diculous Affectation. If I thought you had enough of the gallant Man in you, to take what I fay in good part, I would advise you to engage no further in Poetry: be rul'd by a Woman for once, and mind your Coke upon Littleton. Rather pettifog than flatter: for if you are refolved to be a Cheat, you will fhew at least fome Confcience, in refolving rather to choufe People of their Money, than to bubble them of their Understandings. Befides, Coufin, you have not a Genius which will make a great Poet, and be pleafed to confider that a fmall Poet is a fcandalous Wight; that indifferent Verses are very bad ones; and that an infipid Panegyric upon another, is a fevere Libel upon yourself. Befides, there will ftart up a Satire one Day, and then Woe be to cold Rimers. Old England is not yet fo barren, but there will arife fome generous Spirit, who, befides a Stock of Wit and good Senfe, which are no very common Qualities, will not only be furnished with a found Judgment, which is an extraordinary Talent, but with a true Tafte for Eloquence and Wit, which is fcarce any where to be found; and which comprehends not only a juft Difcernment, but a fine Penetration, and a delicate Criticifm. Such a Satyrift as this, Coufin, muft arife, and therefore you had beft take care, by a judicious Silence, that whenever he appears, he may be fure to divert you, and not afflict you.

I am, &c.

LET

I

LETTER

LXXXIV.

To Mr. at Will's Coffee-boufe.

Received your Panegyric upon Puns, which I fo approve of, that I am refolved to get it printed, and bound up with Erasmus's Praife of Folly yet to confess a Truth, I was something diffatisfied to see Quibbling commended with fo much Wit; for nothing can be writ with more Wit, than your Letter to the Referve of the Quibbles; which I fuppofe you inferted amongst fo many Things which are fo finely faid, left these should have render'd you too vain, or too much have mortify'd me but pray, after this Panegyric upon Quibbles, give me leave to afk you the fame Question that the Lacedemonians afk'd the Sophifter, who harangu'd in the Praise of Hercules: by the way, did you ever expect to hear a Quibble compar'd to Hercules? There's a Simile for you, I think, as Novel fays, that's New. You, who are cry'd up for so great a Wit, tell ine, without Envy, could you ever have thought upon that? But to return to my Queftion here you have spent a great deal of Time in the Defence of Quibbles. Who faid a Word against them? The Devil a Syllable did I mention of them in mine. It is true, I cited honest Mr. Sw; but it is a hard Cafe, if the Quoting an Author, must be conftrued the condemning his Works I have a great Refpect and Kindness for Mr. Sw, as I have for all who have any Excellence. And truly, I think, that for the Management of Quibbles and Dice, there is no Man alive comes near him. And let me tell

you,

you, Sir, for all your new Emulation, he is a better Quibbler than you. But it is high time to give over Raillery for if you were my Father a thousand times, let me die if I would not rigorously examine that Part of your Letter which pretends to defend Quibbling. You fay that I am too nice, and that my Averfion has fomething in it that is very like Affectation. But here you must give me leave to turn your own Simile upon you can a Man be juftly accus'd of Nicenefs or Affectation, because he appears offended at a Stink? When I tell you that Quibbling is extremely foolish; you know it is foolish enough, you reply; but it is a foolish thing that diverts. And do you think this Knowledge of it will excufe the Folly? Give me leave to refume the afore-mention'd Simile: fuppofe a Fellow who breaks Wind should fay to the Company, while they are cajoling their offended Nofes with Snuff, Look you, Gentlemen, I know I am a brutal Dog for this, this is very nafty, but Begad it is very diverting. Would the Excufe, think you, be current? A Quibble diverts. Right, and fo does a Hobby-horfe, which, in my Mind, for those who can be diverted without Reason, is the better Bawle of the two. A Quibble diverts : Jefu! That this fhould be fpoken at Will's? Can there be a more damnable Satire upon Wit, than that fo many Gentlemen who have so very much of it, fhould be fore'd to play the Fool to divert one another? But, for God's fake, what do you mean when you fay a Quibble diverts you? It makes you laugh I warrant why the greateft Coxcomb about the Town fhall out-do you in Laughing at any time. Nature, who has dealt impartially with her Children, and who has

given them but two Diftinctions fm Beafts, Reafon and Laughter, has, where he has beftow'd the more of the one, conferr'd the lefs of the other and therefore a Coxcomb will laugh at nothing. Ay, that indeed, fay you, is a Sign of a Fool. Well my dear Friend, I have fo 'much Kindness for thee, that out of thy own Mouth thou shalt not be judged for if a Quib ble is not Wit, it is nothing. But it is at a great Distance from Wit, as an Idol is from the Diety; and I will no more believe naufeous Equivocals to be Wit, because fome Sots have admir'd them, than I will believe Garlic to be God, because the Egyptians ador'd it: nay, it is a more damnable Sign of Stupidity in an Englishman, to make Wit of a Quibble, than it was in the Egyptians to make a God of their Garlic. But to return from whence I digreffed; I have never appear'd fo much a Stoic, but that I have been as much for Diverfion as any of you but then am I for the Diverfion of reasonable Men, and of Gentlemen; if there be any Diverfion in Quibbling, it is a Diverfion of which a Fool and a Porter is as capable as is the best of you. And therefore Ben Johnson. who writ every thing with Judgment, and who knew the Scum of the People, whenever he brings in a Porter or a Tankard-bearer, is fure to introduce him Quibbling. But if Punning be a Diverfion, it is a very ftrange one: there is as much Difference between the filly Satisfaction which we have from a Quibble, and the ravishing Pleafure which we receive from a beautiful Thought, as there is betwixt a faint Salute and Frui tion. But what would you have us do? you Men of the greatest Parts are no more to be found with Wit always about them, han rich Rogues with always the Ready.

cry.

Why,

Why, look you, Sir, as the firft Step to Wifdom is to be freed from Folly, so the first Approach to Wit is a Contempt of Quibbling. If it happens at any time that you have not your Wit about you, we will either have Patience till fuch time as you have, or take good Senfe in the lieu of it. If you are not in Condition to delight us, we will be contented to be inftructed; we will make your Inftruction nourish our Vanity, fo turn even that to Delight. Nay, there is fomething noble in right Reason, and confequently fomething delightful. Truth is fo divinely beautiful, that it must please eternally; but Falfhood is bafe, and muft fhock all generous Minds, and every Equivocal is but ambiguous Falfhood, .that is, the pitiful'ft the basest of Falfhood.

LETTER

LXXXV.

To Walter Moyle Efq;

Dear Sir,

ΤΗ

HO' you are already indebted a Letter to me, yet I think fit to give you Credit for another; tho' perhaps you may little defire to run into Debt this way: but it is for two Reafons that I give you the Trouble of this: for, in the firft place, I am taking a Turn for a little time into the Country, and I defign that the Prevention of this fhould make fome Amends for the Delay of my_next. In the fecond place, I have made fome Provifion of Scandal, which I am willing to make use of, before it grow ftale upon my Hands. Juft after I writ my laft, I threw my felf into a detach'd Party which march'd from Will's to Namur, with the fame Defign that the Volunteers went to Breft, to

keep