THE

REGISTER OFFICE.

ACT I.

SCENE I.-A Register Office.

Enter WILLIAMS.

Wil. The business of the morning is partly overWhat a crowd of deluded females have flocked here within these three hours, in expectation of the imaginary place, we have advertised!-A Register Office, under the direction of so conscientious a person as Mr Gulwell, instead of a public good, becomes a public evil. My upright master seldom feels any reflect tions of this kind! avarice is his leading principle; and so long as he can swell his bags by the folly or credulity of mankind, he will not suffer conscience to hinder him in the pursuit of gain. I think I hear him coming.

Enter GULWell.

Gul. So this advertisement has brought in two pounds thirteen shillings!-no very bad morning's

work! Well, thanks to the memory of our witty founder, say I! Had he not hit on the scheme of a Register Office, I might have dangled on at quilldriving without ever being worth a groat.

Wil. But, sir, do you think this calling of ours the most conscientious one in the world? I begin to imagine my old employment, the law, the more honest profession of the two.

Gul. Mr Williams, there is roguery in all the employments under the sun. Every day's experience will convince you, that there is no getting through the world, without a necessary portion of trick and chicanery.

Wil. Sir, if the imposture of this advertisement were found out and duly punished, one or both of us would stand a fair chance for the pillory. How many poor girls have been stripped of perhaps their last shilling, by being amused with the hopes of the place we have advertised. I'faith, sir, some of our profession are little better than downright pickpockets-I am glad I shall have the good fortune to leave it so soon.

Gul. Mr Williams, I am truly sorry for our separation, but rejoice at the occasion of it; however, if you hope to make a fortune in your altered condition of life, you must learn to keep your conscience in proper subordination. I can assure you that fraud is as necessary a requisite in a stewardship, as in an Intelligence Office. Is there no message from Dr Skinflint about the Welsh living!

Wil. Yes, sir; he says as curates are so cheap in Wales, he will not take less than a thousand guineas. Gul. A spiritual curmudgeon! Why it is not quite a hundred a year-I forgot to ask if you called at Captain Sparkle's last night?

Wit. I did, sir; and was surprised to see him so greatly recovered.

Gul. I thought he would grow better after the em‐

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barkation! I never supposed him in any very great danger, because he refused eight hundred guineas for his commission, when his life was despaired of— Have you finished the assignment of the surgeoncy? Wil. No, sir.

Gul. Then get it done, Mr Williams-stay-you must write an advertisement for the Daily-any time this afternoon will do--of an employment to be disposed of in Ireland, of a thousand pounds per annum, which requires little learning or attendance, and may be executed by a deputy. Remember to add, that secrecy is required, and none but principals need to apply.

Wil. I forgot to tell you, the young gentleman was here, to know if you had received an answer about the secretary's place.

Gul. Truly I am sorry I could not succeed-fifteen hundred guineas were insisted on-I pleaded the young gentleman's acknowledged merit, and the public services of his brave father, who lost his life in fighting for his country, which so softened my principal, that he sunk his demand from—

Wil. Fifteen to five hundred, I hope?

Gul. From guineas to pounds: I could get no further abatement.

Wil. It is a pity that such extraordinary merit should have no better success.

Gul. Ah! Mr Williams, if places were given to persons of merit only, the Lord have mercy upon many a big-looking family-Away! here's company a coming. [Exit WILLIAMS.

Heyday! Who have we here? By his looks he must be one of the tribe of the soup maigres!

Enter a Frenchman.

French. Be votre nom Monsieur le Gulvelle?
Gul. It is, sir-Your business?

French. Sire, me be tell dat dere be de grand nom

bres d'academies Françoises en Londres; an me voud be glad to be employé as un maitre de langues. Me speak a de Frens vid de vrai prononciation; an you see beside ma connoissance in de langue Angloise be not the most inconsidarable.

Gul. O yes, sir! you speak very pretty English I must own!-Pray what business have you been bred

to?

French. Bisness! do you mean to front a me be von of de gens de qualité.

me

Gul. How, sir! a person of quality, and so poor as to be seeking after a livelihood?

French. Vy vere be de vonders of all dat? Noting be more commun in France-Me dit indeed sometime, pour passer le temps, amuse my sel vid curl a de air, and cut a de corn of mine comrades de qualité of bot sex.

Gul. Sir, if you be a proficient in these sciences, I give you joy with all my heart, for I don't know a more profitable calling in London; nay, nor a more reputable one; for its professors are caress'd by persons of the first fashion and distinction-There's your countryman Monsieur Frizzellette de la Corneille, a hair and corn-cutter in St James's, that keeps his chariot, though 'tis scarce half a score years since he would have made a bow to the ground for a bellyful of soup-maigre.

French. An begar so would me too!

Gul. Sir, I will cook you up an advertisement, as long as a proclamation, that will effectually do your business. In the mean time, I shall give orders for one of the laconic kind, to hang in golden letters over your door; "Hair and Corns cut after the French Taste, by a Person of Quality."

French. Ay, dat vil do ver vel! Par un Personne de Qualité.

Gul. But, sir, as you are a man of rank, you may