resumed his former situation of minister of war, which he continued till the Walcheren expedition and his duel with Mr. Canning drove him from office. On the death of Mr. Perceval, in 1812, he obtained that influence in his majesty's councils, and occupied that office (secretary of state for the foreign department) in which he continued till his death.

The marquis of Londonderry was, certainly, in all personal