PREFACE. DOCTOR PUNCH, the great International Hakim, was at the International Health Exhibition. He had received (of course) an "ovation," as the sporting scribes love to call it, compared with which that given to ARCHER after a great win, GRACE after a gigantic score, or HANLAN after a twenty-length triumph, were a mere hushed whisper. All other attractions of the colossal Show were for the time as completely eclipsed as ANTONY, enthroned in the market-place, at the approach of CLEOPATRA in her Nile-borne barge. But now he had courteously waved his worshippers away for awhile, and retired with TOBY to a quiet nook of the Old London Street, for observation and reflection. "Tremendous spectacle, TOBY!" soliloquised the Illustrious One. "He whom men called DIZZY should have lived to see it. It might perhaps have pleased him even more than the Primrose League. His improvised maxim, Sanitas sanitatum, omnia sanitas, is here substantially set forth. Here is the apotheosis of what he mystically adumbrated in his celebrated triad, the Tank, the Oven, and the Porch.' A Policy of Sewage' is here matter not for light ridicule, but for practical illustration. 'Twas vastly different in 1666!" TOBY, with a recollection of his Master's Fleet Street sanctum, and a comparative eye cocked at the "Three Squirrels," yapped an emphatic assent. "HYGEIA! HYGEIA! My popular one! murmured Dr. PUNCH, parodying POE's song to the Siren with ready neatness. "Adsum!" said a voice at his elbow, soft and low, indeed, yet clear as a Belgian bell-note, and "musical as is Apollo's lute." The very voice of Health! Dr. PUNCH bowed profoundly. He recognised the Health-Goddess at a glance, though she bore not the classic insignia of the Serpent and Cup. Dr. PUNCH noticed also that she bore not the Harbertonian Divided Skirt! "Daughter of ancient ESCULAPIUS, and pet divinity of his modern representative, RICHARDSON, this scene must be a triumph for the Sire, the Goddess, and the faithful Votary!" said the smiling Sage, sententiously. HYGEIA stooped to pat the astonished TOBY, who, "gazing on divinity" (though not "disrobed "), seemed for once to have lost his usually dogged hold of the categorical imperative. "The Greeks," said she-as it seemed a little irrelevantly-"had a fine sense of congruity and proportion in Art. I do not mean the Art of Advertisement, which I doubt if they understood so thoroughly as you Moderns seem to do." "Had they done so," said Dr. PUNCH, promptly, "they would doubtless have had a God of Hoardings, or a Tutelary Divinity of Bill-stickers. You will admit, however, my dear Goddess, that your own votaries are more numerous and more devoted than in the days, say, of Old London." "Doubtless," replied HYGEIA. "But they have not always that mens sana in corpore sano which they are so fond of talking about." "You mean that Sanitation, like Art, is dreadfully fad-ridden," rejoined Dr. PUNCH. "Exactly," said HYGEIA. "And fads mean mental disease and debility. Healthy minds throw them off as healthy bodies throw off colds and megrims." "Hurroo!" ejaculated the Sage, jubilantly. "You're something like a Goddess, you are! Haven't heard sounder doctrine-from other lips than my own-for a long time. Your health, my dear HYGEIA,-if that toast isn't tautological!" HYGEIA Smiled the smile of placid appreciation. "Don't think I disparage this Show," said she, mildly, "It is colossal, full of invaluable teaching, and very enjoyable into the bargain. Only, big as it is, it might be supplemented." "Just so," cried Dr. PUNCH, emphatically. "Oh, HYGEIA, what nonsense is talked in thy name! Talked by sensational savants, popular doctors, and rabid Dress-reformers, as well as by interested advertisers, and highfaluting guide-book makers. But I see, Goddess, that, like Liberty, you are wiser than your more wordy worshippers.' "That may easily be," responded HYGEIA, quietly. "This Show, as you say, is superb," pursued Dr. PUNCH. "If all have not sound bodies, it is hardly the fault of the enthusiastic advocates of hygiene in Food, Dress, and the Dwelling. But as to the mens sana, a modern JUVENAL might find matter for cutting comment, eh?" "Who would not wonder if such man there be ? Who would not smile if PUNCHIUS were he ?" said HYGEIA, with laughing significance. "My métier is not precisely Juvenalian," said the genial Sage. "But the bauble and bâton may do as good work as the scalpel. Mens sana! Ah, my dear Goddess, could you sanitate men's minds, the circle of your devout worshippers would be indefinitely widened. A prophylactic against Fad, a cure for Cant, a dessicative for Gush, an antiseptic for morbid Art, a PASTEUR-specific for political and religious rabies-these are the desiderata of mental hygiene. Fancy how much sweeter life would be without Stage-fever, Art chlorosis, poetic Satyriasis, and Gladstonophobia! "Granted," sighed HYGEIA, wistfully. "But who can minister to a mind diseased?" "Nil desperandum!" replied Dr. PUNCH, cheerily. "You spoke of a supplement to this gigantic Show! I fancy I can furnish such a supplement as you suggest "Where? When?" interrupted HYGEIA, eagerly. "Here and now!" replied the Fleet Street Thaumaturge, promptly. "In compact compass, but all-comprehensive! Its own guide, and requiring no illumination save its own brilliancy! Advertising nobody, but helping everybody! Antidote to Fad, Cant, Humbug, Puffery, Priggishness, Party Spirit, and all forms of mental disease and debility! Wholesome, sparkling, mind-bracing, soul-invigorating! No, it is not a mineral water nor a farinaceous food! But it is the healthiest and most health-imparting thing in the Exhibition-or out of it! Come hither and behold!" And, leading the astonished yet delighted Health-Goddess into the presence of the waiting thousands of his enthusiastic worshippers-the Representatives of all Classes and of all Nationalities-the Doctor of Doctors presented to her -and to them-his Eighty-Sixth Volume! January xxxi Days. To Cireuman 2W Abydes L 17 Th Franklin b.) 8T8 Trabia. 193 Watt b. February xxix Days. it H.Kemble b16s Burke exe. 8. Lineola 17 S Sexag. 8n. JS 48.af.Epp IBM Luther d 4MS. 7.7h.35m 19 Tu Coperale. L 8 Tu4b 85m. 20 WV Humed. 6W Chan. II. d. 31 Th Trinidad t ThQ.of Be.bh. 22 F Verguson d. Hr. Day 23 Sir J.Rey.d. 93 Darnley 24 S Qulaqa B. 10 S Septung, 825 M Wren d. 11MD.10h.51m. 26 Tu T. Monre d. 18 Tobial &. 127 W Ash Wed. 18 W Gen Pol d. 98 ThJ. Tenniel 14Th Valentine 29 F Rossini b 16 8. Leiria THE March xxxi Days. 18 St David 17 M St. Patrick April xxx Days. TA Fools 16 W Buffon d. 2WS.r.5h.86m17 TB Culloden 8 Th.6h 34m18F Grunt d. 4F Ambrose bp 1951 Byron b. 69 Nap. I. bd. 20 Low Bun, 6S Palm Sun. 21 M R cine d. Fire Insex? Tudessa bom. 8B 8vona PBW St. George L. Baenn d. 24 Th B. Lan-free 7 CALENDAR. May xxxi Days. 1Th S.r.4h.34in. 175 Jenner b. 2 S.&.71.20m 19 S Rogation S. 83 B. Zamora 19 M Dunatan 4S 38. af.Eas 20 T. Columbus d. 5M Nap. 1. d. 21 W Acre rel. 6T Jolin Evan. 28 Th Ascen. Day 7 W Nap. 1. Cal. 23 FB. Ramilies 8TE at. T. e. 348. Vict.b.. 9F Schiller d. 16 S.af.Ascen. 108 H.-gr. Day 26 M Augustine !!S 4 S. 1. En 27 TuVen. Bede 18 M D.15h.22m 28 W W. Pitt b. 18 TuO. May Day 29 Th Clas.IL.res. 14W Gratton d. 30 Pope d. 18Th O'Connell d 318 Canton tko. 16 B. Albuera June xxx Days. 4 July xxxi Days. 1884. Tu B. Boyne 17Th Punch b'41 August xxxi Days. 1S Whit Sun. 16 M B. Taghir. 1P Hammas D1S 10 S. af.TT 10 Th Masz'ni d. 5F St. Mark Trin. Sun. September xxx Days. 1M B.Sedan 70 16 T.. D. Colet d. 138 Tel elKebir 9 S 168 nf. Tr. October xxxi Days. 1W8 r. 6h.2017 F H. Parl. bt 16 Th Houdeura November xxx Days. S All 8.Ints 16S (23 8. af.Tr. S218. af. T. 17 M Hugh Bp.I 3M Per. Leigh 18Tu Wilkie b. 4T Sr.7h.1m. 19 WH. Areola 6W 8.41.25m. 20 Th Sues Calop. 6T) Leonard 21 J. Hogg d. 7 B.Mooltan 22 St Cecilia 85 Molière d. 28 S 24 S. af.TY. .9S 22. af. Tr. 24 M J. Knox d. 10M M.Lutherb. 35 Tu D. 8h. 20m. 11 IuSt. Martin 36 W G. Grisi d. 19 W Baxter b 27 Th Pra MA.. 18Th Briuus 28 Bunsen U. Laibaits d. 298 Burnand b. Machutus 3S Adv. Sun. 14 December xxxi Days. IM Pr. Wis. b.17 WB.Nuits '70 2 TB Austerl. 1BT B. Spurs 8W Bradburr b 19 Scheele b. 4 ThS.Th. 50m. 209 B. Vielon .8h.60m 21 S 4 8.in Adv. 68 CL Nicholas 22 M Wint Q. h. 7S 2 & inAdv. 23 To JAL. II. and. 8M C.BV.Mary 34 W Christ. Eve 9 Tu Vandyke 0.25 Tb Christ. Day. 10 W Milton b. 26F BL.Holiday 11Th Grouse she 275 St. John 12F C.Cilber d. 28 S & af. Chr. 139 St Lucy 29 M Gladstone b 14S 38 in Ad 30 Tu Lagos tkn. 15 M.W Iton d. 31 W rester 16 Tu V.Weber b |